Writing Exercise (ten words or less)

[kairotic]

Pirates attacked, triggering the final stage of her lycanthropy.

 

[Grushenka]

(Cheating cause I cant' lose the 11th word!)

Too bad, you're disqualified too. But I liked it very much. Get an editor.

Love is a cruel alliance and loneliness, her closest friend.

Alliterative sap. Sorry.

I found my soul in her heart.

Plain sap. Sorry.

Feeling un-festive, I punched Santa back.

Good choice of words, the apposition of festive and punched is perfect. You win too.

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

Without the 'too' (it's unnecessary, flawed is enough of an apposite to perfect, yes I mean apposite), I think it carries just the right melancholic inflection. You get a 'runner-up', or at least a .

I'll have to try better next go around. Thank you.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

You ate the blue one? Oh no, we're doomed!

 

[cumallday]

I'm eyeing eagle with that duck hook.

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

The challenge as I see it is to tell a story in ten words or less. The example from Hemingway has a couple expecting a child, excitedly preparing and buying the things, then tragedy strikes, and a pair of baby shoes that are never worn must be sold. Sad and yet a full story, if you read some into it.

so with that in mind

"He watched as another man lived his life quite well."

 

[Grushenka]

The challenge as I see it is to tell a story in ten words or less. The example from Hemingway has a couple expecting a child, excitedly preparing and buying the things, then tragedy strikes, and a pair of baby shoes that are never worn must be sold. Sad and yet a full story, if you read some into it.

so with that in mind

"He watched as another man lived his life quite well."

Yes, thank you for the reminder. I meant earlier to tell people to reread the examples in the first post.

This latest entry is very fine indeed; 'quite well' not necessary, but okay.

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

"He watched another man living his life better than he."

I'm going to keep at this.

 

[Grushenka]

"He watched another man living his life better than he."

I'm going to keep at this.

Good for you. 'better than he' is awkward. Try 'He watched another man living his life" and add a second sentence (albeit only 3 words) or phrase, or put a phrase in front of it.

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

"Being a coward, he watched another man living his life."

 

[TheeGoatPig]

"Being a coward, he watched another man living his life."

I completely misread it this time as "Being a coward, watched another man love his wife." Which is simply a common subtitle for Loving Wives stories

__

"I had the same shoes once. But mine fit!"

 

[cumallday]

She was as humorless and banal as an aged librarian.

 

[Grushenka]

"Being a coward, he watched another man living his life."

Better than the last one, but I think you're trying to make it too logical or sensible. The coward bit decreases the sentence. All this is just my take, and you seem amenable to criticism, but tell me to get lost if you want. (Not that I will, it's my thread after all ).

 

[Grushenka]

"I had the same shoes once. But mine fit!"

No story. See below.

The challenge as I see it is to tell a story in ten words or less. The example from Hemingway has a couple expecting a child, excitedly preparing and buying the things, then tragedy strikes, and a pair of baby shoes that are never worn must be sold. Sad and yet a full story, if you read some into it.

 

[Grushenka]

She was as humorless and banal as an aged librarian.

Very funny (NOT). Needless to say, but I'll say it anyway: You're disqualified.

 

[cloudy]

The challenge as I see it is to tell a story in ten words or less. The example from Hemingway has a couple expecting a child, excitedly preparing and buying the things, then tragedy strikes, and a pair of baby shoes that are never worn must be sold. Sad and yet a full story, if you read some into it.

How I saw it, as well.

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

Better than the last one, but I think you're trying to make it too logical or sensible. The coward bit decreases the sentence. All this is just my take, and you seem amenable to criticism, but tell me to get lost if you want. (Not that I will, it's my thread after all ).

Nope, you've got a decent eye, and sharp mind ( and I like russian women)

ok think think think think

 

[Grushenka]

( and I like russian women)

Now I must concentrate on being impartial. (Open to bribery, though.)

 

[cloudy]

I'd like to come up with another one, but not sure I can.

 

[The_Fool]

She was the perfect woman and I too was flawed.

Yeah....

 

[cumallday]

Very funny (NOT). Needless to say, but I'll say it anyway: You're disqualified.

It was an honour to cumpete.

 

[Grushenka]

It was an honour to cumpete.

Graciousness always welcome.

 

[Stella_Omega]

The rains stopped eventually, and then she left.

 

[The_Fool]

Amazing how mournful, the sound of a clock sounding midnight.

 

[Grushenka]

The rains stopped eventually, and then she left.

Well, you stuck in an ending this time . With a ten word limit, why put in a mundane adverb?

Amazing how mournful, the sound of a clock sounding midnight.

Poetical, but not a story.