using an online dating service

[Hanon435]

do they work? ones like e harmony. i have never met or heard anyone meeting that way.

 

[human_male]

Just speaking from my own experience... no they don't work, not for men seeking women anyway. I have come to believe that most of the women that use them aren't actually serious about meeting someone (or if they are, they apparently expect to meet Brad Pitt). I've seen the same adds month after month and I can bet they're getting tons of emails, so I have to ask myself what are they waiting for. I don't know if they just like getting the attention or what, but I doubt many of them are looking for a decent, average sort of guy. If they are you're at a decided disadvantage because men outnumber women on there by about ten to one.

I've been thinking about trying adds in newspapers, you could give that a shot.

 

[massage45678]

They do.

Online dating services work very well. I wouldn't recommend e harmony-- expensive and a little too impersonal. Okcupid.com is excellent, Craiglist is alright if you are careful. I met my boyfriend on okcupid and were still together 9 months later.

 

[emap]

Personals sites do work, I met my guy on one

The trick to it, have to make yourself stand out, can't tell you how many messages I got saying I want to fuck you, you want to suck my cock, your hot and so forth, all stupid, all saying the same things.

Don't go that route, and human those women stayed listed for months on end because either they were getting just the ones like I mentioned or they have found someone but not sure if they are the one yet. Anyway, perhaps instead of talking about her, talk about you, relate a funny story, relate why you don't like hot dogs or whatever. Don't focus on her, talk about anything and everything, that is how you stand out, telling her you have a 12" cock to shove in her is not a good way to stand out, that is a delete email.

 

[SweetErika]

I know many men and women (including myself) who have successfully started friendships, dating and romantic relationships on sites like match.com, okcupid.com, and craigslist. Note that most sites cater to different market segments and goals though, so you'd be wise to do some research (including asking people in a the same age bracket who are looking for similar things for recommendations) and look around before paying for anything. My impression is that those who are 25+ and seeking a more serious/longer term relationship do a bit better with popular pay sites like match.com because usually people are a little more serious when they're spending money to contact others.

Your success will likely be dependent on the amount of effort you put into it: having a well-written profile (witty, interesting, excellent spelling and grammar, etc.); several good, clear, honest photos of yourself; and the amount of time and effort you put into contacting and responding to others. Most good sites have tips on maximizing success, so be sure to read and follow them. It's also a good idea to have a friend or three look over your profile and give you their first impressions and constructive feedback.

 

[SweetErika]

Personals sites do work, I met my guy on one

The trick to it, have to make yourself stand out, can't tell you how many messages I got saying I want to fuck you, you want to suck my cock, your hot and so forth, all stupid, all saying the same things.

Did these responses come from a dating site, or an adult site like Adult Friend Finder?

 

[human_male]

You'll notice most people who say they work are women, but since we're guys...

 

[grungalunga]

what a scam

Removing contents at request of poster.
RIP Grunga - you were a pal.

 

[SweetErika]

You'll notice most people who say they work are women, but since we're guys...

Uh...who do you think most women who say it work are dating/starting relationships with? That's right, MEN!

online dating things are a scam. I think they are a total crock of shit. You have no idea who you are meeting, or what their real intentions are. The same thing applies to real life. You'll meet this wonderful girl, who will string you along until she gets bored and decides to drop the friend/ "youre not what im looking for" bomb.

Just say fuck it - relationships arent worth all the trouble you have to put into just trying to get someone to give you a chance.

So your beef is with relationships and dating in general.

I'm wouldn't be surprised if guys like you two had terrible luck; no one wants to date people who are so negative.

 

[Eilan]

Did these responses come from a dating site, or an adult site like Adult Friend Finder?

I recently created a profile at Plenty of Fish just because I'm really interested in forum dynamics and thought I might want to participate on their boards.

In my profile, I made it perfectly clear that I was happily married, I was interested in the boards, and that I wasn't looking for RL hookups or anything like that. I had to turn off my profile after only about a week or so because I was bombarded with "Wanna fuck/cyber/exchange pics?" messages.

 

[human_male]

Uh...who do you think most women who say it work are dating/starting relationships with? That's right, MEN!

