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a companion to 30 in 30

Angeline said:
Wintermute, I love your 1-29. Yer goin out like a firecracker, buddy. :)
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Awww thank you! I have to say it's your musical ones that often seem to give me something to hook into, so thanks for that.

Pressure's on for tomorrow though, I've a feeling a simple slap-dash haiku won't do the job this time:eek:
 
Wintermute01 said:
Awww thank you! I have to say it's your musical ones that often seem to give me something to hook into, so thanks for that.

Pressure's on for tomorrow though, I've a feeling a simple slap-dash haiku won't do the job this time:eek:
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It's just a poem. Don't let it take you too seriously. :D

There's so much good music out there on the web these days. You can find almost anything. I love it and find it inspirational for writing.
 
Remec your last one was well written, your writing of late has been on point, whatever you are using as muse, can ya spare some :D
 
todski28 said:
Remec your last one was well written, your writing of late has been on point, whatever you are using as muse, can ya spare some :D
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:eek:
Aww...t'anks...mostly just puzzling out how to work a daily poem in among my schedule of late--and working to a deadline sparks just enough dread and adrenaline that I think my muse(s) wake up and take pity on me. hehehe

I need to open Word and see if I can coax them into helping with some stories now and then. :D


:cool:
 
Hi, wintermute. Congrats on finishing the 30 in 30 run. For an AI, you did quite a good job writing poems... ;)

I've taken the liberty to select five poems amongst your 30 that have caught my eye. I list them below:

1-6

I like how the virtual gives comfort, here, that the real doesn't. There is something I often hear, that there is no "reality" whatsoever in things virtual (e.g., friends on the internet). However, if the virtual can create such feelings on us — comfort, sadness, and so on — then how can it not be real?

This poem served as inspiration for my own 2-25.

1-10

Which portrays a feeling that is easy to recognize, to any who have been in the position of waiting. I like that the title includes the word "prayer" — indeed, patience is something that requires reminding, or "praying" over and over. Watchfulness to not let it slip.

1-14

I have mixed feelings about "mountains soar" and "valleys run deep", these are clear images, but perhaps too clear, not leaving much to the imagination... But I like your poem, as a whole. It really feels like an outsider's ode to a land that has received him, and it does a good job at that.

1-18

As I mentioned previously, I liked this one. The message in itself is interesting, but I especially like how you've twisted the form to put that RIBBIT! at the end. About this, though:

Nature knows not to keep us dark
For too long, lest we wilt
And slowly die.

I wonder if nature is crazy, then, in places like Finland, where darkness reigns long?

1-29

I like this one because it makes me think.

Alone in all the universe, as far as we know,
For only we, upright apes, can work such magic.

Is that so? Only we, in the entire universe? I wonder.

The "magic", I think, is an illusion, existing only in the eyes and ears of upright monkeys. We have evolved to be somewhat self-aware, and this creates a need for meaning. There are sounds that are "pleasing" to us, both in a strictly physical sense (not grating to the human ear), and in a strictly mental sense (self-validation of our preferences/views). So, like nice little robots, we replicate what pleases us, over and over again, going down the path of least resistance.

Perhaps it can be said that we alone in the entire universe have acquired the ability to assign meaning to what we see around us. "This music is beautiful", smart monkey says, though there is nothing objectively or measurably "beautiful", only an impression of beauty in the eyes of the beholder. We may hold a micro-cosmos of meaning and "emotion" inside us, and that is pretty unique, but we are not the only ones able to manipulate entropy to create local peaks of order (and "beauty") — a spider weaves its web, something beautiful and highly ordered, in a universe of overwhelming chaos. This entire planet is proof that there is nothing unique in our ability to put things in a neat order. Even mindless chaos can do it. There is "music" out there, too, in between the stars.
 
Dear All,

Thanks to each of you for your kind comments and helpful critiques.

Many of these were written on a recent trip to Norway, including a brief stint in the arctic circle, which I think influenced me more than I'd recognised at the time. Thanks for the inspiration each of you provided at one time or other through your own work. I must say that compared to each of you, I have a lot to learn. However, this is a supportive and friendly environment in which to do so. So once again, I am very grateful to you.

Finally, congratulations to Angeline, whom I notice has just hit the big, 'Three-Oh', also. There were a couple of times when those jazz references were the difference between me continuing with this quest, or throwing in the towel and heading off to the less wholesome corners of Lit:eek:.

