❓ Inquiring Minds Want To Know - Discussion Thread

[barefootgirl69]

#59

On broader kink -

Cuckolding/Hot Wifing

Is sharing your partner or knowing your partner isn't faithful something that turns you on? Is faithfulness or exclusivity negotiable in your relationship? Can jealousy add to your dynamic?
If it's not your thing (and please be respectful if it's not), can you understand the pleasure derived in cuckolding or hot wifing?

No, I'm not wired that way, and it's not negotiable. I don't consider it jealous or insecure, but I need to be 'enough' for someone. But, I can totally understand how others enjoy it...even if you're just RPing with your partner about how he enjoys watching you with someone.

 

[AveryElle]

ETA: Exclusivity and Poly are more and more synonymous to me lately.

Can you elaborate on this?

 

[Erotic69er]

It turns both of us on.

#59

On broader kink -

Cuckolding/Hot Wifing

Is sharing your partner or knowing your partner isn't faithful something that turns you on? Is faithfulness or exclusivity negotiable in your relationship? Can jealousy add to your dynamic?
If it's not your thing (and please be respectful if it's not), can you understand the pleasure derived in cuckolding or hot wifing?

I’m not a jealous person and I have always enjoyed sharing my gf’s with other men and women. It turns me on a lot.
I enjoy watching joining in and sharing the pleasure and often joy it gives them. I’m not a cuck as such, just a sharer.
Some people enjoy the dymamics of jealousy others like me just enjoy sharing pleasure.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Can you elaborate on this?

For me personally, it just feels like my circle expanded slightly to include one more person.

The analogy that your heart grows feels pretty accurate.

 

[AveryElle]

For me personally, it just feels like my circle expanded slightly to include one more person.

The analogy that your heart grows feels pretty accurate.

I understand a bit, just not how exclusivity and polyamory are synonymous - maybe I’m misreading. I’m a moron so it’s possible!

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

I understand a bit, just not how exclusivity and polyamory are synonymous - maybe I’m misreading. I’m a moron so it’s possible!

Could be just the way I feel about it.

 

[AlpineFresco]

Could be just the way I feel about it.

I'm going to be that guy and ask which bit here is poly.

 

[cookiecat]

Poly isn't the same as open. You can be exclusive to the people you're in a poly relationship with.

 

[Acktion]

Poly isn't the same as open. You can be exclusive to the people you're in a poly relationship with.

^ This.

Exactly.

I'm not open season for just anyone. Not a piece of meat to be picked over at a butcher counter. I just happen to be open to a select (a VERY select) few.

 

[AlpineFresco]

Who said anything about a piece of meat being picked over? I don't understand where that came from.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Briefly, I'll say - I guess, I was referring to little p - poly. Not Big P - Poly as in the label. The word still has a meaning aside from a label. Many loves. Namely two. Just two. Which equals exclusive.

But as I said many times. That works for me and it may not for anyone else. And that's ok.

 

[DeadlyDream]

As I am fairly new, I hope you will allow me to browse some. This is a subject, I am curious about. I'm recently separated, but it was a subject my husband and I talked about prior to separating. I never thought I could share, in any way. He had talked about the usual threesomes, I had objected. He had even mentioned wanting to watch. I wasn't sure I understood how he could. I myself, am too jealous. Until I met a female that just seemed to get me. In a way that I had never experienced. I was so comfortable with her, that I even thought about sharing her with my husband. I wasn't sure what this was called. (besides threesome)
Suddenly I started picturing our life with her. Maybe I felt comfortable because I truly felt that she loved me more? Maybe it was just that she made me feel so secure?
Ultimately, it is what led to my separation. I realized that if I was so much more confident with her, so much more secure, something was wrong with my marriage. Counseling, and a lot of communication, made us realize we'd grown apart.

 

[Paul_Chance]

I definitely think there is something to the concept of healthy jealousy or possessiveness. If you see your partner (monogamous or not) responding to another person and you use it to be better - ask yourself, what do they see in the other, how can I meet that need or be a better partner.

That is healthy jealousy. If you approach it with a sense of humor, with the intention of creating a stronger relationship, and you have that level of honest communication, there is a lot to be learned there that can make a relationship stronger.

Jealousy and possessive are negative when the expression of it is negative - hurtful, belittling, unreasonable.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

As I am fairly new, I hope you will allow me to browse some. This is a subject, I am curious about. I'm recently separated, but it was a subject my husband and I talked about prior to separating. I never thought I could share, in any way. He had talked about the usual threesomes, I had objected. He had even mentioned wanting to watch. I wasn't sure I understood how he could. I myself, am too jealous. Until I met a female that just seemed to get me. In a way that I had never experienced. I was so comfortable with her, that I even thought about sharing her with my husband. I wasn't sure what this was called. (besides threesome)
-snip-

The way I typically use 'threesome' is for a single encounter- a night or a weekend at most. Poly (polyamory, polygamy, polyandry - many loves, many wives, many husbands respectively) I use for longer-term relationships. I'm not sure if that's completely standard or not, just how I've seen the terms used over time.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

doesn't polygamy mean marriage to many?
i've asked a Friend who knows latin and ancient greek and He said 'many wives' would be polygynecy or without the 'ec'

I blame my fried synapses - your Friend is correct, I was misremembering.

