Are we headed toward a Dom shortage?

[Pure]

pretty kitty said,
"i need a spanking"

then you need to be on the lookout for a compliant sub--those said to be in abundance-- who'll give it to you!

 

[PrettyKitty427]

pretty kitty said,
"i need a spanking"

then you need to be on the lookout for a compliant sub--those said to be in abundance-- who'll give it to you!

interesting perspective...i never thought of that.

 

[Betticus]

I had to go look up paternalism just to make sure I understood it correctly.

It would seem to fit but the intent is not honest. In my opinion. The intent of the person who is into this paternalism.

 

[Sex & Diamonds]

If you are strickly speaking online -

I have come to believe that there are more Dom's out there then most believe. They are just hard to find, well the good ones anyways. I've found that women sub or not are more likely to search online for such things then a man would. (No, i'm not taking into account the boys trying to be men online that live in their parents basement). I've had communication with a number of Dominant men via email because they prefer to not visit forums or chat sites.

Guess it depends where you look.

 

[Esclava]

Had to touch base here...

I don't see a dom shortage so much as I see those like me coming into their own being. Newbies to BDSM don't really know how to gather information on what they need. They have to depend on the kindness and wisdom of other people.

It is MUCH easier to approach a Dom/me as a sub. I believe it is easier to train as a Dom/me once you have been trained as a sub. If there seems to be a proliferation of subs and a shortage of Dom/mes, perhaps the training ground is fertile for a new crop of Dom/mes trained as subs and their "agressiveness" is a sign that they are ready to be released by their Mentors - but they don't know the time has come or how to fly without falling.

When a Dom/me sees in a sub the potential to be a strong Dom/me, I believe they have a responsibility to help that sub explore that nature and find out if it satisfies any needs for them. Only then can you be positive your sub is submissive because that is truly what feeds their needs.

Esclava

 

[Betticus]

Re: Had to touch base here...

I don't see a dom shortage so much as I see those like me coming into their own being. Newbies to BDSM don't really know how to gather information on what they need. They have to depend on the kindness and wisdom of other people.

It is MUCH easier to approach a Dom/me as a sub. I believe it is easier to train as a Dom/me once you have been trained as a sub. If there seems to be a proliferation of subs and a shortage of Dom/mes, perhaps the training ground is fertile for a new crop of Dom/mes trained as subs and their "agressiveness" is a sign that they are ready to be released by their Mentors - but they don't know the time has come or how to fly without falling.

When a Dom/me sees in a sub the potential to be a strong Dom/me, I believe they have a responsibility to help that sub explore that nature and find out if it satisfies any needs for them. Only then can you be positive your sub is submissive because that is truly what feeds their needs.

Esclava

Maybe that is why my relationships don't last as long as I would like them to. I tend to be attracted to strong, dominant type women who have some kind of problem that they are having trouble dealing with or a personality conflict that they feel they shouldn't have due to the judgemental nature of society. They have been told from childhood that what they are feeling is wrong.

Of course we work through those problems and then they want to fly away and explore their lives to the fullest. I suppose that sometimes it's lonely being on top.

 

[PrettyKitty427]

Re: Had to touch base here...

I don't see a dom shortage so much as I see those like me coming into their own being. Newbies to BDSM don't really know how to gather information on what they need. They have to depend on the kindness and wisdom of other people.

It is MUCH easier to approach a Dom/me as a sub. I believe it is easier to train as a Dom/me once you have been trained as a sub. If there seems to be a proliferation of subs and a shortage of Dom/mes, perhaps the training ground is fertile for a new crop of Dom/mes trained as subs and their "agressiveness" is a sign that they are ready to be released by their Mentors - but they don't know the time has come or how to fly without falling.

When a Dom/me sees in a sub the potential to be a strong Dom/me, I believe they have a responsibility to help that sub explore that nature and find out if it satisfies any needs for them. Only then can you be positive your sub is submissive because that is truly what feeds their needs.

Esclava

I have a tendency to be a SAMmie but I don't think I'd make a very good Domme....I'm much better at giving pleasure than receiving it.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Re: Re: Had to touch base here...

... I suppose that sometimes it's lonely being on top.

Yeah, but it's good to be a king.

 

[Betticus]

Re: Re: Re: Had to touch base here...

Yeah, but it's good to be a king.

True.

 

[barcaboy]

Online I suspect subs will always tend to outnumber Doms, at least in community forums like this one.

Someone seeking to explore their submissiveness is going to find interest and support both from other subs, experienced and inexperienced, and - of course - from ever-helpful Doms. In short, Everybody . subs.

