AMA - seela

[ultramarineblue]

I was going to say going to the hairdresser or buying cosmetics in an actual, physical store but they never were fears as such, just something I really hated. I still hate buying cosmetics, but I don't avoid it like I used to. And the hairdresser hatred was solved by finding a hairdresser that I like and who doesn't make me feel bad about my hair.

I don't think I've fully overcome any fears. I no longer start to cry if a dog comes to sniff me, at least not every time, but I'm still plenty afraid of them. It's a work in progress.

It's hard to overcome fears. It's impressive that you are trying because a lot don't.

 

[seela]

It's hard to overcome fears. It's impressive that you are trying because a lot don't.

Dogs are ubiquitous. Being so afraid of them made life hard, so I had to learn to deal with it at least a little.

 

[cookiecat]

If you could do anything, what would your dream job be?

 

[seela]

If you could do anything, what would your dream job be?

Does it have to be a job, and not something like independently rich and spend all my days cooking and learning languages?

I don't really know. I've never had a feasible dream job, which is a little sad.

If there are no restrictions at all, and that I could magically acquire the skills to go with the job as well, I'd either do something creative, like writing or painting or something like that, or I'd be an astronomer.

I'm not especially creative or good at that sort of things, but I always wish I were. So it'd be cool to have those skills. And space is so interesting, but I don't have the needed skills to be in that field either.

 

[Primalex]

spend all my days cooking and learning languages?

Sounds like the average housewife minus the learning languages.

 

[seela]

Sounds like the average housewife minus the learning languages.

I don't think most housewives are independently rich. But yeah, an independently rich housewife doesn't sound bad.

I think if I could be anything, not have a specific job, I'd be a student my entire life. I'd start another degree after completing one. Learn different things.

 

[Primalex]

I don't think most housewives are independently rich.

That was somehow my point. Why do you need to be rich for such a life?

 

[seela]

That was somehow my point. Why do you need to be rich for such a life?

You don't, but I prefer not to be dependent on another person for my money. So the options are that I'm rich enough that I don't have to work or I work for my money.

 

[seela]

I agree, seela. My first thought was, well, who has money to live like that?

For me it's not so much about being monetarily tied to a person - I'd quite enjoy that if the dynamic was the right one. But not being able to contribute is a big deal to me. I'd of course contribute in other ways, just not monetarily, but knowing myself I wouldn't feel okay in that arrangement. I'd feel like a leech and wouldn't be happy in the long run. I'd hate having to explain the situation to other people. Although I guess for me it could be a form of humiliation. It's weird, I don't think housewives are leeches or that it's something to be ashamed about, but for me personally it'd be like that.

I have no problem letting someone pay for my drinks or dinner every now and again. But never paying for groceries, utilities, rent, insurance, that sort of thing, never being able to buy presents or surprise the person I'm with... That's the part I'd struggle with.

 

[Primalex]

For me it's not so much about being monetarily tied to a person - I'd quite enjoy that if the dynamic was the right one. But not being able to contribute is a big deal to me. I'd of course contribute in other ways, just not monetarily, but knowing myself I wouldn't feel okay in that arrangement. I'd feel like a leech and wouldn't be happy in the long run. I'd hate having to explain the situation to other people. Although I guess for me it could be a form of humiliation. It's weird, I don't think housewives are leeches or that it's something to be ashamed about, but for me personally it'd be like that.

Capitalism won.

I have no problem letting someone pay for my drinks or dinner every now and again. But never paying for groceries, utilities, rent, insurance, that sort of thing, never being able to buy presents or surprise the person I'm with... That's the part I'd struggle with.

Hm. My wife received a percentage of my income as pocket money for herself to do with as she pleases without any accountability. I guess you could say that I still paid for my own gifts, but that's even too cynic for me.

But yes, this seems to be a very common feeling these days. When I've mentioned my "ideal relationship" during my sparse dating attempts, I've been met with a stare like if I said that I earn my money as professional child rapist.

 

[seela]

Capitalism won.



Hm. My wife received a percentage of my income as pocket money for herself to do with as she pleases without any accountability. I guess you could say that I still paid for my own gifts, but that's even too cynic for me.

But yes, this seems to be a very common feeling these days. When I've mentioned my "ideal relationship" during my sparse dating attempts, I've been met with a stare like if I said that I earn my money as professional child rapist.

Within the right kind of dynamic I would be open to the idea of me not earning my own money, definitely. But it'd take a lot of getting used to and adjusting my own attitudes and ideals.

It's also a cultural thing. Housewives do not exist here unless they have small kids, as in under the age of 3 or so. My thoughts on the topic would probably be a lot different if I had grown up in a different kind of culture.

 

[seela]

Do you see an influx of Americans, lately? Looking for greener pastures?

Can't say that I do. I did hear someone speaking in an American accent last week, so maybe it's starting now!

 

[MeekMe]

Within the right kind of dynamic I would be open to the idea of me not earning my own money, definitely. But it'd take a lot of getting used to and adjusting my own attitudes and ideals.

It's also a cultural thing. Housewives do not exist here unless they have small kids, as in under the age of 3 or so. My thoughts on the topic would probably be a lot different if I had grown up in a different kind of culture.

