❓ Inquiring Minds Want To Know - Discussion Thread

[AveryElle]

Pardon my ignorance, but for people that KNOW they don't want kids (but for whom it is biologically possible), is there a reason to avoid permanent measures? then the "fantasy" can be played out without the actual risk. I'm not signaling anyone out, I'm just curious. Is the risk part of the kink?

 

[sally_sparrow]

Pardon my ignorance, but for people that KNOW they don't want kids (but for whom it is biologically possible), is there a reason to avoid permanent measures? then the "fantasy" can be played out without the actual risk. I'm not signaling anyone out, I'm just curious. Is the risk part of the kink?

I'm sure it varies by person but I know that doctors today still won't "allow" a woman to have her tubes tied or have a hysterectomy until they are at least 30... A friend of mine who has been saying she will never ever have children and to this day has tried to have it done had her doctor flat out say no, and also told her she "needed permission from her husband." Don't even get me started on that can of bullshit.

 

[AveryElle]

I'm sure it varies by person but I know that doctors today still won't "allow" a woman to have her tubes tied or have a hysterectomy until they are at least 30... A friend of mine who has been saying she will never ever have children and to this day has tried to have it done had her doctor flat out say no, and also told her she "needed permission from her husband." Don't even get me started on that can of bullshit.

I understand that, but IUDs are pretty effective. Maybe it’s my urban biases that these things are available everywhere?

ETA I’m just curious about the overall reality vs kink. Not trying to point anyone out or be contrarian.

 

[sally_sparrow]

I understand that, but IUDs are pretty effective. Maybe it’s my urban biases that these things are available everywhere?

They are effective but it also depends on what kind. There are subcutaneous ones that release hormones- something I can't use due to medical condition, and those that can be inserted into the uterus, which causes irritation, bad cramping, and insanely heavy, and longer periods. I'm sure they are effective but not everyone wants medical devices inside of them. I see your point though. If it is a fetish, they will find a way.

 

[AveryElle]

Maybe they're Catholic?

For me, part of the kink is the intention behind it. To get pregnant. If that was out of the equation, if it wasn't wanted, then it wouldn't do anything for me.

Maybe they are Catholic. Seems fixable!

 

[cookiecat]

This made me laugh after recent discussions.

https://66.media.tumblr.com/1f81fe1a18a022be6477b2892aee6106/79a21c6bd7e00981-21/s1280x1920/6232d5efd8654b7eab1e757dce512940dd5085c2.jpg

Interesting discussion.

And that you found this meme!

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

For me, part of the kink is the intention behind it. To get pregnant. If that was out of the equation, if it wasn't wanted, then it wouldn't do anything for me.

Same. The intention, or at least the possibility.

I've only done this with one partner, and we were def fantasizing about making a baby intentionally. It wasn't about the risk ('Oh shit! What if we really get pregnant?!'), it was about being chosen as his mate, his partner, someone he's chosing to invest in for the duration of this lifelong undertaking. There was desire and approval and passion and control. We weren't having a leisurely chat about it over a cup of tea, he was telling me what was going to happen while i was in a vulnerable position.

He's taking the decision out of my hands by force and i have to surrender. It doesn't matter that I'm a willing participant, it's still hot. In fact, its hotter for me this way than if it were CNC, because we're not pretending that i dont want it. He's giving me what i want (the baby as a symbol of the bond between us), he's giving me the connection that i crave because he's deemed me worthy. Yep, lots of personal issues for me wrapped up in this one.

Having to release the worry of the responsibility of the consequence of breeding does super good subby things for me. Just all of it, really.

'You're going to make the prettiest babies,' he said.

Sounds like a silly thing to say in the middle of doing the nasty, but for me, in that moment, it was perfect. I like the idea that we don't have to choose between the raw, animal lust and tender affection, i like that we can have both.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Same.
'You're going to make the prettiest babies,' he said.

Gahh!!!!

 

[cookiecat]

Same. The intention, or at least the possibility.

I've only done this with one partner, and we were def fantasizing about making a baby intentionally. It wasn't about the risk ('Oh shit! What if we really get pregnant?!'), it was about being chosen as his mate, his partner, someone he's chosing to invest in for the duration of this lifelong undertaking. There was desire and approval and passion and control. We weren't having a leisurely chat about it over a cup of tea, he was telling me what was going to happen while i was in a vulnerable position.

