Your "AHA!" moments...

[graceanne]

Seriously, unless someone is doing or wearing something REALLY outrageous, I hardly notice them, and, even if I do, that doesn't mean I notice them in a negative way.

Which is what I figure for most people. It's why it was an 'aha' moment for me, to realize that not everyone is staring at me. I spent most of my childhood SURE that someone was watching me, waiting for me to screw up. Figuring out that that wasn't true was a very freeing moment.

 

[MisterSir]

Forgive me but I don't understand the significance of the staring? When I go out, maybe people start at me, maybe they don't, either way I could care less. And I may seem to be staring at someone when in reality I am just having one of those thousand yard stare moments and I'm not seeing them at all. Or, I could stare at someone and be thinking, "Hm, she's wearing a red shirt, that reminds me, I've got to pick up some red paint later for that fence project!" It's all so random.

See, I think all this, I know it makes sense and I know I stare at people inadvertantly when I'm staring into the distance, but every time I notice somebody staring I think "are they laughing at me? what are they thinking? maybe I've got something in my hair, maybe it's the hair, screw this I'm getting out of here." It's at that point my brain makes a run for it.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I haven't cut my hair in over six months, all my clothes are a size too big for me and I'm far from the prettiest knife in the shed (also, I like mixing metaphors). That makes for a pretty damn strange package.

Haircuts aren't very expensive, and a decent one could help make a difference during an interview...
Clothes a size too big? Hand-me-downs from an older brother/father/uncle? Regardless, gain a few pounds so they're only half a size "too big." It doesn't take much weight gain to change sizes, ya know.
Far from the prettiest knife in the shed? That's better than being the dimmest bulb in the chandelier, by far! Go to a *large,* upscale department store, where they have make-over specialists for both men and women, often offering free analyses, and find out what you can do to emphasize your strongest points and minimize your weakest. You might be surprised how cheaply and easily you can do that. Ever watch "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy?" Find some episodes on YouTube/Hulu/whatever, if you haven't.
Unless you're Elephant Man, you can relatively easily deal with a lot of things...

Above all, don't make excuses for yourself, whether it's looks, education, social skills, money/lack of it, whatever. Use the energy that you could waste in finding excuses to find ways to strengthen yourself.

 

[Keroin]

Sorry to hijack your thread. It may not mean much to you, but to someone like me with social anxiety it's horrible. I'll shut up now.

Whoa, NH, easy. No need to shut up and everyone hijacks my threads, with my permission - it's becoming a tradition, I think.

I'm just seriously curious why the staring is a problem. Please feel free to explain the social anxiety to me. This is something I've never experienced and it's not because I was born confident, I had plenty of self esteem issues in my youth. But I've honestly never felt as if people were staring at me or if they were it was never a concern.

OK, that time I was wrestling that girl, in the fountain, in my underwear, in the middle of downtown Vancouver, on a weekday afternoon, yeah, people were probably staring at me then. But I was getting paid for it, so, whatever. (And I like to imagine they were thinking, "Hey, where did she learn to do those tosses so fluidly? She is a skilled athlete!")

 

[nh23]

Whoa, NH, easy. No need to shut up and everyone hijacks my threads, with my permission - it's becoming a tradition, I think.

I'm just seriously curious why the staring is a problem. Please feel free to explain the social anxiety to me. This is something I've never experienced and it's not because I was born confident, I had plenty of self esteem issues in my youth. But I've honestly never felt as if people were staring at me or if they were it was never a concern.

OK, that time I was wrestling that girl, in the fountain, in my underwear, in the middle of downtown Vancouver, on a weekday afternoon, yeah, people were probably staring at me then. But I was getting paid for it, so, whatever. (And I like to imagine they were thinking, "Hey, where did she learn to do those tosses so fluidly? She is a skilled athlete!")

Sorry I'll have to explain it more to you tomorrow. I have to leave for work in a few minutes. I'll come back

 

[shy slave]

Wow, I'm having a dog-fucker of a day.

Seriously, unless someone is doing or wearing something REALLY outrageous, I hardly notice them, and, even if I do, that doesn't mean I notice them in a negative way.

This made me smile.

When my son was very young and pre-school we were walking down the road when he suddenly blurted out

'Mummy you would never wear green and purple would you'

And to my horror there was a woman wearing just that, and yes my dear little pre-schooler was staring right at her.

Needless to say my dear little pre-schooler has never walked so fast holding onto my hand as I tried to make us all vanish.

