Ask a Dominant and/or Master...?

[WearMeWell]

this should make you giggle harder


I am actually a Mailman

delivering letters & everything

*purses lips together, and puts a hand over my mouth to stifle a burst of giggles~...

*nefarious bent kicks in, eyes sparkling~...."well then,you should have plenty of possible place kicking material...


*giggle~

you know, if she had busted out of her clothes like Lou ferigno did in The Incredible Hulk, that show would still be on the air

LOL!..Probably!...*shaking head in soft giggles~

 

[WearMeWell]

I have known people who have learned to control it to the point of not going there because that was the desired outcome of the PYL. To be able to consciously control whether you go there or not suggests psychological basis to me.

Catalina

*Thank you for this, Catalina; *soft smile~,...provocative information indeed.
*Curtsey~...

 

[WearMeWell]

Darn that thing called work!! Here I was all excited for the questions this morning and last night, and there I go missing them all.

*Tips hat to WMW* *Smile~...*curtsey~ Greetings Dave~

As a youngin' myself I would start to agree with MisterSir on his merciless killing of the age president. However, I will admit I have not been to any public "forum" of sorts for any play. No clubs, munches (most of the ones in my area are "sloshes"... and till August can't attend those), or any parties. Keeping this in mind, I haven't had much of the blunt end of this age problem. My main thing with it is, that since it is known to exist.... it's always in the back of my mind, and has become this subconscious thing I have to overcome. Even though I've never really experienced it. So just to quell my own anxieties, I'd change it.

*Smile~...good.

A formal based one, I don't see working too well, unless it is in the "professional" setting that Netzach talked about. I think this is due to a different fact though. If a Dom/me were to take an intern or apprentice, there could be some difficulties in the play being done. I look at the example of a Dom and his sub. He takes on an intern, who would then be learning on the sub of his mentor? I'd just get to plain territorial for that.

But I will say that there are a bit less long term type things already set up. Conventions hold talks and classes. There are some places in major cities where rope work courses can be attended. Hell, if you meet a person as knowledgeable and likable as Homburg (despite his mean streaks), and are lucky enough to befriend him/her... they might very well teach you something. Either on purpose or just by being around them. So in the learning sense, there are things already out there.

*Thank you; I appreciate the information and view point~

Private pool... just about anything I'd do out of the pool with the sub, but with a lot more caution due to the higher risk of oxygen deprivation... aka drowning.
*chuckles...yes, crossing the drowning line would be...bad, i think...*smirk~

In a public pool, depending on how well she has handled nudity in the past, make her remove the lower half of her swimsuit. Of course the water level would be above her waist and she would stay close to me, but that would be a very fun thing. The only problem would be those pesky kids who swim around with goggles in a local public pool.
*chuckles, shaking head~ I admit to having "accidentally" hit one of them in the goggles, knocking the goggles off.-LOL
(one of the best things i ever did...)

I think a whispered word into the ear would suffice. If the behavior persists, we would completely stop whatever it was we were doing, and go somewhere private, if not completely home.


Sorry it's after a whole new set of questions are out. But I did very much want to answer.

*winks a "farewell for now" to WMW*

*Smile~, *Deep curtsey,...Thank you very much. I appreciate your input. *Smile broadens~

 

[Homburg]

you know, if she had busted out of her clothes like Lou ferigno did in The Incredible Hulk, that show would still be on the air

I would still be watching the reruns if it wasn't.

--

"
...What are the steps one would begin using to effect this kind of result? Does it take long time? Are there factors that the sub must
'pre-possess'?
**Stops*--suddenly realizes I am verily pummeling You with questions...
*takes a breath...*lets it out~...*my apologies~"

1. Have someone madly, absurdly, desperately in love with you. 1 min - 50 or more yrs.

2. Have someone madly, absurdly, desperately committed to and in love with their notion of themselves as submissive and for use and for service.

3. Combinations of A and B varying from ratios of 50:50 to 1:20,000.

WearMeWell, see Netz's response here. It explains the psychology. Everything else is just technique, and honestly, that isn't important. The connection is what matters.