He's taking the decision out of my hands by force and i have to surrender. It doesn't matter that I'm a willing participant, it's still hot. In fact, its hotter for me this way than if it were CNC, because we're not pretending that i dont want it. He's giving me what i want (the baby as a symbol of the bond between us), he's giving me the connection that i crave because he's deemed me worthy. Yep, lots of personal issues for me wrapped up in this one.

Having to release the worry of the responsibility of the consequence of breeding does super good subby things for me. Just all of it, really.

'You're going to make the prettiest babies,' he said.

Sounds like a silly thing to say in the middle of doing the nasty, but for me, in that moment, it was perfect. I like the idea that we don't have to choose between the raw, animal lust and tender affection, i like that we can have both.

It's like every good thing wrapped in to this one thing.

Lovely and hot.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Pardon my ignorance, but for people that KNOW they don't want kids (but for whom it is biologically possible), is there a reason to avoid permanent measures? then the "fantasy" can be played out without the actual risk. I'm not signaling anyone out, I'm just curious. Is the risk part of the kink?

*** deleted response.

 

[HappyToBeAlive]

This!

Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy "bareback" or "creampie" activities without the intention of getting pregnant, but I think those are a different kink. At least for me they are, that's not breeding.

I agree... they are not the same... I get really horny thinking about creampies and bareback... I love to creampie my wife, I fantasize about doing the same to others and specially about watching a creampie that is not mine in her...

But I am too practical, and the though of diseases and children break any rp or fantasy chat... is tough to keep going specially when the word breading is used...

And it is not the tuition... its all the crying and diaper changing!

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I agree... they are not the same... I get really horny thinking about creampies and bareback... I love to creampie my wife, I fantasize about doing the same to others and specially about watching a creampie that is not mine in her...

But I am too practical, and the though of diseases and children break any rp or fantasy chat... is tough to keep going specially when the word breading is used...

And it is not the tuition... its all the crying and diaper changing!

Stick a boob in that baby's mouth!

 

[Apisto42]

#60 (suggested)

Broader Kink: Breeding

Hot or not? Does being or not being a parent affect the way you view this kink?

This one has a lot of layers foe a lot of people so an attempt at being respectful of others is always appreciated.

Love saying it to my wife. And like Wild Honey’s partner, I’ve said something similar - “we make the prettiest babies!”

Now, I got snipped a long time ago, so the risk is incredibly tiny at this point (can still happen, but post 10+ years it hasn’t, so the chances are increasingly small). But the fantasy of it still applies in the heat of the moment. So when you’re both ramped up on hormones it’s easy to forget the real world (it won’t happen) and go with the primal feel of “me Tarzan, you woman, take my seed and make me a baby!”

I don’t want another child in any way at all. And maybe that contributes to the fantasy. Because some fantasies are about things we don’t want in actuality but are erotic in thought. So I can play it out without real world consequences.

It is one of the most delicious moments when I’m on my knees, buried deep inside her, holding her ass in my hands and gazing down at her while she’s in the moment knowing that I’m going to fill her with my cum. Connected. Primal. Sharing. Just us. Nothing else matters.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Because some fantasies are about things we don’t want in actuality but are erotic in thought.

This.
Thank you for saying simply something I've been having a hard time putting into words.

 

[cookiecat]

It is one of the most delicious moments when I’m on my knees, buried deep inside her, holding her ass in my hands and gazing down at her while she’s in the moment knowing that I’m going to fill her with my cum. Connected. Primal. Sharing. Just us. Nothing else matters.

Very hot.

But is this a breeding thing or a bit different: connected by cock, being do in her, claiming her with your cum? Or is it both?

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#61

#61 (submitted)

Someone raised the difference between things which are hot as fantasies, because they're taboo, but which wouldn't be in reality, for the same reason. How do you ride that boundary in your sex life? Can you share the fantasy with a partner? Do you have fantasies that you keep as only fantasies?

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

#61 (submitted)

Someone raised the difference between things which are hot as fantasies, because they're taboo, but which wouldn't be in reality, for the same reason. How do you ride that boundary in your sex life? Can you share the fantasy with a partner? Do you have fantasies that you keep as only fantasies?

