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As a sub do you sometimes misbehave on purposes ?

shy slave said:
This is perfect. I could kiss you for this post alone.

I agree with you completely.

It may be that having grown up with the strong message that it is wrong to hit people, they need a reason to do it; but in my head it translates that they are not at ease with who or what they are.

I don't want to be their shrink, I don't want someone who feels uncomfortable in their own skin; nor do I want to end up in a lose:lose situation so they can mentally justify what they really want to do to me.

As a generalisation there seem to be more male PYL's with this issue than female PYL's. Although I have never played with a Domme, the ones I have spoken to are completely at ease with the idea they want to hurt someone.
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Yeah the whole misbehaving on purpose thing goes both ways and can also be the D's fault, not just the sub's. i had a Daddy for a very short time who never gave me any kind of pain that he didn't have an excuse to punish me for. Its was really stupid especially since he claimed to love to give pain. And yes in the end all it did was illuminate to me that he did not know himself very well and was not comfortable with who and what he was. No thank you.
 
Harmony_1985 said:
God yes. Being told I've been a good girl does far more for me that being told I've been bad.
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This is where punishment avoidance is the worst kind of motivator for me... on the other hand i don't like "earning" rewards either.

1) i am pretty sure i always deserve punishment
2) i am pretty sure i never deserve rewards

When a D sets up a structure where i am supposed to run through the maze to get my reward and avoid punishment he is putting me in a position where i must decide i am worth the reward and run through the maze for some other purpose than just to please him. i prefer to do as i am told just because and then hope i am loved. i've said in previous posts that positive reinforcement works best for me and it does but not if its expected. i love obeying on faith and then being surprised with nice words or something meaningful that lets me know my obedience touched them in a way that perhaps they did not expect either.

Maybe i am just wired differently but arbitrary "punishment" and "rewards" do magical things for me. It makes my D seem all powerful and therefore i start to listen to what they tell me. If they start telling me i am "special" or whatever i am more apt to believe them than being told i am "special" by accomplishing some feat and running through the maze for my prize.

Earning rewards and avoiding punishment just feels too much like control to me. Too much like the real world, the one i would prefer not to be a part of and the reason i am here.
 
As far as I'm concerned, as the sub, I should be doing everything in my power to please him, so to be told I've been good means I've done as I'm supposed to have done, therefore I've done it right.
 
Harmony_1985 said:
As far as I'm concerned, as the sub, I should be doing everything in my power to please him, so to be told I've been good means I've done as I'm supposed to have done, therefore I've done it right.
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This is where i start getting a little confused. What if it pleases him for you to misbehave and then punish you? i guess i'm okay with that dynamic as long as he knows on some level why i'm misbehaving. Same for the reward thing.

i understand bending over and taking the cane to please. i can even get on board with saying certain words or phrases, passionately in the moment, he likes to please (this is a tough one for me). But what about fostering certain attitudes and ideas within myself in collusion with him to please him to the point where my personality begins to change? What if role play isn't enough for him either and he just really really likes punishing a disobedient sub or really really likes rewarding an obedient one?

i am kind of interested in becoming malleable enough to be conditioned in this way. It fascinates me. i could imagine a scenario where i misbehaved on accident or not with the intent to be punished, got punished and after the D said "it pleases me to punish you when you have misbehaved." If it happened enough times and i felt his pleasure i wonder if i wouldn't start misbehaving on purpose and i don't mean in a playful, bratty way. What if he just really enjoyed beating the shit out me for fucking other men? i think after awhile i would catch on and do it on purpose without him having to come right out and say "i like it when you misbehave and do x so i can punish you."

i would not do this with just anyone. i think being open and willing to trying to alter your personality for someone could be seen as the ultimate form of service and would require a basically insane level of trust (and patience) but the idea of playing with that level of power exchange does titilate.
 
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ataxia.girl said:
This is where i start getting a little confused. What if it pleases him for you to misbehave and then punish you? i guess i'm okay with that dynamic as long as he knows on some level why i'm misbehaving. Same for the reward thing.
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I'd guess on that one it depends on your D.
 
Misbehave? An on a purpose even???? Oh my that would be rude!! :eek:


I dunno what it is to misbehave, I am an angel. lol

*looks innocent* :devil:
 
i misbehave accipurposefully. i'm kind of a problem child. i misbehave when i feel neglected.
 
Netzach said:
the omg isanyonewatching thing?

