a companion to 30 in 30

[StepStransky]

Big long list of stuff wrong with my poem

Wow. That's quite an analysis, Senna. I only really started writing poetry about six months ago, so I really do consider myself a novice. This has left me feeling slightly winded, but I'll do my best to try to get my head around all of the points you've made.

You do realise it was written in about half an hour for the 30/30, right?

Anyway, thanks for the attention.

Step

 

[Senna Jawa]

Wow. That's quite an analysis, Senna. I only really started writing poetry about six months ago,

Wow! You're very good!

You do realise it was written in about half an hour for the 30/30, right?

Since, time wise, you are new, let me allow an advice: never-ever use such an excuse. Half an hour is more than plenty. One poem a day is also fine when you're in good shape (like a sportsman--here your activity is poetry, not sport), or else it is painful.

Whether you write a poem under one minute or over ten years, you always need discipline and alertness. Even when you write a poem over a long time, you do it in intensive bursts. And part of the intensity is a very fast paranoid feedback loop in your head, write-check-write-check-... which in a split fraction of a second goes many times and disallows any cheap shots, any false shortcuts (shortcutes ), etc. so that you hardly ever would write "I am the spinning penny"--instead, you'd use juxtaposition. Of course nothing terrible has happened, but you'd like to position your poem on a higher orbit.

You fooled me! I thought that you're an old hand at poems.

Best regards,

Senna Jawa​

 

[StepStransky]

Since, time wise, you are new, let me allow an advice: never-ever use such an excuse. Half an hour is more than plenty. One poem a day is also fine when you're in good shape (like a sportsman--here your activity is poetry, not sport), or else it is painful.

I'm sorry, Senna; I don't think I made myself clear: I wasn't trying to excuse anything. I was just wanting to say I sort of regard everything I write in the 30/30 as draft. I kind of thought the 30/30 was a bit like the NaNoWriMo in spirit - turn-off-the-inner-editor-and-get-the-ideas-down-or-you'll-never-end-up-writing-anything sort of thing. I'm really sorry if I misjudged the tone of the contest.

 

[PandoraGlitters]

Congratulations, Step!

Congratulations on completing your first 30!

 

[annaswirls]

You did not misjudge the tone of the contest. You were right in tune, on key, on time and just lovely.

The 30/30 is a way to inspire poets to write poetry. Not all of the poems that come out here are clever or beautiful or good. But they are. And here, that is what matters.

I hope you never feel inhibited from just laying it down. Because when you do, wonderful things happen.

Congrats on 30/30!!!

I'm sorry, Senna; I don't think I made myself clear: I wasn't trying to excuse anything. I was just wanting to say I sort of regard everything I write in the 30/30 as draft. I kind of thought the 30/30 was a bit like the NaNoWriMo in spirit - turn-off-the-inner-editor-and-get-the-ideas-down-or-you'll-never-end-up-writing-anything sort of thing. I'm really sorry if I misjudged the tone of the contest.

 

[4degrees]

wtg step. your poems were very inspiring, and def made me aware of my lacking even more so. glad you joined!

 

[Senna Jawa]

PF&D and drafts

I sort of regard everything I write in the 30/30 as draft.

That's correct. More than that, we have the archive and this PF&D board at Literotica, so that every poem which appears publicly first on PF&D can be viewed here as a draft, while poems in their more final version are posted to the archive (even archive has an editing option, clumsy as it is, but it should be used rather for minor, cosmetic changes only).

Regards,

Senna Jawa​

 

[annaswirls]

well damn look at this

I have some Step catching up to do.

My, haven't you done
well. First the barn
conversion, then the
extension, then the
veranda; then the
pine all got upgraded
to oak, the fabric to
leather and the CRT
is now an LCD, and
no room is without a
television. You have
such a beautiful place
up here, looking over
the sea.

And yet,
you don't know what
time the tide comes in?

 

[annaswirls]

They have a bug now that can eat plastic
and I tell this to my niece to dissuade her
from wanting a Rapunzel Barbie: the immaculate
reconception of feminine helplessness right down
to the dainty plastic fingertips. My neice
does not care that there is a bug that can devour
plastic bags in minutes. She is in love
with the poofy dress and the plastic tresses
hanging down like a handle.

do they really have plastic eating bugs? tres cool in a landfill, not so cool in my refrigerator.

I like this poem, well done!

Might consider changing the "handle" kind of gives more of a bucket feel (to me) rather than the ladder? Maybe I am missing something.

At any rate, keep on writing lady!

 

[StepStransky]

well damn look at this

I have some Step catching up to do.

Got out my pen for napowrimo

 

[annaswirls]

Got out my pen for napowrimo

is that for writing a novel? any fiction? I can't read longer fiction on line. 100 words is about my limit of sentences

 

[StepStransky]

is that for writing a novel? any fiction? I can't read longer fiction on line. 100 words is about my limit of sentences

NaPoWriMo = National Poem Writing Month

You're thinking of National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo); I've done that several times, but this is my first ever napowrimo.