Hell yes, i share my fantasies with my partners.

I like being vulnerable with them in a way that I'm not with anyone else.
I like the intimacy that being that vulnerable produces. I'm an intimacy junkie.
I love knowing that i can make a partner hard, or make his eyes roll back in his head, or make him cum with just my words! It's fucking brilliant, and makes my knickers wet.

Sometimes i am receptive to feedback and what began as a withdrawal from my spank bank turns into a joint account.
Sometimes i want them to shut their pie hole and just listen.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

#61 (submitted)

Someone raised the difference between things which are hot as fantasies, because they're taboo, but which wouldn't be in reality, for the same reason. How do you ride that boundary in your sex life? Can you share the fantasy with a partner? Do you have fantasies that you keep as only fantasies?

There's always a risk of miscommunication, of overstepping others' limits, but even so communication is absolutely critical. Learning what taboos turn you and your partner on, even if they're never actually used in play - well, the POSSIBILITY is there, and that in and of itself can be a helluva turn on.

If the miscommunication involves one party thinking that the second'll satisfy one of their taboos that the second has no interest in can be a problem. The first are waiting and waiting and waiting and the payoff never arrives. (I almost said 'comes', but that'd be innuendo)

On the other hand, showing interest in a taboo or fetish that is on the other party's squick list, something they are strongly against, can also be a problem.

How do you tap dance through this minefield? Carefully. Make it clear - "I want to know what tickles your libido, without judgement. I'll let you know how I feel about your fetishes or taboos, but that's just how I feel about them, not how I feel about you. Then we'll flop it, and I'll let you know mine, and you can tell me i any of them are horrific or dreamy from your perspective. Hopefully we find some things we can both enjoy and play with!"

 

[Acktion]

#61 (submitted)

Someone raised the difference between things which are hot as fantasies, because they're taboo, but which wouldn't be in reality, for the same reason. How do you ride that boundary in your sex life? Can you share the fantasy with a partner? Do you have fantasies that you keep as only fantasies?

See, this is another case of a question being brought up that makes me look around to see where the Hell you hid the camera in my bedroom.

I look at fantasies through a different filter, I suppose. I figure that fantasy shouldn't necessarily remain only fantasy so long as safety and consent are not in short supply. (All know that my sanity has long since fled the coop.)

Now, does that necessarily mean that the next time she is here, I'm going to clip her leash onto her collar to wear while we have a nice dinner out and then a movie? Preferably while having her in a short skirt, pantiless, so that when the main attraction starts, I can pull my cock through my fly and tug her into my lap to enjoy the show? Hardly. Because in that situation it is not only my consent and hers that needs to be taken into account but innocent bystanders as well.

On the other hand, if there is a low-risk probability of impacting the consent of others, we both consent, and I can control the safety to make certain there is a vanishingly small risk of harm so as to be negligible, then I feel honor-bound to do what I can to help her live out as many long-held fantasies as I can.

Why not invite friends over for dinner, and when I set the table, I set her on it, tied to it, cut all of her clothing away, blindfold her, and then set out the meal on her skin with chopsticks for the utensils? And then, for after-dinner entertainment, break out the gaming dice and run a D&D raid using her body as our map?

"Congratulations, Hero! You have journeyed far, crossed the mountains, and found the Dragon's lair! Now, roll the 20-sided to determine how many licks you may take in an attempt to subdue her."

By the same token, a very wise and dear friend pointed out to me that for her, the fantasy is safe, but taking steps to make a shared fantasy a reality might be pushing her boundaries faster than she is willing to go. (My argument that a) I was taking that into account and was gradually ramping up and b) that is what safewords are for left her particularly unmoved.)

On the flip-side of the coin, I readily acknowledge that I am a kinky as fuck duck compared to some, with life experiences that most people don't believe could happen outside of particularly cheesy porn. (The irony is that most people throw a bullshit flag on my stories on one hundred percent factual reporting, then swallow fictionalized hyperbole whole.)

But, while I have done quite a bit that even Pornhub would sneer at in disbelief, I don't necessarily need to move my remaining fantasies into real-world experience. By the same token, I won't have any idea if she might want to if I don't talk to her about them.