Yeah you'd think so wouldn't you? That would seem logical but for some reason you never seem to hear from a guy who had any luck, well except maybe the type of guys that just do well with women anyway.

 

[human_male]

I'm wouldn't be surprised if guys like you two had terrible luck; no one wants to date people who are so negative.

Yes that's right, it's all about attitude. It has nothing to do with looks or that so many of them have such precise specifications or that you have to be "professional" whatever the fuck that means.

 

[human_male]

I recently created a profile at Plenty of Fish just because I'm really interested in forum dynamics and thought I might want to participate on their boards.

In my profile, I made it perfectly clear that I was happily married, I was interested in the boards, and that I wasn't looking for RL hookups or anything like that. I had to turn off my profile after only about a week or so because I was bombarded with "Wanna fuck/cyber/exchange pics?" messages.

That sucks. I guess they're not all a bed of roses for women either. Do you have to have a profile just to use the boards? Can't you just make it invisible to others?

 

[Eilan]

Can't you just make it invisible to others?

That's what I ended up doing, though I don't post there very often because I'm used to the flexibility of Lit and I'm always figuring I'll break a rule.

And I like saying "fuck" instead of f**k.

 

[Succulent-one]

I have met a fantastic guy on Match.com We have been seeing each other steady now for 8 months and it looks like it is going to last.

You have to kiss a lot of frogs to get that prince or princess. Just use common sense and be realistic. Be honest about your interests and what you like and don't like. I have met some great friends on my way to finding my Mr. Right. Don't set your criteria so high that only one in a million might ever even come close. Allow yourself to be open and have a good time with the process. You might just surprise yourself.

 

[sseg]

Ymmv

do they work? ones like e harmony. i have never met or heard anyone meeting that way.

Well, I spent about a year doing online personals. I can say that they pretty much did absolutely nothing for me except separate me from some of my money, so in that respect I suppose they worked... In general, women get more responses than men (by a wide margin). It's not to say they have it easy though, they have to sort through a lot of crap to find a decent one.

Now, I'm fairly attractive, intelligent, well adjusted, have my own successful business, own my own home free and clear, no kids, interesting hobbies, yadda yadda yadda. But I had a few strikes against me. First was where I live. I live pretty far out in the middle of nowhere in a rural area, so right there that reduced the odds as an hour drive is about the most I was willing to do for a relationship. That living pretty far out also means that since I am not going to move, I have to find someone who, if the relationship worked out, would be willing to live a rural life. Heck it's because I live in the middle of nowhere and work out of the ranch that I needed personals to try to meet people anyway!

Second, I'm short. Not real short, 5'7", but when all someone has to look at is stats, a lot of women want taller men. Women who wouldn't necessarily turn down someone just because they weren't tall, but what the heck, if you have a choice why not? On the sites that listed height preferences, a majority of women listed someone 5'8"-5'10" or taller.

So, in using match.com, yahoo, eharmony, and about a half dozen smaller ones for a year, I had maybe 2-3 women contact me. I sent out messages to perhaps 30 (I'm pretty selective myself) and had 3 ever respond. These weren't wannafucks, or anything like that, I tried to be interesting and to be more than "Hi, your profile looks good, can we meet?" I met one woman who played some bizarre contact game and ran hot/cold, I met one woman who seemed decent enough but was pretty bland (did I mention that I'm rather picky? And not about looks...), and one woman who seemed interesting to me but was not interested in me. I exchanged emails with another couple that never led to a meeting.

In all, my impression is that there are a *lot* of people out there fishing. Some people put personals up simply because it is free. Which would be fine except when you have to pay to respond to them. You get more serious people on services where you have to pay to put up a profile. Women will have more men contacting them than the other way around, but the downside to that for them is that those who don't take a proactive approach also only get what happens along. I know far more women who have had luck with online personals than men. Actually, of the men I know who have used OPs (maybe a dozen?), I don't know of any who got a relationship that way.

If I am ever single again I will not use personals. I have much better luck simply being me and being out and about doing my hobbies and getting to know people socially first. Picking up a new hobby which has a close knit community of people (preferrably one where the gender balance is in your favor...) is probably one of the best way to meet someone new. This has the added bonus of you make yourself a more interesting person and you have less time to worry about being alone.

Just my $.02.

