Ask a Dominant and/or Master...?

[Netzach]

See, there's a different flavour to the bitterness when you're old enough to be bitter for a good reason. You? You're just recreationally bitter. Give it time, and it will season into something deeper. Something with teeth.

--



I do the same thing, and it can cause interesting reactions at munches. I don't call it manners though, just growing up in a southern military family.

--

Know what chaps my ass, as a 35 year old aging fart?

When I see people pulling scene condescension on a 25 year old who's got more knowledge in her little finger than they do in the five years of running bunny fur over their GF's ass.

It happens.

Before that sounds like bragging, no she was not me.


Military, farm boy, southern, whatever it is it's nice. It makes me happy to be beholden to someone who can share the sandbox without losing his identity.

 

[Netzach]

I'd say that most kinky people think of good manners and courtesy as general, societal constructs. Whatever a particular regional and socioeconomic group expects in the way of polite behavior = "good manners," as I would define that term.

You mentioned that you "treat all men with a modicum of respect and deference" because you do not view yourself as "equal in status to a man." But responding to men and women as equal in status *is* "proper courtesy," in my world. That's one big reason why the deferential behavior of some kinksters, in private clubs, is limited to private environments.

Another reason is the fact that some don't actually view non-dominant males as worthy of deference. You see the division as male/female, but they see it as Dominant/not.

I can't imagine osg or someone with her mindset being aggressively unkind to other women. There may not be the gender reverence thing going on, but it's pleasantly part of the overall package of polite behavior.

I *have* seen a lot of people who are reverent to all cock and absolutely insufferable to other women. Or vv, actually, as well. I don't particularly like seeing my bio males be condescended to just because you have dick issues in your life.

 

[JMohegan]

I can't imagine osg or someone with her mindset being aggressively unkind to other women. There may not be the gender reverence thing going on, but it's pleasantly part of the overall package of polite behavior.

I *have* seen a lot of people who are reverent to all cock and absolutely insufferable to other women. Or vv, actually, as well. I don't particularly like seeing my bio males be condescended to just because you have dick issues in your life.

I can't imagine osg being aggressively unkind to other women, either. That's a different issue entirely.

 

[WearMeWell]

Eesh. Ever think of maybe cutting down on the action tags a tad?

I am what I am, but, I will attempt to "curb it" somewhat for those of you that find it irritating...*curtsey~

Take the apparent age bias around the back of the proverbial barn with a twelve-gauge.[/obvious answer] It's to be expected, coming from me, but you have to admit it's fair.

*eyebrow lift,...then brow furrows...uhm, ok.
I admit that some can be far more mature, experienced, etc. than their chronological age, and that they shouldnt necessarily be "boxed" by their age.-*smile~....Thank you for that; I hadnt really stopped to think that one through completely--at least not from that perspective...


...what, like a period of time prospective Doms have to spend being mentored before they qualify as a "true Dom"? I really don't understand your thought process on this one, or even what you think the internship should be.

Yes,...and not so much. I phrased the question as i did to leave it open for all ideas,-including what an internship should/would be.
I also asked because, although the idea of some sort of "term of experience" appeals, it also seems to be too limiting. Some people learn faster, and/or are more mature than their age and experience; some find their niche and excel at an amazing rate, etc.
Then again, there are far too many people out there that think they know, and dont,--and people get hurt.

*smile~...thank you for replying; I appreciate it very much.

*Curtsey~
Respectfully,

WMW~

 

[WearMeWell]

I think the whole formal internship is useful if you're an otherwise vanilla woman joining a house of Domination as a pro or something. Less so otherwise. You'll be intuitively involved and smart if you *are* Dominant or a sexual Top and you won't be a passive learner.

I do think if you want to do advanced things, you should learn how. Best way - have someone do them to you and explain every step. Second best, watch someone doing them to someone else and be able to ask questions, stop them, join in. TALK TO THE BOTTOM if you do. Third best, watch people do it in their scenes. Reading is good, medical articles and whatnot.

I definitely considered myself a novice at certain points, though, and conducted myself like a wide-eyed novice. I'm what I consider Journeyman now, if you were to label it - comfortable with some things, uncomfortable with others, and happy being a medium-medium hard player.

I tried everything I could think of. I learned that I like doing needles and sounds, who knew, and that other CBT often sorta bores me though I thought it would not.

I tried everything had offered to me. Including lots of bottoming. (I maintain this is the fastest least obstacle laden route to intuitive and smart topping. On the occasions that people have commented on my picking up anything quickly I attribute that to bottoming to learn.)

However I bottomed on my terms and in my own fashion. Whenever confronted with this notion that before I could dare top I must complete X months of days or whatever as someone's slave or something - I laughed. I liked the person who mentored me OK, when I felt strongly that I must be formally mentored, but he was the wrong match. Our philosophies were so different, our interests so different.