My ephinany, sometimes small boys need to play cowboys and indians and in order to justify why they walk down the street with gaffa tape over their mouths!

 

[intothewoods]

Whoa, NH, easy. No need to shut up and everyone hijacks my threads, with my permission - it's becoming a tradition, I think.

I'm just seriously curious why the staring is a problem. Please feel free to explain the social anxiety to me. This is something I've never experienced and it's not because I was born confident, I had plenty of self esteem issues in my youth. But I've honestly never felt as if people were staring at me or if they were it was never a concern.

OK, that time I was wrestling that girl, in the fountain, in my underwear, in the middle of downtown Vancouver, on a weekday afternoon, yeah, people were probably staring at me then. But I was getting paid for it, so, whatever. (And I like to imagine they were thinking, "Hey, where did she learn to do those tosses so fluidly? She is a skilled athlete!")

I assume nh means social anxiety disorder (and not just shyness, but feel free to correct me, nh!). Here's some info: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/social-anxiety-disorder/DS00595

I have a close friend who suffers from social anxiety, and many social interactions are difficult. He's better one on one. Large groups kind of freak him out. It's something he's worked on, and is now much better, but the way he looks at social interaction and the way I (an extrovert) look at social interaction are completely different.

 

[Keroin]

Sorry I'll have to explain it more to you tomorrow. I have to leave for work in a few minutes. I'll come back

No worries. Go be a nurse and remember the only reason people are staring at you is because they love nurses.

 

[BiBunny]

I assume nh means social anxiety disorder (and not just shyness, but feel free to correct me, nh!). Here's some info: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/social-anxiety-disorder/DS00595

I have a close friend who suffers from social anxiety, and many social interactions are difficult. He's better one on one. Large groups kind of freak him out. It's something he's worked on, and is now much better, but the way he looks at social interaction and the way I (an extrovert) look at social interaction are completely different.

Yep, it's like that. And it's usually misunderstood by both mental health professionals and by the general public. And it blows.

 

[Keroin]

This made me smile.

When my son was very young and pre-school we were walking down the road when he suddenly blurted out

'Mummy you would never wear green and purple would you'

And to my horror there was a woman wearing just that, and yes my dear little pre-schooler was staring right at her.

Needless to say my dear little pre-schooler has never walked so fast holding onto my hand as I tried to make us all vanish.

My ephinany, sometimes small boys need to play cowboys and indians and in order to justify why they walk down the street with gaffa tape over their mouths!

LOL. You have to love kids!

I assume nh means social anxiety disorder (and not just shyness, but feel free to correct me, nh!). Here's some info: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/social-anxiety-disorder/DS00595

I have a close friend who suffers from social anxiety, and many social interactions are difficult. He's better one on one. Large groups kind of freak him out. It's something he's worked on, and is now much better, but the way he looks at social interaction and the way I (an extrovert) look at social interaction are completely different.

Thanks, ITW, I had a quick read. Sounds debilitating. I'm also extroverted, I have difficulty understanding this kind of problem. Social interaction is a source of pleasure for me.

Yep, it's like that. And it's usually misunderstood by both mental health professionals and by the general public. And it blows.

So, BB, are you undergoing any kind of therapy or taking any meds? Are there some social situations you find more comfortable than others or are all equally difficult? What's the worst kind of social situation for you?

 

[intothewoods]

Yep, it's like that. And it's usually misunderstood by both mental health professionals and by the general public. And it blows.

Yeah, definitely blows. My friend has come along way with treatment though. He can now go out, see a movie, whatever, and though it's hard, it's now doable.

Thanks, ITW, I had a quick read. Sounds debilitating. I'm also extroverted, I have difficulty understanding this kind of problem. Social interaction is a source of pleasure for me.

Yes, I relax when I'm out in a group, with friends, etc.

 

[BiBunny]

So, BB, are you undergoing any kind of therapy or taking any meds? Are there some social situations you find more comfortable than others or are all equally difficult? What's the worst kind of social situation for you?

Well, therapy and meds would require insurance or loads of money, neither of which I have at the moment. I went to the low-income mental health clinic a few times, but the therapist was horrible. You don't use interrogation techniques you learned from the Gestapo on patients with anxiety. And I didn't need my degree in psychology to know that.

I intend to do both therapy and meds once I get insurance. Unfortunately, one generally needs a modicum of social skills to get a job that offers insurance, so I generally bomb interviews.

