When things move beyond Literotica

[FinnMacCool]

this happens in all facets ,not just off sites like Lit,or chat rooms,when I am hiring managers,on paper and phone they seem like a great candidae,then the eyeball hits and bang!!.Call it first impression and all that but shite happens.And my meeting with one on here was fantastic today.Sorry,no more info,I doona kiss and tell,lol Tir Na Nog!!

This is going to sound like one of the cynical rants that I'm prone to, but I think it's a fair point. I think when a woman (I'm sure men are just as bad but I only have experience with women) is getting to know someone she builds up this notion of him in her head. It can be quite an idealistic notion, and when she finally meets the guy he of course doesn't measure up. I've known women who seem really, really keen when in the chatting/exchanging pics phase, then when they meet me face to face they never want to see me again. Since I haven't done anything except be myself, or changed my bahavior, and they've already seen what I look like, I can only assume that actual me didn't measure up to the imagined me in their head.

So if someone (male or female) agrees to meet you and they seem keen, but afterward they don't want to follow through, it might not be because they weren't sincere about wanting to meet you but because you didn't live up to their expectations. Which is no fault of yours.

 

[RomanticLass73]

What an interesting thread!

I think that even when a person's been true to who they are as much as possible online, there's still an element that's unpredictable when one moves from online interaction to face to face interaction. Call it chemistry, call it spirits co-mingling, call it body language, call it whatever seems to discribe it best to you, but there's something that somehow just doesn't translate here.

I've met people IRL and totally hit it off (in fact, many of those people are still in my life, and very good friends) and I've also met people IRL and had it totally bomb. I'll be meeting some people from Lit soon - keeping my fingers crossed that this meeting falls in the "totally hits it off" category

BTW - Finn... EXCELLENT tat, and the kilt's pretty awesome too *saucy grin*

 

[WindWarrior]

I met someone from Lit last year. It was just a friendship thing, and we lived close enough to each other to do so. I enjoyed the meeting. And we're still friends, both in real life now and online. No regrets there.

I "met" another guy online two years ago. This time not on Lit, but on Craig's List - of all places. For some reason, our meeting in real life has not yet happened. First, he lives in CA. I'm in NY. Each time he was here, I was away elsewhere ... and it just never happened. But, in the 2 years of emails, and then phone calls, we've really started to like each other A LOT. I don't believe that falling in love can happen online. Or rather, I know it happens for others ... but it won't for me. I have to see if the real person matches up to the "version" I know. Anyway, long story short, I'm going to CA to meet him in 2 weeks. I'll stay for a little over a week. And, if we still feel the same about each other, I'll consider moving to his area. Coincidentally, I also got a job offer there. But, he would be the deciding factor in whether or not I take the job and move.

 

[Guttergoddess]

this happens in all facets ,not just off sites like Lit,or chat rooms,when I am hiring managers,on paper and phone they seem like a great candidae,then the eyeball hits and bang!!.Call it first impression and all that but shite happens.And my meeting with one on here was fantastic today.Sorry,no more info,I doona kiss and tell,lol Tir Na Nog!!

While Finn won't kiss and tell (was what we did considered kissing? ) I will vouch for him. He's a great guy, very fun and funny, which to me is more important than drop dead gorgeous (not that you'd have to put a bag over his face )

 

[Lee9104]

What an interesting thread!

I think that even when a person's been true to who they are as much as possible online, there's still an element that's unpredictable when one moves from online interaction to face to face interaction. Call it chemistry, call it spirits co-mingling, call it body language, call it whatever seems to discribe it best to you, but there's something that somehow just doesn't translate here.

I've met people IRL and totally hit it off (in fact, many of those people are still in my life, and very good friends) and I've also met people IRL and had it totally bomb. I'll be meeting some people from Lit soon - keeping my fingers crossed that this meeting falls in the "totally hits it off" category Quote

Hi RomanticLass73~

Thank you. I wasn't sure how the thread would go but it seems to be holding it's own lol. I had my reasons for starting it as I am sure you are aware of if you have been reading.
I will keep my fingers crossed for you as well hoping you have a nice meeting with these people from Literotica.
Stick around this thread may prove to be a whole lot more interesting in the days to come.