 

[siren319]

Just speaking from my own experience... no they don't work, not for men seeking women anyway. I have come to believe that most of the women that use them aren't actually serious about meeting someone (or if they are, they apparently expect to meet Brad Pitt). I've seen the same adds month after month and I can bet they're getting tons of emails, so I have to ask myself what are they waiting for. I don't know if they just like getting the attention or what, but I doubt many of them are looking for a decent, average sort of guy. If they are you're at a decided disadvantage because men outnumber women on there by about ten to one.

I've been thinking about trying adds in newspapers, you could give that a shot.

I'm married ad I don't use dating services however... I got sucked into one by a creative add. An IM box popped up saying something about my dating profile (that I don't have) and I panicked thinking shit.. do I have one?? How drunk was I? Anyhow, to get in and search for this phantom dating profile, I had to make another to register. All these guys pop up in the prelim search. The guys were... well guys. Most average, curiosity made me look but since I was searching for MY profile, I clicked male seeking female and all these women popped up. They were scary. 20% were average looking, the others were .... there are no words. Men have it rough. I can understand why dating services have failed.

I convinced my mom to do it though (newspaper too) I was sick of hearing her complain about being lonely... she met a guy on the internet and they lived together for like 3 years.

 

[human_male]

The phantom add is a spamming technique. I'm sure you've figured that out now. I get messages in response to adds I don't have. I also get messages from other people's adds. I had a heck of a time convincing match.com that I was getting some dude's responses. I felt bad because here were all these women who thought they were just being ignored so I tried to straighten it out instead of just blocking them. I think this particular case was a genuine mistake but I had to beat match.com over the head forever to get them to do something about it.

Other instances of "horny_betty as responded to your add" are pure bullshit.

 

[WyldChylde]

I had ONE good outcome with online personals. Posted on Yahoo personals and was contacted by a woman after about 2-3 months of nothing... we hit it off and the relationship lasted well over a year. We're still friends and if her career had not caused her to move away we might still be together.

HOWEVER, I think this was the exception rather than the rule.

 

[emap]

I was on a dating site, not an adult. I don't even remember which one now, it was one of those, what the heck why not things, and it was free.

A friend of mine tried Match a few years ago, she got the wanna fuck messages to, near as I can figure it's a bunch of really stupid men, I mean stupid by a guys standards trying to stand out, and failing miserably.

Like I said, if you want to stand out, talk about yourself, most guys just say your hot or wanna date/fuck. If you have a sense of humor, crack jokes, tell her that funny story from when you were 12, if your a brainiac, pick something she is interested in, hopefully you are to and talk about somethign interesting to do with that not many know. In other words be yourself, and talk, trust me it works alot better than saying your hot or I have a 12 inch penis dying to get shoved in you.

 

[grungalunga]

Removing contents at request of poster.
RIP Grunga - you were a pal.

 

[sseg]

living life large

I've always believed you make your own luck. I think it's a subtle thing. I've had bad experiences too, but rather than expect them, I learn from them so the next situation can be better. I've learned how to spot signs in people early on that they might not treat me the way that I want to be treated and how to be the kind of person who gives what I want to get. Seems to have worked by and large, I'm pretty happy with my relationships now and most people I've ever broke up with have remained friends.

The thing boils down to: I cannot control how someone else is, I can only control how I am, so if I make me the best me I can be then I'll attract a better class of people and now I know how to better pick and choose among them.

 

[SweetErika]

I've always believed you make your own luck. I think it's a subtle thing. I've had bad experiences too, but rather than expect them, I learn from them so the next situation can be better. I've learned how to spot signs in people early on that they might not treat me the way that I want to be treated and how to be the kind of person who gives what I want to get. Seems to have worked by and large, I'm pretty happy with my relationships now and most people I've ever broke up with have remained friends.

The thing boils down to: I cannot control how someone else is, I can only control how I am, so if I make me the best me I can be then I'll attract a better class of people and now I know how to better pick and choose among them.

Those are great philosophies that make for a pretty damn good life.

 

[grungalunga]

Removing contents at request of poster.
RIP Grunga - you were a pal.

 

[Camileah]

My brother met his wife through e-harmony. I met my husband on Literotica, LOL