The wannabe or newbie Dom - well, good luck. A Newcomer tends to bring out the prickly, cantakerous, don't-tread-on-me-who-.you -looking-at-and-who-do-you-think-you-are-anyway side of established Tops. Totally natural behavior (the Law of the Jungle=the Law of the Forum), but the result is that a few PYL's tend to dominate.

In my humble, non-confrontational, anti-Darwinian opinion, anyway.

 

[Esclava]

,snip>
The wannabe or newbie Dom - well, good luck. A Newcomer tends to bring out the prickly, cantakerous, don't-tread-on-me-who-.you -looking-at-and-who-do-you-think-you-are-anyway side of established Tops. Totally natural behavior (the Law of the Jungle=the Law of the Forum), but the result is that a few PYL's tend to dominate.

In my humble, non-confrontational, anti-Darwinian opinion, anyway.

There is something to be said about that "...who-you-looking-at..." attitude. If I were a Domme (and I'm not totally convinced that I'm not ), my gut feeling tells me it would be difficult to get an opening into the Dom/me group even here on Lit.

It has also been my experience that even though I spent more than 30 years in love with the same girl/woman, because I have gotten in touch with my bi-side, I am almost a pariah in the lesbian community that I spent so much time in. Are Switches thought of in the same way in D/s circles?

So, I guess the other questions in my mind are: How DO newbie Dom/mes begin their education? And when they do, are there any suggestions on how to be taken seriously - especially if they were trained as a sub first?

Esclava

 

[Marquis]

Just fucking up over here....

 

[Marquis]

In the past month, I've been approached by 3 subs just out of high school. I had a thread over there at bdsmP, not the one someone recently bumped up, and I had to shut it down cause I was getting 2 or 3 contacts a day.

Send 'em my way buddy.

 

[Marquis]

Why can't I delete posts when I fuck up?

 

[PrettyKitty427]

Re: Re: Are we headed toward a Dom shortage?

Why can't I delete posts when I fuck up?

they're all fascists

 

[WriterDom]

Re: Re: Are we headed toward a Dom shortage?

Send 'em my way buddy.

One is in FL. North FL, damn that's a long state. But she and her 53 yr old boyfriend have decided that they aren't going to see other people. Other than him seeing the wife he lives with.

You're young enough I guess for an 18 yr old. But what you'll find as you get older, is that women get better with age. And hornier.

 

[PrettyKitty427]

Re: Re: Re: Are we headed toward a Dom shortage?

One is in FL. North FL, damn that's a long state. But she and her 53 yr old boyfriend have decided that they aren't going to see other people. Other than him seeing the wife he lives with.

You're young enough I guess for an 18 yr old. But what you'll find as you get older, is that women get better with age. And hornier.

hornier?? oh no...i don't think i can handle being hornier than I already am

 

[Rugor]

Well, I'm new here LOL. In fact this is My first post, but I am going to throw My two cents in anyway.

I think that at least a large part of the reason why Dom/mes seem to be rarer than subs has to do with societal perceptions. As has been said before, a sub seems like more of an 'entry level' position than a Dom/me. The idea of the Professional Dom/me is fairly widespread, but not that of the professional sub. That's not to say that there aren't any, but the idea of the professional sub certainly hasn't become the archetype the Dom/mes have.

One result of this is that subs do find it easier to make an entry into the lifestyle. From the outside there's the impression that the subs are the average, normal folks who just happened to discover hidden tastes locked within everyone and are trying to explore it. It's the Dom/mes who're seen as someone apart.

Thoughts?

 

[Betticus]

There is something to be said about that "...who-you-looking-at..." attitude. If I were a Domme (and I'm not totally convinced that I'm not ), my gut feeling tells me it would be difficult to get an opening into the Dom/me group even here on Lit.

It has also been my experience that even though I spent more than 30 years in love with the same girl/woman, because I have gotten in touch with my bi-side, I am almost a pariah in the lesbian community that I spent so much time in. Are Switches thought of in the same way in D/s circles?

So, I guess the other questions in my mind are: How DO newbie Dom/mes begin their education? And when they do, are there any suggestions on how to be taken seriously - especially if they were trained as a sub first?

Esclava

I think that I've been made pretty welcome here by the Dom/mes from the start. I really didn't feel any kind of attitude from anyone but then again, would I have noticed? As far as subs go I would love to have one or more that have a lot of experience to interface with in real life. Kind of a mentoring for a new Dom.