I'm kind of atypical for social phobics, from what I understand. I don't have the problems a lot of them do going to restaurants or the bank or the grocery store or anywhere that involves a quick exchange of courtesies and then taking care of business. If I know what I have to say and do before I go somewhere, then I'm fine. I just stick to the little script in my mind, and it goes great.

My problem is when I'm unsure about how an interaction will go. Talking to professors, meeting new people at parties, job interviews, going to the doctor, things like that. You can't really script these things in your mind and be prepared for all eventualities, so I panic. I can't even call and make my own doctor's appointments, but I can talk dirty on the phone to perverts for money. Who can explain it?

I'm better at holding it together than I used to be. I also suck at public speaking, so I've devised this thing when I have to give speeches in class that involves a handful of Xanax borrowed from my mother and wearing my glasses, so that I can see my notes, but looking over the top of them when I'm talking, so it appears that I'm actually looking up and engaging my audience, even though I can't see three inches past my face.

I don't do well one-on-one unless it's someone I know really well. Small groups of less than five or six are ok, though, especially if I know at least one of the people. I'm not quick on my feet, but I'm intelligent enough to play off the things other people say in order to look like I'm at least slightly involved in the conversation.

Weird thing is, once I get to know someone well, or even when I meet someone who's easy to talk to, that person would never guess there's anything wrong with me. I tend to always be the one in the spotlight if I'm with a roomful of friends. Go figure, huh?

Also, just a note for anyone reading (not necessarily you, Keroin). Most people have no idea how to handle people who aren't obnoxiously in-your-face friendly. People like me tend to be kind of standoffish at first, but it's not meant rudely. We're just nervous. If you want to put us at ease, for God's sake, don't keep talking about how we don't talk. Actually, don't mention it all. Both of us realize this. Pointing it out only makes us more self-conscious, which makes us less likely to talk. Or pisses us off to the point of saying things like, "Well, how can I talk, if you won't shut the hell up?"

/pet peeve

 

[Harmony_1985]

If we're talking epiphanys, mine came with all my gall bladder issues.

Long story short - Gall stones discovered xmas 06, spent week in hospital and nearly died due to after effects of gall stone getting out and wrecking my system. Went in again Feb 07 with same problems, they whipped my gall bladder out in major surgery 4 days later.

I spent a total of 3 months off uni healing up.

My epiphany? After coming so close to death, it made me truly appreciate what I have, who I am and who I have in my life, as some people aren't as lucky as me. It also made me appreciate that the mundane is nothing to stress about and also helped me to discover who I am.

I discovered I'm made a bloody stern stuff.

 

[Keroin]

If we're talking epiphanys, mine came with all my gall bladder issues.

Long story short - Gall stones discovered xmas 06, spent week in hospital and nearly died due to after effects of gall stone getting out and wrecking my system. Went in again Feb 07 with same problems, they whipped my gall bladder out in major surgery 4 days later.

I spent a total of 3 months off uni healing up.

My epiphany? After coming so close to death, it made me truly appreciate what I have, who I am and who I have in my life, as some people aren't as lucky as me. It also made me appreciate that the mundane is nothing to stress about and also helped me to discover who I am.

I discovered I'm made a bloody stern stuff.

*Applauds*

Nothing like near death experiences to make everything else seem so very, very trivial.

 

[midwestyankee]

Another epiphany, with unknown origin. If you wait around feeling all deprived because life never dealt you a near-death experience from which to grow wise, you may have but a few seconds to benefit from the only near-death experience you'll ever get.

 

[Keroin]

Well, therapy and meds would require insurance or loads of money, neither of which I have at the moment. I went to the low-income mental health clinic a few times, but the therapist was horrible. You don't use interrogation techniques you learned from the Gestapo on patients with anxiety. And I didn't need my degree in psychology to know that.

I intend to do both therapy and meds once I get insurance. Unfortunately, one generally needs a modicum of social skills to get a job that offers insurance, so I generally bomb interviews.

I'm kind of atypical for social phobics, from what I understand. I don't have the problems a lot of them do going to restaurants or the bank or the grocery store or anywhere that involves a quick exchange of courtesies and then taking care of business. If I know what I have to say and do before I go somewhere, then I'm fine. I just stick to the little script in my mind, and it goes great.

My problem is when I'm unsure about how an interaction will go. Talking to professors, meeting new people at parties, job interviews, going to the doctor, things like that. You can't really script these things in your mind and be prepared for all eventualities, so I panic. I can't even call and make my own doctor's appointments, but I can talk dirty on the phone to perverts for money. Who can explain it?

