am i being slowly turned into a submissive or is it just my imagination maybe?

[tollboothjack]

ThAnks for all the repsonses...

I guess (see, there goes that word, "guess" again).... but no, seriously, it makes me shy to say it, but thinking of her with other guys make me jealous inside, but it also turns me on. Thinking about one of them, esp. the ones she sees the most, fucking her, gives me a raging hard on.

Its hard at times, and i know she comes across as a bitch the way I describe things in my posts, but it is quite a turn on. Its discouraging of course when I wanna be with her, and i know shes out playing around, but I do get a little stiffie thinking about it....

 

[DeservingBitch]

Its discouraging of course when I wanna be with her, and i know shes out playing around, but I do get a little stiffie thinking about it....

I'm with Netzach on this one: stiffies don't lie.

 

[SubNebGuy]

my only comment is this: there's a difference between 'submissive' and 'spineless'.

You need to take a long hard look at yourself, and decide which you are.

Not to be rude, but from your first post, I feel you lean towards the latter...it bothers you that she's running around fucking other guys, but you're trying to be ok with it because you love her.

It doesn't sound like she loves you that much...you're just a security blanket between other guys' she's banging.

tread carefully...

 

[Netzach]

"It bothers you that she's running around fucking other guys, but you're trying to be ok with it because you love her.
"

Um, insert any behavior other than "fucking other guys" and we'd call it submission. It bothers you that she expects her shoes tonguepolished, or her glass refilled or her bedsheets be pink only or her dog walked and we'd be saying "submission means doing it anyway if you love your Dom."

It amuses me that a woman fucking a lot of people and being totally upfront about it is still that problematic. It's not like she's cheating. Dude here knows EXACTLY what he's getting - either put up or move on.

 

[DeservingBitch]

And I would add, Dude here not only knows what's going on, but according to him, he also get a woodie thinking about it.

 

[Netzach]

And I would add, Dude here not only knows what's going on, but according to him, he also get a woodie thinking about it.

Precisely.

If she were a guy we'd be applauding, going "artfully played, Sir, show her who's boss." Well, and like I said, if it was a question of teaching proper cock sucking, rather than "how to get into my pleasure as I fuck other people. "This is, to me, training, without getting overly wordy about everything. She's made her expectations totally clear. Everyone here is reacting to the fact that they would not want to be with someone who felt entitled to those expectations. I think someone who gets sexually aroused by them is maybe maybe not on the right track, but in a different place with the situation.

I throw out advice I often throw out: if you are more miserable than happy, leave. Honestly decide if the headache is small price for the good shit or the good shit is so minor in regard to headache you know you can do better.

 

[Homburg]

While it isn't my thing, I explained why. I still think his best bet is to discuss it with her.

And, no, if the genders were reversed, and the tone of the woman was the same, I would have a similar reaction. It's not cool to be doing this sort of thing (specifically the public play) unless it is crystal clear that both parties are okay with it. Is it evil? No, just in poor taste.

 

[DeservingBitch]

I'm all for open communication and discussion of limits and all. But there's something to be said about not discussing everything to death.

My reading of the OP's situation is that the limits and parameters of his relationship with this woman are clear. What seems unclear to him though is how he feels about it, and whether it's OK for him to feel that way.

 

[Homburg]

Before I mess with someone in public, I'll discuss it to death. I'm pedantic like that.

The whole thing sounds to me like a cuckold's fantasy. *shrug*

 

[Netzach]

Before I mess with someone in public, I'll discuss it to death. I'm pedantic like that.

The whole thing sounds to me like a cuckold's fantasy. *shrug*

Yes. That too.

 

[ntp]

.....

 

[Netzach]

Huh.

H would not call my sleeping with other people and giving him public humiliation scenes that he enjoys "being treated like crap." He might call it a mutual fetish and my right as the Dominant.

Then again our dynamic is fairly cognizant of itself.

Honestly if someone is not happy with a situation and wants to lie to himself and contort to handle his unhappiness how is that the other person's problem or fault?

 

[FeistyOrchid]

In my experience she's just trying to see how far you can go. I'm *guilty* of this with exes. It could be the only child in me or maybe I'm a Domme and just don't know it?!