 

[JMohegan]

very good points. yet another reason we don't really identify with the "BDSM" lifestyle in general. someone being dominant or not or an official due-paying member of the lifestyle or not is irrelevant to my line of thinking, but i can see for others it makes all the difference.

on a side note JMohegan, knowing that you would view or treat me as equal to yourself makes me a bit uncomfortable and kinda disappointed i must say! but i recognize that as my own personal hang-up.

When I talk about treating everyone equally as proper courtesy, I'm talking about the baseline way one interacts with the public at large, when out and about in the world.

But like everyone else, I adjust my behavior toward individuals to reflect my perceptions of them, as well as any personal information I've learned.

Outside of a kink-oriented setting, if I met a woman who was averting her eyes and not speaking unless spoken to (and assuming that I perceived this behavior as genuine, not in any way feigned), then I would probably interpret this behavior as meaning she's very shy. And this would most likely trigger my protective instinct, the root of which is the notion that she is somehow lesser in terms of being able to fend for herself in whatever environment we happened to be in.

Don't know if that makes you feel more or less disappointed, but there you have it.

Of course, if I met a woman in a known power-based relationship, I would be respectful of the dynamic - meaning, I would take my cues on how to treat the woman from her D.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

When I talk about treating everyone equally as proper courtesy, I'm talking about the baseline way one interacts with the public at large, when out and about in the world.

I live in the UK, where only nauseatingly obsequious, commission dependent sales assistants address people as 'Sir' or 'Madam.' It's common etiquette to address OAPs as Mr or Mrs [insert surname] but that requires knowing their surname in the first place. Try this on anyone under the age of 70 and they'll tear a strip off you for treating them like old people. I've even got cautious about who I offer seats to on public transport or open doors for because many HRT powered, cod liver oiled lubricated supergeriatrics will actually take offence. 60 is just no age any more and I know 70somethings who believe they're vintage teens.

So I'm polite to people and deferential to older people but that's about as far as it goes. I don't like to stick labels on people and that includes ageist ones.

I don't defer to anyone with a dick. I will be the exact opposite of deferential with arrogant, condescending, overbearing men. I run a business in central London and though I'm 30, I look like a teen. People assume wrongly that I'm young and gullible, so they get a wake-up call when I turn out to be their equal and in some cases, their damn superior. I will not allow myself to be ignored or passed over just because I am the proud possessor of [read: custodian of my Master's] cunt. I used to be far more passive and then I'd just get resentful and bitter when my passive nature made me lose out on things. Now I'm polite but only to a point and in business, I'm civil but ambitious because there is no other way to be in the current economic climate. I no longer allow my natural submissiveness and passivity to hold me back.

In my relationship with Master, I don't have to worry about the power I've ceded because he understands my nature and needs. He is committed to ensuring we are both fulfilled and happy as individuals and he always wants what best for me. If I am submissive to others, who don't understand my nature and needs, I just get taken advantage of, happens every time. I'm therefore very specific about my submission and I don't allow myself to hide in the corner, keep quiet and be beta to someone else's alpha at all times.

 

[00Syd]

I've never encountered the age thing. While I'm older than I look. I'm still a youngin I guess. No one has ever said anything to me that made me feel my opinions were invalid because of my age. However I do have a lot of r/l experience for my age.

I knew I wanted this early and have been doing it for quite awhile.

I had my first real-life experience with it recently, at a large event in the area. More than one person assumed that Seb was (once while swinging a single tail and more than once while he was testing a hard point for a suspension) being irresponsible, not being careful, and not aware of his surroundings, and the only reason they would have had to assume that was his age. I was outraged! Every person there was doing things that from the outside look dangerous and reckless but are actually carefully considered from a safety point of view. Why assume that Seb hadn't carefully considered the safety precautions? Why assume that he must be the only one who doesn't know what he's doing? Because of his age! And we saw tons of older people who didn't have a clue what they were doing but nobody (that we saw) approached them to tell them how to be careful. One guy, when he told us that we weren't being careful, and we said, uh... yes we are, actually had the nerve to say "no, you're not" and just kept saying "no, you're not" over us when we tried to explain how we were in fact being very careful. Fucker. I was so angry.

