Are we headed toward a Dom shortage?

[A Desert Rose]

I generally get two types. One is, as you say, the "young and looking for a mentor" type. The other is just someone being chatty. I don't think I have had anyone PM me specifically interested in becoming my submissive though.

I guess I'm special though, 'cause from memory (admittedly what little there is of it), both KC and ADR PM'd me before I PM'd them... do I get a medal now?

Yes, your memory is correct, as far as I'm concerned... and you are very special, pal.

 

[Marquis]

Maybe we can all pass notes like the high school girls have about Marquis?

Don't forget to accidentally CC me. I'm going to get in trouble with MissTaken again.

 

[Kajira Callista]

I generally get two types. One is, as you say, the "young and looking for a mentor" type. The other is just someone being chatty. I don't think I have had anyone PM me specifically interested in becoming my submissive though.

I guess I'm special though, 'cause from memory (admittedly what little there is of it), both KC and ADR PM'd me before I PM'd them... do I get a medal now?

yes! i did...you felt safe...i remember that.

 

[PrettyKitty427]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: On a tangent

Enough to make the owner of a cast iron stomach hurl.

can i vote water ride? i like getting wet.

 

[yourstruly]

Many random thoughts on this topic

Interesting thread. Several random thoughts:

I almost never "make the first move." Not even in online type scenarios. Not 'cause I'm submissive, but 'cause I'm shy .

Since I basically never find the time to hang out here on Lit I am obviously not surprised or disappointed or what-have-you that I haven't really made friends here yet. Reality is that I am spread way too thin to fix that any time soon.

But, if/when I do change that, I would NEVER just approach someone and say I wanna be their submissive... like that's gonna work! Just like I wouldn't approach a vanilla stranger and introduce myself as "Hey, wanna go steady with me?" I admit it doesn't surprise me that this is not so obvious to other people -- but would you /want/ to be dominated by someone who responds to that approach? Not I.

In the femdom/malesub sphere there has always been a shortage of Doms, or so, I think, the traditional wisdom goes.... I won't bother guessing why this might be. BUT, I really believe that if most any sane, intelligent, decent person (such as myself, of course ) applies themselves diligently to finding a kink-compatible partner, they will be successful sooner or later. I really don't believe that economic-type supply/demand analysis is worth fretting about -- even if it does explain certain things.

Yes, I'm single. Yes I'd love to meet somebody but frankly I have a lot going on in my life right now and it wouldn't be fair to either party to get involved right now.

Casual sex doesn't do it for me. At least, I don't think so -- at 30, I've never really tried it. Hmm... well, maybe once. And that was a pretty good experience... but generally I still am not down for casual sex.

WTF is a PYL?

Thanks for listening,

 

[WriterDom]

A lot of people are drawn to Literotica for the stories. For a submissive curious, reading stories might be the only contact they have with bdsm.

But Lit has never been considered a bdsm site. We camped out in a single thread in the "How to" section for a year before we finally were given a forum. Now we have three. Had lit been marketed as a bdsm site, I'm sure it would have more Doms than subs just as bondage.com does. Lit is more of a breeding ground for new subs. I know that sounds like a predatory statement, but it is true.

And we are getting more Dom posters here recently, and while I'm not a big welcome wagon type of person, I have enjoyed hearing the new opinions.

 

[WriterDom]

Re: Many random thoughts on this topic

Interesting thread. Several random thoughts:
WTF is a PYL?

Thanks for listening,

PYL pick your label -Dom -Master-Top

pyl Pick your label- sub-slave-bottom

 

[CmdrGdHrt]

What to do, What to do?

Seems to me that it is just as difficult for a Dom to make the first approach as the sub. We often don't know whether the sub is attached or not. If we blatantly advertise for subs, we're trollers. There is a significant level of distrust when a Dom first appears on the scene (and rightfully so... the lifestyle is fraught with danger for the submissive). Once again, the best approach would appear to be to form a friendship with the sub first, and then make an approach... but then who has the time to sit on the computer for hours on end, holding a conversation that could be accomplished in 5 minutes in person?

<<sigh>>

Kurt

 

[Marquis]

Re: What to do, What to do?