 

[Lee9104]

Hi WindWarrior~

It seems like you have a good chance with this person. Two years is a long time so there must be something there. I hope it works out for you in CA. Make sure you come back to this thread and let us know how it worked out for you. I enjoy the good stories as well.

 

[SheRemembers]

Sometimes you meet someone on Literotica and end up taking things to a different level. You chat *IM*, email, phone calls getting to know the Real person. At some point one of you or both brings up the "I want to meet you? ".
Now here is my question at this point when things have moved beyond Literotica when you are in fact getting to know this man/woman offline as well as online *Real Life*. There is talk of you going to see him/her. You are in fact willing to take a chance and see what happens (possible relationship). Do you mean what you say or are you still playing? Would you want/expect at this point for the person to be honest straightforward (meaning what they are saying)?
I personally would not tell someone I wanted to meet them and see what happens in *Real Life* if in fact I didn't mean what I was saying.
Fantasy or Reality

It's funny how you start talking to someone on Lit, isn't it? I contacted Lee9104 because I thought I was having the same experience (though I didn't go and meet the guy) with the same man. Turns out there's another of us, though I won't post her name on here, because it's not my place. He treats you like you're just it--and I'm not going to go into detail here, because I don't know the proper Lit etiquette, but really built a lot of trust. And then moves on to something else--someone else on Lit without warning, or meeting someone IRL from Lit while telling you he's going to "meet an old friend" and promising nothing would happen because that would be "cheating" on what you had together. Just made me feel icky and angry.

Don't want to be a downer, but it's enough to make any girl swear off trusting any Lit guy at all (no offense to the nice guys among you).

 

[huelust]

Meeting

I met a Lit member recently. It was a bit of a wild scene in the beginning (one never knows quite what one is expecting from the other person even though our meeting was not a "rendevous"). After a little adjustment, things were great! He's a very nice man, and I've come to consider him a good friend. He always encourages me to keep writing and posting my stories even on days when I want to throw in the towel. He's also very inspiring and a fantastic writer himself.
Absolutely no regrets. I think the stakes are likely much higher if one feels like they made a "love" connection online and wants things to move into the real world.

 

[saw_man1]

It can work - Dont give up

I have met several women through various sites including one author from here. I have over 600 comments on the story side of this site so obviously I’ve read a lot in the one year I have been on Lit. I wrote a few favorable comments on some of this authors stories and we started emailing back and forth. She agreed to meet me for coffee because as she put it, I was her most loyal fan. One meeting led to another meeting and it was wonderful.

I have had a few long term relationships and several short ones, again through the web. I have never had any bad experiences but I have had a few occasions where online correspondence died before the meeting took place. Cold feet perhaps or maybe I just wasn’t what they were looking for. I was always prepared in case the first get together went well but I never went with any unrealistic expectations. I can say in all honesty that I never met with anyone that I didn’t care about and like.

Lee, just because this guy was an idiot doesn’t mean the next on will be. There really are some good guys out there. The only advice I can think of is to not take any chances. Make sure you get the guys real name and can verify it and his address.

Good luck and remember it’s his loss. You’re worth 10 of him.

 

[saw_man1]

Ps

I find it works best if you look for someone close to home. It’s makes things a lot simpler.
Of course that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be on a plane tomorrow if the gorgeous GG glanced my way!

 

[Guttergoddess]

Aww thanks Saw...I try and judge people by their character...if you sound too good to be true...you prolly are...and if you investigate thier posts..and things don't add up...they prolly won't add up in RL either.

 

[FinnMacCool]

Thanking you much lass,and good luck on yer get together.iffen it doesn't pan out,give me a shout,lol..Tir Na Nog!!

What an interesting thread!

I think that even when a person's been true to who they are as much as possible online, there's still an element that's unpredictable when one moves from online interaction to face to face interaction. Call it chemistry, call it spirits co-mingling, call it body language, call it whatever seems to discribe it best to you, but there's something that somehow just doesn't translate here.

