AMA - seela

[seela]

I love your makeup. How do you pull yourself together so well? Is there a particular brand?

Wait what? I'm not exactly known for make up, were you really supposed to ask me this question?

My usual makeup routine takes less than 5 minutes. Foundation, eyebrow pencil, mascara. Sometimes some very light contouring, none of that instagram stuff, but rather just some dark smudges around the edges of my face and a little dab of light on my cheek bone. Powder. Lipstick if I feel like it. 5 minutes and I'm done.

My foundation and brow pencil are by Lumene which is a local brand. I don't remember the brand of my mascara, but it costs around 3.75 euros and I buy it in a supermarket, nothing fancy. The contour thingy I use is by Nyx, and it's one of those wand types that have dark on one end and light on the other. The powder I use is by Maybelline. Lipsticks/lip glosses come from various brands, but mostly I wear cherry lip balm by Hurraw these days. It's slightly tinted.

 

[Pervy_Sage]

What’s been the biggest lesson lit has taught you?

 

[seela]

See? Look at this answer. Yes. Every pic I’ve seen of you has been very polished.

Well, thank you! I think the camera plays a big role here and the fact that most pics I've shared have been taken at work/on my way to work/right after work. IRL I'm not quite so polished, especially if I'm not at work. But at work I try a little, did so especially last spring. Now it's a little more relaxed again.

 

[seela]

What’s been the biggest lesson lit has taught you?

I don't think Lit has taught me any lessons. I haven't made any great realizations about myself or the life in here. I've never particularly engaged in any Lit shenanigans beyond a few dear friendships.

I've picked up a few kink tricks along the way and several recipes. I learned about and to love baseball through Lit. Do those count?

If I have to pick the biggest, it's either baseball or Tofu a la Meeks, as I call it.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I can't knit to save my life either. I can crochet a little - but I really mean a little. Creative and crafty things just aren't my forte.

My favorite mode of transportation depends on the length of the journey.

In the city I prefer biking, walking or taking the tram. Ferries are fun, too.

I prefer train over bus when I'm going somewhere a bit farther away.

I'm not a fan of long boat rides or flying, but they're a means to an end for me.

I don't have a driver's license and we don't have a car, so sitting in a car always feels a little exotic and can be fun at least for a short while. I'm in a car a handful of times a year.

It's still pretty awesome that you like handmade items though. I like to knit some but mostly just as a distraction. I'm awful at doing anything complicated with it.

I would much prefer to have public transportation than need a car. I like the freedom a car gives but the maintenance and related expenses can be rough. I've always enjoyed walking or using subways when visiting cities.

What is something you love about yourself?

 

[BlackCaramelCreme]

Ms. Seela,

What have you shared here on Lit that you've actually regretted?

What is a type of knot that you find attractive?

What is your favorite color?

 

[seela]

It's still pretty awesome that you like handmade items though. I like to knit some but mostly just as a distraction. I'm awful at doing anything complicated with it.

I would much prefer to have public transportation than need a car. I like the freedom a car gives but the maintenance and related expenses can be rough. I've always enjoyed walking or using subways when visiting cities.

What is something you love about yourself?

What do you knit when you do knit?

My mom has taught or rather tried to taught me so many times, but it just doesn't stick at all. I don't have the patience for it. Everything ends up uneven and wonky, so I've come to realize that creative things just aren't for me.

What I love about myself?

Love is a big word in relation to my feelings towards myself... I don't think I love anything about myself. I like my brain, it allows me to engage in many interesting (to me) things like trivia, crosswords, languages, mind games, learning. My brain is easily my biggest asset, but it's not exactly marketable in the way I'd like it to be.

Primalex said that women don't need to be smart, and as I've dabbled in the dating pool again, I don't think he's alone in thinking so. So when my most winning quality is my brain, it's not easy to find a play partner.

 

[seela]

Ms. Seela,

What have you shared here on Lit that you've actually regretted?

What is a type of knot that you find attractive?

What is your favorite color?

I haven't really shared anything that I regret. I had to delete a bunch of my posts that I thought were pretty worthwhile when my identity here was connected with my identity elsewhere and things got ugly because of that. So in a way I regret those posts, but it's not because of Lit. And at the same time I don't regret them at all, because it was a good conversation and it felt good at the time. I have a hard time sharing my vulnerability and then I did. It went well on Lit, but sadly someone else, somewhere else, took it away.

