Women's views on anal

[medium2]

Hello,

I was hoping some women who like, experienced, grew to like, sometimes like, special occasion, have tried and hated, etc. . . Anyone female point of view on anal.

How you started it. The process of getting used to it or enjoying it. Etc. . . ANY and all info is welcome.

Super appreciated

 

[SweetErika]

Have you been through the Anal section of The Blank Manual sticky yet? How about some of these other threads? (By the way, you can change or add other words to "anal" in that search box; just keep the site:forum.literotica.com part the same, and go to town looking for exactly what you're interested in! Google is often much quicker and easier than the forum or site search functions, so it's a technique worth taking note of and learning. )

If not, I'd suggest doing that first, then asking more specific questions if you have them. There are plenty of women (and men!) who fall into all of the categories you listed, and, beyond safety, the most important thing is for you and your partner to realize you have to find exactly what works for you as individuals and a couple.

 

[sensualwhispers]

anul

Got to admit for me its exit only.nothing and nobody goes up there.it doesnt do a thing for me.

 

[miss_bopeep]

Haha have to agree with sensualwhispers on that one- I've tried but find it too painful and weirdly unpleasant to go too far. Except once a boyfriend had me tied up and was taking me from behind, there was lots of lube involved and needless to say he "slipped"
I wept like a little girl and limped home the next day.

 

[SweetErika]

Haha have to agree with sensualwhispers on that one- I've tried but find it too painful and weirdly unpleasant to go too far. Except once a boyfriend had me tied up and was taking me from behind, there was lots of lube involved and needless to say he "slipped"
I wept like a little girl and limped home the next day.

What a jerk! Worse than that, actually, but I'm having trouble coming up with an accurate descriptor.

My first experiences with anal were painful, too. Neither of us knew what we were doing, and it put me off trying again for years.

A lot of research and trial-and-error later, I've learned that anal doesn't have to hurt at all. It definitely takes knowledge, tons of lube, experimentation, trust, patience, working together and a caring partner, though. At least for me, if any of those ingredients are missing or not up to par, it's not going to be a good experience.

Some people just don't like anal play/sex no matter what and how much they try, BUT if you find yourself with someone who is very willing to learn, prioritize your feelings, let you be in control, trustworthy, caring and patient, it might be worth trying again because, for most people, it has the potential to be very pleasurable when done correctly.

 

[KellysCrack]

I love it! and thats all I have to say about that.

 

[newhott]

well my girl loves it...she didn't when we just started dating, but she can't get enough now

 

[Sagittarian]

Tried it a few times. Don't particularly care for it, but am willing.

 

[BrightLight]

My first experiences with anal were painful, too. Neither of us knew what we were doing, and it put me off trying again for years.

A lot of research and trial-and-error later, I've learned that anal doesn't have to hurt at all. It definitely takes knowledge, tons of lube, experimentation, trust, patience, working together and a caring partner, though. At least for me, if any of those ingredients are missing or not up to par, it's not going to be a good experience.

Some people just don't like anal play/sex no matter what and how much they try, BUT if you find yourself with someone who is very willing to learn, prioritize your feelings, let you be in control, trustworthy, caring and patient, it might be worth trying again because, for most people, it has the potential to be very pleasurable when done correctly.

Great post, and pretty much sums up my feelings exactly.

I'm really glad I met someone who convinced me to give anal another go, and who was willing to put in the time and effort to make good for me. I think a massive part of making it pleasurable is the person you're doing it with and how they approach the situation.

 

[natynuff]

For me, the size of the guy makes or breaks it. I have to be sexually fully aroused before I can even think of willing my muscles (sphincter) to relax...

 

[VelvetDarkness]

OK. Anal 101.

First of all, few women can tolerate a cockhead cramming itself into their tiny sphincter. Start gradually, maybe eat her pussy and rim her ass (doesn't take more than a minute to make sure she's daisy fresh there). Then try a single lubricated digit while encouraging her to relax, then two, then maybe three, depending on how thick your fingers are and how wide a cock you're preparing her for.

Keep stimulating her clit, G spot or whatever with your other hand. The biggest mistake guys make is to focus solely on the ass when many women can derive almost no pleasure from there. See to her pleasure first because a good orgasm temporarily increases a woman's tolerance to pain (couple of stiff drinks doesn't hurt either). Have some regular sex to start with or go to town on her clit, whatever.

Be very aware of where your fingers/cock have been. Do not touch her pussy with anything that has been in her ass or you'll risk an infection.

