When things move beyond Literotica

[celticlass]

I have found some questions that if answered, can reveal a lot about someone else, and I've had those questions posed to me by men who have been through the mill in the dating world, on - and off-line. I used to think people were entirely too paranoid about "red flags", but I've been burned and then learned.

I'd be curious to know what those questions are. I'm really up-front with people I meet online. Maybe it's naive of me. However, I just think that if I'm going to take the time to talk to someone and have them listen to me, I shouldn't waste any of our time bs'ing them. It's not worth it.

I'm so sorry about the way your situation ended. Perhaps Time will soften his stance. I hope so.

Bob's (the guy who isn't married with whom I was in love) heart has softened, and we've recaptured our friendship. We're talking just like we used to and we both seem to have moved past the hurts. We had a really good long talk yesterday (in several phone calls - LOL) and got a lot of stuff straightened out. So... (Oh, and he said he didn't care if I mention his name here.) We'll see what happens. So far, seeing what kind of friend he's being, I'm thinking I'm THE luckiest gal in the whole entire world! He's being sweet, sensitive, supportive and sexy.

 

[Lee9104]

Yet, despite being lied to, we still want to trust and believe that the guy is what he says he is. So, we believe them and hope that this one will be true. Yeah, I've met some duds, but I've met some good ones, too. There are some guys who are worth taking the chance on and risking it. It seems like you're like me in that, you'll keep on offering them the trust, because you want to believe the best in people.

Yeah, good luck to both of us. My Irish luck has been fading lately. Well, kinda. It seems to have taken a turn for the better.

Celticlass~

Very true I do tend trust them up until the point when the hair start standing up on my neck and my woman's intuition tells me he is playing me. At that point I do what I have to. Find out the truth and then confront the person. This person that I speak of in this thread said when I confronted him that he felt I was getting mad when he did not respond to my emails or IM's. Well, lets see by this time I knew he was lying to me. Avoiding me. Putting me off. Blocking me from seeing him online. Yet still sending me emails saying *SWEETIE* everything is fine I just have a lot going on right now. I just need some time. I am writing a story for you, I am making you a ----- ------- and will send it to you. I will talk to you, *EVERYTHING IS FINE*. Famous last words. All because he wasn't man enough to tell we what he was really up to. I was emailing him telling him I knew he was avoiding me, I knew something was not adding up and wanted him to tell me the truth. So yes I guess I was mad when he didn't respond. He was not busy with anything but the many other woman he was saying similar things to. He always did say he talked to a lot of people. Not a problem. Acting like you are very interested in several woman at one time making them trust that they are the only *ONE* . Making plans to meet and be with all of them. Huge problem.

 

[MD1995]

************

 

[MasterSnatch]

Meeting people in real life after talking to them online can quite the experience, some are good and some are bad. I find they mainly go bad if one person or the other isn't being truthful and honest up front, if one person is playing games then things will be screwed up badly. That's common sense. Even with good intentions and when two people are trutful things can still not work out right, people online are not who they are always in real life, there is so many factors in reality that can get in a way a person may be disappointed they are not always like they are online. The person themselves is not always to blame for this either, online everything can be so much simpler, here you mainly got words and only words to deal with. Out there....there is so much more.

It's best to really get to know a person before doing anything or you may be setting yourself up for a fall, there are a lot of people out there who do lie, that do pretend to be something they are not and in the end can break your heart worse than you ever knew.

There are good people out there as well, it's a pity people can not find someone who will make them so happy. So many times people have to get jerked around and worse and it can take it's toll on the person emotionally so that even when they find that person they are set in a mind set it won't work or the person will juse be like the rest that they themselves end up missing the one chance they had.

Like life sometimes you will find the one that makes you happy and smile but until you do it's often a struggle.

 

[ken0000001]

Sorry

It's hard to do the share-check-share thing with someone on-line: that is, I share, I see how the other person responds, he shares, I see how his actions line up with his words (and hopefully he's doing the same with me) and trust builds over time.

