❓ Inquiring Minds Want To Know - Discussion Thread

[UsuallyPresent]

#65

Easy question.

Are your orgasms different/better during kinky sex v. non-kinky sex?

Not for me, but I know that differs for some others. For some it's to the point that one or the other spoils their orgasm and prevents their enjoyment of the sexual act.

Given I'm interested in pleasing my partner one way or th'other, this is important for me to remember and incorporate into our sexplay as needed. Yes, I've used this as punishment - vanilla sex for someone who only feels pleasure from kinky stuff, or vice versa - but sometimes that's what makes a specific relationship work.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#65

Easy question.

Are your orgasms different/better during kinky sex v. non-kinky sex?

Very easy. Better. Much better during kink. And I think it because requires my brain, body, and emotion to be much more engaged. Also, I think when you're in fantasy fulfillment territory it's almost impossible for it not to be more special.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#66

#66

Involving Others in Your Kink

How mindful are you about involving outsiders (people not directly, consensually involved in your dynamic) in your play? Does it matter to you at all? Where is the line?
Have you ever been a participant in other's kinks? Is there a different standard when playing on Lit?

 

[BadAmy]

#65

Easy question.

Are your orgasms different/better during kinky sex v. non-kinky sex?

Yup. Different.
Different parts of my brain are tapped i think.
And the sensations are different too.
Xxo

 

[BadAmy]

#66

Involving Others in Your Kink

How mindful are you about involving outsiders (people not directly, consensually involved in your dynamic) in your play? Does it matter to you at all? Where is the line?
Have you ever been a participant in other's kinks? Is there a different standard when playing on Lit?

I have learned that my kinks....are mine alone and that honestly...unless the outsider is 'part' of that kink...I feel they really aren't interested in what I am doing.
Also, what drives me, can be hard to understand for the outsider. Frightening or cringy.
Then there is the possibility of me feeling a sense of overwhelming shame by being judged. So i find it best to keep my dirty shit under wraps.

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

#65

Easy question.

Are your orgasms different/better during kinky sex v. non-kinky sex?

Orgasms vary. In general, I think they are more intense during kinky sex. That may be because there tends to be more (often much more) foreplay (for lack of a better term). Therefore: more anticipation, more build-up and a bigger pay-off.

Here's the odd thing: a MUCH shorter refractory period. On occasion (not much recently) it has been "zero".

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

#66

Involving Others in Your Kink

How mindful are you about involving outsiders (people not directly, consensually involved in your dynamic) in your play? Does it matter to you at all? Where is the line?
Have you ever been a participant in other's kinks? Is there a different standard when playing on Lit?

I have never involved any outsider directly in our play. Occasionally another man or woman is invoked as a fantasy. "Hey wouldn't it be interesting to have your best friend join us right now?"

I think there is a very different standard to play on Lit; we are entering each other's fantasies. Often the person you are playing with has never posted a full face picture (I've seen more Litster's boobs and butts than faces). I suspect there are fewer limits when playing as well: people want to try something they are too "timid" to even say out loud IRL. frankly the last one-on-one role play had would have killed me due to dehydration, but dammit, it's fun!

 

[AnnieLit]

#65

Easy question.

Are your orgasms different/better during kinky sex v. non-kinky sex?

That's a very easy question for me - I have never had an orgasm during vanilla sex. Well, unless you count self-administered ones, but that would be a difference between masturbation and partner sex, not between kink and vanilla.

 

[AveryElle]

#66

Involving Others in Your Kink

How mindful are you about involving outsiders (people not directly, consensually involved in your dynamic) in your play? Does it matter to you at all? Where is the line?
Have you ever been a participant in other's kinks? Is there a different standard when playing on Lit?

I’m a very private person.
I also don’t like being an unwilling participant in other people’s sex lives, especially if I have an issue with that particular kink. If I’m at the supermarket, for example, and someone (an adult, with no kid around) is calling someone else Daddy, that’s the ‘unwilling bystander’ thing I’m talking about. I cringe and move on. I’d never say anything. It’s their thing and if their thing involves making others uncomfortable, so be it. I’m no different with PDA. I obviously do it as well as public play, but I’m never overt and I’d never want someone else to be uncomfortable.

So to me, the line is if it’s likely to make others cringe, I won’t do it. Possibly part of what makes me not so kinky I guess!

 

[AnnieLit]

#66

Involving Others in Your Kink

How mindful are you about involving outsiders (people not directly, consensually involved in your dynamic) in your play? Does it matter to you at all? Where is the line?
Have you ever been a participant in other's kinks? Is there a different standard when playing on Lit?

Involving others in RL -- I would rather not. People have no less right of consent than I do, so why would I want to risk offending somebody?

On Lit it is very different. Anybody talking to me has a chance to read through my posts first, so they would know what they are dealing with. If they did and still want to talk, then it is safe to assume they are ok with it. If they did not read and want to talk -- it's their problem.

 

[AlpineFresco]

#66

Involving Others in Your Kink

How mindful are you about involving outsiders (people not directly, consensually involved in your dynamic) in your play? Does it matter to you at all? Where is the line?
Have you ever been a participant in other's kinks? Is there a different standard when playing on Lit?

I'm not down with involving people non-consensually - don't make other people a part of your scene, that's just not cool. Public play though... I'm similar to Avery.
PDA? Normally not a problem. Unless people can't get away - I have bad memories of being on a packed night bus, next to a couple loudly kissing. Nowhere to go. When they got off the bus the rest of us nearby got into conversation, unified by how that was uncomfortable.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

#66

Involving Others in Your Kink

How mindful are you about involving outsiders (people not directly, consensually involved in your dynamic) in your play? Does it matter to you at all? Where is the line?
Have you ever been a participant in other's kinks? Is there a different standard when playing on Lit?