/late night pent-up rant

 

[Keroin]

I had my first real-life experience with it recently, at a large event in the area. More than one person assumed that Seb was (once while swinging a single tail and more than once while he was testing a hard point for a suspension) being irresponsible, not being careful, and not aware of his surroundings, and the only reason they would have had to assume that was his age. I was outraged! Every person there was doing things that from the outside look dangerous and reckless but are actually carefully considered from a safety point of view. Why assume that Seb hadn't carefully considered the safety precautions? Why assume that he must be the only one who doesn't know what he's doing? Because of his age! And we saw tons of older people who didn't have a clue what they were doing but nobody (that we saw) approached them to tell them how to be careful. One guy, when he told us that we weren't being careful, and we said, uh... yes we are, actually had the nerve to say "no, you're not" and just kept saying "no, you're not" over us when we tried to explain how we were in fact being very careful. Fucker. I was so angry.

/late night pent-up rant

Another reason I won't go to public events: I don't want or need fucking OSHA (WCB in Canada) participating in my sex life! Thankyouverymuch.

What was this place and what gave people the idea they had the right to comment? This is just bizarre to me, regardless of age.

 

[ownedsubgal]

...I no longer allow my natural submissiveness and passivity to hold me back.

If I am submissive to others, who don't understand my nature and needs, I just get taken advantage of, happens every time. I'm therefore very specific about my submission and I don't allow myself to hide in the corner, keep quiet and be beta to someone else's alpha at all times.

Velvet i can understand this and relate to it in many ways. being passive and submissive out in the big bad world generally leads to one being trampled upon and battered quite a bit, that is just the reality of the world we live in. however i hope you see the beauty and value in being a submissive woman, that it certainly is nothing to be ashamed of or viewed as a burden best kept hidden from the world outside of your Master. that is a real risk imo when one only experiences abuse or hardship as a result of their submissive nature. you start to hate that part of yourself and rebel against it. not saying that you have gone quite that far Velvet, but i certainly went through that phase as a teen and have known many submissive women who wear a veneer of over-assertiveness, authoritativeness, and stern control. that kind of thing breaks my heart, as i now know and appreciate for myself just how precious a thing it is to be a submissive female.

so that i don't live a life of being randomly walked over, abused and disrespected, my Master has built a life for me which is very insular and controlled. i don't need to deal with a high-pressure outside career, or even everyday social interactions with random folks. my world is pretty much my Master, our home, his family, his friends. that's it. small and safe. so my submissiveness being on display to the world at large does not hurt me any more...instead hopefully i can serve as some sort of positive example to the vanilla world, that being submissive does not have to mean defective or bad.

 

[00Syd]

Another reason I won't go to public events: I don't want or need fucking OSHA (WCB in Canada) participating in my sex life! Thankyouverymuch.

What was this place and what gave people the idea they had the right to comment? This is just bizarre to me, regardless of age.

It was a large local kink convention (classes, dungeon, shmoozing, walking around a hotel in your underwear, etc.) and I'm pretty damn sure that people felt they had the right to comment because we were younger than them and so obviously must have had no clue what we were doing and desperately needed to be told what we were doing and how we were dong it wrong. People gave us no level of trust, as in, trusting us to know what we are doing, when that same trust was given freely to others. It was really the only damper on the weekend.

The group that put on the event is notorious for being a bunch of old farts and attracting the same. And by "old fart" I don't mean purely people of so and so age and above, but people of so and so age and above who have a negative attitude toward younger kinksters. There are tons of other local parties and events that are run by much different groups of people with much different (read: much better) vibes, and so I'm not going to let a few run-ins with a few asshole-like individuals dampen my view of the public scene as a whole and I'm not going to let it overshadow all of the other really very nice, respectful people that we met over the weekend.

 

[ownedsubgal]

Outside of a kink-oriented setting, if I met a woman who was averting her eyes and not speaking unless spoken to (and assuming that I perceived this behavior as genuine, not in any way feigned), then I would probably interpret this behavior as meaning she's very shy. And this would most likely trigger my protective instinct, the root of which is the notion that she is somehow lesser in terms of being able to fend for herself in whatever environment we happened to be in.

