Tsotha
donnyQ
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2013
- Posts
- 1,462
Thank you, tod, for your kind words and insight on my 1-8. The disruption you mentioned, at the end, was something that bothered me when I wrote it, but now, considering your words, it does seem to reinforce what is being said (beauty, slipping away).
It's unfortunate, but it seems I couldn't write a form poem anymore if my life depended on it. So, I'm happy when I imbue rhythm or manage a few internal rhymes.
What words would you cut? My own attempt resulted in two words being cut, on lines 1 and 2, but elsewhere I couldn't do it without feeling like removing the line altogether.
It's unfortunate, but it seems I couldn't write a form poem anymore if my life depended on it. So, I'm happy when I imbue rhythm or manage a few internal rhymes.
What words would you cut? My own attempt resulted in two words being cut, on lines 1 and 2, but elsewhere I couldn't do it without feeling like removing the line altogether.