 

[annaswirls]

NaPoWriMo = National Poem Writing Month

You're thinking of National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo); I've done that several times, but this is my first ever napowrimo.

cool! Where are you participating, if you do not mind my asking. I am doing a poem a day challenge at Poetic Asides, but only got 4 done so far This one allows you to catch up.

 

[PandoraGlitters]

do they really have plastic eating bugs? tres cool in a landfill, not so cool in my refrigerator.

I like this poem, well done!

Might consider changing the "handle" kind of gives more of a bucket feel (to me) rather than the ladder? Maybe I am missing something.

At any rate, keep on writing lady!

They do! A teenage boy in Canada isolated them and found ways to improve their performance so that a plastic bag from the grocery store would be dissolved in 3 days.

And thank you, Anna. The handle is because it is a doll and I could just see my little neice dragging the thing around by its hair.

 

[StepStransky]

Oh god, did I scare
Step away?

My Internet went down over the Easter weekend (well, actually, my phone line went down). Feeling like I've lost my momentum now. I'll post what I wrote in the 'dirty thirty'.

 

[PandoraGlitters]

Wonderful to see you reviving the 30/30, Achild. I'll be eager to see your harvest.

 

[wildsweetone]

Wonderful to see you reviving the 30/30, Achild. I'll be eager to see your harvest.

i'm loving the harvest!

 

[wildsweetone]

one of the spin offs from your 30/30 AChild is that you often give me much food for thought. i'll suddenly find myself engrossed in poetry after a somewhat parched break. thank you for another interesting and enlightening 30/30. i appreciate your writing and your sharing, always.

 

[AChild]

Muse Music

Wildsweetone

"how do you walk away from something
and end up going toward it?"
"small world"

bitter baby
that's my chocolate
raw cacao
dusty ancient
pulling on those central
AmerICON temples
usings bean seeds as cash

in other words
don't colonize my world
don't dominate
slip into my melting pot
and we can mingle one

pluck of the nervous system at a time
skin on sin
vibrations toward a high

tasting
choking
see its so bitter
blooming wild sweet flowers
in the jaw hinge

the sweetness comes from
your saliva input
overloaded by the harsh texture

if it makes you smile
you'll drool a bit
earth water from the mother's
yoni temple

 

[wildsweetone]

Wildsweetone

"how do you walk away from something
and end up going toward it?"
"small world"

bitter baby
that's my chocolate
raw cacao
dusty ancient
pulling on those central
AmerICON temples
usings bean seeds as cash

in other words
don't colonize my world
don't dominate
slip into my melting pot
and we can mingle one

pluck of the nervous system at a time
skin on sin
vibrations toward a high

tasting
choking
see its so bitter
blooming wild sweet flowers
in the jaw hinge

the sweetness comes from
your saliva input
overloaded by the harsh texture

if it makes you smile
you'll drool a bit
earth water from the mother's
yoni temple

couldn't let it pass...

AChild

if two mingled would one be
lost? one slight stir
might be bearable - enough
that we rub skin on sin-

gular pore, pared bare
so all eyes could seed
our strength in separation,
our unity in combination.

no icon could tie us, nor
drag back those burnt flapjacks bittered
with spliced lemon,
sweetened like the silent hawk
eyeing the ground for desert. just

imagine beyond the tidied room, beyond
the scrabbled mess of knife and mud, beyond
the wild eyed cat hissing
from his throne, imagine

how many poems are inside one room
wrapped up in cuddlys, gripping twisted coke cans,
stubbed out in trays, the grey ash mounding
in chains. just imagine -

no one reads poetry on windows
the exact same way as you.

 

[wildsweetone]

i'm loving the 30/30 again!

 

[Tzara]

What was this?

smallness hangs from the eaves,
like one rain, or meat
on spider's silk.

you are small,
a droplet,
a bit of a meal.

swing down, come through
our window,
my small smallness.

i will braid a ladder
out of fallen hair,
my stressed locks --
frail climbing follicles for small climber.

crawl up into our giant bed,
into my big woman arms,
into my crushing-of-small-things embrace.

i will love you into a tiny storm puddle,
squeeze you smaller than spider's meal.

One poem in thirty days? I mean, that's OK, of course. It's, like, a good poem. That isn't the problem.

Maybe someone should start a One Poem in One Day thread (or even a One Poem in Ten Days or One Poem When I Damn Well Feel Like It, and It's None of Your Business Anyway thread) to help the backsliders out a bit.

It's a very good poem, though. Just to make that clear.

 

[wildsweetone]

darkerdreamer... how do you do that?

Tzara - i'm up for entering something on that thread. can't promise anything much, but something should come to mind sooner or later.

 

[PandoraGlitters]

cinderella poet
the glass slipper
never fits, is lost
forever
goes barefoot and
trudges the road
that mercy abandoned
loving the feel of
tiny rocks embedded
in the soft part
of the sole.

Fucking gorgeous, 4degrees.

 

[4degrees]

Fucking gorgeous, 4degrees.