❓ Inquiring Minds Want To Know - Discussion Thread

[cascadiabound]

I was sticking to PLP for the PG connection. This thread crosses over more than glitter and WSAB and Shank’s threads.
Those 3 threads are my peace.



Welcome back. I was asking about you.

Thanks. I've been here. Just mostly lurking. Combination of too busy and feeling like I have nothing to add.
For instance, the moment I reread my last post here I instantly felt that all I had done was repeat others. Almost deleted it.

 

[cascadiabound]

sometimes what a discussion needs is someone to summarize it

Thank you for helping me not feel redundant.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#68

#68

Do you believe that there is a correlation between access to money and access to kink? Does a lower income deny people inclusive community or the ability to pursue their kink?

 

[AveryElle]

#68

Do you believe that there is a correlation between access to money and access to kink? Does a lower income deny people inclusive community or the ability to pursue their kink?

I certainly do.
Thanks, Obama.

 

[AlpineFresco]

#68

Do you believe that there is a correlation between access to money and access to kink? Does a lower income deny people inclusive community or the ability to pursue their kink?

Short answer is: yes, it very much does.

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

#68

Do you believe that there is a correlation between access to money and access to kink? Does a lower income deny people inclusive community or the ability to pursue their kink?

I think you can be plenty kinky on a budget. (Waves). You may not have the newest Vietnamese porcelain hand crafted butt plug but I'm sure you can find something suitable. Quality toys are available more cheaply and discreetly than ever before.

I suppose there might be an element of the community that might be lacking...maybe? I dont, however, think that's exclusive to any kink community.

I think that if you want it bad enough that you will find a way to make it happen, in the same way that people who prioritize the gym make it happen.

Thinking about it more - I think time and discretion are bigger restrictions than money.

 

[AveryElle]

Short answer is: yes, it very much does.

thinking deeper about it....it would probably depend on your kink. Some kinks are cheap - spanking is free. a belt is something most people already have. Name calling doesn't cost.


No, if your thing is restraining someone to an X Rack/St. Andrews/whatever you want to call it, that costs. A Sybian can be more than $1k. Access to a dungeon/play party usually costs money. Access to classes taught by professionals to safely learn about estim or wax play or rope work certainly cost money.

toys? GOOD ones can be expensive. Lingerie, something I love, can be very costly. I agree with PLP that if you like it enough, you'd make it work, but I do think it can be harder to prioritize yourself in this manner when you're up against a budget.

ETA: Factor in STD testing. Last time I got tested outside of any other doc visit, it cost me $40. <adds it to Alpine's tab>

 

[littlebirdjoy]

#68

Do you believe that there is a correlation between access to money and access to kink? Does a lower income deny people inclusive community or the ability to pursue their kink?

That is a great question and you both; PLP aand AveryElle have done a fantastic job answering.

The answer is yes and no.

There is no completely dependent upon the kink and the level of risk taking behavior. The broadening of the community and kink awareness becoming more mainstream has done a lot to ease that. Way back when it was very hard to come by reputable information online. The communities were much more restricted. Now, I can find good demos on pretty much anything online. Yes, it is awesome to personally attend a great ropes course... but i've learned how to do a ton of self harnessing at home with the GREATEST softest but incredibly sturdy rope I came across at a little tiny crafting store. It's beautimus and my Auntie who is very much into ropes is jealous as heck. Is it as beautiful as a piece of jute that I saw one Master work from rough to broken hand dyed and hand whipped? NOPE. But it'll do.

Your point about toys is very true, but necessity is the mother of invention. i got on just fine for 15 years owning not a single one. There are implements that can be used to every purpose around you with relative safety... you just have to be inventive and careful.

As for inclusion in the community... I've never felt that an issue. 0__o You make a good point about play parties and such, but community can be found at other free get togethers. Heck, most of the meet and greet type events and even the courses that we have in my area (in the US not when abroad) are in the $15-$30 range and way less if you are a member of the club so to speak.


I think the biggest hurdle to kink is the acceptance of the society around you. The higher the stakes and the need for discretion, the harder it will be, no matter your kink.
~Angie

 

[Dreamliner]

#67

A D/s relationship and BDSm does ebb and flow, as previous submitter's have stated. Life moves along, us with it and as we get to know a partner better (or should do), there may be a transition in what they as partners desire an fulfills their needs. The analogy of a buffet, I quite like that, taking as much or as little as is necessary for you both, perhaps lingering and enjoying more of one type of sustenance than another.