WM. :)
 
Congratulations, Angeline, on another successful 30 in 30 run. I have made a selection of some of yours that I specially like:

3-1, 3-2, 3-3, 3-5, 3-6

These are awesome!

What I see in 3-1 is perhaps using "Blue Rondo a la Turk" as a wake up alarm song... And then, "where does the song end and the day begin"? As if the song was a theme for the day — and I can totally relate to that.

Also, reading the comments on youtube I came across this, which I feel also relates to your 3-1, too:

"Back in grad school, I found out I had a bit of synesthesia. I was looking at a fountain one day, and I realized that the little droplets tinkling into the water were Blue Rondo a la Turk. They didn't sound like the song. They didn't look like the song. They just were the song."

Your 3-2 makes me think of The Neverending Story, and all these stories where a young boy/girl ends up in fantastic world. I think 3-30 could be used as the end to 3-2.

3-3 earns a SIGH from me. :( Well done.

Your Twilight Zone 3-5 is funny. :)

3-6 causes something inside me. Except I'd have named it Self-Imposed Stockholm Syndrome.

3-11

I like the theme here, and how you develop it. :) There is an "interested disinterest", I think, showcased in these two parts:

"Enough to sustain, even entertain a thought or two, or three."
"My skin is going flush and rich, in fiction, for the narrative pleases me — it pleases me if only until."

You've told us that this is a "Lannet", so I feel I must point out that what you've written seems to break the rules a bit. :) I'm talking about this:

Rule: "There is a strict syllable count of 10 per line."

Line one has 9 syllables, and line ten has 9 syllables, too (I think).

Rule: "The Lannet has NO END-LINE RHYMING SCHEME. Only internal rhyme is allowed."

Lines 2 and 3 rhyme (I think... I've been wrong before :rolleyes:).

3-19

This one confused me a bit, it has beautiful images that don't quite make a lot of sense to me (as I've told you in that PM). I also like the lack of punctuation, both for the "unrolling" effect and for the rhythm it takes in my mind. I really like the last sentence, too — explaining the unexplainable. A minor mood, indeed. Also, I think the music should have been referenced. It fits. :)

3-20

...because it showcases the Awesome Power of Poetry. :D

3-25

I like this one, I think you've captured well what I saw in the reference video. I also like the enjambments and what I call "unroll" (for lack of a better term), where words can be used to form multiple sentences, depending on where you stop / start reading. E.g.:

Imagine first a grand Spring day -- a fair
A fair display of bird and boulevard
Boulevard compose a rapid scene, so hurry dancing feet
Dancing feet lifted on the breeze honeysuckle rose

It's chilling, however, how white people are often grouped with other white people, and black people with other black people. And this, caught on video, not even a hundred years ago...
 
HarryHill said:
I thought this was so apropos, Angeline, perhaps not in the way you intended. Howareya? :)
Click to expand...

Hiya Harry! I am alive, but poorer because I had to buy a new computer today. My old desktop (8 years old) died Tuesday night. That left me with my e-reader which is hell for me to type much on. So now I have this lovely new computer which I just got working. But now I gotta figure out where everything is. :rolleyes:

I will be back in poetry mode very soon!

:rose:
 
Wintermute01 said:
Dear All,

Thanks to each of you for your kind comments and helpful critiques.

Many of these were written on a recent trip to Norway, including a brief stint in the arctic circle, which I think influenced me more than I'd recognised at the time. Thanks for the inspiration each of you provided at one time or other through your own work. I must say that compared to each of you, I have a lot to learn. However, this is a supportive and friendly environment in which to do so. So once again, I am very grateful to you.

Finally, congratulations to Angeline, whom I notice has just hit the big, 'Three-Oh', also. There were a couple of times when those jazz references were the difference between me continuing with this quest, or throwing in the towel and heading off to the less wholesome corners of Lit:eek:.

WM. :)
Click to expand...

My Dear Wintermute,

What a pleasure it was to write with you again. I read back through your offerings and found two double acrostics, a villanelle, a ghazal and all kinds of formy and unformed fun! Your onion limerick made me laugh and knowing you had traveled brought new understanding to some of my rereads of your poems. I especially like 1-19 (succinct!) and 1-26 (a flying WM?), but 1-29 is my favorite. Well said. :)

Glad the jazz came in handy. It's a wonderful thing, jazz.

