southerntierguy
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2005
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I hadn't seen this thread before (being new in Lit and all), and just spent the half hour laughing.
I think Jeff Foxworthy is really funny, but years ago Lewis Grizzard was the reigning king of southern comedy.
Here's a few things he said or wrote (although his columns were far more noteworthy):
Bubba and Earl were at a University of Georgia football game. Georgia is facing Alabama for the Southeastern Conference championship and a trip to the Sugar Bowl. The game is on national TV and 80,000 people are in the stands. That’s when Bubba notices Georgia’s mascot, an English Bulldog, licking himself. Bubba turns to Earl and says, "I wish I could do that." Earl looks at Bubba and says, "That dog would bite you!"
He once said that while in between marriages, he had considered placing a classified personal ad seeking a UGA coed with whom he could attend the games because, "She would not think that getting down on one's knees and barking at a Clemson fan was odd behavior."
"Instead of going to the trouble of getting married and divorced, how about every five years I find a woman I hate and buy her a house."
"I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married."
"I have it on authority that Yankee men are so lazy they marry pregnant women."
A little boy goes to the drugstore for some condoms. He goes up to the pharmacist and asked him, "Sir, can you tell me where the ribbed condoms are?"
The pharmacist replied, "Son, do you know what condoms are used for?"
"Sure do" replied the boy, "They keep you from getting venereal diseases."
"Yes, that's true," said the pharmacist, "but do you know what the ribs are for?"
The little boy thought for a moment, then looked up at the pharmacist and replied, "Well, not exactly, but they sure do make the hair on the backs of them goats stand up."
"Why do service stations lock the bathroom door but leave the cash register unlocked?"
"Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck."
I once asked a man who was running for Congress just why on earth he would want to put himself through such an ordeal and have people say bad things about him and be mistrustful of him.
"Well," he replied, "I was already a lawyer."
I think Jeff Foxworthy is really funny, but years ago Lewis Grizzard was the reigning king of southern comedy.
Here's a few things he said or wrote (although his columns were far more noteworthy):
Bubba and Earl were at a University of Georgia football game. Georgia is facing Alabama for the Southeastern Conference championship and a trip to the Sugar Bowl. The game is on national TV and 80,000 people are in the stands. That’s when Bubba notices Georgia’s mascot, an English Bulldog, licking himself. Bubba turns to Earl and says, "I wish I could do that." Earl looks at Bubba and says, "That dog would bite you!"
He once said that while in between marriages, he had considered placing a classified personal ad seeking a UGA coed with whom he could attend the games because, "She would not think that getting down on one's knees and barking at a Clemson fan was odd behavior."
"Instead of going to the trouble of getting married and divorced, how about every five years I find a woman I hate and buy her a house."
"I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married."
"I have it on authority that Yankee men are so lazy they marry pregnant women."
A little boy goes to the drugstore for some condoms. He goes up to the pharmacist and asked him, "Sir, can you tell me where the ribbed condoms are?"
The pharmacist replied, "Son, do you know what condoms are used for?"
"Sure do" replied the boy, "They keep you from getting venereal diseases."
"Yes, that's true," said the pharmacist, "but do you know what the ribs are for?"
The little boy thought for a moment, then looked up at the pharmacist and replied, "Well, not exactly, but they sure do make the hair on the backs of them goats stand up."
"Why do service stations lock the bathroom door but leave the cash register unlocked?"
"Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck."
I once asked a man who was running for Congress just why on earth he would want to put himself through such an ordeal and have people say bad things about him and be mistrustful of him.
"Well," he replied, "I was already a lawyer."
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