*shudder*
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Yes i am gigantic pain in the ass but only for someone who cares what i'm doing when they aren't watching... actually sometimes i'll do it even if they are watching.

i remember when my little sister was 2 she used to sit by a potted plant just out of reach of the phone cord (before the cordless days) when my mom was on the phone, look straight at her and grab fistfuls of dirt and drop them on the floor.

That's basically the kind of sub i've been since my Bastard Daddy. i used to be very good and i have this idea of myself that i am very good but i'm actually not. i act up all the time.
 
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ataxia.girl said:
Yes i am gigantic pain in the ass but only for someone who cares what i'm doing when they aren't watching... actually sometimes i'll do it even if they are watching.

i remember when my little sister was 2 she used to sit by a potted plant just out of reach of the phone cord (before the cordless days) when my mom was on the phone, look straight at her and grab fistfuls of dirt and drop them on the floor.

That's basically the kind of sub i've been since my Bastard Daddy. i used to be very good and i have this idea of myself that i am very good but i'm actually not. i act up all the time.
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but why? i understand feeling neglected, but as submissives it's not really about us. also the displeasure/disappointment/irritation one sparks from poor behavior...why would you want to bring that on?
 
I haven't read the whole thread so my answer may no longer be relevant.

Misbehaving isn't going to get me anywhere, it has no place in my relationship. That isn't to say we don't cut up..I'm a silly smart-ass. But I know exactly where the line is. If I need a beating, I simply express my need to him. Similarly, he needs no excuse to adminster one.
 
Kajira Callista said:
I'm not owned and I am a brat all the time.

Not really a sammy in real life but bratty and flirty always. If a dominant doesnt like that in a girl then I am not for them.

Can I behave? Pfftttt better then you can imagine, but I am still a brat.
Do I misbehave on purpose? Hmmmm I would have to say no I dont do it to get punished but I do it on purpose if that makes any sense.

It is kind of hard to explain and i dont really know how i am seen from the Doms eye but I dont think there is anything wrong with being a brat. I do think that if someone is seeking punishment there is something wrong in the relationship but as i said i am unowned...what the hell do i know. :rolleyes:
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I'm kinda like you. (or gracieanne or shy slave)
I'm just a jerk naturally and anyone who would try and Dom me would need a quick wit and a sense of humor.
For example, was being beaten on a cross and I took a good slap across the ass that made me yell out "motherfucker!" It was only sort of directed at him, but that's just kinda how I deal with pain, I'm my dad's child. He responded with, "That's not red!" and I said back "I know!" and so he hit me a few more times and a I whimpered and some more expletives happened. I know motherfucker isn't exactly witty or funny by default but by the end of the scene we were laughing so hard i was crying.

I can't help but test bonds too... Like I'll be still for a good tying up, but it better be good, becasue if i get free when you're done, you're going to have a wild hand or whatever other body part that I can use to wreck havoc. How you deal with that depens on the Dom. If they says "Stop." then I'll stop. If they ind it funny and attempt to grab said body part and wrangle it back down to be tied again, I'll go along with that too. I did it once with a guy and he wrenched my hand back and put it on his package and said "You can not tickle me but you can rub this."

Granted, I really like struggling. I LOVELOVE domination wrestling. i love being pinned. I think it's farkin hot, especially since not many people can pin me. But I understand if that's not someone's style. I'm not going to brat out on them to try and get them to do it. I'm a brat generally, but I'll respond to the style of my Dom.
So like, it's not that I go out of my way to be an asshole, I just already am one.
 
ammre said:
I'm kinda like you. (or gracieanne or shy slave)
I'm just a jerk naturally and anyone who would try and Dom me would need a quick wit and a sense of humor.
For example, was being beaten on a cross and I took a good slap across the ass that made me yell out "motherfucker!" It was only sort of directed at him, but that's just kinda how I deal with pain, I'm my dad's child. He responded with, "That's not red!" and I said back "I know!" and so he hit me a few more times and a I whimpered and some more expletives happened. I know motherfucker isn't exactly witty or funny by default but by the end of the scene we were laughing so hard i was crying.

I can't help but test bonds too... Like I'll be still for a good tying up, but it better be good, becasue if i get free when you're done, you're going to have a wild hand or whatever other body part that I can use to wreck havoc. How you deal with that depens on the Dom. If they says "Stop." then I'll stop. If they ind it funny and attempt to grab said body part and wrangle it back down to be tied again, I'll go along with that too. I did it once with a guy and he wrenched my hand back and put it on his package and said "You can not tickle me but you can rub this."