 

[WriterDom]

I think that at least a large part of the reason why Dom/mes seem to be rarer than subs has to do with societal perceptions. As has been said before, a sub seems like more of an 'entry level' position than a Dom/me. The idea of the Professional Dom/me is fairly widespread, but not that of the professional sub. That's not to say that there aren't any, but the idea of the professional sub certainly hasn't become the archetype the Dom/mes have.

One result of this is that subs do find it easier to make an entry into the lifestyle. From the outside there's the impression that the subs are the average, normal folks who just happened to discover hidden tastes locked within everyone and are trying to explore it. It's the Dom/mes who're seen as someone apart.

Thoughts?

Yes, it may well be a reluctance on the novice Doms to come out publicly. I would have expected more than 1 on the poll to come out as Dom/me curious. But perhaps it was how I defined curious.
I don't think it is hard for a novice Dom to find a play partner.

 

[Betticus]

Yes, it may well be a reluctance on the novice Doms to come out publicly. I would have expected more than 1 on the poll to come out as Dom/me curious. But perhaps it was how I defined curious.
I don't think it is hard for a novice Dom to find a play partner.

um, ME! or was I the one. Did I answer a poll?

shit, I can't remember

 

[Esclava]

Re: Re: Re: Are we headed toward a Dom shortage?

One is in FL. North FL, damn that's a long state. But she and her 53 yr old boyfriend have decided that they aren't going to see other people. Other than him seeing the wife he lives with.

You're young enough I guess for an 18 yr old. But what you'll find as you get older, is that women get better with age. And hornier.

That's funny, WD!

On that second part, I class myself in that "get better with age" group, although I'm not sure we get any hornier than we ever were. I REALLY think it is more that the responsibilities of parenting and family become less full-time and we are more free to enjoy those things that we have missed out on by being the "confident-hold the homestead together while raising the children-caring nurturers" that most women are. At least that is how it is for me.

And, of course, society has dictated that I shall not expose my children's tender minds to such perversity (even having an occasional booty call is sneered at) - on pain of imprisonment or other vile punishment. So, now that I am no longer a single parent - but still a single woman; I walk differently, dress differently, and act on impulses / ideas that I didn't when my kids were in my home. If that makes me appear "hornier", then I say the message was being missed all along because the "noise of the ready-made family" was getting in the way.

Masturbation helped maintain my sanity when there was no one else in my life. It continues to maintain me as no one "does" me better than I do.

Still looking for someone irl to replace my toys,
Esclava

 

[PrettyKitty427]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Are we headed toward a Dom shortage?

That's funny, WD!

On that second part, I class myself in that "get better with age" group, although I'm not sure we get any hornier than we ever were. I REALLY think it is more that the responsibilities of parenting and family become less full-time and we are more free to enjoy those things that we have missed out on by being the "confident-hold the homestead together while raising the children-caring nurturers" that most women are. At least that is how it is for me.

And, of course, society has dictated that I shall not expose my children's tender minds to such perversity (even having an occasional booty call is sneered at) - on pain of imprisonment or other vile punishment. So, now that I am no longer a single parent - but still a single woman; I walk differently, dress differently, and act on impulses / ideas that I didn't when my kids were in my home. If that makes me appear "hornier", then I say the message was being missed all along because the "noise of the ready-made family" was getting in the way.

Masturbation helped maintain my sanity when there was no one else in my life. It continues to maintain me as no one "does" me better than I do.

Still looking for someone irl to replace my toys,
Esclava

i feel you. i feel so pressured to have an LTR with no possibility of ending while my son is too young to understand anything. I feel like I'm not supposed to date anymore. It's like I'm supposed to be married. Hooray for masturbation (though i stick with my fingers)

 

[fallon2]

kitty speaks

well for many subs when she says "feel so pressured to have an ltr with no possibility of ending . . ."

That is why so many subs do masturbate for they need the pleasure and release that masturbation gives them, while longing for a true Master that can and will complete them.

It is very hard for a young woman with a child or children to still want a Master as well as a boyfriend/spouse.

The ideal would be to have all of the above in one person.

I definitely feel for you kitty.

 

[Droogie15]

in response to the original point

I'm an 18.6 year old aspiring Dom, not yet into an R/L experience. I'm happy to be aspiring to learn the tricks of the trade and carry the torch for the Male Dom community into its unknown future.

With college just five days away, I'll be looking to find a sub there and begin exploration into the real world of BDSM and, if at all possible, I'll be looking to take a privately or publically run bondage class in the San Francisco bay area. If no classes are available, I may get in touch with Hogtied.com, which operates out of SF.