Seems to me that it is just as difficult for a Dom to make the first approach as the sub. We often don't know whether the sub is attached or not. If we blatantly advertise for subs, we're trollers. There is a significant level of distrust when a Dom first appears on the scene (and rightfully so... the lifestyle is fraught with danger for the submissive). Once again, the best approach would appear to be to form a friendship with the sub first, and then make an approach... but then who has the time to sit on the computer for hours on end, holding a conversation that could be accomplished in 5 minutes in person?

<<sigh>>

Kurt

I hear that.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Re: What to do, What to do?

... but then who has the time to sit on the computer for hours on end, holding a conversation that could be accomplished in 5 minutes in person?

• Why does it have to be held on a computer?
• When did patience lose importance in any interaction?
• What could you say, or hear, in 5 minutes that would convince you AND the prospective partner?
• Am i the only not getting this?

 

[Pure]

I don't get it either, Angelic.

Unless the Cmdr has radiant charisma in person and not on screen, I fail to see how he could gain the confidence of a cautious person in five mins, let alone form or lay the basis for a friendship.

Surely soliciting for --or initially approaching--subs in person is a dicey business. Which should rightfully raise the attennae and suspicions of those 'in person.'

Excuse my skepticism, but I propose that the only thing happening in person is that the Cdr can decide if it's a nice pair of tits and ass that might 'pay off.' (Or maybe their willingness to go for a quickie top/bottom session, no strings, with a relative stranger. "You wanna be whipped? I'll whip ya and, for the mere price of a blow job, I guarantee you'll get off.")

As to friendships, the argument can be made that a couple hours on the computer is worth more than a couple hours of superficial 'first or early dates.' People tend to be more open in IM and PM.


Cdr said,
Originally posted by CmdrGdHrt
Seems to me that it is just as difficult for a Dom to make the first approach as the sub. We often don't know whether the sub is attached or not. If we blatantly advertise for subs, we're trollers. There is a significant level of distrust when a Dom first appears on the scene (and rightfully so... the lifestyle is fraught with danger for the submissive). Once again, the best approach would appear to be to form a friendship with the sub first, and then make an approach... but then who has the time to sit on the computer for hours on end, holding a conversation that could be accomplished in 5 minutes in person?

<<sigh>>

 

[Kajira Callista]

Some people dont have the patience for the online convo thing... it is not the same as sitting across from someone chatting, or talking to someone on the phone even. I would say the 5 min thing was a little exaggerated but i understood what was meant.

 

[Rugor]

I guess that's the advantage of working graveyards and living alone. On the weekend I can spend, and have spent, up to eight hours in IM with a person and you can cover a lot of ground in an IM conversation that long.

The increased openness of IM is a good thing, and it lets you focus more on the mental/emotional aspects of the person than the physical. That's a good thing because I don't care how spankable her bottom looks (well I do but that's different) it's not the body that makes a sub.

If she's not mentally compatible as well as submissive it's not likely to work now is it? And I don't want to put that much effort into something that's not going to work anyway.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Some people dont have the patience for the online convo thing... it is not the same as sitting across from someone chatting, or talking to someone on the phone even. I would say the 5 min thing was a little exaggerated but i understood what was meant.

And it's also a matter of priority. If you meet someone online who sparks your interest, getting to know her becomes a priority. You find the time to spend chatting and emailing.

(I also work nights... on the weekends.)

 

[CmdrGdHrt]

I don't get it either, Angelic.

Unless the Cmdr has radiant charisma in person and not on screen, I fail to see how he could gain the confidence of a cautious person in five mins, let alone form or lay the basis for a friendship.

Surely soliciting for --or initially approaching--subs in person is a dicey business. Which should rightfully raise the attennae and suspicions of those 'in person.'

Excuse my skepticism, but I propose that the only thing happening in person is that the Cdr can decide if it's a nice pair of tits and ass that might 'pay off.' (Or maybe their willingness to go for a quickie top/bottom session, no strings, with a relative stranger. "You wanna be whipped? I'll whip ya and, for the mere price of a blow job, I guarantee you'll get off.")

As to friendships, the argument can be made that a couple hours on the computer is worth more than a couple hours of superficial 'first or early dates.' People tend to be more open in IM and PM.