I'm better at holding it together than I used to be. I also suck at public speaking, so I've devised this thing when I have to give speeches in class that involves a handful of Xanax borrowed from my mother and wearing my glasses, so that I can see my notes, but looking over the top of them when I'm talking, so it appears that I'm actually looking up and engaging my audience, even though I can't see three inches past my face.

I don't do well one-on-one unless it's someone I know really well. Small groups of less than five or six are ok, though, especially if I know at least one of the people. I'm not quick on my feet, but I'm intelligent enough to play off the things other people say in order to look like I'm at least slightly involved in the conversation.

Weird thing is, once I get to know someone well, or even when I meet someone who's easy to talk to, that person would never guess there's anything wrong with me. I tend to always be the one in the spotlight if I'm with a roomful of friends. Go figure, huh?

Also, just a note for anyone reading (not necessarily you, Keroin). Most people have no idea how to handle people who aren't obnoxiously in-your-face friendly. People like me tend to be kind of standoffish at first, but it's not meant rudely. We're just nervous. If you want to put us at ease, for God's sake, don't keep talking about how we don't talk. Actually, don't mention it all. Both of us realize this. Pointing it out only makes us more self-conscious, which makes us less likely to talk. Or pisses us off to the point of saying things like, "Well, how can I talk, if you won't shut the hell up?"

/pet peeve

Fascinating. So, in your case, it's more about the unknown. Since it seems once you know someone - and how they react, I'm guessing - you apparently relax?

I guess I'm just so used to making an idiot out of myself and seeing that nothing really terrible ever comes of it, that I don't give any kind of social interaction a second thought. It must be tough to have to worry about something most of us take for granted?

Group dynamics intrigue me. I can see what you mean about the quiet ones in the crowd. I've never assumed they were rude, just shy. I used to think that a good hostess should have everything prepared for her guests so that everyone can relax and mingle but what I discovered is this always seems to create that awkward silence unless you have a bunch of extroverts in the room. So now I make sure that I have lots of hands-on tasks that I can ask people for help with, this gets everyone interacting in a way that's non-threatening. This always works.

My problem is just the opposite. I've had to train myself to just shut the fuck up and listen. Even here, on Lit, I have to restrain myself. I could start ten threads a day, there's so much out there I want to know about. I tell myself, "K, let other people start threads, too. Go read other threads. Listen. Play nice." It doesn't always work. (Obviously).

 

[Keroin]

Another epiphany, with unknown origin. If you wait around feeling all deprived because life never dealt you a near-death experience from which to grow wise, you may have but a few seconds to benefit from the only near-death experience you'll ever get.

Smart arse.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

.... Unfortunately, one generally needs a modicum of social skills to get a job that offers insurance, so I generally bomb interviews.

....

My problem is when I'm unsure about how an interaction will go. Talking to professors, meeting new people at parties, job interviews, going to the doctor, things like that. You can't really script these things in your mind and be prepared for all eventualities, so I panic. I can't even call and make my own doctor's appointments, but I can talk dirty on the phone to perverts for money. Who can explain it?

I'm better at holding it together than I used to be. I also suck at public speaking, ....

I don't do well one-on-one unless it's someone I know really well. Small groups of less than five or six are ok, though, especially if I know at least one of the people. I'm not quick on my feet, but I'm intelligent enough to play off the things other people say in order to look like I'm at least slightly involved in the conversation.

Weird thing is, once I get to know someone well, or even when I meet someone who's easy to talk to, that person would never guess there's anything wrong with me. I tend to always be the one in the spotlight if I'm with a roomful of friends. Go figure, huh?....

My first father-in-law had social anxiety disorder, partly created by the fact that he had a slight speech impediment - one so slight that most people he met briefly noted it and then forgot it. However, he was in the Navy. After 14 years, he was stuck at Petty Officer First Class, E-6 (mid-level Non-Commissioned Officer (NCO), for those not familiar with the military), and was *told* that unless he learned better social skills and speaking skills (speech-making, not speech therapy), he'd *never* make Chief Petty Officer, E-7, or above. The same officer who told him that gave him a card to an organization called Toastmasters International, and suggested he try it out. He went to their next meeting.

A little less than two years later, he got his promotion to E-7, Chief, and about two years after that (two years or so before it would normally be expected), to E-8, Senior Chief, the second highest enlisted/non-com rank in the service. He attributed his success in that, *and* his vastly increased comfort in dealing with general social situations entirely to Toastmasters.

