As a sub do you sometimes misbehave on purposes ?

[Homburg]

i run into these guys a lot and usually interpret it to mean they are mostly missing the Sadist gene in which case i move on. If they need an excuse to be mean and horrible to me they aren't for me. i already have that at home.

What i really hate is when they do want to be mean and horrible but can't do it without an excuse so they MAKE UP SOMETHING! I HATE that! If you want to hurt me just have the balls to do it. Don't pretend i did something wrong and that's why you're doing it. i don't really like that even in fun. Its like they can't do it without a sort of quasi role play.

This is a concept I just don't get either. I don't mind the occassional scene with roleplay elements to dress up the painplay, but the vast majority of it is just going to be me feeling the need to hurt and debase. I don't need an excuse for that, just consent and somewhere reasonably private.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I tend to stick with the adage, if they're enjoying it, it's not punishment

...though, on the other hand...I enjoy the concept of being punished. If I didn't I wouldn't be a submissive. Entering willingly into my D/s relationship I willingly agreed to be punished in any way my PYL seemed appropriate. I don't have fun being punished (it has been needed very rarely) but it still gets my pussy wet. Maybe not during..but afterwards when I am thinking about it.

 

[Homburg]

...though, on the other hand...I enjoy the concept of being punished. If I didn't I wouldn't be a submissive. Entering willingly into my D/s relationship I willingly agreed to be punished in any way my PYL seemed appropriate. I don't have fun being punished (it has been needed very rarely) but it still gets my pussy wet. Maybe not during..but afterwards when I am thinking about it.

Are you excited by the punishment, or the control?

I would think that the dynamic that allows such punishment is the arousing part, not the punishment itself. The punishment is just the vehicle for the dominance.

ETA: Not trying to tell you how to think, I am just expressing my opinion of a subtext I'm getting in this post.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Are you excited by the punishment, or the control?

I would think that the dynamic that allows such punishment is the arousing part, not the punishment itself. The punishment is just the vehicle for the dominance.

ETA: Not trying to tell you how to think, I am just expressing my opinion of a subtext I'm getting in this post.

The control absolutely. Which is why sometimes it is delayed. And why talking about it with him later also turns me on. During it hurts..alot..either mentally or physically (or both). I am not a extreme pain slut at all. The first time he punished me with a belt it was extremely painful. But as soon as it was over and I was crying in his arms I was more turned on that I ever have been on my life, the resulting sex was amazing emotionally for both of us.

Though I kid around with him occasionally about a repeat of the behaviour that brought on that beating just for a repeat of the sex I know it wouldn't work out that way. It wouldn't be worth it.

But the dynamic , the fact that I willingly allow myself to be punished in that way without being bound turns us both on.

 

[Fuckette]

I love causing trouble

 

[shy slave]

i run into these guys a lot and usually interpret it to mean they are mostly missing the Sadist gene in which case i move on. If they need an excuse to be mean and horrible to me they aren't for me. i already have that at home.

What i really hate is when they do want to be mean and horrible but can't do it without an excuse so they MAKE UP SOMETHING! I HATE that! If you want to hurt me just have the balls to do it. Don't pretend i did something wrong and that's why you're doing it. i don't really like that even in fun. Its like they can't do it without a sort of quasi role play.

This is perfect. I could kiss you for this post alone.

I agree with you completely.

It may be that having grown up with the strong message that it is wrong to hit people, they need a reason to do it; but in my head it translates that they are not at ease with who or what they are.

I don't want to be their shrink, I don't want someone who feels uncomfortable in their own skin; nor do I want to end up in a lose:lose situation so they can mentally justify what they really want to do to me.

As a generalisation there seem to be more male PYL's with this issue than female PYL's. Although I have never played with a Domme, the ones I have spoken to are completely at ease with the idea they want to hurt someone.

 

[shy slave]

*snort* See, I would find that funny, so long as it was delivered properly.

And, yeah, funny to cane afterwards too, again, dependent on delivery.

Good stuff.

--



No kidding. Time to rethink ye olde punishments if they're not modifying the behaviour.

A sadistic Dom with a sense of humour, glad I could amuse you from this side of the pond.

BUT.... if in the thread 'Things you should Never say to a Dom...' either of your girls posts something similar I am not taking the blame!!!

 

[Homburg]

A sadistic Dom with a sense of humour, glad I could amuse you from this side of the pond.

BUT.... if in the thread 'Things you should Never say to a Dom...' either of your girls posts something similar I am not taking the blame!!!

LOL. Sometimes it seems like they strive to find things they should never say, and then say them. Fortunately my sense of humour is usually quick enough to save them from any ire I might find.

 

[myinnerslut]

LOL. Sometimes it seems like they strive to find things they should never say, and then say them. Fortunately my sense of humour is usually quick enough to save them from any ire I might find.

i do -nothing- of the sort

*looks affronted*

 

[Homburg]

i do -nothing- of the sort

*looks affronted*

*snort*

Suuure.