Granted, I really like struggling. I LOVELOVE domination wrestling. i love being pinned. I think it's farkin hot, especially since not many people can pin me. But I understand if that's not someone's style. I'm not going to brat out on them to try and get them to do it. I'm a brat generally, but I'll respond to the style of my Dom.
So like, it's not that I go out of my way to be an asshole, I just already am one.
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ROFL :D
 
ammre said:
I'm kinda like you. (or gracieanne or shy slave)
I'm just a jerk naturally and anyone who would try and Dom me would need a quick wit and a sense of humor.
For example, was being beaten on a cross and I took a good slap across the ass that made me yell out "motherfucker!" It was only sort of directed at him, but that's just kinda how I deal with pain, I'm my dad's child. He responded with, "That's not red!" and I said back "I know!" and so he hit me a few more times and a I whimpered and some more expletives happened. I know motherfucker isn't exactly witty or funny by default but by the end of the scene we were laughing so hard i was crying.

I can't help but test bonds too... Like I'll be still for a good tying up, but it better be good, becasue if i get free when you're done, you're going to have a wild hand or whatever other body part that I can use to wreck havoc. How you deal with that depens on the Dom. If they says "Stop." then I'll stop. If they ind it funny and attempt to grab said body part and wrangle it back down to be tied again, I'll go along with that too. I did it once with a guy and he wrenched my hand back and put it on his package and said "You can not tickle me but you can rub this."

Granted, I really like struggling. I LOVELOVE domination wrestling. i love being pinned. I think it's farkin hot, especially since not many people can pin me. But I understand if that's not someone's style. I'm not going to brat out on them to try and get them to do it. I'm a brat generally, but I'll respond to the style of my Dom.
So like, it's not that I go out of my way to be an asshole, I just already am one.
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This works for me, stylistically, it's people who can't respect my boundaries that I don't go back for more with. I'm also a pretty responsive person and I don't mind those laugh so hard I'm gonna wet myself beatings sometimes.

I don't do well with "acting out because I feel ignored", but then, I've never dealt with that from someone I care about a lot. If I were emotionally invested enough in the person as a whole. I think I could get into even that form of give and take.

M doesn't act out, but he's another kind of pain in the ass.

It's like "my nose itches, who's that person, wait my balls are sticking to my thigh, hang on, wait, your face is too close I'm claustrophobic, it's cold in here get a blanket....OK, NOW do whatever you want."

If I wasn't stupid ass in love there's no WAY I'd put up with it. I give a lot of latitude though, because I do get what I want when he's safe and secure in his own mind, quite beautifully so.
 
Netzach said:
I don't do well with "acting out because I feel ignored", but then, I've never dealt with that from someone I care about a lot. If I were emotionally invested enough in the person as a whole. I think I could get into even that form of give and take.
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i think i've kind of figured out that basically i can't be with someone who's not emotionally invested because yeah, they aren't going to put up with it but i can't really help doing it. A lot of it is in reaction to control though and being told NOT do to a bunch of things but not really being given anything TO DO in its place. i'm all for control and behaivor modification. i actually love it and totally get off on it if its done right, but if you're going to go down that road you better be actively engaged or bad things are going to happen.

i also get really curious about anger and wanting to know what will happen if i make him angry. What will he do? What will he say? How will i feel? Sometimes i just have to find out.

Netzach said:
It's like "my nose itches, who's that person, wait my balls are sticking to my thigh, hang on, wait, your face is too close I'm claustrophobic, it's cold in here get a blanket....OK, NOW do whatever you want."

If I wasn't stupid ass in love there's no WAY I'd put up with it. I give a lot of latitude though, because I do get what I want when he's safe and secure in his own mind, quite beautifully so.
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awwww that is so sweet! i can actually picture it.
 
ammre said:
I can't help but test bonds too... Like I'll be still for a good tying up, but it better be good, becasue if i get free when you're done, you're going to have a wild hand or whatever other body part that I can use to wreck havoc. How you deal with that depens on the Dom. If they says "Stop." then I'll stop. If they ind it funny and attempt to grab said body part and wrangle it back down to be tied again, I'll go along with that too. I did it once with a guy and he wrenched my hand back and put it on his package and said "You can not tickle me but you can rub this."
Click to expand...

In scene i'm more like this. i don't really act up much while i'm playing with someone unless i can tell its okay and they enjoy it too.

i prefer to commit more serious transgressions, usually by doing something forbidden, while they've been disappeared for a few days and see what happens when they come back and find out. i've masturbated after being told not to because he went to see another slave, confessed and then straight away did it again because i didn't get punished. Cammed for random men in the internet after being expressly told not to. i have a really hard time with "do not do" x, y, or z and then being left to my own devices.
 
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