Don't know if that makes you feel more or less disappointed, but there you have it.

Of course, if I met a woman in a known power-based relationship, I would be respectful of the dynamic - meaning, I would take my cues on how to treat the woman from her D.

makes perfect sense JMohegan, and makes me feel better too.

shyness does not necessarily indicate submissiveness of course, but in my case they seem to be intertwined. and i have noticed over the course of a lifetime that such traits primarily provoke two reactions from the outside world...either protectiveness as would be the case with you and most good people, or it sparks a predatory urge in which case i get in trouble.

 

[Netzach]

Velvet i can understand this and relate to it in many ways. being passive and submissive out in the big bad world generally leads to one being trampled upon and battered quite a bit, that is just the reality of the world we live in. however i hope you see the beauty and value in being a submissive woman, that it certainly is nothing to be ashamed of or viewed as a burden best kept hidden from the world outside of your Master. that is a real risk imo when one only experiences abuse or hardship as a result of their submissive nature. you start to hate that part of yourself and rebel against it. not saying that you have gone quite that far Velvet, but i certainly went through that phase as a teen and have known many submissive women who wear a veneer of over-assertiveness, authoritativeness, and stern control. that kind of thing breaks my heart, as i now know and appreciate for myself just how precious a thing it is to be a submissive female.

so that i don't live a life of being randomly walked over, abused and disrespected, my Master has built a life for me which is very insular and controlled. i don't need to deal with a high-pressure outside career, or even everyday social interactions with random folks. my world is pretty much my Master, our home, his family, his friends. that's it. small and safe. so my submissiveness being on display to the world at large does not hurt me any more...instead hopefully i can serve as some sort of positive example to the vanilla world, that being submissive does not have to mean defective or bad.

But compartmentalizing seems to be working for her. I don't want to put words in her mouth, but she seems very passionate about her job and this allows you to have one, the ability to be flexible and negotiate dealing with people you have to be socially dominant with. Interactions are a series of skills, not only revelations of feelings, and you can learn strategies for jobs as much as you can learn how to be a good hostess, you're not born to either.

I'd say that the environment you have is fundamentally the only one that allows you to be as you are. Right down to not being in charge of your own children. It's perfectly suited to your needs in life.

I'd also bring up that every single woman who decides to go through life without needing external protection, is going to have to do some intentional work on her behavior and overcome submissive tendencies - accomodation tendencies - can't we all just get along tendencies. You'd never know I was the kid who started reading her work in grade school apologizing before she started now.

You'd call those nature, I'd call them programming for girls, in my case anyway. I'm happier not living my life by them you're happier living your life by them and a lot of people are better than either one of us probably at enjoying them variably. LOL.

No *person* by the way, should dispense entirely with those impulses, either. The value of accomodation, peacemaking, virtues we decided to call feminine so we could keep men killing one another for our political ends, are not something you can leave out of your toolkit entirely either - then you do get the hard, overcompensating, asshole.

Of either gender. I like to think of myself as the overcompensating asshole with round corners.

 

[ownedsubgal]

No *person* by the way, should dispense entirely with those impulses, either. The value of accomodation, peacemaking, virtues we decided to call feminine so we could keep men killing one another for our political ends, are not something you can leave out of your toolkit entirely either - then you do get the hard, overcompensating, asshole.

Of either gender.

agreed, and that's really what i'm trying to get across. not that a submissive person must have that always on display for the world to see, or else they're leading an unauthentic life, just that one should take care not to forget who they are or see the value in who they are.

and it's a perfectly understandable impulse...if going against your nature and first instincts by being assertive and authoritative in life has garnered you career success, respect among your peers, a balanced and fulfilling life, etc...and meanwhile just being "you" has only lead to heartache and hardship, one can start to resent or even despise those submissive qualities.

it reminds me of my grandpa, who was a product of his mother's rape by a white man. his family always treated him as the black sheep, as he looked nothing like anyone else and obviously reminded his mother and father of things best forgotten. so at 10 he ran away from home and decided to pass. and he made a successful life for himself, passing as white, denying completely who he was. he told me that for many years he hated the black blood in his veins and really all black people, as he started to see blackness as the opposite of all that was good and right. who knows what happened, but in his late 20s he had a change of heart and decided to just give up the ghost. he accepted and embraced being black even though that meant a much tougher life.

that is the kind of thing i see happening with some submissives nowadays...the veneer they build up on the outside becomes more attractive and valuable than the subbie underneath it all.