It's experience, and garnering lots of it. It's not sociology 101 201 and 301 followed by a thesis. Everything I've said pertains to playing with bodies, but I mostly play with brains. I don't think anyone can teach another person the hows of that. Some people will never grasp it and should not be doing it, frankly, and they can be super physical players. Some people don't care for it, and that's fine.

What you *can* teach another person about playing with brains, are the questions, ethical issues, and points to ponder involved. Take notes. Keep a diary. Think about yourself and what you know about yourself.

*smile~...thank you Netzach.
I think we agree ...(mostly,...smile~)
*curtsey...Thank you for replying; much appreciated.

WMW~

 

[WearMeWell]

Ordinarily I wouldn't commit such a heinous hijacking but since it's my day and all...

When I was eighteen I decided it was high time to attend an opera, so I talked my bf into it and we bought tickets to "The Cunning Little Vixen". I knew zero about opera at that time but since the production was in English I figured I'd have a better time understanding the words.

Yes. I know, ha ha.

Anyway, near the very end, the lead is lamenting the death of the vixen as his wife is commenting on a friend of hers who has received a gift of fur - no coincidence, let me assure you. The audience was hushed, the mood somber. Well, the wife belts out, "SHE GOT A NEW MUFF!" at which point I lean in and whisper to my boyfriend, "What happened to her old one?"

I lost it. I had to leave. Tears, choking, laughing my way out to the lobby. Very, very bad K.

Yes, I am also much more restrained now. (Most of the time).

Hijack over.

For now

*jaw drop...LMBO!

 

[ownedsubgal]

What I find laughable is when the Dominants have no manners, self control, or social graces and are trying to impart said on their property. I don't care how they treat *their* SO's, but if they're modeling dickitude as right and proper that's just as fake to me as keeping it in the club..

totally, 100%. unfortunately we run into a lot of that in our local community, guys who think the label of Master allows them to be raving jerkwads, and meanwhile only the most polite and respectful behavior is permitted from their little subbies.

Daddy is an a-plus Gentleman, treats everyone courteously and graciously unless they give him reason to do otherwise. i wouldn't respect him if he weren't.

 

[ownedsubgal]

I'd say that most kinky people think of good manners and courtesy as general, societal constructs. Whatever a particular regional and socioeconomic group expects in the way of polite behavior = "good manners," as I would define that term.

You mentioned that you "treat all men with a modicum of respect and deference" because you do not view yourself as "equal in status to a man." But responding to men and women as equal in status *is* "proper courtesy," in my world. That's one big reason why the deferential behavior of some kinksters, in private clubs, is limited to private environments.

Another reason is the fact that some don't actually view non-dominant males as worthy of deference. You see the division as male/female, but they see it as Dominant/not.

very good points. yet another reason we don't really identify with the "BDSM" lifestyle in general. someone being dominant or not or an official due-paying member of the lifestyle or not is irrelevant to my line of thinking, but i can see for others it makes all the difference.

on a side note JMohegan, knowing that you would view or treat me as equal to yourself makes me a bit uncomfortable and kinda disappointed i must say! but i recognize that as my own personal hang-up.

 

[BiBunny]

Most people older than me get "Ma'am"-ed or "Sir"-ed, kinky or not, dominant or not. It's a Southern thing. Generally, the only time I don't do it is if I know someone well enough that I know they won't be offended if I forego the title, or if they've specifically asked me not to.

 

[Homburg]

Know what chaps my ass, as a 35 year old aging fart?

When I see people pulling scene condescension on a 25 year old who's got more knowledge in her little finger than they do in the five years of running bunny fur over their GF's ass.

It happens.

Before that sounds like bragging, no she was not me.

*nod* I've seen it happen.

If it isn't obvious, I'm just ribbing ole MisterSir. After all, MIS is one of those whose maturity and experience exceeds her age as well.

Military, farm boy, southern, whatever it is it's nice. It makes me happy to be beholden to someone who can share the sandbox without losing his identity.

Well, you'd think it would be less weird here in the south. *sigh*

 

[Abraxas Winterlight]

Ordinarily I wouldn't commit such a heinous hijacking but since it's my day and all...

When I was eighteen I decided it was high time to attend an opera, so I talked my bf into it and we bought tickets to "The Cunning Little Vixen". I knew zero about opera at that time but since the production was in English I figured I'd have a better time understanding the words.

Yes. I know, ha ha.

Anyway, near the very end, the lead is lamenting the death of the vixen as his wife is commenting on a friend of hers who has received a gift of fur - no coincidence, let me assure you. The audience was hushed, the mood somber. Well, the wife belts out, "SHE GOT A NEW MUFF!" at which point I lean in and whisper to my boyfriend, "What happened to her old one?"