 

[Harmony_1985]

Just a point, surely misbehaving on purpose goes against what a sub should be in the first place?

 

[myinnerslut]

Just a point, surely misbehaving on purpose goes against what a sub should be in the first place?

ding ding ding! give the lady a prize.

 

[Harmony_1985]

Oooooooo I like prizes, what do I get?!

 

[graceanne]

i run into these guys a lot and usually interpret it to mean they are mostly missing the Sadist gene in which case i move on. If they need an excuse to be mean and horrible to me they aren't for me. i already have that at home.

What i really hate is when they do want to be mean and horrible but can't do it without an excuse so they MAKE UP SOMETHING! I HATE that! If you want to hurt me just have the balls to do it. Don't pretend i did something wrong and that's why you're doing it. i don't really like that even in fun. Its like they can't do it without a sort of quasi role play.

Yeah, ditto. Pretending I've done something is a hard limit for me. Then I feel guilty, even though I know I haven't done anything, and that Pisses. Me. Off.

 

[Harmony_1985]

I'm still waiting for my prize....

 

[graceanne]

i do -nothing- of the sort

*looks affronted*

gee, why do I have trouble believing this?

 

[graceanne]

I'm still waiting for my prize....

Happy?

 

[Harmony_1985]

Mmmhmmm

 

[Netzach]

i run into these guys a lot and usually interpret it to mean they are mostly missing the Sadist gene in which case i move on. If they need an excuse to be mean and horrible to me they aren't for me. i already have that at home.

What i really hate is when they do want to be mean and horrible but can't do it without an excuse so they MAKE UP SOMETHING! I HATE that! If you want to hurt me just have the balls to do it. Don't pretend i did something wrong and that's why you're doing it. i don't really like that even in fun. Its like they can't do it without a sort of quasi role play.

This was when I knew something was up that might have meant I wasn't that full blooded a switch. I remember someone wanted to "punish" me for chewing nails - a habit I've more or less had since I was six, and pretty much just a part of my package. That dried up my nether bits and prompted the "oh fuck off" of no return. If you're going to improve me, fine, I can get on board, but if all you can come up with is some trivial cosmetic shit, I'll eat you alive like the rest of them.

(I could also mention that my current top, the only person for whom I bend a knee without sarcasm, picked up a hand of mine in his and said "you have beautiful hands" - not "you have beautiful hands, I wish you'd let your nails grow" just that - the only person who ever resisted the temptation or need)

 

[ataxia.girl]

(I could also mention that my current top, the only person for whom I bend a knee without sarcasm, picked up a hand of mine in his and said "you have beautiful hands" - not "you have beautiful hands, I wish you'd let your nails grow" just that - the only person who ever resisted the temptation or need)

Unexpected, freely given, compliments or praise usually make me feel far more submissive than criticism.

 

[ataxia.girl]

Yeah, ditto. Pretending I've done something is a hard limit for me. Then I feel guilty, even though I know I haven't done anything, and that Pisses. Me. Off.

i don't feel guilty but i do feel trvialized and misunderstood which often just makes me angry and combative. Once the Top knows that i don't mind if they use it to get that response from me.

 

[graceanne]

i don't feel guilty but i do feel trvialized and misunderstood which often just makes me angry and combative. Once the Top knows that i don't mind if they use it to get that response from me.

With me it hits not-so-good childhood triggers. I was ALWAYS in trouble with my mom for things I didn't do. And if I didn't apologize for the thing I didn't do, she'd make my life a holy living hell until I did just to get it over.

 

[ataxia.girl]

With me it hits not-so-good childhood triggers. I was ALWAYS in trouble with my mom for things I didn't do. And if I didn't apologize for the thing I didn't do, she'd make my life a holy living hell until I did just to get it over.

i have some triggers like that that just make me sort of freeze up. i can see how that would. Its funny how stuff like that hangs on. For me they seem to be more powerful when triggered by my D than by others. i'm intensely sentitive about my intelligence and my appearance. Other people can poke fun but if my D does i instantly feel like i'm back on the playground and extremely vulnerable.

 

[graceanne]

i have some triggers like that that just make me sort of freeze up. i can see how that would. Its funny how stuff like that hangs on. For me they seem to be more powerful when triggered by my D than by others. i'm intensely sentitive about my intelligence and my appearance. Other people can poke fun but if my D does i instantly feel like i'm back on the playground and extremely vulnerable.

Yeah. I'm not so great about that with anyone. But I'm a lot more sensitive about being ignored by K. Other people, I kinda expect it, but he's my husband. He's SUPPOSED to see me, right? Well, at least you'd think so.

 

[Harmony_1985]

Unexpected, freely given, compliments or praise usually make me feel far more submissive than criticism.

God yes. Being told I've been a good girl does far more for me that being told I've been bad.