In my early days here, i may or may not have unintentionally threadjacked a thread or two, flirting with someone. Being Lit, people were tolerant about it and i never got any flack. Still, it was a 'public' space. Eventually i decided to confine my activities to any of my own threads that were quieter, and where we were less likely to cause disruption. People shouldn't have to watch me be silly with boys if they don't want to.

 

[littlebirdjoy]

#66

Involving Others in Your Kink

How mindful are you about involving outsiders (people not directly, consensually involved in your dynamic) in your play?
This is a big pet peeve of mine, absolutely. We tend to follow the "it is good and right to stick to society's accepted norms when in a public space" rule. We have specific names and signals that allow our dynamic to remain in effect but hidden when in public, which can be its own thrill. I believe strongly in the right to innocence. Everyone has the right to their own innocence.

Does it matter to you at all?
Clearly, yes. Probably because of my past and consent violations with regards to myself.
Where is the line?
If it isnt something that would be normal and expected to walk down the street and see, then you arent going to see it or hear it from me. Luckily collars are relatively mainstream now. WHEW! But even that, mine is relatively discrete.
Have you ever been a participant in other's kinks?
I'm squinting at this question. If you have been in a dynamic then you have been a part of other people's kinks. I think you meant as an outsider not part of the dynamic. if so then yes, many many many years ago i was brought in as a third one time playmate for a couple. No, it was not a positive experience. A long time ago when Yahoo dungeons were a thing I also once or twice was witness to some rather .... interesting... punishments. One of which really unsettled me.
Is there a different standard when playing on Lit?
For involving others in your kink? I think i draw a line between direct and indirect involvement here that i dont in person. I think by virtue of being on the BDSM board you are giving consent to people to discuss openly their kinks and if you don't like their particular kink... move along sailor. However directly involving someone no. Consent is needed. Expressed explicit consent is needed. I'll point to uninvited pm "fantasies" written in first person, pics of privates, and comments along the lines of "if you were mine." no. consent needs to be asked and directly given for that junk. Long term massive mind fuckery included.


~Faithfully His,
Angie
__________________

 

[Blase]

If it isnt something that would be normal and expected to walk down the street and see, then you arent going to see it or hear it from me. Luckily collars are relatively mainstream now. WHEW! But even that, mine is relatively discrete.

The other night on American Pickers, Mike Wolfe bought a bunch of collars. In an aside to the camera, he said something along the lines of, "These could be for your four-legged friend, or they could be for your two-legged friend. To each his own(!)"

 

[littlebirdjoy]

The other night on American Pickers, Mike Wolfe bought a bunch of collars. In an aside to the camera, he said something along the lines of, "These could be for your four-legged friend, or they could be for your two-legged friend. To each his own(!)"

WHUUUTTTT hahahaha I actually love that show! I love it a bit more now!

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#67

#67 (suggested)

Underutilization

Have you ever felt your dynamic underutilized? What caused it? How do you re-establish your wants and needs? Is your Dominace or submission that needs to be acknowledged frequently or is long breaks between kink better?

 

[Semper_Pater]

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[PrettyLilPussy19]

Is anyone (besides one other person I know on here) familiar with the buffet metaphor?

Never heard of it? Tell us?

 

[Semper_Pater]

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[twister947]

I like it; it has broad applications.

 

[BadAmy]

I nominated this thread as my favorite in the Litties.

Me, too

 

[cookiecat]

I nominated this thread as my favorite in the Litties.

Me, too

umm, whut?

glitter?

white shoes & bananas? --->

I kid. This is the best thread around!

* to check what the heck Litties are

 

[cascadiabound]

BDSM is a buffet; participants are diners, all of whom are welcome to enjoy as much or as little as they want. If there is something you really like, help yourself to a lot of it; if there are things you do not like, do not take any and if there is something you have never had, feel free to try a sample. In short, you are welcome to have as much or as little as you want. The only thing you are are not allowed to do, however, is look at someone else's plate and say "eeeww, how can you eat that?"


What do you think?

{snipped for brevity}

When I started to have a better understanding of the range and variety of BDSM kinks and practices, it seemed to me to be a buffet too. I don't recall having read the concept elsewhere, but I have used the analogy in more than one post here over the years.

I like the buffet analogy because there is no one who likes EVERYTHING equally on a buffet, even if they won't turn their nose up at anything. I also like the buffet analogy because it has so many different ways to apply and think about it. The opportunity to just try a little of something or many things. Or to take a HUGE helping of just one thing. And just cause my plate looks totally different from yours, does not mean one of us is better than the other - we can both eat our fill. And tastes change - sometimes we are hungrier than other times, sometimes we want all entree, sometimes we just want dessert.

Take what you want. Leave the rest. Don't judge other people's preferences. Try new things from time to time. Find someone who likes what you like.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#67 (suggested)

Under-utilization

Have you ever felt your dynamic underutilized? What caused it? How do you re-establish your wants and needs? Is your Dominance or submission that needs to be acknowledged frequently or is long breaks between kink better?

I think every relationship has ebbs and flows. Life is life and sometimes kinks get pushes to the back burner. However, with the exception of the relation I entered before I came into my kink, I think it's foundational. We have to make time, make it priority, because that's what brought us together.

I think there is a thing I've noticed with some people that as emotion grows, kink diminishes. It may be a form of that Madonna/Whore syndrome. That the more you love her/him the less you want to hurt or degrade him/her.

My point it - If you love her, whoop her.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

My point is - If you love her, whoop her.

Words to live by!