I lost it. I had to leave. Tears, choking, laughing my way out to the lobby. Very, very bad K.

Yes, I am also much more restrained now. (Most of the time).

Hijack over.

For now

it's all fun & games until someone looses a muff

 

[WearMeWell]

Though it has been covered well by a few others, perhaps i should state that, per my raising, I will be addressing Men as Sir, and Ladies with the respect due them;
and will be compliant if redirected to a specific 'address'...

*Smile~...Thank you.

Respectfully,
WMW~

 

[WearMeWell]

it's all fun & games until someone looses a muff

LOL! That,*slow smile~...was nice. ( i almost spit tea all over my laptop...*LOL) ...*curtsey~

 

[Abraxas Winterlight]

I have been called on more than one occasion a "very silly dom"




(I take that as a compliment)

 

[nh23]

Though it has been covered well by a few others, perhaps i should state that, per my raising, I will be addressing Men as Sir, and Ladies with the respect due them;
and will be compliant if redirected to a specific 'address'...

*Smile~...Thank you.

Respectfully,
WMW~

So what are you going to call the ladies? I prefer princess peach myself.

 

[Abraxas Winterlight]

on a serious note:

I'm southern. Born in Texas, raised in Texas (3rd generation on the same farm. Dad & Grandpa were born there), so i Sir & Maam everone. Plus the usual southern things we say.

I have been to 1 munch (very informal & friendly) and to the public dungeon also once (was a light night, maybe 20 people there. also very informal & friendly. & I learned quite a lot)

personally I would prefer to be called by name over being "Sir'ed" to death

(I once got a e-mal from a sub that I swear had over 20 Sir's in it. was frankly ridiculous. She's not my sub, why the heck is she Sir'ng me to death?)

every couple (or more) has their own rules. some spelled out, some learned, and most of them change. Just go with what works for you. & enjoy

 

[WearMeWell]

*Round two* -- **Random topic alert**i do realize most of these will be "personal preference" situations, and am looking forward to reading the range of answers...

*these will be about that condition referred to as "subspace:"

How many of you have achieved that condition/phenominae referred to as "subspace?"

What constitutes a relatively "normal," "subspace"?

What are the dangers?

Does "subspace" always take a pain level overload, for the sub, to achieve?

Does that ability to achieve that condition become more difficult as the subs pain tolerance increases?

*pauses...thats all for now...

Thank you for your time and patience
Respectfully,

WMW~

 

[WearMeWell]

on a serious note:

I'm southern. Born in Texas, raised in Texas (3rd generation on the same farm. Dad & Grandpa were born there), so i Sir & Maam everone. Plus the usual southern things we say.

I have been to 1 munch (very informal & friendly) and to the public dungeon also once (was a light night, maybe 20 people there. also very informal & friendly. & I learned quite a lot)

personally I would prefer to be called by name over being "Sir'ed" to death

(I once got a e-mal from a sub that I swear had over 20 Sir's in it. was frankly ridiculous. She's not my sub, why the heck is she Sir'ng me to death?)

every couple (or more) has their own rules. some spelled out, some learned, and most of them change. Just go with what works for you. & enjoy

*Deep Curtsey,....*Smile~...Thank you.

 

[MisterSir]

I lost it. I had to leave. Tears, choking, laughing my way out to the lobby. Very, very bad K.

Speaking of bad times to burst into laughter, at a memorial for Michael Jackson has to rank fairly high. I know it's not right, but god save me, somebody had spent the time to make a sign reading "Michael Jackson: LEGENED".

If it isn't obvious, I'm just ribbing ole MisterSir.

Message received, fossil-man, but I passed recreationally bitter when I was seven and the love letter I'd spent hours working on using all of my childish charm (and most of my crayons, if I remember right) was spurned rather rudely by a little redheaded girl whose mother taught me to play chess. She grew up magnificently; I grew up to look like the guy the Elephant Man liked clubbing with because he looked better in comparison. Not long ago, I had to sit and listen to a Christian friend of mine wank on about how God gave her a wonderful new boyfriend - casually skipping over the part of the story in which said wonderful new boyfriend was originally the wonderful new boyfriend of her roommate - for an hour before asking "If you've got a second, can you ask God when he's going to get off his fucking laurels and fix me up with someone?" to which the reply was "He's only God, he can't do miracles." I think, in summary: Carlsberg don't do bitter, but if they did, even they'd have fired me for being just a little too hateful.

Recreationally bitter? From the man who seems to live such a charmed life I half expect him to be hired because he has to teach the new Wonder Woman how to use a rope and Megan Fox wants to experience what being tied up is like? I'm going to find a puppy and kick it, just for you! Also, when I use white font, occasionally people overlook it. Let's see how many take me seriously. I love this place and everybody here, except those with dicks or eyeballs in their avatars.