 

[WearMeWell]

*Thank you, all, for the banter; I'm enjoying it--and learning a few things as well. *Smile~, *curtsey~
Respectfully,
WMW~

 

[WearMeWell]

WearMeWell, see Netz's response here. It explains the psychology. Everything else is just technique, and honestly, that isn't important. The connection is what matters.

*Curtsey~,...Thank you, Sir. I'll keep that in mind as I continue to mull over all that has been said.

--and Thank you, too Netzach, *smile~, *curtsey~

 

[WearMeWell]

*Round Three*

I will need to ask y'all's forgiveness for the "phrasing" of these next questions; it's been one heck of a day, and...i can't seem to gain enough brain power to phrase these more appropriately/specifically.

1) Are there any of you who have initiated/applied or experienced a more "sadistic" form of 'play?'
*Perhaps an hypothetical situation would help.

**All of the following: Suspension bondage, adjustable nipple, and clit clamps with weights, "spanked" with a riding crop, paddle or cane, "forced" (more like 'insistant')oral and anal.-combinations thereof --all conducted by a Dom who was/would be very observant of physical and emotional reactions/levels.


2) This is more of a topic: Controlling and quashing "topping from the bottom."


*Curtsey~....Thank you for your time and patience.

Respectfully,

WMW~

 

[nh23]

*Round Three*

I will need to ask y'all's forgiveness for the "phrasing" of these next questions; it's been one heck of a day, and...i can't seem to gain enough brain power to phrase these more appropriately/specifically.

1) Are there any of you who have initiated/applied or experienced a more "sadistic" form of 'play?'
*Perhaps an hypothetical situation would help.

**All of the following: Suspension bondage, adjustable nipple, and clit clamps with weights, "spanked" with a riding crop, paddle or cane, "forced" (more like 'insistant')oral and anal.-combinations thereof --all conducted by a Dom who was/would be very observant of physical and emotional reactions/levels.

All the above except for suspension. Also add needle play, cutting, etc, etc.

2) This is more of a topic: Controlling and quashing "topping from the bottom."

Not sure what to say on that one. Bad, bad and if I want to stay with Master it's something I should avoid.

 

[Homburg]

*Round Three*

I will need to ask y'all's forgiveness for the "phrasing" of these next questions; it's been one heck of a day, and...i can't seem to gain enough brain power to phrase these more appropriately/specifically.

1) Are there any of you who have initiated/applied or experienced a more "sadistic" form of 'play?'
*Perhaps an hypothetical situation would help.

**All of the following: Suspension bondage, adjustable nipple, and clit clamps with weights, "spanked" with a riding crop, paddle or cane, "forced" (more like 'insistant')oral and anal.-combinations thereof --all conducted by a Dom who was/would be very observant of physical and emotional reactions/levels.

Not done much with weighted clamps. It's not my thing, as of yet. Done suspension and the rest of it, plus cutting, needles, etc. Good stuff.

2) This is more of a topic: Controlling and quashing "topping from the bottom."

Flag down on the play. Clock is stopped.

Seriously. I tend to flat stop what is going on if I feel the bottom getting unduly toppish. Scene over, and I'm unhappy. For my girls, that's sufficient.

 

[WearMeWell]

All the above except for suspension. Also add needle play, cutting, etc, etc.

*did i make it pretty clear that all tht would be going on simultaneously?

What were/are your thought, feelings, reactions when you experienced those? were they all done simultaneously?
What is "needle play?"

Not sure what to say on that one. Bad, bad and if I want to stay with Master it's something I should avoid.