I've met people IRL and totally hit it off (in fact, many of those people are still in my life, and very good friends) and I've also met people IRL and had it totally bomb. I'll be meeting some people from Lit soon - keeping my fingers crossed that this meeting falls in the "totally hits it off" category

BTW - Finn... EXCELLENT tat, and the kilt's pretty awesome too *saucy grin*

 

[FinnMacCool]

aww shucks ma'amcoming from a lovely lass as yerself,very high compliments indeed..I must say ,was definetly in the 2 for tango bit,.Barroga agus Poga

While Finn won't kiss and tell (was what we did considered kissing? ) I will vouch for him. He's a great guy, very fun and funny, which to me is more important than drop dead gorgeous (not that you'd have to put a bag over his face )

 

[saw_man1]

I try and judge people by their character...if you sound too good to be true...you prolly are...and if you investigate thier posts..and things don't add up...they prolly won't add up in RL either.

Great advice. I would never have thought of checking previous posts.

Your remark did bring a question to mind. If a guy had a brand new screen name would you ladies be more suspicious of him?

Would you assume that he was just new or would you wonder if he was hiding some unpleasant baggage from an old screen name?

 

[Guttergoddess]

Saw...since it's often hard to tell if a poster is male or female from their profile..I look at previous posts to get an idea of them.

 

[Lee9104]

It's funny how you start talking to someone on Lit, isn't it? I contacted Lee9104 because I thought I was having the same experience (though I didn't go and meet the guy) with the same man. Turns out there's another of us, though I won't post her name on here, because it's not my place. He treats you like you're just it--and I'm not going to go into detail here, because I don't know the proper Lit etiquette, but really built a lot of trust. And then moves on to something else--someone else on Lit without warning, or meeting someone IRL from Lit while telling you he's going to "meet an old friend" and promising nothing would happen because that would be "cheating" on what you had together. Just made me feel icky and angry.

Don't want to be a downer, but it's enough to make any girl swear off trusting any Lit guy at all (no offense to the nice guys among you).

Hi SheRemembers~

Just want to say a few words here. Although we have talked at length I want to address what you have posted. It is indeed true the person *MAN* if you will... not for lack of another word but........trying very hard to keep my cool here, that was indeed the reason for my post, was also taking SheRemembers for a ride as well. I have also be told by her although I have no idea whom the other woman is that she knows of a 3rd that he was busying himself with at the same time. We as in me and SheRemembers also know about number 4 that he is now with.
This has been more then a stressful time for all parties and I would just like to say. If you take anything away from reading and posting in this thread take this........Men and women alike be very much aware that you are talking via phone, IM chatting,PM, or emailing a *REAL* human being who has *FEELINGS*. If you don't mean it don't say it. If you are not really going to do it don't say that you are or act like it is a *REAL* possibility. Don't lead someone on. If you know you want out of what you may have already committed yourself to say so. Have the guts or balls to say so in person but if you can't manage that then email. Better to be a coward then an ass. I for one have broad shoulders I can take the truth. Lying and bullshit I can't take. Being used and taken for a ride I will not tolerate. I find it extremely hard to ever forget let alone forgiven what appears to have been done intentionally. You may not think about it at the time but one day you will come to know you have *HURT* people who meant you know harm. Who thought you were no less then there friend but maybe were on the way to thinking of you as something more. You can't take back what you did anymore then you can make the hurt and pain of what you did to other people go away. What you can do hopefully is learn from it and not let history repeat it's self. Say you are sorry and *MEAN* it knowing what you did was *WRONG* and extremely hurtful to people you *PRETENDED* to care about. I say pretend because I find it hard to believe if you really gave a damn about a person you would ever treat them in this manner.
On a more positive note I wish us both much better luck with men on Literotica or otherwsie.

 

[Lee9104]

I met a Lit member recently. It was a bit of a wild scene in the beginning (one never knows quite what one is expecting from the other person even though our meeting was not a "rendevous"). After a little adjustment, things were great! He's a very nice man, and I've come to consider him a good friend. He always encourages me to keep writing and posting my stories even on days when I want to throw in the towel. He's also very inspiring and a fantastic writer himself.
Absolutely no regrets. I think the stakes are likely much higher if one feels like they made a "love" connection online and wants things to move into the real world.

