Women of Lit: A Safe Place To Share

[Crystal_Dust]

I have a question for the group: you all saw my comment on getting an OkCupid account set up for ENM. I initially limited it to be shown only to non-straight profiles with an interest only in women and have had some OK responses. (A couple of really cute women who are at the very outside edge of my range but who strangely are in the same town with each other and haven’t met…) I made sure to write a note on every one of the likes I sent to make myself stand out and because it seemed polite.

Then as an experiment I expanded my preferences to men for 12 hours (still only non-straight profiles) and in that time got a comparative pile of looks and likes… and only one guy bothered to write a note.

Is this normal? Are they all really that low effort? At least all the profile pics were comparatively nice, well dressed, and none of them were holding a fish. Maybe because they all registered as queer somehow.

I’d love the groups feedbacks as a 52 year old on line dating newbie.

While I do not engage with men in that way, what you’ve described is the experience of literally every woman I’ve spoken to on the subject

 

[JennyCapricorn]

While I do not engage with men in that way, what you’ve described is the experience of literally every woman I’ve spoken to on the subject

that is really sad. And I know anecdotally that they complain about not getting enough responses from these sorts of sites

 

[Crystal_Dust]

that is really sad. And I know anecdotally that they complain about not getting enough responses from these sorts of sites

In fairness to them, the sites are god awful. The numbers are bad for men, and once guys took to the tactic of just spamming likes, it made it even worse.

 

[JennyCapricorn]

In fairness to them, the sites are god awful. The numbers are bad for men, and once guys took to the tactic of just spamming likes, it made it even worse.

I did hear from several women on there how they have all gotten worse lately, and learned that a few years back one of them - Match - just bought all the others so now there’s no concerns about competition.

Again, I remember when the internet worked.

But still, if you’re putting yourself out there, put in the effort.

 

[Mrswargamer9dash1]

Signing up for OK Cupid is the same as signing up for every other site the owners manage

Then there is the fact that the real humans on the site are either men who ain't going to show up, or married women who just want to be told they are beautiful, and that's all they want.

Being transgender I learned fast you get nowhere with either.
Being willing to write a comprehensive profile I learned that NO ONE is going to read a fucking thing
And your pictures are all they look at, and well it doesn't really matter, because pictures can be faked

Lesson, you wasted your time signing up for online dating

99% of the replies are guys in Nigeria etc who will chat you up until it's time to offer a sob story and hope you send money
And yes, clearly, some fucking idiots actually DO send them money. A friend of mine did it. Took me quite a lot of effort to get through to her the guy was NOT real.
I lost count of how many guys were engineers on oil platforms who therefore couldn't show up for a while.

But I was vulnerable during my pink haze years, and it took me a while to get it out of my system.

Sadly I didn't get smarter, I just got lucky and married a local that I had not expected to meet as it was accidental

Reality, you will have more success with a glass of beer in a local watering spot prowling for locals who want to spend an afternoon together. They won't all be worthless. Just most of them.

 

[Mrswargamer9dash1]

In more local matters ie here on site.

Had a worthless waste of skin tell me I had to learn to communicate better.
But he also typed TLDR so he was thus insulting a post he had not even read.

I told him he was an intellectually stunted retard.

Wonderful thing to greet me after a long pause eh.
I returned today out of bored curiosity to see if an old contact had replied to a personal message.
Nope.
I guess either she hasn't been around, or I ain't getting a reply.
But otherwise I had a falling out with social media for a bit.

I spend my time mainly on Bluesky (which I have tried to leave (unsuccessfully) a few times as well).
300 only characters it feels nice to be able to end sentences with a period (which is a waste of a good character).

 

[Mrswargamer9dash1]

And I have had a falling out with Mr Life.
Who I consider male.
The way we consider Mother Nature as female.

Couple of months back I repaired a damaged stone from my engagement ring (main stone too).
Cost altogether too much.
Month after guess what, I lose a flanking stone (ring has a main two flanking and two outer small ones all aquamarines).
Oh I freaked out on Life I don't mind saying.
I think I tested him, because I had posted how life was ding well finally.

Man I was angry
In the process, I learned I can growl in a most threatening fashion. Not quite lion roar. But it scared the shit out of my wife.
Took about 5 days to calm down.

So, yeah, I have tried to refrain from excessive positivity in my posts.

Just shut up and build my damn models.

Oh and not post in politics where retarded seems to be the predominant personality trait.

 

[Mrswargamer9dash1]

I really need to channel my energies into writing a damn book

 

[Crystal_Dust]

Could we maybe not use the ‘r’ word?

 

[Mrswargamer9dash1]

Could we maybe not use the ‘r’ word?

Fair request, I will not use it any more

 

[JennyCapricorn]

Well so far the experience on OkC has been... interesting. I've met two absolutely wonderful bisexual women, either of which I would be thrilled to spend time with, but both of them are three hours away from me! Looks like the distance recommendations I had originally were set for the 100 mile mark.

Interestingly, while they are both 3 hours away from me, they are in the same town as each other! So of course I got them taking to each other (never met, been in same place at same time, friends in common). So even if I don't end up finding something through it, getting these two women together in any way makes me feel like it wasn't wasted time.

