A Dom's responsibilities

[Etoile]

What the FUCK is WRONG with you people, that you so easily let some complete fucking STRANGER fuck with your BRAIN, the SINGLE most precious thing you have?

I agree with your sentiment, but my cat disagrees with your priorities.

 

[barelytrained]

I am fairly new to all this… well a few mouths into it now…
I saw the post you are talking about.
As a sub we want to please and do what is asked of us and sometimes we may think why we are being asked/told to do something, not all are allowed to do so.
What surprised me the most is how everyone was ready to attack and how harshly she was judged.

As I read the thread I felt very bad for her….

This was a good post and I am glad you the time to do it.

I agree.

 

[Stella_Omega]

OMIGHAWD I held a "sub" who had found this shit out the hard way, for two hours this weekend. Two hours of being held isn't going to be enough at all to fix what's gone wrong.


Look, ladies-- you want to get spanked, or directed in a fapping session, go for it. You want some bondage and roleplay rape, yumminess is coming your way.

But I swear, a broken arm heals faster than a broken mind.

WHAT PART OF BEING AWARE OF THE RISKS ARE WE MISSING HERE?

 

[Goodgirl4him]

its like a train wreck...i just can't stop reading. Stella...your killin me! lol

 

[graceanne]

STEP riiight up, LADEEEEEEEEZ and GENELMEN!!!!!

RIDE!
The INCREDIBLE,
the ASTOUNDING,
the DIZZYING
WHHEEEEEEEEEEEL OF SINPAIN!!!

SEE! The subalts circle the wagons!
HEAR! The screams of financial scammery!!
SMELL! The sickening burning and grinding of trainwreck metal against credulity!!!
FEEL! As dirty as you've ever felt before!

THAT'S THE WHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL OF SINPAIN!!!

Void where prohibited. You must be as tall as the isolated blurt thread to ride this attraction. Not recommended for pregnant women, those with heart problems, or others. Some riders have experienced multiple postings and severe dirtiness. Ask your moderator if WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL OF SINPAIN is right for you.

AAARGH FUCK!

What the FUCK is WRONG with you people, that you so easily let some complete fucking STRANGER fuck with your BRAIN, the SINGLE most precious thing you have?

*spew*

OMIGHAWD I held a "sub" who had found this shit out the hard way, for two hours this weekend. Two hours of being held isn't going to be enough at all to fix what's gone wrong.


Look, ladies-- you want to get spanked, or directed in a fapping session, go for it. You want some bondage and roleplay rape, yumminess is coming your way.

But I swear, a broken arm heals faster than a broken mind.

WHAT PART OF BEING AWARE OF THE RISKS ARE WE MISSING HERE?

It's sad when this happens to anyone, and even sadder that BDSM is uses, regularly, to excuse abuse. And no matter how much we warn people, and how many times we discuss RACK and SSC and just plain knowledge there's still someone out there who didn't do their homework and gets their heart broke, or worse - dies.

 

[Stella_Omega]

So many people just don't get that the emotional and mental heath risks are JUST AS FUCKING RISKY as any physical ones.

that sinpain dude's profile says;
Occupation:
To break you.

As far as I can tell, he isn't all that serious about "breaking" women. But he's absolutely right, people can be broken in D/s. I keep on running into people who expect that's only for fun. I asked this woman this weekend-- would you like me to kick your ribcage in? It would be just about the same effect.

 

[CutieMouse]

So many people just don't get that the emotional and mental heath risks are JUST AS FUCKING RISKY as any physical ones.

that sinpain dude's profile says;
Occupation:
To break you.

As far as I can tell, he isn't all that serious about "breaking" women. But he's absolutely right, people can be broken in D/s. I keep on running into people who expect that's only for fun. I asked this woman this weekend-- would you like me to kick your ribcage in? It would be just about the same effect.

Welcome to why I tend to digress into ginormous ranty rantings when the subject of things like "orgasm control" comes up.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Welcome to why I tend to digress into ginormous ranty rantings when the subject of things like "orgasm control" comes up.

BRAINWARSHING. Dammit, people.

 

[Goodgirl4him]

So many people just don't get that the emotional and mental heath risks are JUST AS FUCKING RISKY as any physical ones.

that sinpain dude's profile says;
Occupation:
To break you.

As far as I can tell, he isn't all that serious about "breaking" women. But he's absolutely right, people can be broken in D/s. I keep on running into people who expect that's only for fun. I asked this woman this weekend-- would you like me to kick your ribcage in? It would be just about the same effect.

omg spot on.