Hi Huelust~

I feel you are right the stakes are higher when stronger feelings are involved either on oneside or both. I also think it is then that the talk of meeting in real life becomes a major part in all future conversations. Plans begin to evolve.
I also have a writer friend that I met on Literotica years ago that keeps in touch with me through email only. It is simply a friendship that evolved from me liking his work. I have since encouraged him to pursue other writing as I felt and feel he has some real talent. Best of luck to you and your writer friend.

 

[Lee9104]

Quote Lee, just because this guy was an idiot doesn’t mean the next on will be. There really are some good guys out there. The only advice I can think of is to not take any chances. Make sure you get the guys real name and can verify it and his address.

Good luck and remember it’s his loss. You’re worth 10 of him.[/QUOTE]

Hi saw_man1~

Thank you for your kind words. I did get *this* guys real name, address and phone number and verified all of it. He was actually the one that told me to do so. Also offered to fax me a copy of his drivers license to have him checked out before he came to meet me. He was trying to get me to *trust* him at that point. I had told him of another online meeting of mine that had went very wrong something very private that I shared with him. That was most likely the only honest thing he ever said and did.

 

[Katze]

Perhaps a 10 most wanted list

Although I fear such a thing might be used to slander the innocent, it could be helpful to publish a thread with the names of the nefarious types in our midst. It could include all screen names used, M.O., etc. God knows it could be useful in RL!

 

[sseg]

bad plan...

Although I fear such a thing might be used to slander the innocent, it could be helpful to publish a thread with the names of the nefarious types in our midst. It could include all screen names used, M.O., etc. God knows it could be useful in RL!

One reason I like meeting people in social groups in real life is because jerks get pretty quickly known. I think such a list is a bad idea for several reasons. Aside from possible slander or libel, it's impossible to sort out what actually happened between two or more people. Too much of these things are perception based, or based on the interactions between the people involved.

I wouldn't participate in such a forum because I wouldn't like what it would say about *me*, even if I have good reason to post. When you sling mud it is invariable that some will get on you.

I don't see any problem with someone dropping someone else a note saying "hey, you might want to watch out for X because (s)he did <something bad> to me," but to just post your personal affairs for the world to see is tacky. I'd be much more reluctant to become involved with someone who would do post such things because what it tells me about their character.

 

[Lee9104]

Although I fear such a thing might be used to slander the innocent, it could be helpful to publish a thread with the names of the nefarious types in our midst. It could include all screen names used, M.O., etc. God knows it could be useful in RL!

Hi Katze~

I can see how you might feel this way. It is nothing I haven't thought of myself. Although the slander part is not my reason for not doing so. The reason behind not doing it is pure and simple. After my last conversation with him where I asked him simply why? I went away from that still not fully understanding. I don't think I ever will understand. But I told him I would not post his name in the thread. Therefore I will not. Simply because I say what I mean and mean what I say.

 

[bks8]

i'd just like to say that all this honesty is refreshing. and that if any female wants to fly and meet me for some fun than I'm game.

 

[Proudsubinatl]

Thanks

 

[sseg]

honor

Hi Katze~

I can see how you might feel this way. It is nothing I haven't thought of myself. Although the slander part is not my reason for not doing so. The reason behind not doing it is pure and simple. After my last conversation with him where I asked him simply why? I went away from that still not fully understanding. I don't think I ever will understand. But I told him I would not post his name in the thread. Therefore I will not. Simply because I say what I mean and mean what I say.

Bravo. Just because someone else acts dishonorably does not mean you should as well. That sense of honor is internal and only true when it exists when no one else is looking.

 

[Katze]

Too bad

...there's not an emoticon for "tongue in cheek" else I would have used it earlier regarding my list idea. Guess the winking smile-y will do it in the future or maybe the frog.

I was reeled in by a guy I met on-line, too, not on Lit, though. He went out of his way to convince me he was interested. After two canceled meetings I finally put it all together and realized I was getting royally jerked around. I wanted to go to the forum where we met and post what a jerk he was...I didn't...and he disappeared a few days later.

I think Lee alluded to part of the frustration one feels in that situation when it's impossible to understand why a person would act in such a way. But, there is no reasonable explanation because it's unreasonable behavior. I doubt the person doing it understands what's going on.


I did meet someone from Lit and he was a prince and everything he said he would be.