It's not expensive (Redstone Toastmasters lists their fees as $20 new member fee and $27 every six months), and a quick search of their site shows that there are 49 Toastmasters' meetings in Alabama that are "open to all," scattered throughout the state. (Click "Find a location," upper left of home page, then Country Search, U.S., select Alabama, and then your locale. I *think* I vaguely remember that you're somewhere near Huntsville... if so, there are *nine* TI groups in the Huntsville area that are currently accepting new members.

Check 'em out, girlie! (And anyone else who fears or is nervous about public speaking, meeting new groups of people, etc.) They're a good group of folks who have been where you are, and will be happy to help you get where you *want* to be.

(For those trying to pigeonhole military enlisted ranks into equivalent civilian business titles: {Using Navy ranks, since that's apt to the person I described above, but the "E" ratings carry across U.S. military organizations.} E-1 {Recruit} to E-3 {Seaman} are essentially entry-level positions, e.g., mail-room clerk to data entry clerk; E-4 to E-6 {Petty Officers} are low level management positions, e.g., mailroom or data entry group supervisor, up to 20-40 employees; E-7 {Chief} would be a group manager, with up to 100-150 employees in the group; E-8 {Senior Chief} Section Manager, up to 250-300 employees or substantial amounts of revenue/expenses in the Section; and E-9 {Master Chief, the highest enlisted rank}, Division Manager, up to 2000 or so employees *and* substantial amounts of revenue/expenses.)

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Another epiphany, with unknown origin. If you wait around feeling all deprived because life never dealt you a near-death experience from which to grow wise, you may have but a few seconds to benefit from the only near-death experience you'll ever get.

Smart arse.

Both QFT.

 

[BiBunny]

Fascinating. So, in your case, it's more about the unknown. Since it seems once you know someone - and how they react, I'm guessing - you apparently relax?

Yep, exactly. That's why I'm kinda abnormal in the realm of social phobes, I think.

I guess I'm just so used to making an idiot out of myself and seeing that nothing really terrible ever comes of it, that I don't give any kind of social interaction a second thought. It must be tough to have to worry about something most of us take for granted?

I'm overly preoccupied with making myself look like an idiot, which is probably much worse than just doing whatever and not caring.

I believe once I can afford therapy that I'll do great with some decent cognitive-behavioral therapy. I don't think I'm one of those people who believes I'm a hopeless cause. I just grew up an overprotected only child and wasn't allowed to socialize normally with other kids. So what other people learned while they were still very young about dealing with people still eludes me. I think with a decent therapist, I can easily get caught back up.

Group dynamics intrigue me. I can see what you mean about the quiet ones in the crowd. I've never assumed they were rude, just shy. I used to think that a good hostess should have everything prepared for her guests so that everyone can relax and mingle but what I discovered is this always seems to create that awkward silence unless you have a bunch of extroverts in the room. So now I make sure that I have lots of hands-on tasks that I can ask people for help with, this gets everyone interacting in a way that's non-threatening. This always works.

Yes, it does. It takes the focus off conversation and onto the task at hand, which usually helps people open up. I wish everyone was so understanding.

My problem is just the opposite. I've had to train myself to just shut the fuck up and listen. Even here, on Lit, I have to restrain myself. I could start ten threads a day, there's so much out there I want to know about. I tell myself, "K, let other people start threads, too. Go read other threads. Listen. Play nice." It doesn't always work. (Obviously).

I used to be that way, when I was very young. But somewhere, I'd guess around the age of 10 or so, it reversed itself, and it's been downhill from there. Weird.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Group dynamics intrigue me. I can see what you mean about the quiet ones in the crowd. I've never assumed they were rude, just shy. I used to think that a good hostess should have everything prepared for her guests so that everyone can relax and mingle but what I discovered is this always seems to create that awkward silence unless you have a bunch of extroverts in the room. So now I make sure that I have lots of hands-on tasks that I can ask people for help with, this gets everyone interacting in a way that's non-threatening. This always works. (1)

My problem is just the opposite. I've had to train myself to just shut the fuck up and listen. Even here, on Lit, I have to restrain myself. I could start ten threads a day, there's so much out there I want to know about. I tell myself, "K, let other people start threads, too. Go read other threads. Listen. Play nice." It doesn't always work. (Obviously). (2)

1. What a great thought, and something that I'll keep in the back of my mind if I ever again have the opportunity to host a group of folks that may not know one another! Kudos!