If most of the communication is by phone or in writing there is so much that has to be taken on faith. I'm not saying someone right next door can't fool you (and I had a horrific example of that happen this year) but there are chances to get a general idea of someone's reputation. Add to that the natural propensity of human beings to present themselves in the best light, particularly at the beginning of a romance, and it's hard to avoid getting hurt sometimes.

I have found some questions that if answered, can reveal a lot about someone else, and I've had those questions posed to me by men who have been through the mill in the dating world, on - and off-line. I used to think people were entirely too paranoid about "red flags", but I've been burned and then learned.

Since I no longer can communicate with you by email or private meesage, I just want to say that if I said something that offended you, I can only say that was not my intention at all. I don't like to hurt others. I was just fantasizing and doing the Clinton thing - you know, thinking with my dick and not my head. I'm very sorry if I did get you upset enough that you took some action and I beg your forgiveness.

Ken

 

[Lee9104]

Since I no longer can communicate with you by email or private meesage, I just want to say that if I said something that offended you, I can only say that was not my intention at all. I don't like to hurt others. I was just fantasizing and doing the Clinton thing - you know, thinking with my dick and not my head. I'm very sorry if I did get you upset enough that you took some action and I beg your forgiveness.

Ken

Ken~

I don't begin to know your situation. I would however, like to applaud you for publicly admitting your mistake and asking for forgiveness. That took guts. You are more of a man then some. Taking responsibility for your actions instead of taking the cowards way out. Good for you. I don't know if this will help your situation but I at least feel you might have learned from it and will think twice before making the same mistake again.

 

[ken0000001]

Ken~

I don't begin to know your situation. I would however, like to applaud you for publicly admitting your mistake and asking for forgiveness. That took guts. You are more of a man then some. Taking responsibility for your actions instead of taking the cowards way out. Good for you. I don't know if this will help your situation but I at least feel you might have learned from it and will think twice before making the same mistake again.

If I knew what the mistake was, I could learn from it, but without communication, how can one learn anything? Thanks for your note. It was nice of you.

 

[Lee9104]

Meeting people in real life after talking to them online can quite the experience, some are good and some are bad. I find they mainly go bad if one person or the other isn't being truthful and honest up front, if one person is playing games then things will be screwed up badly. That's common sense. Even with good intentions and when two people are trutful things can still not work out right, people online are not who they are always in real life, there is so many factors in reality that can get in a way a person may be disappointed they are not always like they are online. The person themselves is not always to blame for this either, online everything can be so much simpler, here you mainly got words and only words to deal with. Out there....there is so much more.

It's best to really get to know a person before doing anything or you may be setting yourself up for a fall, there are a lot of people out there who do lie, that do pretend to be something they are not and in the end can break your heart worse than you ever knew.

There are good people out there as well, it's a pity people can not find someone who will make them so happy. So many times people have to get jerked around and worse and it can take it's toll on the person emotionally so that even when they find that person they are set in a mind set it won't work or the person will juse be like the rest that they themselves end up missing the one chance they had.

Like life sometimes you will find the one that makes you happy and smile but until you do it's often a struggle.

MasterSnatch~

The lies and pretending to be something you are not can most definitely cause pain and heart break. The long term effects of having this done to you can last a lifetime. It is extremely hard to trust the next person who might be Mr. or Miss. *Right* but just happen to have the misfortune of coming along at the wrong time when you are unable to trust due to the lying coward before them.

 

[rip_1_4_u]

Lee-let's face it: u're awesome!

Sometimes you meet someone on Literotica and end up taking things to a different level. You chat *IM*, email, phone calls getting to know the Real person. At some point one of you or both brings up the "I want to meet you? ".
Now here is my question at this point when things have moved beyond Literotica when you are in fact getting to know this man/woman offline as well as online *Real Life*. There is talk of you going to see him/her. You are in fact willing to take a chance and see what happens (possible relationship). Do you mean what you say or are you still playing? Would you want/expect at this point for the person to be honest straightforward (meaning what they are saying)?
I personally would not tell someone I wanted to meet them and see what happens in *Real Life* if in fact I didn't mean what I was saying.
Fantasy or Reality

Lee,
I've stayed up for hours reading this thread and your replies-you are simply a wonderful woman..very grounded, down-to-earth, and of course, cool!

