2009 Survivor Poetry Challenge: Workshop

[Safe_Bet]

Think last two lines have to rhyme too but it's very funny lol

You don't think "Hell" and "cocktail" rhyme?

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

I don't think so. The way I learned, Haiku need to contain a syllable count of 5-7-5. Using the linked Syllable Counter you have a count of 3-2-4. But that conflicts with what Lauren has in the definitions:

haiku does not have to have a 5-7-5 pattern. That's a common misconception about haiku. It's better to think of it as a 17 syllable maximum limit.

My concern would be with the word "remains." To me, haiku is one instant in time. "Remains" relies observation before or after. But, others may not think that's a problem at all.

Personally, I agonized over my haiku that posted today over the use of the word "suppression."

Winter Cold

Daikan snow
suppression of life-
illuminated in moonlight


So, if anyone has any feedback on my interpretation of haiku as being generally instantaneous or on my haiku, i'd appreciate it.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

You don't think "Hell" and "cocktail" rhyme?

To me hell rhymes with bell and cocktail rhymes with fail but then you do have a funny accent!

 

[Safe_Bet]

haiku does not have to have a 5-7-5 pattern. That's a common misconception about haiku. It's better to think of it as a 17 syllable maximum limit.

My concern would be with the word "remains." To me, haiku is one instant in time. "Remains" relies observation before or after. But, others may not think that's a problem at all.

Personally, I agonized over my haiku that posted today over the use of the word "suppression."

Winter Cold

Daikan snow
suppression of life-
illuminated in moonlight


So, if anyone has any feedback on my interpretation of haiku as being generally instantaneous or on my haiku, i'd appreciate it.

Yeah, I just read up a little more on Haiku. It is actually 17 "on" instead of syllables. I guess this equates to the 10 - 14 english syllables.

You are also right about it being "instantaneous" or applying to "one breath" of time, vs. referring to a prior event or longer duration.

Where the hell is Equinox when you need her!

 

[Safe_Bet]

To me hell rhymes with bell and cocktail rhymes with fail but then you do have a funny accent!

*Snerk* and I think Bell and Fail rhyme too!


JUDGEMENT CALL, PLEASE!!!

 

[loganforester]

*Snerk* and I think Bell and Fail rhyme too!


JUDGEMENT CALL, PLEASE!!!

I dunno. I thought Bell rhymed will Fell and Fail rhymed with Ale.

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

I like the clerihew.
"hell" and "cocktail" are not perfect rhymes to me, but because it is a clerihew, i'd be more apt to be perfectly fine with a slant rhyme (or half rhyme since the ending consonant sounds are the same).

just out of curiosity, is it a matter of accent, SB?
do you pronounce "hell" like "hail" or "cocktail" like "cocktell"?

 

[AChild]

I got a question

where do we post the poems to get credit

 

[Safe_Bet]

I like the clerihew.
"hell" and "cocktail" are not perfect rhymes to me, but because it is a clerihew, i'd be more apt to be perfectly fine with a slant rhyme (or half rhyme since the ending consonant sounds are the same).

just out of curiosity, is it a matter of accent, SB?
do you pronounce "hell" like "hail" or "cocktail" like "cocktell"?

Hey! I was born outside of Peoria, IL. EVERYTHING sounds like it ends with a "twang" when I say it. So yeah, hell, hail, cocktail and cocktel all rhyme when I say them. Now if Amy says them they sound different cuz she sound like she was born and raised in Boston (stuck up bitch was born 50 miles from where I was, so don't ask!)

 

[Safe_Bet]

where do we post the poems to get credit

You post them in your Lit Submission page like a regular poem (for all to see). Then, once it posts (usually the next day or so) you mark your score card appropriately (until Lauren tells you that ya are crazy and that it is actually XXXX)

 

[Angeline]

I want Ange to get out the colored pencils, whiteboard markers and some hot teacher's outfit and teach me the sestina.

Lol, I just noticed this post of yours. You want me to be your sestina dom, huh?

 

[The_Fool]

Lol, I just noticed this post of yours. You want me to be your sestina dom, huh?

I just need something hot and sexy to distract me from something tedious and painful. Have to make the first one a sestina so I can get over it and move on. So I may never get anything written....

 

[AChild]

This a cinquain?

On winning the race

Quote me
Understate entry
Estimated flow … the child
Stop the Lit … the pen of babe
Tames all

 

[annaswirls]

Think last two lines have to rhyme too but it's very funny lol

hmmm, I suppose
if you are a southern bail,
hell sounds like hail....

 

[annaswirls]

Feed the Birds
by annaswirls©

birdlady hums
"tuppens for crumbs"
with no thanks
to Mr. Banks

so I think I fucked up my first poem. But it is tricky.

Cherilew- I was told by an anon commenter that person's actual name had to be the first line.

My conundrum: The "bird lady" in Mary Poppins did not have a name in the movie, she is called the bird lady....but she is pretty famous, no? So do I use the actresses name (This was the final film for Jane Darwell (who appears here as the bird lady)) instead even though it is not really Her that the poem refers to? Does it matter?

I don't want to come across as "cheating" because that is certainly not the case.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Feed the Birds
by annaswirls©

birdlady hums
"tuppens for crumbs"
with no thanks
to Mr. Banks

so I think I fucked up my first poem. But it is tricky.

