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What Are You Nosey About Today?? 🩝

Bambi2021 said:
The situation I came here for that made me ask the question really didn't upset me that much since I wasn't attached to the person. Seeing it as a "trade off" is much nicer than the "you get what you deserve" mentality. Thank you for that!
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I'm just speaking in generalities. I really don't know about your specific sitch. We all figure it out as we go!
 
I'm going to say this towards women. Again. Not all. But many of the women I have talked to.
I think some of this slut shaming, judgey stuff. Often comes from their own feelings (I can say this is true of me)
Insecurity, jealousy, hurt feelings etc. Often happen when women invest a certain amount of time in getting to know someone, doing whatever it is you do with them, and then, like Bambi said, they just ghost, or move on to the next newbie/flavor of the week.
When you spend a certain amount of time with someone, then watch them move on, often within your own friend circle, it stings. I think that leads to the bitchy comments women often make towards others.
It's not right, it's not okay. Women should build each other up. But I know it happens.

But something PLP said. As almost every woman can tell you. They did stage 1, and got hurt, so they'd rather warn other women from making that same mistake. But that often gets taken as gossip, or hate, or slut shaming... or....

It's hard. Sometimes that can be bad. How one person is with me, might not be how they are with someone else. So you can easily smear a guy with your bad experience.
 
If you’re nosy about what makes different people tick you should check out the reality TV show “Wife Swap.”

Really. I know it sounds cringy and it often is, but it also gives an intimate view into people’s family lives and values.

The producers typically find two families with very different walks of life and have the moms trade places for two weeks -the first week they try to assimilate with the host family, the second week the temporary mom gets to create an new set of rules for the host family to try living by. Sometimes they go back home with a new strengthened belief in their own ways but usually they come away changed - mostly for the better and sometimes in profound ways.

I’ve seen vegan PETA activists trade with game hunters, conservative Christians trading with polyamorous pagans, back to the land hippies trading with corporate ladder climbers
 One of the most common differences is the perspective of gender roles within a household - some people are completely offended that a man would be asked to lift a finger to help keep the house clean, others think it’s sinful to have a woman go out to earn money and don’t want their teenaged daughters to know anything about the world outside of their house and to pray for god to bring them a husband.

The most interesting thing to me is how there are so many different perspectives but most people consider their own lifestyle to be the ‘right way’, some so far as to condemn those with other opinions.

It’s a big wide world but there can be a lot of diversity right next door.
 
SassySheDevil said:
I'm going to say this towards women. Again. Not all. But many of the women I have talked to.
I think some of this slut shaming, judgey stuff. Often comes from their own feelings (I can say this is true of me)
Insecurity, jealousy, hurt feelings etc. Often happen when women invest a certain amount of time in getting to know someone, doing whatever it is you do with them, and then, like Bambi said, they just ghost, or move on to the next newbie/flavor of the week.
When you spend a certain amount of time with someone, then watch them move on, often within your own friend circle, it stings. I think that leads to the bitchy comments women often make towards others.
It's not right, it's not okay. Women should build each other up. But I know it happens.

But something PLP said. As almost every woman can tell you. They did stage 1, and got hurt, so they'd rather warn other women from making that same mistake. But that often gets taken as gossip, or hate, or slut shaming... or....

It's hard. Sometimes that can be bad. How one person is with me, might not be how they are with someone else. So you can easily smear a guy with your bad experience.
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Your last graf
bingo. That’s why the fantasized-about warning-about-guys board would be such a horrible idea
 
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Bambi2021 said:
The situation I came here for that made me ask the question really didn't upset me that much since I wasn't attached to the person. Seeing it as a "trade off" is much nicer than the "you get what you deserve" mentality. Thank you for that!


Seems like I keep saying the same exact things over and over, so I'm not sure how that can be conflicting information, unless you're just choosing to see it that way. I'll say it one more time, just so you won't feel I'm conflicted. I can name probably about 50 men on Lit that I have had either passing, respectful flings with or still have ongoing ones that I would highly recommend to any woman who wants a good man to have fun with. I can name about 5 complete assholes.


And AGAIN I'm responding that I'm not talking about those first messages someone sends. If they can't show respect in those, they don't get any farther. I'm 47 years old and not naive, I can assure everyone. I'm talking about ones that go on for days and then implode with no respect. It seems like people are trying to misunderstand me. Thanks for your answer to phase 2.


The way things were phrased by multiple people, I certainly felt slut shamed. By the women, not the men.
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2 things here

1. You said you are saying the same things over and over, they are conflicting because you started off saying one thing then on about your 3rd post about the subject you suddenly introduced the change, that’s the conflict, you tried to backtrack on yourself and rather than admit it you try to push it back onto those making comments.

2. I think you did a good enough job of slut shaming yourself, you didn’t need anyone to do that for you - I’m assuming that wasn’t your intention but it’s how it came across

I’ve said enough and will probably get hauled over the coals by people for it but sometimes things need saying.

I’ve had my say so laters I’m out on this one now
 
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SassySheDevil said:
But something PLP said. As almost every woman can tell you. They did stage 1, and got hurt, so they'd rather warn other women from making that same mistake. But that often gets taken as gossip, or hate, or slut shaming... or....

It's hard. Sometimes that can be bad. How one person is with me, might not be how they are with someone else. So you can easily smear a guy with your bad experience.
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Yes. But by warning, I meant just behaviors or generalities. I.e. - if a guy talks to you like that, it's unacceptable or He might be shy! Give him a chance.