Whoever *you* choose to be with will be very lucky

 

[Lee9104]

Lee,
I've stayed up for hours reading this thread and your replies-you are simply a wonderful woman..very grounded, down-to-earth, and of course, cool!

Whoever *you* choose to be with will be very lucky

Hi rip_1_4_u~

Wow! What a compliment. Thank you. I am glad you found the thread interesting enough that you continued to read all of it into the very early morning hours. I guess a person can get to know me pretty well if they read all that I have written. I really wasn't sure this thread would take off when I started it. As you have been reading I had my own reasons for starting this thread. I feel good things have come out in this thread that hopefully will help those thinking about taking that step and moving beyond Literotica. There are still things I can add and may add later should I feel it is the time to do so. Things that happened when I went to meet another man I met online years ago. But for now I am just letting the thread flow in whatever direction the readers take it. Thank you again for the compliment it could not have come at a better time. Just when someone decided it would be helpful or should I say hurtful to send me a PM addressing something that *THIS* person posted (the one I started this thread about) long ago and has since edited. The point they were making was that I was edited off the post. This had already been brought to my attention months ago when it happened by yet another person. Not PM's from anyone I know. They never are. Anyway, after reading that PM and deleting it I came to check the thread and saw your post and I must say it made my day. Good luck to you.

 

[Guest]

Well again I have met fellow Litsters and a wonderful time was had by all,and the best of this is that there will be a friendship that has formed,unlessing one or both of these vixens get too fiesty,then the flogging will continue until their morale has improved,lol..Tir Na Nog!!

A very good friendship indeed! As long as the flogging is kept at a minimum...

 

[Lee9104]

A very good friendship indeed! As long as the flogging is kept at a minimum...

Firestorm71~

Good friendships are often hard to find. Nice to see that some are finding that on Literotica site as well as beyond the site into *Real Life* meetings. Now this flogging you and FinnMacCool speak of I tend to agree would need to be kept to a minimum lol.

 

[vfrman]

I'm in a similar situation but longer relationship

Since we're on the subject of online/RL relationships, I need some advise. I was fairly conservative and my friends are the same way. I've been married to my husband for 2 years. He's my only lover, and I'm his only lover as well. In fact, we're each other only boyfriend/girlfriend ever. But for the past several months, I've discover that I'm missing something from my sex life, meaning I'm a lot freakier than I thought I was. I can't go to my friends for advise because they would wash their ears out with soap. I've accidentally stumbled on Lit and have been reading a lot of the threads posted on here. I just want to develop some friendships so that I can have someone with a lot more experience to talk. But every time I post something, I get IMs from people who wants to have online affairs that will possibly lead to RL encounters. Therefore, I don't post very often because I don't want to give people the wrong ideas. How do I go about finding some casual friends that I can e-mail or talk to for advise?

Hi MD, I feel I am in a similar situation although we have been married 18 years, our sex life has taken something of a back seat over the last couple of years due to several exteranl factors - work pressure, family health problems, new additions to the family etc. I have no desire to get involved in real life with anyone - I have found the person i love and would hate to be without her, but we have a hole in our relationship at present and it is difficult to work through it, but finding people to talk to about it is very difficult. If you feel you would like to chat sometime, or e-mail, give me a shout - I am defo not looking for anything from you in real life, but would welcome the opportunity to shoot the breeze with you.

 

[Lee9104]

Hi MD, I feel I am in a similar situation although we have been married 18 years, our sex life has taken something of a back seat over the last couple of years due to several exteranl factors - work pressure, family health problems, new additions to the family etc. I have no desire to get involved in real life with anyone - I have found the person i love and would hate to be without her, but we have a hole in our relationship at present and it is difficult to work through it, but finding people to talk to about it is very difficult. If you feel you would like to chat sometime, or e-mail, give me a shout - I am defo not looking for anything from you in real life, but would welcome the opportunity to shoot the breeze with you.

Hi vfrman~

Glad to see you will be trying to connect it is often hard to find someone that will *just* lend an ear when you need one. Shoulders aren't bad either lol.