Cherilew- I was told by an anon commentor that person's actual name had to be the first line.

My conundrum: The "bird lady" in Mary Poppins did not have a name in the movie, she is called the bird lady....but she is pretty famous, no? So do I use the actresses name instead even though it is not really Her that the poem refers to? Does it matter?

I don't want to come across as "cheating" because that is certainly not the case.

Well hun I did notice but didn't like to say I didn't want to upset you and don't be silly of course you don't come across as cheating actually I mucked up my first post of the clerihew but I caught mine before it got accepted. As I believe the form to be done the first line is a persons name so I don't know what you can do because it wasn't even Julie Andrews. Best to wait for expert advice ...... hey did you edit your post or am I going dotty?!!

 

[pushkine]

This a cinquain?

On winning the race

Quote me
Understate entry
Estimated flow … the child
Stop the Lit … the pen of babe
Tames all

In my opinion, no, based on the description of the form.

Your first line is a trochee (emphasis: Quote me) and your second line not only is not two iambs, it's five syllables.

You want something like this, I think:

I quote
Another theme,
Unestimable Child
Who stumps all Lit with pen. Though, babes
Trump all.

 

[pushkine]

Feed the Birds
by annaswirls©

birdlady hums
"tuppens for crumbs"
with no thanks
to Mr. Banks

so I think I fucked up my first poem. But it is tricky.

Cherilew- I was told by an anon commenter that person's actual name had to be the first line.

My conundrum: The "bird lady" in Mary Poppins did not have a name in the movie, she is called the bird lady....but she is pretty famous, no? So do I use the actresses name (This was the final film for Jane Darwell (who appears here as the bird lady)) instead even though it is not really Her that the poem refers to? Does it matter?

I don't want to come across as "cheating" because that is certainly not the case.

It is "Clerihew," not Cherliew.

That comment was me. Sorry that I did not leave my name if that is a problem.

The rules state:

The first line consists solely (or almost solely) of a well-known person's name (the subject of the poem).

Clerihews always reference people. Real people.

Yours is a clever poem but not a clerihew.

 

[annaswirls]

Well hun I did notice but didn't like to say I didn't want to upset you and don't be silly of course you don't come across as cheating actually I mucked up my first post of the clerihew but I caught mine before it got accepted. As I believe the form to be done the first line is a persons name so I don't know what you can do because it wasn't even Julie Andrews. Best to wait for expert advice ...... hey did you edit your post or am I going dotty?!!

hmmm
I always edit my posts, I am the great improver, changing things until I mess them up.

 

[annaswirls]

It is "Clerihew," not Cherliew.

That comment was me. Sorry that I did not leave my name if that is a problem.

The rules state:
Clerihews always reference people. Real people.

Yours is a clever poem but not a clerihew.

Not a problem to not leave your name.
So cherrychews always have to be REAL people.
grrrr....
I swear this is the reason I don't write form poetry. Ever. Man, is it really going to be me quitting after one day?? lol! This just sucks all creativity out of me.

Thanks for taking your time to comment.

 

[annaswirls]

So I am finding that cherihews might not as rigid as one might presume?

http://chestertonandfriends.blogspot.com/2006/07/clerihew.html

One site I saw said "doesn't have to be about a real person" and another said "has to be about a real person."

I do not want to be a poor sport, give me a day to fix the score card and delete the poem

 

[annaswirls]

Well hun I did notice but didn't like to say I didn't want to upset you and don't be silly of course you don't come across as cheating actually I mucked up my first post of the clerihew but I caught mine before it got accepted. As I believe the form to be done the first line is a persons name so I don't know what you can do because it wasn't even Julie Andrews. Best to wait for expert advice ...... hey did you edit your post or am I going dotty?!!

oh and goodness, please tell me when I fuck up. I do it all the time, so you will be busy.

 

[LadynStFreknBed]

Not a problem to not leave your name.
So cherrychews always have to be REAL people.
grrrr....
I swear this is the reason I don't write form poetry. Ever. Man, is it really going to be me quitting after one day?? lol! This just sucks all creativity out of me.

Thanks for taking your time to comment.

Clerihews have to be real people?

ugh!

So, my Rapunzel clerihew shouldn't count... not as a clerihew anyway.

ETA:

It's Day 2 and I have a literal pain in the butt and a headache!

 

[Angeline]

Ok, I think this is an acrostic cinquain. It sounds iambic to me, but I'd appreciate some feedback on whether I'm getting the stresses right. I've read it back to myself over and over and I can't tell anymore:

Acrostic Cinequain

Let not
Our errant cries,
Vain moments in this night,
Erase tomorrow’s clarity.
(Regret).

 

[annaswirls]

I don't know. I read two sites that said that they could be fictional-- one was a teacher's site, the other was a poetry contest.

I would wait until Lady Lauren comes to decide.

I am saying fuck it and doing another one. It is hard to do a cherihew AND a trigger. Sucks.

hahah

okay enough of my griping, I have to write a cherrychew about the crocodile hunter.

by the way, to cherrychews have titles or just the name of the person is the title?

Clerihews have to be real people?

ugh!

So, my Rapunzel clerihew shouldn't count... not as a clerihew anyway.

ETA:

It's Day 2 and I have a literal pain in the butt and a headache!