Things that shouldn't be heard...

[elizabeth22673]

Shut up, take off your pants and bend over.

in a hotel lobby.

exterminator reporting to the front desk, "sorry, we just can't seem to catch those tarantulas on floor 2" (where your room is located)


....in the doctor's office

 

[Azuldrgon]

....in the doctor's office

The good news is that I am giving you a prostate exam today, but we'll have seven interns watching me stick you.

at you daughter's band concert.

 

[de-valmont]

at you daughter's band concert.

hey are you joining the groupies?


At your (grand)mothers birthday party.

 

[Azuldrgon]

At your (grand)mothers birthday party.

You bought grandma a sex swing?

At your birthday party.

 

[laffin_lady]

A towel set, dang you, i think you got our birthday gifts mixed up.

Arriving home unexpectedly...

 

[Morrigu]

Arriving home unexpectedly...

Who the fuck are you and what are you doing in MY house......................

Biting into a burger you just bought.

 

[ruggerohio]

Who the fuck are you and what are you doing in MY house......................

Biting into a burger you just bought.

Well, that should be the last cat we have to get rid of that way.

while someone is going down on you

 

[Morrigu]

while someone is going down on you

A new sink plunger, I knew I nearly forgot something on my list.

Whilst you are soaping yourself in the shower

 

[Azuldrgon]

Whilst you are soaping yourself in the shower

Told you my daddy's is bigger than yours.

While climbing a ladder to your roof.

 

[razorsedge]

Holy crow, look at the size of that hornet's nest!

Arriving at your workplace twenty minutes early

 

[Azuldrgon]

Arriving at your workplace twenty minutes early

I thought you said the boss wouldn't be here til 9.(as you catch them fucking on your desk.)

As you pull into the drive thru of your favorite fast food place.

 

[razorsedge]

(speaker's on) Christ, look at this mess on my prep table, you got mayo in my cootch, asshole!

Sitting down to dinner on your first date

 

[Azuldrgon]

Sitting down to dinner on your first date

Annie, what are you doing here? You are suppose to be back in the kitchen washing dishes.
(to your date, obviously)

while getting a speeding ticket.

 

[razorsedge]

Why, ain't you just the purtiest little thing I ever did see? Going somewhere, darlin?

At a parent teacher conference

 

[Azuldrgon]

At a parent teacher conference

Hope you realize your son is a wonderful lover. So much so that you're gonna be a grandpa.

At a wedding rehearsal dinner.

 

[razorsedge]

(drunken toast) Here's to the lovely bride, her rich, old husband to be, over medicated mother, alcoholic brother in law, skanky best friend and, her very attractive second cousin Roy. Hope they work things out and get them crabs under control.

At your bachelor party

 

[Azuldrgon]

At your bachelor party

Here's to Roy who's fiancee is getting fucked right now as much as he won't be for the rest of his life.

At a strip club.

 

[laffin_lady]

omg, i know tht lady, oops mean tht woman, (insert here, someone so unexpected), my uncle's new young wife and she said she plays bingo on wed nights

at your high school reunion....

 

[Azuldrgon]

at your high school reunion....

So how's my son doin? You've been raising him for the last 15 years.

At your family reunion.

 

[MollyDolly]

So how's my son doin? You've been raising him for the last 15 years.

At your family reunion.

Didn't you hook up with that guy at the club last week? He's your cousin?

On your last day of work after quitting.

 

[Azuldrgon]

On your last day of work after quitting.

Too bad he quit. I loved the video of him sucking off the CEO to keep his job.

While cooking dinner for the in laws.

 

[laffin_lady]

Now who was allergic to what and do i have all those ingredients handy...............

Running into your the new guy you're secretly lusting after but he doesn't know it...........

 

[misturbond]

Hear a surgeon say the word "Whoops."

 

[ImpishSeraph]

Running into your the new guy you're secretly lusting after but he doesn't know it...........

you have a gigantic Booger hanging out of your nose, sexy.


Meeting you lover's parents for the first time......

 

[Azuldrgon]

Meeting you lover's parents for the first time......

wow!! no wonder my little girl comes home happy. Look at that bulge of yours!!!!My hubby says I can suck you off. Hope you don't mind, I took my teeth out already.

while at the movie theater with your kids.