a companion to 30 in 30

[Wintermute01]

I think a flag should be raised and a Plaque fixed to the wall proclaiming to all future poets that Angeline with unstinting bravery and courage finished the marathon for the Fourth Time!!

Seconded!!

 

[Mollie_F]

Thirded

 

[Angeline]

Hard to be anything but soothed by that! Thanks

I know. The whole album it's from is great.

I think a flag should be raised and a Plaque fixed to the wall proclaiming to all future poets that Angeline with unstinting bravery and courage finished the marathon for the Fourth Time!!

I ain't nowhere near the record-holders for 30/30 (or you Ms. Survivor), but still...

 

[Angeline]

Seconded!!

Thirded

(Ok, I am done being silly for now. )

 

[Angeline]

Molly, your acrostic is gorgeous. The colors and all the visuals just convey peace and natural beauty.

 

[Mollie_F]

Molly, your acrostic is gorgeous. The colors and all the visuals just convey peace and natural beauty.

Thank you, I can be a bit of a grinch about following forms but that one was fun to do.

Roll on your round 5, hehe!

 

[Tsotha]

Thank you, Angeline, for creating the new challenge. I think I will learn a lot seeing how others go about editing their work.

And, if I do this:

*Tsotha takes a poem, changes a single comma. Does a palms-out wrist stretch* "My work here is done."

Slap me upside the head. No cheating allowed.

 

[Angeline]

Thank you, Angeline, for creating the new challenge. I think I will learn a lot seeing how others go about editing their work.

And, if I do this:

*Tsotha takes a poem, changes a single comma. Does a palms-out wrist stretch* "My work here is done."

Slap me upside the head. No cheating allowed.

You are most welcome. I really am excited at seeing various editing processes and hope to learn from it. However I am horrified that I now have to figure out what poem to select first.

(And, for me, that ain't happenin' tonight...)

And yeah no cheating allowed. Anyone who does cheat must go stand in front of a mirror and say, "I cheated." Poet, police yourself.

 

[Tsotha]

Oh, this challenge will be painful...

Comment on 1-1:

I started by reading through my stuff to select something to work with, and I felt that three of them belonged together. I decided to try weave them into one without rewriting (for now), to see how it looked. I have mixed feelings, so far. Maybe I need to forget that they were three poems initially, and start tinkering with this Frankenstein as something new. I might come back to it later... If I can think of something.

 

[Angeline]

Oh, this challenge will be painful...

Comment on 1-1:

I started by reading through my stuff to select something to work with, and I felt that three of them belonged together. I decided to try weave them into one without rewriting (for now), to see how it looked. I have mixed feelings, so far. Maybe I need to forget that they were three poems initially, and start tinkering with this Frankenstein as something new. I might come back to it later... If I can think of something.

I think you're off to a good start--and kudos for bringing the thread to life.

I like the way you switched things around and how you are rolling from one idea to the next and enhancing that with repetitions. I might drop a line of space between each statement to set it off--see how it looks--but that's me.

I do like that you've married separate poems. I have a whole bunch of short poems that I want to put together into a longer piece so it's good to see someone else doing it.

But I can't tonight because um I'm playing a game and listening to George Harrison.

 

[Tsotha]

I think you're off to a good start--and kudos for bringing the thread to life.

I like the way you switched things around and how you are rolling from one idea to the next and enhancing that with repetitions. I might drop a line of space between each statement to set it off--see how it looks--but that's me.

I do like that you've married separate poems. I have a whole bunch of short poems that I want to put together into a longer piece so it's good to see someone else doing it.

But I can't tonight because um I'm playing a game and listening to George Harrison.

You know, I went back and forth between adding and removing a space between the statements... And I kinda liked it better with things separate a bit. I think the main reason for taking the spaces out was because it felt a bit like cheating, just putting them together.

Well, there's always tomorrow. Thank you for the suggestion.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Can you write a new poem and edit as you go?