 

[AvaAdore]

If it was me, I'd ask her if she was just fucking around with you or not. Perhaps that's the peace of mind you need? Does she know you get turned on when she talks about the other guys?

 

[_kiana_]

Tollboothjack -

It's fine for you to enjoy the humiliation and to get aroused when thinking about your lady with other men. I have to agree with Netzach and MasterPhoenix. If you are enjoying yourself and the main problem is you accepting that you like it there's absolutely no harm. You just need to be sure that you are ok with it all.

My husband gets incredibly horny at the thought of me with other men. Every time I come home from a play session (which isn't often enough!) he's ready to jump me. It's coming from a bit of a different place than your arousal comes from but hey, it's all in fun.

Keep reading around about cuckolding. It's quite a common fantasy as far as I can tell.

 

[unfoundiamond]

I don't know,

I know this whole femDom thing has the implication of free sexuality for the woman like men enjoy, and I respect that.

But there is such a thing as discretion(typo?)

I wouldn't accept a person treating me like that (telling me I am "no stud" and otherwise belittling me as a person) I expect everyone to be free and honest and all that, but I also expect the person I serve to treat me like I deserve to be treated.

Calling someone names or degrading them for sexual gradifiacation is one thing, even I have done it and enjoyed it, but I would treat a person who I was "in love with, treats her kind, gentleman-ly, romantic" like they where important, not just tell them,

and the whole penis thing, (This is for you TBjack) Could you have gotten hard because she was talking about cock, women talking about cock has to be a turn on for guys, (or some guys like the idea of thir woman with other men, even to watch)... and especially being that its obvious you think she's a fox, her doing something that gives you a boner isn't that much of a stretch right, lol NPI

All this goes back to you, and talking to her, it may be easyer to just ask her WHY she tells you the TMI things, is it to hurt you? Are you benefiting from the things she is telling you?

If you get off on it then cool, have a blast, but part of me says if you where so sure you wouldn't be posting here,

My (soon to be ex for thi reason)bf calls me terrible things and had convinced me I was ugly and "less than" just to keep me there so he could use me, I should have seen signs and ran, but I didn't, The reason, Jack, that I said to you to talk to her is to make sure YOU are satasfied that she's doing it for a kinky reason or a "I was teasing but didn't mean to hurt you" kind of thing, not an abusive need to cut someone down to watch their pain.

That's all...
Best wishes!

 

[Netzach]

I know this whole femDom thing has the implication of free sexuality for the woman like men enjoy, and I respect that.

But there is such a thing as discretion(typo?)

I wouldn't accept a person treating me like that (telling me I am "no stud" and otherwise belittling me as a person) I expect everyone to be free and honest and all that, but I also expect the person I serve to treat me like I deserve to be treated.

Calling someone names or degrading them for sexual gradifiacation is one thing, even I have done it and enjoyed it, but I would treat a person who I was "in love with, treats her kind, gentleman-ly, romantic" like they where important, not just tell them,

and the whole penis thing, (This is for you TBjack) Could you have gotten hard because she was talking about cock, women talking about cock has to be a turn on for guys, (or some guys like the idea of thir woman with other men, even to watch)... and especially being that its obvious you think she's a fox, her doing something that gives you a boner isn't that much of a stretch right, lol NPI

All this goes back to you, and talking to her, it may be easyer to just ask her WHY she tells you the TMI things, is it to hurt you? Are you benefiting from the things she is telling you?

If you get off on it then cool, have a blast, but part of me says if you where so sure you wouldn't be posting here,

My (soon to be ex for thi reason)bf calls me terrible things and had convinced me I was ugly and "less than" just to keep me there so he could use me, I should have seen signs and ran, but I didn't, The reason, Jack, that I said to you to talk to her is to make sure YOU are satasfied that she's doing it for a kinky reason or a "I was teasing but didn't mean to hurt you" kind of thing, not an abusive need to cut someone down to watch their pain.

That's all...
Best wishes!

That is where you are coming from. I am coming from a relationship in which there is someone who treats me like gold and the reciprocity *is* that I treat him like dog doo. If I treated him the way you wanted to be treated that would be the wrong thing for him and something I'd do selfishly so I could feel more socially acceptable to myself, not what he actually wants/needs or what actually turns him on.