And they can be fun to play with to add spice to a sweet little mutual masturbation session. Or even mid-realtime-romp, if handled appropriately. (At least I've had no complaints yet when I whisper one of her favorite fantasies in her ear in the form of a plan to make it happen while filling her favorite orifice with her favorite filler.)

I don't know. Perhaps I'm just overly-simplistic, but I figure it makes no damn sense if you can't share your thoughts, feelings, and inherent sexuality with someone, holding nothing back, to trust them enough with yourself, naked and exposed, fully vulnerable to anything and everything they might choose to do to you.

 

[AlwaysFara]

#61 (submitted)

Someone raised the difference between things which are hot as fantasies, because they're taboo, but which wouldn't be in reality, for the same reason. How do you ride that boundary in your sex life? Can you share the fantasy with a partner? Do you have fantasies that you keep as only fantasies?

I’m with someone I met here, so my fantasies are pretty fulfilled. We talked in detail about sex, boundaries, fantasies, and love before we even held hands.
I share my fantasies with him. Even the cringeworthy thoughts, like, ew, does that REALLY turn me on? Yes. Yes, it does. We will look into everything.
There was something I had mentioned in passing, or so I thought, and he said, you’ve brought this up now, 3 times... let’s talk about it. And we did. And he made it so hot for me. Not embarrassing at all.
I’m lucky.

The fantasies I only keep as fantasies? Rock stats and celebrities and stuff.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#62

Aftercare

We all know no matter what side of the slash you're on you need aftercare but what do you do when you don't get the nb aftercare you need? Do you need it after any 'scene' or just a certain kind of play? Does not getting it when you need it change the way you recall the play?

 

[BadAmy]

#62

Aftercare

We all know no matter what side of the slash you're on you need aftercare but what do you do when you don't get the nb aftercare you need? Do you need it after any 'scene' or just a certain kind of play? Does not getting it when you need it change the way you recall the play?

Good morning
Oh aftercare.
I need it. So does He. After we are together and we are...together. Not necessarily a scene, but our time together is rather scene-ish. Because of certain restraints (not those...silly) we offer each other a sort of debriefing
To reminisce or to analyze, and taking the primal, erotic intensity, and verbalizing all aspects of it...is the bees knees in my book!


In past relationships...i have experienced subdrop, I think because I was not given adequate aftercare.

Now it is just the finishing touches of our interaction. We learn more about one another, have a deeper respect for one another, and of course file away the dirty bits for later

 

[AveryElle]

#62

Aftercare

We all know no matter what side of the slash you're on you need aftercare but what do you do when you don't get the nb aftercare you need? Do you need it after any 'scene' or just a certain kind of play? Does not getting it when you need it change the way you recall the play?

I prefer to not be touched when it’s been intense play - my senses are in overdrive. I tend to want to laugh. Talk. I’ve been known to turn on funny videos. Is that aftercare?

I don’t need anything. I like the extra connection of laughing together. But I also don’t think I’ve ever been vulnerable in any real way, so maybe if I ever get there, I’ll care more about specific things? I don’t know. It sounds cold, I know. I don’t know if it’s bad or good, as no one has ever complained that I am not vulnerable enough. I often feel like an abnormal bottom with these questions!

I’m curious about a Too needing aftercare and what that looks like.

 

[cascadiabound]

I prefer to not be touched when it’s been intense play - my senses are in overdrive. I tend to want to laugh. Talk. I’ve been known to turn on funny videos. Is that aftercare?

I don’t need anything. I like the extra connection of laughing together. But I also don’t think I’ve ever been vulnerable in any real way, so maybe if I ever get there, I’ll care more about specific things? I don’t know. It sounds cold, I know. I don’t know if it’s bad or good, as no one has ever complained that I am not vulnerable enough. I often feel like an abnormal bottom with these questions!

I’m curious about a Too needing aftercare and what that looks like.

Aftercare is whatever works for *you*
Extra touch, no touch, talking, no talking, crying, laughing, eating snacks, movies of whatever floats your boat, playing cards against humanity... you name it...

you are not abnormal. Just pay attention to what feels best to you and do that.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#63

#63

Couples Therapy via BDSM

Have you ever used kink to work out relationship or personal issues? How did it work out? Would you recommend this for some areas?