 

[greenmountaineer]

This is a great idea, Angie. I joined this site in the first place to learn how to write better. Although there has been an ebb and flow through the years, Literotica has exceeded my expectations in the manner it's helped, New Poems and their comments and the threads in PF&D in particular.

I hope it's not poor Literotica etiquette to continue to post on occasion in New Poems an edited poem from the challenge. I find there are some readers who don't regularly visit PF&D but still provide excellent thought provoking comments. Probably the best example of that was when I used a proper noun in a poem where the setting was Afghanistan, and Ash pointed out the name had a different meaning than what I intended. I may, in fact, post it here during one of the 30 days if for no reason to again sing his praise and illustrate how feedback can make such a difference.

 

[Matryoshka]

Oh, this challenge will be painful...

Comment on 1-1:

I started by reading through my stuff to select something to work with, and I felt that three of them belonged together. I decided to try weave them into one without rewriting (for now), to see how it looked. I have mixed feelings, so far. Maybe I need to forget that they were three poems initially, and start tinkering with this Frankenstein as something new. I might come back to it later... If I can think of something.

The poem I posted started out like this...a few individual poems, some only started. I put them together, left it and then came back to it. The next time I read it, I made some adjustments and it had morphed into something (for me) more emotional and accurate.

 

[twelveoone]

This is a great idea, Angie. I joined this site in the first place to learn how to write better. Although there has been an ebb and flow through the years, Literotica has exceeded my expectations in the manner it's helped, New Poems and their comments and the threads in PF&D in particular.

I hope it's not poor Literotica etiquette to continue to post on occasion in New Poems an edited poem from the challenge. I find there are some readers who don't regularly visit PF&D but still provide excellent thought provoking comments. Probably the best example of that was when I used a proper noun in a poem where the setting was Afghanistan, and Ash pointed out the name had a different meaning than what I intended. I may, in fact, post it here during one of the 30 days if for no reason to again sing his praise and illustrate how feedback can make such a difference.

generally speaking, I don't infest these threads.
but it is nice to see these statements as there seems to be a strong counter indication
as for "Literotica etiquette" good guess as to what is that, ethics, but situational apply.
p/s I'm proud of Ash, for doing something useful!!!??!!

 

[Tsotha]

I hope it's not poor Literotica etiquette to continue to post on occasion in New Poems an edited poem from the challenge.

Continue to post? Resubmitting a poem that was changed, as a result of this thread? I see no reason why it should be poor etiquette.

The poem I posted started out like this...a few individual poems, some only started. I put them together, left it and then came back to it. The next time I read it, I made some adjustments and it had morphed into something (for me) more emotional and accurate.

I've been haunting the writing live thread for so long that I've acquired the bad habit of not revisiting what I write. I am hoping this challenge will help me change that.

 

[Angeline]

Can you write a new poem and edit as you go?

I don't see why not. When I am more awake I'll emend the thread to note that.

This is a great idea, Angie. I joined this site in the first place to learn how to write better. Although there has been an ebb and flow through the years, Literotica has exceeded my expectations in the manner it's helped, New Poems and their comments and the threads in PF&D in particular.

I hope it's not poor Literotica etiquette to continue to post on occasion in New Poems an edited poem from the challenge. I find there are some readers who don't regularly visit PF&D but still provide excellent thought provoking comments. Probably the best example of that was when I used a proper noun in a poem where the setting was Afghanistan, and Ash pointed out the name had a different meaning than what I intended. I may, in fact, post it here during one of the 30 days if for no reason to again sing his praise and illustrate how feedback can make such a difference.

Thanks gm. I mentioned in the thread that people should feel free to submit (or resubmit as the case may be) to New Poems, if they so choose. The more exposure and feedback, the better, right? There is some lively commenting going on over there lately, which is great. I know you and todski have had a lot to do with that.

 

[greenmountaineer]

Gun Show Atlantic City

Briefly, the original is from UYS's "Annikey Challenge," which I enjoyed. The edited version is the result of an article linked by 1201 written by Denise Levertov of the Black Mountain School Movement. There wasn't much change in the wording between the versions, but I was curious to hear how matching line length with the breath, which I believe the Black Mountain Poets call "projective verse," might give a different affect to the poem. Others can judge that for themselves.