I VERY rarely warn someone about another Litster and only with good reaaon, such as they've shared personal information or outright lied about who they are. But, like you said, my shitty experience doesn't mean your shitty experience.

I'm more than happy to share my opinion on anyone with the huge caveat that it's my opinion only and it could change tomorrow.
 
ydahecnot said:
Chilly: I think you and Bambi are getting hit in the cross-current of comments that men here being told if they go beyond one partner, they’re slime that needs to be written about on the Lit ladies room wall
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Um I’m not sure how I made it sound like that. Im good. Im just here to flirt and joke and have some fun. I tried the e-relationship thing and got burned. Now I keep it simple.
 
Looks like I’ve missed a lot around here today. That’s what happens when you get busy sending out unsolicited vagina pics. I really should stop doing that. 😜
 
Lonelywife1205 said:
Looks like I’ve missed a lot around here today. That’s what happens when you get busy sending out unsolicited vagina pics. I really should stop doing that. 😜
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I've seen a lot in my life, but I'm definitely in the camp that thinks this happens about as much as we see a sasquatch.
 
Chillygirl said:
Um I’m not sure how I made it sound like that. Im good. Im just here to flirt and joke and have some fun. I tried the e-relationship thing and got burned. Now I keep it simple.
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I didn’t say you made it sound like anything. I was just trying to posit, maybe inadequately, why this subject is taking up page after page.
 
ydahecnot said:
I am nosey about when Litsters (almost all of them women, it seems) have a long sig saying that they don’t want a short greeting, you have to wow them with some interesting passage, or saying what they will or won’t talk about, or specifying age range or what you have to be interested in
stuff like that.

I have never seen anything wrong with sending a PM saying something like, “How are you doing, I really found that post interesting” or somesuch. A convo shouldn’t have to be a dissertation. I have speculated to myself that it is a matter of a woman wanting to choose whom to talk to and thinning out the field of people sending PMs. Well, no worries, it usually thins me out.

Then there’s the “happily married, just here to chat.” I know firsthand that’s not always an absolute
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I have a pretty extensive caveat on contacting me in my profile... and yes, I did it to weed out the short "Hi" or "How are you" messages because I honestly don't know how to respond to those beyond short boring messages back. And I don't have the time to go through several messages of that kind before getting to something that gives me more about the person. Especially since most of those come from people who have post #s in the single digits and half of those are bumps for their personal ad. I have answered a few of those in the past & they went nowhere for far too long.

I have enough in my profile & in my posts to say something more about what's there. A "I liked your post about X" is great... at least it gives me something to go one, as someone else said. And at least since being back on here this time, I'd say I've answered about 90-95% of the messages I've gotten. (Before I was just too shy to answer most, that's a different story.)
 
HotChef1970 said:
Are you all saying it doesn’t happen?

I can assure you it did and does
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The number of dick pics I found on the computer after you had gone shows that you probably sent out the wrong message too. There was too many for them to be for one person because they would have had enough to decorate a whole house with them.

And talking of men who disrespect women, you are the biggest example of that.
 
Ramblings

This thread is moving very fast today and I have a lot of thoughts on the last few pages of posts.

I've been here a fair amount of time but avoided posting and kept my interactions private for a variety of reasons. Mostly due to past experiences elsewhere on the internet and a high need for privacy at the time. The lack of posting until recently led to a few judgemental interactions during my time here, but I've been lucky many took the time to ask me why and take the time to learn who I am. This alone kept Lit in a positive light for me for a long time.

The things that made me jaded though are the negative message and drama some I called friends here have received over the years. Some to the point of deciding being here just wasn't worth it. This has led to me taking a series of short breaks over the years, but the friends I've made usually end up drawing me back here at some point.

Since starting to post openly I've received almost nothing but positive responses. Occasionally there is still a misunderstanding here and there do to the nature of the written word not always conveying intent. That issue is easily enough solved though with calm discussion and honesty. All this being the case for me I still find the conversations I've had here and the friends I've made to outweigh any negatives I've experienced. So if stage one is oohhh new and shiny, stage two is why did I ever come here, I think I'm onto a stage three of just accepting it for what it is and appreciating the good things here despite the bad that exists.

Alright enough of my rambling I swore I heard someone say "tits"...

Also am in the club of never receiving unsolicited vagina pics.
 
ydahecnot said:
I am nosey about when Litsters (almost all of them women, it seems) have a long sig saying that they don’t want a short greeting, you have to wow them with some interesting passage, or saying what they will or won’t talk about, or specifying age range or what you have to be interested in
stuff like that.

I have never seen anything wrong with sending a PM saying something like, “How are you doing, I really found that post interesting” or somesuch. A convo shouldn’t have to be a dissertation. I have speculated to myself that it is a matter of a woman wanting to choose whom to talk to and thinning out the field of people sending PMs. Well, no worries, it usually thins me out.

Then there’s the “happily married, just here to chat.” I know firsthand that’s not always an absolute
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Yeah - I just ignore that stuff. I figure it just means don't be a creep, and if she thinks I'm a creep then no amount of paperwork is going to change the result. Then again, I rarely pm anyone more than something vaguely silly and a tiny bit flirtatious. No unsolicited dick pics for me.
 
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