#68

I believe you can enjoy BDSM on any budget, it is more about awareness and fitting in to what you have and can manage. Whilst you may not be in a position to purchase the rolls royce toys or equipment, expand your thinking and you may find other options exist that provide the similar experience and outcome desired.

 

[AnnieLit]

#68

Do you believe that there is a correlation between access to money and access to kink? Does a lower income deny people inclusive community or the ability to pursue their kink?

No, I don't think it has anything to do with money.
Many things are free, some can be made on very limited budget (wide velcro makes perfect cuffs, we still use them; wooden clothespins are $1 a dozen at a dollar store, ...), some are more extensive, but then you don't need many of those and you don't need them right away.

On the other hand, most kinky people I know are either rich or at least comfortably well off. But I think this is a perfect example of a situation where correlation is not the same as causation. The thing one needs the most to enjoy kink, is imagination. And I have a suspicion that it is close to impossible to have that imagination working only in one direction, only towards kink. When somebody is creative enough to be able to construct a scene, they are much more likely to be creative enough to write a decent essay, get into college and make it in the world in general.

So it is not that money are needed for kink, it's more like the same personal qualities are needed both to be into kink and to be able to make some money.

 

[AnnieLit]

ETA: Factor in STD testing. Last time I got tested outside of any other doc visit, it cost me $40. <adds it to Alpine's tab>

What does STD testing has to do with kink? If you have multiple vanilla partners you will still want to get tested.

 

[AveryElle]

What does STD testing has to do with kink? If you have multiple vanilla partners you will still want to get tested.

Sorry - I wasn’t calling it out as ‘skanky’. You may be required to have up to date testing for certain clubs and groups. If you’re ‘vanilla’, I gather that means you’re not going to a dungeon. But maybe you are. My apologies.

 

[AlpineFresco]

On the other hand, most kinky people I know are either rich or at least comfortably well off. But I think this is a perfect example of a situation where correlation is not the same as causation.

I'll take Occam's razor to this and find a different answer. I think it suggests access is limited (note, not impossible, just limited).

Anyway, so, this DIY stuff. I get it, but that takes time for some items. You can sub out some simpler things, of course, or get cheap versions of them, but access in general? Community? Workshops? Time + money are needed to some degree, as with anything that basically can take the role of hobby (and community's important to some people here). Or at least, time + money expedite the process significantly.

You can do it without. You can do it easier and with better access to community with (and dress codes... those limit the field also for time/money poor people).

 

[Bramblethorn]

So it is not that money are needed for kink, it's more like the same personal qualities are needed both to be into kink and to be able to make some money.

I can't agree with this. I've known plenty of kinky, creative people who were poor. Writers, artists, and musicians generally aren't paid well.

The main personal quality required to be wealthy is not creativity but having wealthy parents. Per Alvaredo et al., about 50-60% of wealth in the USA is inherited; some studies put it a bit lower, about 40%, which is still very high.

I'll take Occam's razor to this and find a different answer. I think it suggests access is limited (note, not impossible, just limited).

Anyway, so, this DIY stuff. I get it, but that takes time for some items. You can sub out some simpler things, of course, or get cheap versions of them, but access in general? Community? Workshops? Time + money are needed to some degree, as with anything that basically can take the role of hobby (and community's important to some people here). Or at least, time + money expedite the process significantly.

You can do it without. You can do it easier and with better access to community (and dress codes... those limit the field also for time/money poor people).

Yep, and noting also that money-poor and time-poor often go together. Somebody who has to work a second job isn't going to have a lot of time and energy left over for kinky fun.

 

[littlebirdjoy]

I can't agree with this. I've known plenty of kinky, creative people who were poor. Writers, artists, and musicians generally aren't paid well.

The main personal quality required to be wealthy is not creativity but having wealthy parents. Per Alvaredo et al., about 50-60% of wealth in the USA is inherited; some studies put it a bit lower, about 40%, which is still very high.



Yep, and noting also that money-poor and time-poor often go together. Somebody who has to work a second job isn't going to have a lot of time and energy left over for kinky fun.

This. I was having a hard time finding the right words. Thank you. The statement about creativity and character traits = wealth was really rubbing me the wrong way, so much so that I could not formulate a reply I was happy posting. Thank you Bramblethorn.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

#68

Do you believe that there is a correlation between access to money and access to kink? Does a lower income deny people inclusive community or the ability to pursue their kink?

Yes to Alpine and Brambly. It certainly has the potential to cut you off from the community.