<<sigh>>

You miss my point. PM or IM or Email are all stilted communication forms, IMHO. It takes you a full minute to type what your mouth can say in 10 seconds. You miss the body language and facial expression. (Sorry, emoticons really just don't cut it. ) No one with an ounce of sense will agree to a private first meeting, even after months of PMing. Calista had it right. The 5 minutes thing was an exaggeration... but the point is that when trying to develop a friendship, computer time simply cannot match face time.

Example... I had a friend, a sub... who thought, after months of chatting, that she had met her ideal Dom in another guy. They met at a local restaurant. After he announced that he had "forgotten his wallet" and she paid for the meal, he took her into the parking lot, and ordered her to her knees to suck him off and drink his piss. She of course refused. The next week, he asked her to loan him $3000 to help his business. Needless to say, she didn't have anything else to do with him. All that from one face to face that didn't come out in months of chatting.

THAT's my point... not that I have some special charisma that woos the ladies in five minutes of face time. (Actually... I'm told that on the computer I come across as belligerent, know it all, etc. I'm really just a nice guy... but opinionated.)

Kurt

 

[Safphyre]

"Example... I had a friend, a sub... who thought, after months of chatting, that she had met her ideal Dom in another guy. They met at a local restaurant. After he announced that he had "forgotten his wallet" and she paid for the meal, he took her into the parking lot, and ordered her to her knees to suck him off and drink his piss. She of course refused. The next week, he asked her to loan him $3000 to help his business. Needless to say, she didn't have anything else to do with him. All that from one face to face that didn't come out in months of chatting."


Thats not a Dom ...thats an asshole

 

[CmdrGdHrt]

Is that a Dom?

Hey... *I* didn't claim he was a Dom... HE did. I think at that point, EVERYONE agreed that he was an asshole.

Kurt

 

[WriterDom]

"Example... I had a friend, a sub... who thought, after months of chatting, that she had met her ideal Dom in another guy. They met at a local restaurant. After he announced that he had "forgotten his wallet" and she paid for the meal, he took her into the parking lot, and ordered her to her knees to suck him off and drink his piss. She of course refused. The next week, he asked her to loan him $3000 to help his business. Needless to say, she didn't have anything else to do with him. All that from one face to face that didn't come out in months of chatting."


Thats not a Dom ...thats an asshole

no, that's a soap opera

 

[Safphyre]

... a soap opera of the worst kind ...that is exactly the kind of thing that gives this kind if lifestyle a bad rep

 

[PrettyKitty427]

in a soap opera she would have said "NO, I can't...because I've been drinking your brother's piss and am pregnant with you one legged father's child.

 

[rosco rathbone]

no, that's a soap opera

Not to mention a comedy.

 

[FungiUg]

You forgot to die slowly of an incurable disease contracted while you were in the Amazon.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

You miss my point. PM or IM or Email are all stilted communication forms, IMHO.

No, you missed mine.

An imagination, the ability to compose on the fly, and a true interest in someone obviate stilted communications via PM, IM, or email in my not humble whatsoever opinion.

In verbal comms, not face to face, you can "hear" body language ...

• fidgeting, whether from nerves or boredom
• the breathing pattern, how it changes from the first hello through however else you engage an individual in conversation
• the change in voice when someone drops their head
• and if you're really observant ... you know why they're fidgeting, if they are, in the first place.

Face to face communications ... a person will open their book for your perusal if you simply wish to observe.

 

[yourstruly]

Re: Re: Many random thoughts on this topic

PYL pick your label -Dom -Master-Top

pyl Pick your label- sub-slave-bottom

Ah. Excellent TLA.

Thanks,

 

[fallon2]

Yep,

Originally posted by AngelicAssassin [/i
No, you missed mine.

An imagination, the ability to compose on the fly, and a true interest in someone obviate stilted communications via PM, IM, or email in my not humble whatsoever opinion.

In verbal comms, not face to face, you can "hear" body language ...

• fidgeting, whether from nerves or boredom
• the breathing pattern, how it changes from the first hello through however else you engage an individual in conversation
• the change in voice when someone drops their head
• and if you're really observant ... you know why they're fidgeting, if they are, in the first place.

Face to face communications ... a person will open their book for your perusal if you simply wish to observe.

Yep, AA is right. (again) LOOKING and LISTENING are both extremely important, for both the Master and the sub.