 

[BiBunny]

Welcome to why I tend to digress into ginormous ranty rantings when the subject of things like "orgasm control" comes up.

"Orgasm Control: Ensuring that you'll never have to do anything to get her off in order to hide your complete sexual incompetence since 1941."

 

[TarevaChine]

STEP riiight up, LADEEEEEEEEZ and GENELMEN!!!!!

RIDE!
The INCREDIBLE,
the ASTOUNDING,
the DIZZYING
WHHEEEEEEEEEEEL OF SINPAIN!!!

SEE! The subalts circle the wagons!
HEAR! The screams of financial scammery!!
SMELL! The sickening burning and grinding of trainwreck metal against credulity!!!
FEEL! As dirty as you've ever felt before!

THAT'S THE WHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL OF SINPAIN!!!

Void where prohibited. You must be as tall as the isolated blurt thread to ride this attraction. Not recommended for pregnant women, those with heart problems, or others. Some riders have experienced multiple postings and severe dirtiness. Ask your moderator if WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL OF SINPAIN is right for you.

bwahahahaha!

Priceless, DGE!

 

[Bandit58]

Not just protocol and not just the lifestyle, it's just common sense in any new relationship. It seems people online open up to far more that they would in real life and I suppose the best way to question what you were doing is what if a friend of yours was doing what you are, what would you be saying to them right now? When you are involved in something, its difficult to see it from the perspective of an outsider looking in.

This.
It seems that some, in the excitement of discovery, let all instinct for self preservation (both mental and physical) fly out the window.

I believe it is known as "sub frenzy". A friend of mine (in r/l) fell for some Dom wanna-be's charms and moved in with him after only a few days/couple of weeks....it lasted a few months but she discovered in those few months that she isn't cut out for poly and it has scarred her emotionally. She now says she'll never be involved in the lifestyle again.

On collarme (yes shoot me I still go there occasionally!) I see numerous threads from women who should know better (a lot of them are in their 30s and 40s) who have fallen head over heels for some online "dominant" and believe they should do everything he tells them. They ignore their gut and don't seem to see the red flags flying. I have been there myself in an online relationship (not D/s though) where I believed everything the guy told me up until I caught him out online with another woman feeding her the same bullshit he fed me. I'm a lot more careful now

Over the few years I've been a sub, I've become very cynical I guess. I'm in a safe secure relationship with a Dom who cares and loves me a lot. I very much doubt that if Sir dies before me that I will ever have another relationship.

 

[midwestyankee]

"Orgasm Control: Ensuring that you'll never have to do anything to get her off in order to hide your complete sexual incompetence since 1941."

You know, I was going to buy you three new nubile subbies for your birthday, but now that you've revealed the secret behind my love of orgasm control, I'm exchanging them for rubber hams.

Bon appetit!

 

[BiBunny]

You know, I was going to buy you three new nubile subbies for your birthday, but now that you've revealed the secret behind my love of orgasm control, I'm exchanging them for rubber hams.

Bon appetit!

Sadface.

 

[Jack199]

...I am so confused...thank you short attention span!!!
But I agree with the people calling sinpain a wanabe.
(P.S.) Stella Omega, BiBunny, and Midwestyankee thank you for all the laughs X)

 

[His_pet_slut]

So many people just don't get that the emotional and mental heath risks are JUST AS FUCKING RISKY as any physical ones.

that sinpain dude's profile says;
Occupation:
To break you.

As far as I can tell, he isn't all that serious about "breaking" women. But he's absolutely right, people can be broken in D/s. I keep on running into people who expect that's only for fun. I asked this woman this weekend-- would you like me to kick your ribcage in? It would be just about the same effect.

That is far too true. A good Dom knows this and as one I used to play with told me "even an experienced pilot needs time to learn the controls on a new plane."
A good Dom knows that in the right hands, a sub's mind is his to send flying along with her body and he/she is going to take the time to understand the subtle nuances that are unique to each and everyone of them. A good Dom does not want to break their most prized possession. They want to help you attain new heights and land safely each time. If the landing is bumpy, they are going to be there to help you recover and figure out exactly what caused the turbulence.

 

[YourCaptor]

But it's fun to break subs. And then you can rebuild them just the way you want.

Win - Win

 

[Stella_Omega]

But it's fun to break subs. And then you can rebuild them just the way you want.

Win - Win

I am always astounded at how skill-less so many men are at building.