Lube lube lube... and more lube. Don't go completely overboard or you won't be able to feel much but be aware that the anus does not self-lubricate like the pussy does so you'll need to keep re-applying lubricant to minimise discomfort for your partner.

Once you've prepared the way, push in firmly. Go too slow and it'll be more painful for her, go too fast and ditto. Pause once the head is in and then fill her up more gently. Keep stimulating her pussy/clit or get her to do it.

Start slow but be aware of what you need to do in order to cum within a reasonable time. Personally, about 20 mins of anal that isn't too hard or rough (re-applying lube halfway through) can be mostly pain free.

How I got started? Well the above info is pitched for 'regular' women. I happen to be a submissive/masochist so I was never too worried about the pain. Sometimes Master wants me to enjoy it, sometimes he wants it to hurt like fuck. It's not a special occasion thing, he gets it when he wants it which is probably once or twice a week. I've had no damage in over 2 yrs of indulging and regulars on the BDSM Forum have been enjoying rough anal for years without ending up in nappies. As long as you're sensible and diligent about the clean-up afterwards, there's really no health risk.

STDs... can still be communicated through anal so if you're not fluid bonded (i.e. fucking without condoms and using another form of birth control) then I suggest you stick to condoms. Makes the clean-up less hassle too. There's also a slight risk to you as a guy, sticking your uncovered cock into her rectum. Germs can make their way into your urethra and cause trouble. The risk isn't huge if you're diligent about hygiene, but it's there. Also, slight bleeding can occur around the anus if she gets a little dry or she's very tight/you're huge. It's nothing to worry about as long as she washes thoroughly but if you cum inside her, she is then more at risk from STDs.

 

[Julie_in_the_north]

I suspect that women's views on anal sex vary enormously. To an extent that's an assumption, as it's hardly something you discuss with someone unless you know them extremely well. And if you do openly talk about anal sex, it's usually because you have experience of it and like it - if you don't you won't have much to say - so it's easy to get an unrepresentative sample of female opinion. But it's certainly something I *have* spoken about with women who have been my sexual partner, and other women I have actually had anal sex with, and sometimes with (very good) straight friends.

The average woman, I infer, regards her anus as existing for its natural bodily function, and not for sex. But while some women find the idea of anal sex revolting or painful, many are intrigued or fascinated by the idea - but only theoretically - and although they might have been tempted to have a go, have either lacked the courage, or, just as a likely, a partner who had the gumption to suggest it. When, in the past, I slept with men, it was always left to me to suggest or ask for anal sex. Very few men have the boldness to propose it; they deeply fear the woman's reaction.

For women who have had anal sex, again, some enjoy it, and others have either disliked it, perhaps finding it hugely uncomfortable, or perhaps found that it did absolutely nothing for them. I, personally, happen to be wired up in such a way that I experience an enormous amount of intense sexual pleasure from my anus. But I'm probably quite unusual in that regard, and even for me it was an acquired taste, and because I'm very relaxed and confident about sex, and my body, in general. When a woman first has anal sex, she might well be disappointed - the sensation in her anus is very different from what she's used to feeling from her clitoris and vagina, and feels less obviously sexual, or that it will lead her to an orgasm.

Obstacles lie in the way of enjoyable anal sex, which deter women from it. A woman will be concerned that her bottom is unsavoury and unclean; she might worry that her anus is smelly, or dirty, or ugly. And this shyness - a reluctance to present to her partner an item of her anatomy which will be a turn-off - tends to hinder a mutual atmosphere of arousal and eroticism. The other obvious problem is practical: if you don't know what you're doing, it is actually very difficult to insert an object into someone's rectum, and even harder to make it pleasurable. Some couples give up because they simply can't get it in. Men lose their erections while they push and prod around in vain. This is one aspect which I like about using a dildo or strap-on, for lesbian anal sex - and I suppose the same applies for a woman using one on a man.

How do you overcome these obstacles? Firstly, you both need to really want to do it. If either of you lacks the enthusiasm or patience, it won't happen for you. Secondly, you must have a very loving and sensitive approach to it. Some couples like to discuss sex in detail; others prefer to act on the spur of the moment, and not let words kill the mood. But either way you need to have a deep mutual understanding, and a heightened awareness, and care for, each other's experience. One of the most beautiful things about anal sex is that it's an expression of your love for each other, which is why it is almost always best as part of a serious loving relationship. For a woman to give her anus to her partner, her most delicate and private orifice, is a symbol of her love for them, and her trust in them. A trust which must be reciprocated. To put it very crudely, if you're a man and want to fuck her up the arse - it's not just about you getting off from the feeling of her tight arsehole around your penis. You need to give as much pleasure to her anus as it's giving to you.

