Things you NEVER want to hear while having sex

[LaRascasse]

"Do you think your sister would be up for a threesome?"

(I had him out the door in less than 2 minutes. His clothes were out the window 10 minutes later)

You have no idea how many stories here start the same way and end differently

 

[TxRad]

Your Mom and Sister both loved it when I did that.

 

[loquere]

Let's talk

 

[loquere]

It's not you it's me

 

[loquere]

I'm bleeding

 

[johneb87]

That will be $150 for the next hour.

 

[LaRascasse]

"This is much better than last time. Just see the tape."

 

[desireinyellow]

Don't pull so hard it might fall off...
(eek!)

 

[Saxon_Hart]

Can you hand me the bottle of pills and that gallon of whiskey on your way out?

 

[Noor]

Cramp!

 

[LaRascasse]

"And for my next act, I will saw this man in bed with me in half."

 

[loquere]

قتل قتل قتل

 

[Handley_Page]

The Door Bell

 

[TxRad]

Even worse:

"Honey! I'm Home!"

 

[StrangeLife]

Worse still: *The sound of a pump action shotgun*

 

[patientlee]

Excuse me.

 

[loquere]

It's not you it's me

 

[TxRad]

It's not me, so it has to be you!

 

[loquere]

Did you just....

 

[loquere]

have diarrhea? I thought that was an orgasm, ehwwww

 

[johneb87]

*phone rings*
Oh, just a sec, my Mom's calling me.

 

[TxRad]

*phone rings*
Oh, just a sec, my Mom's calling me.

Or better yet:

*The phone rings*

"Hold on, I need to get this. It's my sugar daddy making sure I got home from the gangbang safely."

 

[Lia Monde]

Your vagina looks just like my sister's.

 

[Saxon_Hart]

Miley Cyrus

 

[LaRascasse]

Justin Bieber