And of course they think they should be great at it, because that's what men are supposed to do. or so they've heard anyway.

 

[abby4u2]

That is far too true. A good Dom knows this and as one I used to play with told me "even an experienced pilot needs time to learn the controls on a new plane."
A good Dom knows that in the right hands, a sub's mind is his to send flying along with her body and he/she is going to take the time to understand the subtle nuances that are unique to each and everyone of them. A good Dom does not want to break their most prized possession. They want to help you attain new heights and land safely each time. If the landing is bumpy, they are going to be there to help you recover and figure out exactly what caused the turbulence.

VERY well said!!!!!

 

[abby4u2]

"Orgasm Control: Ensuring that you'll never have to do anything to get her off in order to hide your complete sexual incompetence since 1941."

HaHa I just love how you defined orgasm control! i am definitely going to use this at some point!

 

[Stella_Omega]

That is far too true. A good Dom knows this and as one I used to play with told me "even an experienced pilot needs time to learn the controls on a new plane."
A good Dom knows that in the right hands, a sub's mind is his to send flying along with her body and he/she is going to take the time to understand the subtle nuances that are unique to each and everyone of them. A good Dom does not want to break their most prized possession. They want to help you attain new heights and land safely each time. If the landing is bumpy, they are going to be there to help you recover and figure out exactly what caused the turbulence.

Now we know what a good Dom is.

The question is, how will we know which Dom is good?

The answer, my darlings, is-- we don't, not until after the fact. So for fucks sake, give him a try first. You know-- like cheap sex on those first dates? You don't need the wedding ring-- or the collar-- at first. You don't swear eternal devotion until you know that he can do it for you-- AND, even more importantly, will do it more than once, and EVEN MORE IMPORTANTLY, MAKE SURE that you are both playing the same game. If it's TWUU SUBMISSION you are after, understand that the man you give it to has got to be steadfast, kind of like-- husband material.

Otherwise, you get some dude who plays mindgames with you, puts you in a little bondage, gets his blowjob and is on to the next babysub.

I'm getting incoherent.

 

[YourCaptor]

Now we know what a good Dom is.

The question is, how will we know which Dom is good?

The answer, my darlings, is-- we don't, not until after the fact. So for fucks sake, give him a try first. You know-- like cheap sex on those first dates? You don't need the wedding ring-- or the collar-- at first. You don't swear eternal devotion until you know that he can do it for you-- AND, even more importantly, will do it more than once, and EVEN MORE IMPORTANTLY, MAKE SURE that you are both playing the same game. If it's TWUU SUBMISSION you are after, understand that the man you give it to has got to be steadfast, kind of like-- husband material.

Otherwise, you get some dude who plays mindgames with you, puts you in a little bondage, gets his blowjob and is on to the next babysub.

I'm getting incoherent.

I don't think I can respect a woman who gives it up on the first date.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I don't think I can respect a woman who gives it up on the first date.

Back in the days when I did men, I didn't always respect a man after that first date-- so I'm right with you.

 

[His_pet_slut]

Now we know what a good Dom is.

The question is, how will we know which Dom is good?

The answer, my darlings, is-- we don't, not until after the fact. So for fucks sake, give him a try first. You know-- like cheap sex on those first dates? You don't need the wedding ring-- or the collar-- at first. You don't swear eternal devotion until you know that he can do it for you-- AND, even more importantly, will do it more than once, and EVEN MORE IMPORTANTLY, MAKE SURE that you are both playing the same game. If it's TWUU SUBMISSION you are after, understand that the man you give it to has got to be steadfast, kind of like-- husband material.

Otherwise, you get some dude who plays mindgames with you, puts you in a little bondage, gets his blowjob and is on to the next babysub.

I'm getting incoherent.

So very true. I am often rather sad that I didn't discover this side of my nature early on, or perhaps I should say I didn't recognize it for what it was and that it could be viewed as a gift.

One of the benefits, though, is I am much more patient than I was when I was younger. It is sometimes a struggle to keep my baser instincts in check when I first meet someone that can trigger all these wonderful desires, but I can and that is vital. Getting to know someone via conversations online or on the phone first, then a few meetings in a public place is vital before things go any further for me. Of course...these days that is a moot point since M~ decides (with my input) whether or not I will play with someone else. Does it make me less a sub and him less a Dom that he would never expect me to have sex with someone that repulses me in some way? Of course not.

 

[BiBunny]

I don't think I can respect a woman who gives it up on the first date.

I hate when men say this.