Some of the specific techniques for achieving successful anal sex are well detailed below, and no need to repeat them. But what I might suggest is that you don't need to focus on penetration at first. Play with her anus softly from the outside - stroke it, caress it. If you can muster the courage, use your tongue, and lick it. The anus smells and tastes much less offensive than you'll expect. The purpose is to give her the opportunity to experience gentle anal sensation - non-invasive, unthreatening, and no risk of pain. See what she makes of it. It will certainly be new and different - she's probably only ever know the sensation of loo roll there before, not fingers or a tongue. And if she enjoys it, continue to experiment. Play with her anus while you give her oral sex, or masturbate her, so she begins to connect the anal sensations with her orgasms, and with her clitoris. If this all works well, make a first gentle attempt at entering her properly. It's a better position to begin from, but even better if you have vaginal sex (or similar) first - her initial orgasm will help put her at ease, and in the mood, and will make her anus looser and more relaxed.

I must stress that these thoughts are only based on personal experience, which might not tally with your own, so everyone must find what works best for them. But I'm in the slightly uncommon position of having had, in the course of my adult life, frequent anal sex with both men and women, which I think has given me the odd insight. I have been lucky enough to have explored and enjoyed several other women's anuses, and learned about female anal response generally, not just my own. Like so many things in life, in sex, you never stopped learning. And the critical thing I have learned in this context is to connect with emotions, guage her physical response carefully, and be gentle with her bum.

Apologies for turning this post almost into an essay - I appear to have got a bit carried away! But it is a fascinating and important subject - one about which I have a lot of say, and don't really find an outlet in everyday life. I am passionate about anal sex, and sometimes I think it's a shame when women don't get the opportunity to discover the pleasure and excitement they might derive from it, and never get to enjoy the unique thrill and satisfaction of a woman's deep anal orgasm. While the practice is closely associated with gay men, we often under-rate the value of anal sex for lesbians. For my girlfriend and I, it's a important and much-loved part of our sex life, but I think it's an area where many gay women miss out.

So why do I like it so much? There might be some deeply inbuilt psychological reason, or just my personal chemistry and anatomy. Certainly, and for a long time now, I think of my anus as a sex organ, like my vagina or breasts. My anus gives me orgasms; its a crucial part of my sexuality. And when I see my girlfriend's anus, I think of sex. When I had a heterosexual lifestyle, it seems to me now that I always enjoyed anal sex with men more than vaginal sex - which was maybe telling me something about my destiny. My anal orgasms were stronger and more satisfying. Sorry to sound very icky, but one aspect of it I rather liked was the weird feeling of having my anus full of sperm, and then the sensation of it slowly leaking out. It was the only thing I ever enjoyed about male ejaculation.

The list of things I like about it is a long one, but here are some of them. Anal sex is thrilling because it's naughty, taboo, and decadent - and I find that very arousing. It's turning sex up to 11, as it were. The psychological aspect is key - the mental stimulus of giving myself anally to the woman I love, or in taking her that way: the trust and love involved. Then there's the acutely pleasurable physical sensation of having a tongue or finger work stimulate me there; and then the exquisite feel of having my anus deeply and fully penetrated - that does something amazing to my body, and I don't really know why: it just feels really exciting and satisfying, having something large up my bum, stretching and filling me, and the sensation of fullness in my bottom when I come. The utter bliss of experiencing an intense orgasm from my anus.

Plus there are all the pleasures involved in doing it to someone else. Personally, I find the sight of the female anus rather beautiful, and it's something to be celebrated. And if a woman has very sexy buttocks, I want to make love to her beautiful bottom - and this is how. The intricate sensuality of licking and sucking her there - of sliding my tongue into her anus. Appreciating how she smells and tastes - which isn't revolting, like it sounds: to smell your partner there is an act of extraordinary intimacy. Finally, the sight of my fingers or dildo entering her bottom and filling her - the knowledge of what I'm doing to her, the act we're sharing, the sounds of her pleasure and the joy of her orgasm.

Getting the idea?

As I said, I've ended up waxing rather lyrical about this subject. But hope I've helped to ask the question and maybe raise some talking points. Happy to discuss anything further - assuming, that is, I haven't bored everyone to tears!