*lol. ok, *makes addendum: Techniques to control and/or quash topping from the bottom.... theories, thoughts and opinions on it...etc.

*Smiles at nh~...thank you for your replies...they are helping!!
*Curtsey~

 

[nh23]

*lol. ok, *makes addendum: Techniques to control and/or quash topping from the bottom.... theories, thoughts and opinions on it...etc.

*Smiles at nh~...thank you for your replies...they are helping!!
*Curtsey~

Simultaneously in a scene. Cutting, caning, and the crop, maybe some wax play. Needle play is usually done by itself to prevent injury. I'm going to post a pic of needleplay I did on BiBunny's back for you in a minute. I have to find the disk it's on.

How do I feel. Well first it hurts, and I want to yell at him, and then I want to hit him, and resisting those urges just turns me on more, then my endorphins start going and it's pure pleasure.

 

[CutieMouse]

*lol. ok, *makes addendum: Techniques to control and/or quash topping from the bottom.... theories, thoughts and opinions on it...etc.

*Smiles at nh~...thank you for your replies...they are helping!!
*Curtsey~

I've always tended to gravitate towards men who's attitude is something along the lines of "If you want/need X, talk to me. [Or we reach that point where he reeeeeaaallllly understand my head and is chuckling as I'm saying "How'd you...???" LOL) If you decide to use manipulation (topping from the bottom), instead, let me escort you to the door."

Thus the issue becomes a non issue from the beginning, and the behavior doesn't need quashing. Obviously there are full stop check in moments (hooray for being a wee bit emotional at times!), but generally speaking? It's a don't let the door hit ya kind of thing.

 

[Netzach]

I do the dog training thing. Bad behavior loses my attention. It's very dull to the instigator.

I'm very reasonable though. If you ask for something from me I'll usually let you have it in the absence of good reason not to.

 

[nh23]

Needleplay I did on BiBunny's back.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

But compartmentalizing seems to be working for her. I don't want to put words in her mouth, but she seems very passionate about her job and this allows you to have one, the ability to be flexible and negotiate dealing with people you have to be socially dominant with. Interactions are a series of skills, not only revelations of feelings, and you can learn strategies for jobs as much as you can learn how to be a good hostess, you're not born to either.

Very true. Business acquaintances and the world at large do not need to be presented with my sub side. It also makes it feel more special for me that it's something I reserve for Master and cherished relatives/friends who I will always be beta and service oriented towards. Just as the miserable store clerk on minimum wage beams 'have a nice day' while wishing you a slow and painful death, so I have managed to get off the ground in my business partnership without acting like I have 'doormat' stamped on my forehead. I am not for one second suggesting that osg is a doormat, but that is unfortunately what the unenlightened read.

I'd say that the environment you have is fundamentally the only one that allows you to be as you are. Right down to not being in charge of your own children. It's perfectly suited to your needs in life.

I'd also bring up that every single woman who decides to go through life without needing external protection, is going to have to do some intentional work on her behavior and overcome submissive tendencies - accomodation tendencies - can't we all just get along tendencies. You'd never know I was the kid who started reading her work in grade school apologizing before she started now.

I admire osg but I could not live such an insular life myself. I was raised to be fiercely independent by a frightened single mother who knew she was going to get dementia in her 50s. She did her level best to ensure I could stand on my own feet by that time and in some ways, she did too good a job. It would take a great deal for me to be financially dependent on a man and content with such a rigidly controlled lifestyle. More power to those who can handle it but I'm just not built for that kind of life.

that is the kind of thing i see happening with some submissives nowadays...the veneer they build up on the outside becomes more attractive and valuable than the subbie underneath it all.

I do understand what you're saying here and sometimes I idly wish that 'sub' or 'slave' were mainstream accepted lifestyle choices that had no shame or misconception attached. As it's unlikely I'll live to see the dawn of Kinktopia, I prefer to reserve that side of myself for people who understand and accept it. I see submission and respect towards those who don't deserve it as a waste.

It's a thin veneer indeed though, like a creme brulee; warm me, crack the surface and watch me melt.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Ooh, pretty needles.