The only reason this works pretty seamlessly is that he was owned by someone else in his twenties and figured out a lot of this stuff then. I know for a fact that his mistress then confused him, made him cry at times, and offered little explanation for anything - it's how she did it then, in the 80's, and it was the going style I guess. I'm much more hands on new agey - I have the luxury of working with someone who knows what kind of perv he is. But it didn't require explanation and negotiation - it just required obeying, and the fact that she wasn't an idiot and left enough clues that she liked him and she was thrilled with his service without always having to pat him on the head every time.

 

[northwoods_sub]

Now I don't know if some people are born knowing what BDSM is and where they fit into the spectrum of kink contained therein but I know I sure as hell didn't.

The OP sounds to me like someone who gets off on being submissive but is still too tied up in what is considered socially acceptable. As a man (or a woman in this day and age) you are not suppose to get turned on by someone being in control of you, or being beaten or being humiliated. It can be very confusing and even disturbing when you realize that you are not like "everyone" else. I know that I fought my submissive nature for years and for the better part of my marriage to my Sir I tried to be in control (as I thought I was supposed to be) and we were both miserable. As soon as I accepted who I really was inside things have been 300% better.

Of course now I can look back on relationships where I can say that OMG I have been this way my entire life, but it wasn't something that I was born knowing. If someone was born this way (knowing the definition of BDSM and where they fit in) more power to them, but not everyone is like that.

 

[subwannabe]

Quite a discussion! One thing that sprang into my mind, which I don't believe anyone else addressed, is what if she is turning you into a submissive and somewhere down the road she expects it to evolve into you becoming bi or maybe even outright gay - such as a plaything for her studs? You know the situation better than I but I just wanted to bring up this possibility so that you can ponder how far you are willing to go. If she is an expert at slowly enticing you further and further you may not realize something until it is too late. Food for thought.

 

[Netzach]

One handed food for thought, yay.

 

[DeservingBitch]

Quite a discussion! One thing that sprang into my mind, which I don't believe anyone else addressed, is what if she is turning you into a submissive and somewhere down the road she expects it to evolve into you becoming bi or maybe even outright gay - such as a plaything for her studs? You know the situation better than I but I just wanted to bring up this possibility so that you can ponder how far you are willing to go. If she is an expert at slowly enticing you further and further you may not realize something until it is too late. Food for thought.

I think the OP should seriously consider this possibility. Fucking a woman who fucks other guys is one of the most well known way for a man to 'become' gay without realizing it. Hopefully, he's not getting pegged by her, because if he is, he'll catch Teh Gay for sure.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think the OP should seriously consider this possibility. Fucking a woman who fucks other guys is one of the most well known way for a man to 'become' gay without realizing it. Hopefully, he's not getting pegged by her, because if he is, he'll catch Teh Gay for sure.

I'm assuming the 'become gay' comment is a tongue in cheek joke?!!

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

Quite a discussion! One thing that sprang into my mind, which I don't believe anyone else addressed, is what if she is turning you into a submissive and somewhere down the road she expects it to evolve into you becoming bi or maybe even outright gay - such as a plaything for her studs? You know the situation better than I but I just wanted to bring up this possibility so that you can ponder how far you are willing to go. If she is an expert at slowly enticing you further and further you may not realize something until it is too late. Food for thought.

Maybe it wouldn't be viewed as something which might happen without realising before its too late. It is not unheard of for PYL's and pyl's to have sexual contact with a member of the same sex when they are neither bi or gay, all as part of the D/s and/or SM spectrum.

Catalina

 

[DeservingBitch]

I'm assuming the 'become gay' comment is a tongue in cheek joke?!!

Catalina

And here I was, thinking that I was fluent in sarcasm. Apparently, some things can still get lost in the translation.

Yes, you would be right in your assumption (which proves that assuming is not always a bad thing).

 

[catalina_francisco]

And here I was, thinking that I was fluent in sarcasm. Apparently, some things can still get lost in the translation.

Yes, you would be right in your assumption (which proves that assuming is not always a bad thing).

LOL, no just thought I would check as I am in a rather disturbingly distracted mood which is blurring everything pleasantly.

Catalina