Other than that, no real regrets. Maybe I could have been less snippy at times?

I'm not sure I understand the knot question. Is that a typo? I don't find any type of knot particularly attractive. I can only make an overhand knot and a bow, is it even called that in English? The shoe lace knot.

And finally my favorite color. That's a hard one. Maybe blue. I wear a lot of black, white, gray and blue, but black, white and gray aren't really colors, so blue it is. I try to mix it up a little at times though.

My favorite trench coat is mustard yellow-ish, but I also have a bright red one. My underrwear department is a little more varied and colorful. In nails these days I go mostly for neutral and muted colors unless I'm actively choosing something different, but I also like red nails a lot.

If I have to mention a color that I like just as a color, it's a particular shade of blue that the sky is in early spring or fall right after the sunset. Deep, but kinda luminous. I like it because reminds me of some good times I've had. But I suppose as a color it's pretty, too.

So I guess blue is a safe choice here, all things considered.

 

[BlackCaramelCreme]

I haven't really shared anything that I regret. I had to delete a bunch of my posts that I thought were pretty worthwhile when my identity here was connected with my identity elsewhere and things got ugly because of that. So in a way I regret those posts, but it's not because of Lit. And at the same time I don't regret them at all, because it was a good conversation and it felt good at the time. I have a hard time sharing my vulnerability and then I did. It went well on Lit, but sadly someone else, somewhere else, took it away.

Other than that, no real regrets. Maybe I could have been less snippy at times?

I'm not sure I understand the knot question. Is that a typo? I don't find any type of knot particularly attractive. I can only make an overhand knot and a bow, is it even called that in English? The shoe lace knot.

And finally my favorite color. That's a hard one. Maybe blue. I wear a lot of black, white, gray and blue, but black, white and gray aren't really colors, so blue it is. I try to mix it up a little at times though.

My favorite trench coat is mustard yellow-ish, but I also have a bright red one. My underrwear department is a little more varied and colorful. In nails these days I go mostly for neutral and muted colors unless I'm actively choosing something different, but I also like red nails a lot.

If I have to mention a color that I like just as a color, it's a particular shade of blue that the sky is in early spring or fall right after the sunset. Deep, but kinda luminous. I like it because reminds me of some good times I've had. But I suppose as a color it's pretty, too.

So I guess blue is a safe choice here, all things considered.

Thank you for answering. I only mentioned the knot question when I saw your av with the knot. It reminded me of a book I saw on the different types of knots.

I like your creativity with your color answer. I usually answer an iridescent color. The color of bubbles.

 

[Dreamliner]

I recall you have a Master's seela. Will you continue academic pursuits and complete a PhD?

Would completing a PhD be exciting, especially as in Finland a feature of the award is a Top Hat and Sword?

 

[seela]

Thank you for answering. I only mentioned the knot question when I saw your av with the knot. It reminded me of a book I saw on the different types of knots.

I like your creativity with your color answer. I usually answer an iridescent color. The color of bubbles.

I'm so bad at knots. I always get confused by which end is which when I try to follow instructions.

Iridescent is a great answer!

 

[seela]

I recall you have a Master's seela. Will you continue academic pursuits and complete a PhD?

Would completing a PhD be exciting, especially as in Finland a feature of the award is a Top Hat and Sword?

I haven't thought about going for a PhD, no. I'm all about learning a little bit about a lot of things rather than going for depth in one topic. I do have an extra Bachelor's that I'm contemplating to turn into a Master's as well at some point, maybe. I mean, I like to learn new things, so why not get a degree out of it?

The top hat and the sword are cool though, so if I ever decide to do a PhD, it will be 100% for the accessories and not for the degree. Master's only granted me a laurel wreath, so boring.

 

[Primalex]

Primalex said that women don't need to be smart,

Objection.

I said that it is overrated.

So when my most winning quality is my brain

And this is an incorrect assessment.

 

[Pervy_Sage]

I’m new, so please excuse a possibly repetitive message, but what is your Master’s degree in?

 

[ultramarineblue]

What do you knit when you do knit?

My mom has taught or rather tried to taught me so many times, but it just doesn't stick at all. I don't have the patience for it. Everything ends up uneven and wonky, so I've come to realize that creative things just aren't for me.

What I love about myself?

Love is a big word in relation to my feelings towards myself... I don't think I love anything about myself. I like my brain, it allows me to engage in many interesting (to me) things like trivia, crosswords, languages, mind games, learning. My brain is easily my biggest asset, but it's not exactly marketable in the way I'd like it to be.