:rose:
 
Tsotha said:
Congratulations, Angeline, on another successful 30 in 30 run. I have made a selection of some of yours that I specially like:

What I see in 3-1 is perhaps using "Blue Rondo a la Turk" as a wake up alarm song... And then, "where does the song end and the day begin"? As if the song was a theme for the day — and I can totally relate to that.

It was what I listened to right after I got up the day I wrote the poem, so you got it just right! I'm a much nicer person all day if I am alone with music for an hour or so in the morning. :cool:

Also, reading the comments on youtube I came across this, which I feel also relates to your 3-1, too:

"Back in grad school, I found out I had a bit of synesthesia. I was looking at a fountain one day, and I realized that the little droplets tinkling into the water were Blue Rondo a la Turk. They didn't sound like the song. They didn't look like the song. They just were the song."

Your 3-2 makes me think of The Neverending Story, and all these stories where a young boy/girl ends up in fantastic world. I think 3-30 could be used as the end to 3-2.

3-3 earns a SIGH from me. :( Well done.

Your Twilight Zone 3-5 is funny. :)

I feel I cheated on that one because the pun belongs to the Twilight Zone, not me, but I was trying to do a very short hint fiction piece and it fit the bill.

3-6 causes something inside me. Except I'd have named it Self-Imposed Stockholm Syndrome.

That is better!

3-11

I like the theme here, and how you develop it. :) There is an "interested disinterest", I think, showcased in these two parts:

"Enough to sustain, even entertain a thought or two, or three."
"My skin is going flush and rich, in fiction, for the narrative pleases me — it pleases me if only until."

You've told us that this is a "Lannet", so I feel I must point out that what you've written seems to break the rules a bit. :) I'm talking about this:

Rule: "There is a strict syllable count of 10 per line."

Line one has 9 syllables, and line ten has 9 syllables, too (I think).\


I count "interesting" as four syllables in/ter/est/ing. That may be wrong lol, but that's how I got to ten. Maybe it's my New Joisey accent.

Rule: "The Lannet has NO END-LINE RHYMING SCHEME. Only internal rhyme is allowed."

Lines 2 and 3 rhyme (I think... I've been wrong before :rolleyes:).

They do but as Annie will tell you, I have been known to "give the finger" to a rule if I find a word I like. Ahem.

3-19

This one confused me a bit, it has beautiful images that don't quite make a lot of sense to me (as I've told you in that PM). I also like the lack of punctuation, both for the "unrolling" effect and for the rhythm it takes in my mind. I really like the last sentence, too — explaining the unexplainable. A minor mood, indeed. Also, I think the music should have been referenced. It fits. :)

3-20

...because it showcases the Awesome Power of Poetry. :D

3-25

I like this one, I think you've captured well what I saw in the reference video. I also like the enjambments and what I call "unroll" (for lack of a better term), where words can be used to form multiple sentences, depending on where you stop / start reading. E.g.:

Imagine first a grand Spring day -- a fair
A fair display of bird and boulevard
Boulevard compose a rapid scene, so hurry dancing feet
Dancing feet lifted on the breeze honeysuckle rose

It's chilling, however, how white people are often grouped with other white people, and black people with other black people. And this, caught on video, not even a hundred years ago...
Click to expand...

The poem is a terzanelle, a form I really enjoy writing. And the funny thing is that at the time (1939, when Jim Crow laws were still in force), the fact that black people and white people were even attending the same concert was considered really progressive.... As Dr. MLK, Jr, said: The arc of history is long but it tends toward justice. (Something like that--may not be exactly right on that quote but you get the idea.)

Thank you Tsotha for such detailed feedback. I very much appreciate it. :rose:

Now on to your poems!

You know I really like 2-1 because it does evoke that song for me. In fact the poem sounds like a blues rhythm when I read it.

2-2 also sounds like a lyric to me.

2-5 is very strong and therefore deserves a better last line because "on with the show" seems too flippant to me for what precedes it.

2-6 has really nice sonic qualities, both assonance and alliteration.

2-9 is strong and seems like it could be the start of a longer piece.

2-11 One of the best in this group imho. I'd edit it some but I'd edit just about everything. :D

2-19 Anyone who writes a Vogon poem gets props from me!

I found 2-20 quite touching.

2-23 is interesting and has a quirky twist at the end. I like when poems do that.

2-26 gets a big thumbs up from me. I can tell you were feeling the music.

2-27 is funny and the imagery is evocative.

Just my opinions of course. You had a good run, Tsotha.
 