My 'local' kink group is an hour away. They have loads of activities, but without transportation, guess who's not going? If i did have a vehicle, i still couldn't attend their weekly social event because i do work a second job and never have that night off.

If you're already in a relationship with a kinky partner, then it's less of an issue, but it's still nice to know that you have the opportunity to get together with those who share your interests, if only to meet other kinky folk who live nearby.

 

[AnnieLit]

Sorry - I wasn’t calling it out as ‘skanky’. You may be required to have up to date testing for certain clubs and groups. If you’re ‘vanilla’, I gather that means you’re not going to a dungeon. But maybe you are. My apologies.

Oh, I see. I have no idea what clubs require - never been to one.
Sorry for the mix up, I thought you were doing testing for yourself.

 

[AnnieLit]

I can't agree with this. I've known plenty of kinky, creative people who were poor. Writers, artists, and musicians generally aren't paid well.

The main personal quality required to be wealthy is not creativity but having wealthy parents. Per Alvaredo et al., about 50-60% of wealth in the USA is inherited; some studies put it a bit lower, about 40%, which is still very high.

Yep, and noting also that money-poor and time-poor often go together. Somebody who has to work a second job isn't going to have a lot of time and energy left over for kinky fun.

Did lack of money stop any of the writers, artists, or musicians you know from pursuing their kink? I highly doubt that.

As for having wealthy parents... Sorry, you are talking to a first generation American. We had two families putting their life savings together to buy two one way tickets for their married kids to cross the Atlantic. We are helping our parents now, not the other way around.

 

[AlpineFresco]

Stats are stats, regardless of whether you like 'em. They may not apply to you, but that doesn't mean they don't apply.

Also hi, I'm making a living in a creative field and lack of funds and time hampers my pursuit of kink

 

[Bramblethorn]

Did lack of money stop any of the writers, artists, or musicians you know from pursuing their kink? I highly doubt that.

HELL YES.

I don't know if you've ever dated somebody living below the poverty line, but when my ex was working long hours in a low-paying retail job, and then studying for a degree in an attempt to find a better job, and walking everywhere because they couldn't afford to fix their car, and dealing with chronic pain because they couldn't afford proper medical care, and maybe squeezing out a little bit of time to pursue their art... there wasn't a whole lot left for happyfunsexytimes. Having known them in slightly better times beforehand, I really noticed the difference.

As for having wealthy parents... Sorry, you are talking to a first generation American. We had two families putting their life savings together to buy two one way tickets for their married kids to cross the Atlantic. We are helping our parents now, not the other way around.

This is exactly my point: your current success has plenty to do with the opportunities your parents/grandparents were able to provide you. Nobody thinks of themselves as well-off, but having any kind of "life savings" that they could use to give their kids that kind of opportunity already puts them ahead of many families.

 

[twister947]

Wow. Sensitive subject...

 

[twister947]

Wild Hiney...every so often autofill really comes through.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I’ve been calling her that for years. It’s a love thang.

It is.


Momme.

 

[cookiecat]

#68

Do you believe that there is a correlation between access to money and access to kink? Does a lower income deny people inclusive community or the ability to pursue their kink?

I was going to say no but after reading other's input, I guess yes.

I do live in a bigger city so I have access to more kink opportunties. The community I'm in is pretty budget friendly. Munches are free. Most play parties are free, other than a donation of food and sometimes $5. Several educational labs are free. One does require a $5 entry fee.

The bigger hotel type play parties do offer volunteer opportunities to get in to the parties for free. When a big party has a theme, most of my friends got their outfits from a thrift store. I attended a "Malpractice" party and went as a lawyer. I bought a men's suit at a thrift store and wore a bra with my suit coat open. I made up my own business cards out of index cards from the dollar store. (My law office of Bendover, Spreadem, Wyder and Wyder could get you out of any fix) Guess my point is there are ways to go free or cheap.

We have a network of folks who will pick up people who don't have transportation.

I totally get that lots of people don't want to join a community setting or don't have access to one because of time or distance.

So sure, there are economic constraints that would keep folks from kink. But I guess that's true about virtually anything in life.

 

[ouchfeelsgood]

And this. Working 2 jobs puts a dent in your downtime. When you are off, do you kink it up? Or do you pay bills, clean, take care of things/family/pets?
Someone who works mega hours or a blue collar physical job may not have the leisure time to play “drink the milk out of the saucer, bitch”, that someone who is well off does.

Good point -- if you work long hours may be difficult to find the time or energy to have an enjoyable scene. Especially if your significant other/play partner is in the same situation.