 

[AlwaysFara]

Poly isn't the same as open. You can be exclusive to the people you're in a poly relationship with.

I like this.

 

[DeadlyDream]

The way I typically use 'threesome' is for a single encounter- a night or a weekend at most. Poly (polyamory, polygamy, polyandry - many loves, many wives, many husbands respectively) I use for longer-term relationships. I'm not sure if that's completely standard or not, just how I've seen the terms used over time.

Thank you for this. I am not familiar with all of the different "Poly" terms.

Briefly, I'll say - I guess, I was referring to little p - poly. Not Big P - Poly as in the label. The word still has a meaning aside from a label. Many loves. Namely two. Just two. Which equals exclusive.

But as I said many times. That works for me and it may not for anyone else. And that's ok.

So can I ask what this means? Little p and Big P?

I'm sorry. I am probably asking in the wrong area.

 

[Nzerxx]

#59

On broader kink -

Cuckolding/Hot Wifing

Is sharing your partner or knowing your partner isn't faithful something that turns you on? Is faithfulness or exclusivity negotiable in your relationship? Can jealousy add to your dynamic?
If it's not your thing (and please be respectful if it's not), can you understand the pleasure derived in cuckolding or hot wifing?

Nope (probably in the minority here) but it definitely is not my thing and is a hard limit for me. Not negotiable

I also don't get the pleasure in it. Some have mentioned its about seeing their partner getting pleasured and I can see how that would work but my D is the only one I want to pleasure me. If I thought I couldn't be enough for him I would rather walk away so he could find someone who could. Even if it broke me.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

So can I ask what this means? Little p and Big P?

I'm sorry. I am probably asking in the wrong area.

Oh nothing official.
Just little p - poly as a word.or idea
Big P - Poly as a label

That's all

 

[LostGirlTink]

Oh nothing official.
Just little p - poly as a word.or idea
Big P - Poly as a label

That's all

I’ve never seen this before.
Cookie said it... poly isn’t he same as open. I’ve done a ton of research and learning and I’m perplexed by some of the thinking I’m seeing and understand of the others.
I’d highly recommend anyone interested in polyamory read the book more than two.
Actually I’d recommend the book to everyone who is in a relationship for its chapter on different types of communication if nothing else.
For the record I’m not poly. It “does nothing” for me to think about him with someone else, but I’m also not at all jealous of his wife because I understand our relationship isn’t a competition with theirs. I’m genuinely happy he has a great life in the parts I’m not involved in. I’ve lost nothing because he has her as well.
Compersion often goes along with poly and is worth learning about, because it can have a simple joy component or also a sexual component and that may apply to your original question.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

For those who don't recognize the term, Compersion is defined in wikipedia as:

"...an empathetic state of happiness and joy experienced when another individual experiences happiness and joy. In the context of polyamorous relationships, it describes positive feelings experienced by an individual when their intimate partner is enjoying another relationship."

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

Note to self: Poly is not your word. Pick another word. Lol.


But cuckolding?? Anyone? Or are we ready for a new topic?

 

[AveryElle]

For those who don't recognize the term, Compersion is defined in wikipedia as:

"...an empathetic state of happiness and joy experienced when another individual experiences happiness and joy. In the context of polyamorous relationships, it describes positive feelings experienced by an individual when their intimate partner is enjoying another relationship."

What does that have to do with anything?
I’m so lost!

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

What does that have to do with anything?
I’m so lost!

Tink used the word in her reply above.

 

[AveryElle]

I’ve never seen this before.
Cookie said it... poly isn’t he same as open. I’ve done a ton of research and learning and I’m perplexed by some of the thinking I’m seeing and understand of the others.
I’d highly recommend anyone interested in polyamory read the book more than two.
Actually I’d recommend the book to everyone who is in a relationship for its chapter on different types of communication if nothing else.
For the record I’m not poly. It “does nothing” for me to think about him with someone else, but I’m also not at all jealous of his wife because I understand our relationship isn’t a competition with theirs. I’m genuinely happy he has a great life in the parts I’m not involved in. I’ve lost nothing because he has her as well.
Compersion often goes along with poly and is worth learning about, because it can have a simple joy component or also a sexual component and that may apply to your original question.

Also worth noting that you can have compersion in open relationships. I am genuinely happy that one of my partners has a good marriage and I like his wife very much. But I am not poly nor do I have any interest in it. I also think it’s important to realize not everyone experiences compersion .