Thanks,

Julie.

 

[infinity706]

OK. Anal 101.

First of all, few women can tolerate a cockhead cramming itself into their tiny sphincter. Start gradually, maybe eat her pussy and rim her ass (doesn't take more than a minute to make sure she's daisy fresh there). Then try a single lubricated digit while encouraging her to relax, then two, then maybe three, depending on how thick your fingers are and how wide a cock you're preparing her for.

Keep stimulating her clit, G spot or whatever with your other hand. The biggest mistake guys make is to focus solely on the ass when many women can derive almost no pleasure from there. See to her pleasure first because a good orgasm temporarily increases a woman's tolerance to pain (couple of stiff drinks doesn't hurt either). Have some regular sex to start with or go to town on her clit, whatever.

Be very aware of where your fingers/cock have been. Do not touch her pussy with anything that has been in her ass or you'll risk an infection.

Lube lube lube... and more lube. Don't go completely overboard or you won't be able to feel much but be aware that the anus does not self-lubricate like the pussy does so you'll need to keep re-applying lubricant to minimise discomfort for your partner.

Once you've prepared the way, push in firmly. Go too slow and it'll be more painful for her, go too fast and ditto. Pause once the head is in and then fill her up more gently. Keep stimulating her pussy/clit or get her to do it.

Start slow but be aware of what you need to do in order to cum within a reasonable time. Personally, about 20 mins of anal that isn't too hard or rough (re-applying lube halfway through) can be mostly pain free.

How I got started? Well the above info is pitched for 'regular' women. I happen to be a submissive/masochist so I was never too worried about the pain. Sometimes Master wants me to enjoy it, sometimes he wants it to hurt like fuck. It's not a special occasion thing, he gets it when he wants it which is probably once or twice a week. I've had no damage in over 2 yrs of indulging and regulars on the BDSM Forum have been enjoying rough anal for years without ending up in nappies. As long as you're sensible and diligent about the clean-up afterwards, there's really no health risk.

STDs... can still be communicated through anal so if you're not fluid bonded (i.e. fucking without condoms and using another form of birth control) then I suggest you stick to condoms. Makes the clean-up less hassle too. There's also a slight risk to you as a guy, sticking your uncovered cock into her rectum. Germs can make their way into your urethra and cause trouble. The risk isn't huge if you're diligent about hygiene, but it's there. Also, slight bleeding can occur around the anus if she gets a little dry or she's very tight/you're huge. It's nothing to worry about as long as she washes thoroughly but if you cum inside her, she is then more at risk from STDs.

Well said.

Just one thing, though. I'd be careful generalizing that most women get no pleasure from anal play. I've always enjoyed a well lubricated anal massage almost as much as I enjoy ass licking or penetration. Of course, there's really no way to know how the majority would react, since according to any survey I've found, the majority hasn't done any ass play at all. Afterall, most people seem to think it's just that thing gay guys do. (Of course, from experience gay guys don't want anal much either. The vast majority of the guys I've had wouldn't even allow one finger.)

 

[rayagirl_94]

I love it

I really enjoy anal. I had tried it previously with a boyfriend but it wasn't pleasant. I met my husband, and discovered he loved it, but he wouldn't pressure me in to it. Because I loved my husband so much, and I wanted to please him (as he does me), I decided to give it another try. I asked a gay friend of mine advice on how it is done? I was concerned about the pain because that previous time with my past boyfriend, I didn't enjoy it because of the pain I experienced. My friend told me that it was important that I push down on his cock as he was entering me; like I was having a bowel movement. Knowing this information, plus trusting my husband led to a good experience with anal and eventually explosive sex. I love it, but we don't do it very often. There are times when I now beg my husband for anal. The idea of using a strap-on turns me on very much, and my husband is receptive to trying it. He told me, that it would be fair after all since I do it to please him.

 

[kskittles]

I am for it.

I've found it to be similar to vaginal sex, except a little less stimulating, and able to take rougher thrusts. Like with any other sexual act, there are times when I just wanna be bent over and taken back there.

It hurt initially, just like vaginal sex, but became wonderful with practice.

 

[Nymphomaniacal]

I had never tried it and been way against it until my recent lover got to me. Bastard He worked slow with me, trying fingers at first because I was just so nervous. He got to the point where he would just slowly stretch, if I said ow he'd immediately pull out. Eventually he got me worked up enough by rubbing my clit and playing with me that I was the one to pull him all the way in.