I struggled with this. There’s a lot of pressure here to work and I definitely caved to that ideal. The extra money is very nice and I can buy gifts freely, but I miss the time and it turns out my talents really are in the home. But money. And in the USA health insurance is a factor as well. My company provides better insurance so we are both on our own separate policies. There’s a crazy up charge if we tried to be on one or the other together. I need the better insurance due to my weird health issues.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I think maybe I would like to be a housewife or provided for but then I realize that I would probably really struggle with that. I'm supposed to help others; not the other way around.

Do you know what type of dynamic it would take for you to be able to accept that?

What is something that brings you comfort?

 

[seela]

I think maybe I would like to be a housewife or provided for but then I realize that I would probably really struggle with that. I'm supposed to help others; not the other way around.

Do you know what type of dynamic it would take for you to be able to accept that?

What is something that brings you comfort?

The first requirement is that my partner would have to suggest that I stay home while they earn the money. It would have to be a D/s relationship for sure. I would need a very clear discussion of what's expected of me. I would need to be sure that it wouldn't be a burden financially that I'm staying home.

Where I live such a dynamic would be hard to find. Like I said, its very, very, very uncommon to be a housewife or home maker or whatever, unless you have young kids.

Comfort:
Wearing wool socks knitted by someone dear to me. Some old school foods I normally wouldn't make. Rewatching shows that I've seen many times before. Cleaning.

It also depends a little on what kind of comfort I'm looking for and why, but one thing that makes me feel better and that I should employ more in certain situations is doing something that's good for me. Putting on lotion, cooking a healthy meal, going for a walk etc.

 

[MeekMe]

Do you have any useless talents?

 

[seela]

Do you have any useless talents?

Hmm. I can clap with one hand.

 

[cookiecat]

How did you get interested in languages?

 

[seela]

How did you get interested in languages?

I don't know. I think I was just born curious. I'm interested in so many things, but languages are something I've always had some talent in, so that's why they stuck the most out of all the things I find interesting.

When I was around 11 or 12 and had only studied English for a year or two and I was visiting relatives. Someone who spoke English came into the yard and asked for directions to a store. I was there with my older cousins, but none of them understood or maybe they just were too shy to talk with the person. So I went and told where the store is.

I remember specifically how amazing it felt to understand, speak (poorly) and be understood. It felt like I had a secret superpower. So of course I wanted more.

And to be honest, sometimes I'm still surprised when I listen to something in a foreign language and it sinks in especially effortlessly. It kinda feels like a superpower those times.

 

[ultramarineblue]

The first requirement is that my partner would have to suggest that I stay home while they earn the money. It would have to be a D/s relationship for sure. I would need a very clear discussion of what's expected of me. I would need to be sure that it wouldn't be a burden financially that I'm staying home.

Where I live such a dynamic would be hard to find. Like I said, its very, very, very uncommon to be a housewife or home maker or whatever, unless you have young kids.

Comfort:
Wearing wool socks knitted by someone dear to me. Some old school foods I normally wouldn't make. Rewatching shows that I've seen many times before. Cleaning.

It also depends a little on what kind of comfort I'm looking for and why, but one thing that makes me feel better and that I should employ more in certain situations is doing something that's good for me. Putting on lotion, cooking a healthy meal, going for a walk etc.

I would always worry that I was a financial burden so I completely get that. I need clear expectations or I struggle. I don't want to be micromanaged but I need to know where the line to not cross is and absolutely what must be accomplished.

I really like your things for comfort. I like the idea of knitting socks but I think that's beyond my skill level. I struggle with doing things for myself at times, probably the times I need it the most.

What is your favorite mode of transportation?

 

[PrettyLilPussy19]

What's the last thing that blew your mind?

 

[seela]

I would always worry that I was a financial burden so I completely get that. I need clear expectations or I struggle. I don't want to be micromanaged but I need to know where the line to not cross is and absolutely what must be accomplished.

I really like your things for comfort. I like the idea of knitting socks but I think that's beyond my skill level. I struggle with doing things for myself at times, probably the times I need it the most.

What is your favorite mode of transportation?

I can't knit to save my life either. I can crochet a little - but I really mean a little. Creative and crafty things just aren't my forte.

My favorite mode of transportation depends on the length of the journey.

In the city I prefer biking, walking or taking the tram. Ferries are fun, too.

I prefer train over bus when I'm going somewhere a bit farther away.

I'm not a fan of long boat rides or flying, but they're a means to an end for me.

I don't have a driver's license and we don't have a car, so sitting in a car always feels a little exotic and can be fun at least for a short while. I'm in a car a handful of times a year.

 

[seela]

What's the last thing that blew your mind?

Finding a loop hole in something that should be iron clad. Blew my mind in a very negative way.

The last positive thing that blew my mind was hearing that a friend is pregnant. It's been a long journey to make that happen. I teared up when I heard.

 

[cookiecat]

Do you have many secrets?

 

[seela]

Do you have many secrets?

Every single one of my secrets is known by someone, but not a single person knows all of them.

I have two big secrets and probably a regular amount of normal, small ones.