 

[stickygirl]

 

[lil_jenni]

A quick question. I had a guy compliment my new avatar in a PM then turn into a huge asshat when I told him it was an AI rendering that I had worked hard on to get to look enough like me that it could be my more attractive sister. Hell, I put that disclaimer in my profile. And I've had a few other guys PM who were surprised when I said it is AI but who did not turn into asshats.

So, is posting an AI representation that's close to what I look like a "fraud" that proves I'm a catfish? I used a cartoon like drawing for many years, and no one objected. It was as much not really me as the new AI avatar. Is the use of the AI one in inherently deceitful? I don't think so, but I'm curious what other think.

 

[cheekygirl75]

A quick question. I had a guy compliment my new avatar in a PM then turn into a huge asshat when I told him it was an AI rendering that I had worked hard on to get to look enough like me that it could be my more attractive sister. Hell, I put that disclaimer in my profile. And I've had a few other guys PM who were surprised when I said it is AI but who did not turn into asshats.

So, is posting an AI representation that's close to what I look like a "fraud" that proves I'm a catfish? I used a cartoon like drawing for many years, and no one objected. It was as much not really me as the new AI avatar. Is the use of the AI one in inherently deceitful? I don't think so, but I'm curious what other think.

I think as long as you’re up front about it, it’s fine. It’s on that one asshat for not reading your profile!

 

[genzsub]

A quick question. I had a guy compliment my new avatar in a PM then turn into a huge asshat when I told him it was an AI rendering that I had worked hard on to get to look enough like me that it could be my more attractive sister. Hell, I put that disclaimer in my profile. And I've had a few other guys PM who were surprised when I said it is AI but who did not turn into asshats.

So, is posting an AI representation that's close to what I look like a "fraud" that proves I'm a catfish? I used a cartoon like drawing for many years, and no one objected. It was as much not really me as the new AI avatar. Is the use of the AI one in inherently deceitful? I don't think so, but I'm curious what other think.

He's just butthurt that you popped his fantasy bubble about who you are. That's way more important than getting to know the real person.

 

[Cindy027]

A quick question. I had a guy compliment my new avatar in a PM then turn into a huge asshat when I told him it was an AI rendering that I had worked hard on to get to look enough like me that it could be my more attractive sister. Hell, I put that disclaimer in my profile. And I've had a few other guys PM who were surprised when I said it is AI but who did not turn into asshats.

So, is posting an AI representation that's close to what I look like a "fraud" that proves I'm a catfish? I used a cartoon like drawing for many years, and no one objected. It was as much not really me as the new AI avatar. Is the use of the AI one in inherently deceitful? I don't think so, but I'm curious what other think.

I think you can use any rendering of yourself that you like and if someone else has an issue with it, well that's their problem. A couple of years ago a number of people on Lit did AI images of themselves and posted them, it was fun. I did some of me but never posted them, mostly because I was late to the party and I felt I was too disneyfied although my partner said she could see me in them I felt they were too far removed from me but that was me. I love seeing AI pics of people. I just wish Portrait Pro could do to me the same as the AI generator

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

A quick question. I had a guy compliment my new avatar in a PM then turn into a huge asshat when I told him it was an AI rendering that I had worked hard on to get to look enough like me that it could be my more attractive sister. Hell, I put that disclaimer in my profile. And I've had a few other guys PM who were surprised when I said it is AI but who did not turn into asshats.

So, is posting an AI representation that's close to what I look like a "fraud" that proves I'm a catfish? I used a cartoon like drawing for many years, and no one objected. It was as much not really me as the new AI avatar. Is the use of the AI one in inherently deceitful? I don't think so, but I'm curious what other think.

That's a "him" problem, not a "you" problem, babe. Put the douche canoe on Ignore and don't think about it.

 

[JennyCapricorn]

. Is the use of the AI one in inherently deceitful? I don't think so, but I'm curious what other think.

You’re fine! It can’t be trying to trick them when you announce you’re doing it and OF COURSE we are going to be careful about showing our real faces. That should be obvious! (Says the woman with the cartoon femme fatale avatar)

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

You’re fine! It can’t be trying to trick them when you announce you’re doing it and OF COURSE we are going to be careful about showing our real faces. That should be obvious! (Says the woman with the cartoon femme fatale avatar)

Yeah, like I'm an actual rabbit!

 

[genzsub]

Yeah, like I'm an actual rabbit!

You're not?

 

[Cindy027]

Yeah, like I'm an actual rabbit!

And i'm a lilly!

 

[Crystal_Dust]

And i'm a lilly!

I mean, that’s pretty hot

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

I have it on good authority that @Strixaluco is actually an owl.

 

[stickygirl]

You’re fine! It can’t be trying to trick them when you announce you’re doing it and OF COURSE we are going to be careful about showing our real faces. That should be obvious! (Says the woman with the cartoon femme fatale avatar)

Not sure why, but since the kerfuffle over images on Lit your AV is just a blank white circle to me. Anyone else? Can you see my AV?

 

[FrenchLopBunny]

And i'm a lilly!

A pretty shade of pink, and opened wide. I bet the ladies love you!