2. Start all the threads you want, kiddo. Have you noticed that many of the ones you start are the ones that get a lot of responses, even if some of them somehow go off on tangents? You seem to have somewhat of a talent for asking questions/making observations that develop some good interaction and generate thought. Isn't that what we're here for? :blink:

 

[BiBunny]

My first father-in-law had social anxiety disorder, partly created by the fact that he had a slight speech impediment - one so slight that most people he met briefly noted it and then forgot it. However, he was in the Navy. After 14 years, he was stuck at Petty Officer First Class, E-6 (mid-level Non-Commissioned Officer (NCO), for those not familiar with the military), and was *told* that unless he learned better social skills and speaking skills (speech-making, not speech therapy), he'd *never* make Chief Petty Officer, E-7, or above. The same officer who told him that gave him a card to an organization called Toastmasters International, and suggested he try it out. He went to their next meeting.

A little less than two years later, he got his promotion to E-7, Chief, and about two years after that (two years or so before it would normally be expected), to E-8, Senior Chief, the second highest enlisted/non-com rank in the service. He attributed his success in that, *and* his vastly increased comfort in dealing with general social situations entirely to Toastmasters.

It's not expensive (Redstone Toastmasters lists their fees as $20 new member fee and $27 every six months), and a quick search of their site shows that there are 49 Toastmasters' meetings in Alabama that are "open to all," scattered throughout the state. (Click "Find a location," upper left of home page, then Country Search, U.S., select Alabama, and then your locale. I *think* I vaguely remember that you're somewhere near Huntsville... if so, there are *nine* TI groups in the Huntsville area that are currently accepting new members.

Check 'em out, girlie! (And anyone else who fears or is nervous about public speaking, meeting new groups of people, etc.) They're a good group of folks who have been where you are, and will be happy to help you get where you *want* to be.

(For those trying to pigeonhole military enlisted ranks into equivalent civilian business titles: {Using Navy ranks, since that's apt to the person I described above, but the "E" ratings carry across U.S. military organizations.} E-1 {Recruit} to E-3 {Seaman} are essentially entry-level positions, e.g., mail-room clerk to data entry clerk; E-4 to E-6 {Petty Officers} are low level management positions, e.g., mailroom or data entry group supervisor, up to 20-40 employees; E-7 {Chief} would be a group manager, with up to 100-150 employees in the group; E-8 {Senior Chief} Section Manager, up to 250-300 employees or substantial amounts of revenue/expenses in the Section; and E-9 {Master Chief, the highest enlisted rank}, Division Manager, up to 2000 or so employees *and* substantial amounts of revenue/expenses.)

Ooh, thank you, Sir W.

Oddly enough, when I met you, I hardly had a problem talking at all. You *claim* to be a grouchy old man, but I thought you were easy to talk to!

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Ooh, thank you, Sir W.

Oddly enough, when I met you, I hardly had a problem talking at all. You *claim* to be a grouchy old man, but I thought you were easy to talk to!

I *am* a grouchy old man, and don't you go tryin' to ruin my reppitation! <Grump>

I'm actually kind of shy in person (believe it or not!) until I get to know folks a little bit... but when we met up there, you had Kitty with you, which I know helped you with your anxieties; you had already met and interacted with NH and whatever his name was then (more recently Breaker Moron or something ), and then I got there, and Breaker and I got into our 'dispute' over whose bourbon was better, which allowed you to get a tad comfortable with my presence; for me, the bourbon 'dispute' enabled me to get a little more comfortable with four people I'd never met before... and then we got out the toys, which *always* makes me more comfortable

ETA: Oh, you're quite welcome. I've never been a member at TI, but I was impressed with what they did for my f-i-l and some other folks I've known who were members.

 

[BiBunny]

I *am* a grouchy old man, and don't you go tryin' to ruin my reppitation! <Grump>

I'm actually kind of shy in person (believe it or not!) until I get to know folks a little bit... but when we met up there, you had Kitty with you, which I know helped you with your anxieties; you had already met and interacted with NH and whatever his name was then (more recently Breaker Moron or something ), and then I got there, and Breaker and I got into our 'dispute' over whose bourbon was better, which allowed you to get a tad comfortable with my presence; for me, the bourbon 'dispute' enabled me to get a little more comfortable with four people I'd never met before... and then we got out the toys, which *always* makes me more comfortable

Seems I always get along best with people who identify as being kind of shy, too. Then, we all end up babbling all night. Strange, huh?

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Seems I always get along best with people who identify as being kind of shy, too. Then, we all end up babbling all night. Strange, huh?

Maybe we bottle it all up during our shy times, then when we get relaxed with people, it all comes bubbling out?