Primalex said that women don't need to be smart, and as I've dabbled in the dating pool again, I don't think he's alone in thinking so. So when my most winning quality is my brain, it's not easy to find a play partner.

I knit mostly scarves. I've made some hats and headbands too. They're all very basic patterns that don't require much other than very basic stitches.

I wonder if relationships work better with people of similar intelligence levels not necessarily in the same areas though. I have too little experience with romantic relationships to have much anecdotal knowledge of that. Friendships are more likely to last though which is why I wonder about that.

 

[Ropebunny]

I wonder if relationships work better with people of similar intelligence levels not necessarily in the same areas though. I have too little experience with romantic relationships to have much anecdotal knowledge of that. Friendships are more likely to last though which is why I wonder about that.

I suspect there is a lot of truth in this. Subconsciously compensating for weaknesses we sense in the other. It also makes sense that unaddressed imbalances in compensation will become problematic and lead to disharmony.

I love that my oldest friend takes on social organisation tasks for me. After Bebo, I said I was not doing any kind of presentation based forms of social media again and without her as a conduit I would have been excluded from so many things over the years. I periodically check in with her to see if she is still willing and able to do this for me, and to thank her for choosing to help me, because I would never ask her to. She helps to keep me socially healthy. I’m not sure she’ll ever really understand how grateful I am, because says to her it’s all easy and no trouble! I’m still not entirely sure I believe her...


Back to the questions: would you say you are a good at being a friend? Are you pleased or not with the way you are in this sphere of life, and why?

 

[seela]

I’m new, so please excuse a possibly repetitive message, but what is your Master’s degree in?

Not a repeat! In language stuff and political science stuff.

 

[seela]

I knit mostly scarves. I've made some hats and headbands too. They're all very basic patterns that don't require much other than very basic stitches.

I wonder if relationships work better with people of similar intelligence levels not necessarily in the same areas though. I have too little experience with romantic relationships to have much anecdotal knowledge of that. Friendships are more likely to last though which is why I wonder about that.

I suspect there is a lot of truth in this. Subconsciously compensating for weaknesses we sense in the other. It also makes sense that unaddressed imbalances in compensation will become problematic and lead to disharmony.

I love that my oldest friend takes on social organisation tasks for me. After Bebo, I said I was not doing any kind of presentation based forms of social media again and without her as a conduit I would have been excluded from so many things over the years. I periodically check in with her to see if she is still willing and able to do this for me, and to thank her for choosing to help me, because I would never ask her to. She helps to keep me socially healthy. I’m not sure she’ll ever really understand how grateful I am, because says to her it’s all easy and no trouble! I’m still not entirely sure I believe her...


Back to the questions: would you say you are a good at being a friend? Are you pleased or not with the way you are in this sphere of life, and why?

Interesting thought about intelligence and relationships!

The question about friendships hits a nerve.

I'm not sure I am a very good friend. I don't have many friends, especially not ones I've known for a long time and kept on touch with all through the years. I have many acquaintances but not very many people I'd call friends or that I'd feel comfortable calling to vent or to ask for help of something like that. Also, a lot of my friends have been in a way situational, a friendship tied to us sharing a similar experience or sphere at one point or another and those types of friendships don't always carry into other areas of life. But I also have and have had "regular" friends, but their amount is definitely falling.

I think a big part of the reason why I at least feel like I'm not good ar being friends anymore is that I'm not on any social media. Okay, I am on Twitter but it's for a pretty specific reason. I do not know what my friends do on day to day base. I feel like the friends who are on Facebook know more about each other's lives, get together more often etc. Whereas because I'm not, it's easier to forget about me and leave me out or the loop.

I call and text my friends regularly, but not nearly every day or even every week when life gets busy. I didn't find out one of (who I thought was) my closer friends got engaged until a few weeks after it happened. My best friend is very good about keeping me updated and I keep her updated, and the rise of social media hasn't changed anything in our friendship over the years.

But with my other friends I've definitely noticed a trend there. I sometimes feel very bad about this. I know I should reach out more and I should make more of an effort, as I'm the weird one who doesn't do social media. At the same time I feel like they could reach out to me a little more often, too.

My work friends have become very important to me. Especially the ones I worked with last spring when things were awful. They're important to me and we try to have lunch together a few times a week at least in some combination, even though I no longer work with them day to day. But at the same time, we never hang out socially outside work context.