 

[srl2069]

I can say for a fact that I will hold a special place in my heart for those I met on Friday, very nice people. I enjoyed myself and wasnt worried about anything. Thanks guys

 

[Lee9104]

I can say for a fact that I will hold a special place in my heart for those I met on Friday, very nice people. I enjoyed myself and wasnt worried about anything. Thanks guys

Hi srl2069~

I am glad to hear that you had a good experience with those that you met on Friday. I am sure a good time was had by all. It is good to see that some meetings are as they should be and that you can put your trust in some people. I think if people are honest and up front things can work out well. Good luck to you.

 

[Lee9104]

Just Thinking

Right when you think you are getting to know a person and have complete trust in them because they have given you no reason to doubt them... Something happens to makes you wonder did you ever really know the person at all? Can we ever really know anyone? Every time you are hurt by someone you put up a bit of a wall to protect yourself from getting hurt again. Does the next person you meet really have a chance to know the *Real* you? If they stick around long enough can they break down that wall you have and get to the *Real* you? The person you once were when you trusted so easily. The one that had complete faith in everyone until they had given you a reason not to. The one that knew there would be heartache and pain at some point in your life. Everyone suffers from a broken heart at some point in a lifetime. Although, you never knew how much it would hurt or how long it would take to get over.

If you are following this thread I want to let you know I was *NOT* thinking of the person that caused me to start this thread when I posted this tonight. Although some things may ring true for him as well I don't think anyone can hurt you as much or as deeply as the first person to break your heart. What the ones that follow do to you does hurt but you get over it faster. Then again, maybe I am just to use to getting sh_t on and played lol.

 

[TheGreatRaja]

when it come to people I meet online, be it from LIT or from some online community I am myself, no more no less. They either like me for who I am or they don't. Same as in real life. You can't make everyone happy, or everyone like you. You just have to try to do your best. Putting some false front to make people happy or to like you will ultimatly back fire in the end. So why not be yourself. Make a Friend.

 

[sseg]

freakiness

Since we're on the subject of online/RL relationships, I need some advise. I was fairly conservative and my friends are the same way. I've been married to my husband for 2 years. He's my only lover, and I'm his only lover as well. In fact, we're each other only boyfriend/girlfriend ever. But for the past several months, I've discover that I'm missing something from my sex life, meaning I'm a lot freakier than I thought I was. I can't go to my friends for advise because they would wash their ears out with soap. I've accidentally stumbled on Lit and have been reading a lot of the threads posted on here. I just want to develop some friendships so that I can have someone with a lot more experience to talk. But every time I post something, I get IMs from people who wants to have online affairs that will possibly lead to RL encounters. Therefore, I don't post very often because I don't want to give people the wrong ideas. How do I go about finding some casual friends that I can e-mail or talk to for advise?

Take a proactive approach!

Once you've read for a while you start to see who people are to a degree and to get an idea of what they know and how well they are able to convey it. Obviously people can fool you online as this thread has been discussing, but when *you* approach other people, you have more control over it.

If you can find the alternative crowd in your area, find out what events they have going on an get out and explore a bit. The nice thing there is that you can do that as little or as much as you want (or can get away with without the gossips talking...). The best way to accept your own "freakiness" is to see that otherwise great people also share your interests.

For what it's worth, PM me if you want to talk more with me about this stuff. I promise I'm not looking for cybersex, an affair, or anything like that. I have a relationship with two people with whom I am very happy in all ways. I like to help people accept themselves for what they are rather than what society tries to make them.

 

[celticlass]

The real you...

Does the next person you meet really have a chance to know the *Real* you? If they stick around long enough can they break down that wall you have and get to the *Real* you? The person you once were when you trusted so easily. The one that had complete faith in everyone until they had given you a reason not to. The one that knew there would be heartache and pain at some point in your life.

Lee,

Yes, every person gets to know the real us, even with our hurts, doubts and scarred hearts. We aren't static creatures; we change and grow from our experiences, good and bad. Even if the change is being less trusting, that doesn't mean we're no longer our real selves; this has become our new "real" self. Sadly, we no longer have the easy trust and innocence we used to have; losing that is part of life, unfortunately.