 

[nh23]

*these will be about that condition referred to as "subspace:"

How many of you have achieved that condition/phenominae referred to as "subspace?"

Many times, although I don't usually call it subspace. I call it an endorphin high.

What constitutes a relatively "normal," "subspace"?

For me I feel floaty and peaceful. I also stop feeling pain of any type.

What are the dangers?

Well basically it's a form of shock. I think it's wise that tops know basic medical facts. For me personally sometimes I have a hard time coming out of it. I love the feeling and don't want to come back to earth.

Does "subspace" always take a pain level overload, for the sub, to achieve?

For me yes. But I know others have said they can get there quite easily. It depends on your body.

Does that ability to achieve that condition become more difficult as the subs pain tolerance increases?

For me yes. I have a really high pain tolerance so he has to beat me black and blue anymore to get me there.

 

[WearMeWell]

So what are you going to call the ladies? I prefer princess peach myself.

*Smile~...for you, nh? princess peach it is. *smile broadens~
*whispers, "though i may slip in a 'princess peachy' from time to time;-maybe even a perfectly precious princess peachy...*grins*

of course...if you hate "peachy"...i'll think of something else. *soft chuckle~

 

[catalina_francisco]

We don't do subspace here. It isn't a place he wants me drifting off to when I should be focusing on him and what he needs and wants. That being said, it does appear to be highly desired and sought after by many.

Catalina

 

[nh23]

*Smile~...for you, nh? princess peach it is. *smile broadens~
*whispers, "though i may slip in a 'princess peachy' from time to time;-maybe even a perfectly precious princess peachy...*grins*

of course...if you hate "peachy"...i'll think of something else. *soft chuckle~

I love it! *giggles*

 

[Homburg]

*Round two* -- **Random topic alert**i do realize most of these will be "personal preference" situations, and am looking forward to reading the range of answers...

*these will be about that condition referred to as "subspace:"

How many of you have achieved that condition/phenominae referred to as "subspace?"

Not me, but I've had many a partner find her way there.

What constitutes a relatively "normal," "subspace"?

Um, no clue. They go all spacey, and aren't quite there. Some will respond to stimuli, but it's like it's coming through a wall of fog for them.

What are the dangers?

MIS once went into subspace when she was alone. That was a bit scary.

Does "subspace" always take a pain level overload, for the sub, to achieve?

Nope. Pleasure overload can do it, and some can reach it by command.

Does that ability to achieve that condition become more difficult as the subs pain tolerance increases?

Not that I've seen.

--

Message received, fossil-man, but I passed recreationally bitter when I was seven and the love letter I'd spent hours working on using all of my childish charm (and most of my crayons, if I remember right) was spurned rather rudely by a little redheaded girl whose mother taught me to play chess. She grew up magnificently; I grew up to look like the guy the Elephant Man liked clubbing with because he looked better in comparison. Not long ago, I had to sit and listen to a Christian friend of mine wank on about how God gave her a wonderful new boyfriend - casually skipping over the part of the story in which said wonderful new boyfriend was originally the wonderful new boyfriend of her roommate - for an hour before asking "If you've got a second, can you ask God when he's going to get off his fucking laurels and fix me up with someone?" to which the reply was "He's only God, he can't do miracles." I think, in summary: Carlsberg don't do bitter, but if they did, even they'd have fired me for being just a little too hateful.

You really do have a way with words. You practically exude cranky humour.

Recreationally bitter?

I aaaalmost felt bad about coining that phrase, but I am admittedly a mean bastard

From the man who seems to live such a charmed life I half expect him to be hired because he has to teach the new Wonder Woman how to use a rope and Megan Fox wants to experience what being tied up is like? I'm going to find a puppy and kick it, just for you! Also, when I use white font, occasionally people overlook it. Let's see how many take me seriously. I love this place and everybody here, except those with dicks or eyeballs in their avatars.

Megan Fox might enjoy it, but, honestly, she really doesn't do it for me. I've tied women that I find far, far hotter than Megan Fox.

I make up for what appears to be a charmed existence by having a demanding home life, far too little time, crappy income, and no social life beyond those what live with me. Admittedly, I don't mind the latter, as I really dig the people I live with.

And I would SO teach Wonder Woman ropework. Lynda Carter was stupendously hot in that role. She IS Wonder Woman to me.

Make sure the puppy you kick is of the annoying little yappy sort. They don't weigh much, thus they'll just fly a bit and not actually get hurt. Plus it's good OTJ training for them later in life.

 

[Abraxas Winterlight]

I support kicking the yappy dogs



(also, ultrasonic trainers work pretty dang good on them too. had this one that would chase me up & down the street nipping until I got one. Now it sees me & runs!)