Every once in awhile, if I am not turned on enough it gets uncomfortable because Im over thinking things, but if I'm able to let go Im just fine.

 

[jm_kaye]

I've tried it with three different guys, and hated it every time. Uncomfortable at best, painful at worst. I might possibly try it again in the future, but it would have to be with a really special man.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Well said.

Just one thing, though. I'd be careful generalizing that most women get no pleasure from anal play.

I didn't say 'most,' I said 'many.'

Totally off the hook.

 

[blackpanonme]

So we're two lesbians...
we both love anal.
She, more than I.
We've had explosive orgasm after another. Clit stimulation is essential, I believe.

 

[infinity706]

I didn't say 'most,' I said 'many.'

Totally off the hook.

Yeah, and you're probably more of an expert anyway. It's been a while since I've been successful. Of course, every hookup I've had that wanted anal has had no fucking clue. We're talking wanting to rush into it after about a 1 minute blowjob. I've rarely been allowed to use even one finger, they never have any lube or even a condom (I carry plenty of flavored condoms, not that there'll be any penetration anyway), and seem to think that all it takes is an erection. It's not like I have time to properly train a hookup anyway and it's not like I can generally just run off and get some lube. Unfortunately, that seems to be typical, too, since the numbers look like most people who try anal don't make it to a second try.

Now, with the more serious partners I've had, it's been spectacular, even coming close to orgasm mostly from fucking.

 

[Julie_in_the_north]

So we're two lesbians...
we both love anal.
She, more than I.
We've had explosive orgasm after another. Clit stimulation is essential, I believe.

How lovely. As I said before, I think that anal sex can have a really important role to play in lesbian relationships. I'm glad it brings you both pleasure, and wonderful orgasms, and perhaps you find, as my girlfriend and I do, that the intimacy of it makes for a very poignant bonding experience.

It's interesting that you also like to stimulate each others clitorises during your anal sex, as for many women that can be vital in achieving orgasm. But don't be afraid to sometimes just focus solely on your anuses - I usually prefer a purely anal experience, as the overall sensations, and the orgasm, are different in a way to be treasured.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Yeah, and you're probably more of an expert anyway. It's been a while since I've been successful. Of course, every hookup I've had that wanted anal has had no fucking clue. We're talking wanting to rush into it after about a 1 minute blowjob. I've rarely been allowed to use even one finger, they never have any lube or even a condom (I carry plenty of flavored condoms, not that there'll be any penetration anyway), and seem to think that all it takes is an erection. It's not like I have time to properly train a hookup anyway and it's not like I can generally just run off and get some lube. Unfortunately, that seems to be typical, too, since the numbers look like most people who try anal don't make it to a second try.

That's a real shame.

Now, with the more serious partners I've had, it's been spectacular, even coming close to orgasm mostly from fucking.

I can achieve this but I don't like to brag too much. Women here and on other sites have flat called me delusional. It is my whore carcass however, so I should know what it's capable of.

 

[infinity706]

Well, don't worry about it too much. Most of them have probably never even tried anal, nevermind learned how to do it right.

Of course, with the very thin very thin anal/vaginal wall and the total collapse of the vagina when it's not in use, it just makes practical sense that you could hit the G-spot easily with anal. Acutally, it should be easier since the vagina slants a bit toward the spine (and therefore, away from the G-spot) whereas the ass is straight. It wouldn't matter much with fingers, but cocks aren't supposed to bend. Of course, that doesn't even factor in assholes having more pleasurable nerve endings than a vagina.

 

[breezyblue]

ranges from uncomfortable to downright painful. He likes it though so i continue to try to like it for his sake and don't say anything. maybe it will feel alright someday - but i don't think i am making progress.

 

[SweetErika]

ranges from uncomfortable to downright painful. He likes it though so i continue to try to like it for his sake and don't say anything. maybe it will feel alright someday - but i don't think i am making progress.

Are you really doing him any favors by not communicating your feelings about how the anal is going for you and bringing up techniques that might work better?

Are you doing yourself a favor in having it reinforced as a negative experience time and time again, perhaps to the point where you'll find it very difficult or impossible to ever enjoy it?

Are you doing both of you a favor by going along with something that has the potential to cause you serious damage? How would you two feel if you were injured because you didn't speak up about needing a different technique?

If it something he enjoys and you enjoy giving him, it seems like the best course of action would be to experiment with different techniques until you find a way that isn't painful for you. Research it and try new approaches so you more or less can start fresh mentally.