So I don't know if I am a good friend. I remember birthdays, I help when my friends need help, I try to reach out, but I also don't feel like I'm doing enough. It's a difficult question and one that I think about quite often.

 

[seela]

Objection.

I said that it is overrated.



And this is an incorrect assessment.

Sorry for misrepresenting your thought.

 

[cookiecat]

Are you currently in a relationship?

 

[seela]

Are you currently in a relationship?

Yes I am, with the same guy I've been with the entire time I've been on Lit.

 

[BlackCaramelCreme]

What would be your go to place for alone time and serenity?

Can you dance?

What is your favorite destressing drink?

 

[ultramarineblue]

I suspect there is a lot of truth in this. Subconsciously compensating for weaknesses we sense in the other. It also makes sense that unaddressed imbalances in compensation will become problematic and lead to disharmony.

I love that my oldest friend takes on social organisation tasks for me. After Bebo, I said I was not doing any kind of presentation based forms of social media again and without her as a conduit I would have been excluded from so many things over the years. I periodically check in with her to see if she is still willing and able to do this for me, and to thank her for choosing to help me, because I would never ask her to. She helps to keep me socially healthy. I’m not sure she’ll ever really understand how grateful I am, because says to her it’s all easy and no trouble! I’m still not entirely sure I believe her...


Back to the questions: would you say you are a good at being a friend? Are you pleased or not with the way you are in this sphere of life, and why?

I definitely agree that unaddressed imbalances in compensation can lead to disharmony. You put that so beautifully. That makes me wonder what I need to address in my relationships and friendships.

Seela, I can't remember if I've asked, but do you have any guilty pleasures?

 

[Ropebunny]

Interesting thought about intelligence and relationships!

The question about friendships hits a nerve.

I'm not sure I am a very good friend. I don't have many friends, especially not ones I've known for a long time and kept on touch with all through the years. I have many acquaintances but not very many people I'd call friends or that I'd feel comfortable calling to vent or to ask for help of something like that. Also, a lot of my friends have been in a way situational, a friendship tied to us sharing a similar experience or sphere at one point or another and those types of friendships don't always carry into other areas of life. But I also have and have had "regular" friends, but their amount is definitely falling.

I think a big part of the reason why I at least feel like I'm not good ar being friends anymore is that I'm not on any social media. Okay, I am on Twitter but it's for a pretty specific reason. I do not know what my friends do on day to day base. I feel like the friends who are on Facebook know more about each other's lives, get together more often etc. Whereas because I'm not, it's easier to forget about me and leave me out or the loop.

I call and text my friends regularly, but not nearly every day or even every week when life gets busy. I didn't find out one of (who I thought was) my closer friends got engaged until a few weeks after it happened. My best friend is very good about keeping me updated and I keep her updated, and the rise of social media hasn't changed anything in our friendship over the years.

But with my other friends I've definitely noticed a trend there. I sometimes feel very bad about this. I know I should reach out more and I should make more of an effort, as I'm the weird one who doesn't do social media. At the same time I feel like they could reach out to me a little more often, too.

My work friends have become very important to me. Especially the ones I worked with last spring when things were awful. They're important to me and we try to have lunch together a few times a week at least in some combination, even though I no longer work with them day to day. But at the same time, we never hang out socially outside work context.

So I don't know if I am a good friend. I remember birthdays, I help when my friends need help, I try to reach out, but I also don't feel like I'm doing enough. It's a difficult question and one that I think about quite often.

Thank you for your beautiful, considered response seela - I really appreciate your honesty and vulnerability

I can relate of pretty much everything you’ve said here. Maybe, being a good friend is about authenticity. The authenticity of knowing and accepting the levels of distance we best maintain relationships at. Even when, perhaps especially when those levels of distance don’t fit the current social norms of female friendship. I must say that to me you sound like you would make an excellent friend to anyone seela

 

[seela]

Thank you for your beautiful, considered response seela - I really appreciate your honesty and vulnerability

I can relate of pretty much everything you’ve said here. Maybe, being a good friend is about authenticity. The authenticity of knowing and accepting the levels of distance we best maintain relationships at. Even when, perhaps especially when those levels of distance don’t fit the current social norms of female friendship. I must say that to me you sound like you would make an excellent friend to anyone seela

Thank you for this. Reading this meant a lot after the sucky night I had yesterday.