I think the true test of a person's character is if they can accept us fully, knowing that we come with baggage, and are willing to help us carry that baggage, even as they help us carry our bruised and scarred hearts. And of course, we have to be willing to do that for them, too. We have to be willing to look outside of ourselves just so we can look inside this other person to see their own hurts, vulnerabilities and scars. Scars never leave something looking as pretty as it once did, even after the healing has taken place. However, they do leave that part stronger. We need to see beyond the evidence of each other's scars to see the strength underneath.

Let's hear it for being stronger!

 

[lonelyinsnowlan]

Lee,

Yes, every person gets to know the real us, even with our hurts, doubts and scarred hearts. We aren't static creatures; we change and grow from our experiences, good and bad. Even if the change is being less trusting, that doesn't mean we're no longer our real selves; this has become our new "real" self. Sadly, we no longer have the easy trust and innocence we used to have; losing that is part of life, unfortunately.

I think the true test of a person's character is if they can accept us fully, knowing that we come with baggage, and are willing to help us carry that baggage, even as they help us carry our bruised and scarred hearts. And of course, we have to be willing to do that for them, too. We have to be willing to look outside of ourselves just so we can look inside this other person to see their own hurts, vulnerabilities and scars. Scars never leave something looking as pretty as it once did, even after the healing has taken place. However, they do leave that part stronger. We need to see beyond the evidence of each other's scars to see the strength underneath.

Let's hear it for being stronger!

I agree... the "real" me is someone who is always changing. I am constantly discovering more about myself, and the person with whom I am in relationship helps to bring out new facets of my personality. Yes, there are walls to battle through, but that's part of who we are as individuals.

As long as the other person accepts that I'll not stay the same for the rest of my life and that experiences will change me, then I'm going to always be real to them. I think the concept that there is a "real" person inside that never changes is tricky- our personalities don't change, but as we gain knowledge and experience, our perspectives change.

 

[Lee9104]

Hi celticlass & lonelyinsnowlan~

You have both given very good points to the table on this subject that I have pondered for some time now. It tends to be more difficult to figure out the more baggage one has from past relationships that have failed for one reason or another.Thank you for giving me your views as they say two heads are always better then one.

Hi TheGreatRaja~

I couldn't agree more if you are not yourself then you can't expect anything good to come from a relationship. Down the line you will be found out and all will be gone. Better to be ones self and end up with a friend then play a part and think you have something more then friendship that is all based on a lie. If your whole relationship is based on a lie it can't help but fail. Then you hurt yourself and another person in the long run that trusted you and grew to care for you or should I say grew to care deeply for the person he/she thought you were but indeed you were not.

 

[Lee9104]

Pondering Again

Is it ever possible for a *man* to tell the truth when asked a question? Must they always respond in a way that makes you wonder if they understood the question in the first place. Then you the *woman* are left to dig and ask more questions in many different ways over the course of many weeks to find out basic information about this person. Why is it so hard to let someone know the truth right from the start? Is there a new language out there that I am not aware of for the many ways to answer the question of your status? i.e? single married ......but never really answering it at all?

 

[siren319]

I wouldn't say I was going to meet someone offline unless I was going to. Not to say I haven't flirted about the idea. I have found I have my location limits though. I drove 18 hours to see my current husband, but I already knew him.

The farthest I have driven/flown for someone I chatted to online... hmm not 18 hours. 4 hours? nope 5 hours, and niether of those were sexual in nature.

My mom takes everything that guys say to her as true and tells all her friends, then she looks like a fool. If I cared about someone enough to chat at them intimately on a daily basis, I think I would have to care enough for them not to humiliate them.

 

[bmw1080]

It really is a matter of trust. I like what people are saying when they mention we are constantly discovering.

With cyber the leap to meeting a person is based on trust. Taking that leap is always the hardest thing, especially the first time. As I travelquite a bit I have had over the years the opportunity to mett a few cyber friends. The first time was of a concern...fortunately for both of us it went well and gave us both confidence that done correctly it is great.

I look forward to meeting more cyber friends during my travels. I travel mainly through Asia, but also to North America, Canada and US.