I also became aware of a lot of "ng" words followed by a word beginning with a hard consonant. For me "longs to" becomes a tongue twister unless there's a natural pause as in the enjambed "longs/to" Besides, the narrator is supposed to be a fast-talking criminal selling illegal guns.

The change in the title may be a flight of fancy. Someday I might want to enter a chapbook contest, and I'm consolidating poems that have a common nexus to the NY NJ metropolitan area. (E.g., "Finding Love in the Arthur Kill, etc.)

 

[Tsotha]

About GM's 1-1: nice double meaning there with the "check out". I liked the original title, with the "last night". Did you change it because it was giving too big a hint? I noticed you've replaced "working stiff" with "working man", too.

I like your edit, it flows more naturally (the original left me a bit restless, by the end of each stanza — the stream was too long, I think). It also helps me imagine this person talking a little better, it feels more like someone's speech.

 

[Angeline]

Briefly, the original is from UYS's "Annikey Challenge," which I enjoyed. The edited version is the result of an article linked by 1201 written by Denise Levertov of the Black Mountain School Movement. There wasn't much change in the wording between the versions, but I was curious to hear how matching line length with the breath, which I believe the Black Mountain Poets call "projective verse," might give a different affect to the poem. Others can judge that for themselves.

I also became aware of a lot of "ng" words followed by a word beginning with a hard consonant. For me "longs to" becomes a tongue twister unless there's a natural pause as in the enjambed "longs/to" Besides, the narrator is supposed to be a fast-talking criminal selling illegal guns.

It's a wow of a poem and certainly very timely. You infused the poem with the sleaze and uneasiness I feel about this particular subject, the sliding past the law.

One thing I noticed. Maybe food for thought. I love where you make "anonymity" phonetic, but I think it would pack more of a punch if you did it with the last syllable, too. AH No Min Itee (or some such).

 

[Tsotha]

I love where you make "anonymity" phonetic, but I think it would pack more of a punch if you did it with the last syllable, too. AH No Min Itee (or some such).

I thought he was trying to form iambs, given how the syllables are capitalized. But then... what for?

 

[Angeline]

I thought he was trying to form iambs, given how the syllables are capitalized. But then... what for?

Could be. I wasn't looking for that to be honest. I just thought it made more sense to make each syllable phonetic. Some readers would mispronounce, which would lessen the effect.

 

[Angeline]

Droppin in some jazz for my pal Wintermute, who labors on in the original 30/30 thread.

 

[Tsotha]

Could be. I wasn't looking for that to be honest. I just thought it made more sense to make each syllable phonetic. Some readers would mispronounce, which would lessen the effect.

Well, I would likely mispronounce regardless...

I wasn't really looking for meter, either (it's not something I can reliably do, anyway). I guess it just came to me, given all the talk about it, of late.

 

[twelveoone]

Briefly, the original is from UYS's "Annikey Challenge," which I enjoyed. The edited version is the result of an article linked by 1201 written by Denise Levertov of the Black Mountain School Movement. There wasn't much change in the wording between the versions, but I was curious to hear how matching line length with the breath, which I believe the Black Mountain Poets call "projective verse," might give a different affect to the poem. Others can judge that for themselves.

I also became aware of a lot of "ng" words followed by a word beginning with a hard consonant. For me "longs to" becomes a tongue twister unless there's a natural pause as in the enjambed "longs/to" Besides, the narrator is supposed to be a fast-talking criminal selling illegal guns.

The change in the title may be a flight of fancy. Someday I might want to enter a chapbook contest, and I'm consolidating poems that have a common nexus to the NY NJ metropolitan area. (E.g., "Finding Love in the Arthur Kill, etc.)

no, that was Tzara that linked that.
line length with breath bears looking into... but then there is CK Williams...there is nothing fixed.