Angeline said:
I count "interesting" as four syllables in/ter/est/ing. That may be wrong lol, but that's how I got to ten. Maybe it's my New Joisey accent.
Click to expand...

I divide "interesting" as you do. I went back to retrieve lines 1 and 10 (not that it's important, but now I'm curious to find out if I'm dividing something incorrectly):

1: I | wouldn't | call | you | a | dir|ty old | man

10: care|less|ly | past | hours | we | shall | keep | most

Angeline said:
As Dr. MLK, Jr, said: The arc of history is long but it tends toward justice. (Something like that--may not be exactly right on that quote but you get the idea.)
Click to expand...

Hm. I wish I could believe that.


Angeline said:
Thank you Tsotha for such detailed feedback. I very much appreciate it. :rose:
Click to expand...

And thank you for giving me your view on mine. Writing these was "fun", but getting someone's opinion on what works / doesn't work is very useful. On the first 30 in 30 I had my own favorites, but beyond that, it was hard to figure out what was done well/badly without a second set of eyes...

Angeline said:
2-5 is very strong and therefore deserves a better last line because "on with the show" seems too flippant to me for what precedes it.
Click to expand...

Ah, indeed... I felt constrained by the song, and wanted to end like it. If I rewrite this, I'll keep that in mind. I agree about it being flippant. :)

Angeline said:
2-9 is strong and seems like it could be the start of a longer piece.
Click to expand...

It does, doesn't it? hm...

Angeline said:
2-11 One of the best in this group imho. I'd edit it some but I'd edit just about everything. :D
Click to expand...

Nah, you're right. It's sloppy and could use trimming. Sometimes I just write, this is one such case. (No; actually, more often than not, I just write. I should edit more.) If it's a small piece, I can keep it more or less organized, on instinct. But if it's just a bit longer, like this... It gets messy.

Angeline said:
I found 2-20 quite touching.
Click to expand...

Poor blind dog. And hm, I just noticed I refer to it as "he". Is he/she ever used in English to refer to animals, or is it something that just makes no sense if done?

Angeline said:
2-27 is funny and the imagery is evocative.
Click to expand...

I was inspired by our friend 8523km (the single white male who posts poems here on the PoBo to lure his single white female muse). I borrowed most words from him... I found it amusing that, in his poem, her "fragrant garden" only came alive in spring, and from there... zombie garden. :rolleyes:

Angeline said:
Just my opinions of course. You had a good run, Tsotha.
Click to expand...

Thank you, again. I appreciate the feedback. :rose:
 
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Just thought I would make a clarification, the line I used in my 3-30 that came from twelveoone was from the middle of their piece, but it was seemingly broken into stages (possibly different rifts on the same base theme/narrative) so I figured it was a viable option to use on the ends from the different sections--which were almost like smaller poems within the larger total.

:cool:
 
Hey Remec, good job with your 30 in 30. Just went through yours again to select some pieces:

3-3

I like how you describe the sound of those mini-hailstones. It makes me wonder what kind of roof you were under, at the time.

3-6

It just occurred to me that this could (perhaps) go along with Angeline's 3-2 for a 30 in 30 fairytale.

3-7

When I set out to write the diminished hexaverse, this was exactly what I was planning to write. Instead of writing, I got lazy and decided to give it a few hours... When I came back, you'd written yours. :D In truth, you've written it better than I could; very nicely done.

3-11

I think you've made good use of the form with this one. I like the symmetry with two full sentences, and the twist presented in the second one. I don't know about the title, however — you're talking about time unbending and unyielding, and nostalgia is about something that returns (so, the opposite). On the other hand, maybe the nostalgia is "the way I often describe you"... Hm, actually, nevermind. I'm not sure if I agree with my first opinion... :rolleyes:

Ah, line 5 has 9 syllables; I don't quite remember the form, but think it should be 10. Easily fixed by inserting an "a" at the beginning ("a brief spasm...").

3-15

Just treasure? Depending on what game you're playing, that's the whole point... And cough up some good loot, dude. Don't be a miser. :cool:

3-29

Well written and evocative. I like how you narrate this, the scene is... well, a bit funny. Nice title, too. ;)

3-30

I like the idea of using lines from other people's poems to create something new. It takes some effort to put together something that has meaning, like you did. It's a "fishing for meaning" puzzle. Writing my "music poems" was a bit similar, in that I selected lines from the lyrics and then tried to put something different together. Fun, right? :)
 
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