ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

[KimGordon67]

Oh yes!

He will love the one I have attached!
(The rubber chicken makes it perfect!)

That's pretty much the exact image I was thinking of.

 

[Blue]

Oh yes!

He will love the one I have attached!
(The rubber chicken makes it perfect!)

So this is what the creepy clowns get up to when they're not luring kids into woods...

 

[KimGordon67]

So this is what the creepy clowns get up to when they're not luring kids into woods...

Isn't this WHY they lure the kids into the woods?

 

[Primalex]

Dude!!!

(The toe wiggle at 11:03 is priceless!)

Well, thanks, my wife makes fun of my toes, too.

 

[Farawyn]

Well, thanks, my wife makes fun of my toes, too.

Methinks you will survive this.

 

[Cumference]

Oh. No.

Will. Not. Click.

But you will.... Curiosity will slowly grow, and eventually you will realize, that you must do it..... Or maybe you will just click it, goaded by your subconscious needs.

 

[Farawyn]

But you will.... Curiosity will slowly grow, and eventually you will realize, that you must do it..... Or maybe you will just click it, goaded by your subconscious needs.

I've seen your chicken clown pics. NOT CLICKING.

 

[cookiecat]

This isn't an asshat message but an odd one:

I LOVE the idea of the hucow, but what I really wish I could find was a woman on all fours and her boobs being milked by someone(guy or girl) sitting up next to them to really give it that huCOW feeling. The thought of watching a woman being milked by hand like an actual cow on a farm is so hot to me!

I wish I could be that woman, milked over and over, on a real milking machine. Oh, what a turn on!

This was from a woman. I sent her a message asking if she clicked on the wrong person?! As much as I dig hucow stuff, getting this out of the blue seemed weird.

 

[cookiecat]

Oh yes!

He will love the one I have attached!
(The rubber chicken makes it perfect!)

I've seen your chicken clown pics. NOT CLICKING.

Would you be more curious if I said it looks like Amy Schumer in the middle? I've been hit with one of those rubber chickens and they hurt!!

I am wondering, though, in what context was this pic taken? Is it like the bigfoot porn? Is there really a niche?!

 

[MastersDelight]

This isn't an asshat message but an odd one:




This was from a woman. I sent her a message asking if she clicked on the wrong person?! As much as I dig hucow stuff, getting this out of the blue seemed weird.

Sheesh cookie, that's one odd vibe you're putting out lmfao!

 

[KimGordon67]

Not quite asshat, but definitely in the 'colour me sceptical' category: "have read some of your post.... i want to flirt with you."
I'm not entirely sure which post he means ... and, I suspect, neither is he.

 

[Cumference]

Would you be more curious if I said it looks like Amy Schumer in the middle? I've been hit with one of those rubber chickens and they hurt!!

I am wondering, though, in what context was this pic taken? Is it like the bigfoot porn? Is there really a niche?!

I guess it is Internet Rule # 34

(But yes, someone actually have to do the deed)

 

[KimGordon67]

Today's winner, out of nowhere, from someone with no profile information or posts: 'Hey baby can I make you cum'. I'm going to guess that the answer to this apparent question is 'no'.

 

[KimGordon67]

Winner for the YEAR ... subject line: 'Fucking' and body 'Lit whore'.
What a guy - I can feel myself going weak at the knees already.

 

[DiscusDave]

Just had this one:

Subject Line: "Hey"
Body: "Like the cock?"



Now it had been a good long while since I had received any messages like this. And I was tempted oh so tempted to respond. Instead I will defer to a post in the Dear X" thread. My rhetorical reply.

 

[KimGordon67]

Just had this one:

Subject Line: "Hey"
Body: "Like the cock?"



Now it had been a good long while since I had received any messages like this. And I was tempted oh so tempted to respond. Instead I will defer to a post in the Dear X" thread.

I wonder if it was the same person - they seem sort of similar.

 

[DiscusDave]

I wonder if it was the same person - they seem sort of similar.

If not the same person, at least they shop at the same asshat shop.

 

[KimGordon67]

If not the same person, at least they shop at the same asshat shop.

Maybe that asshat shop is running a special?

 

[DiscusDave]

Maybe that asshat shop is running a special?

Buy one bun, get the other half off!!!

 

[cookiecat]

Not super ass-hatty but interesting...

Fun...
Would you make me take off my wedding ring before I show you why I have my tongue pierced?

 

[MastersDelight]

Him: Master
So you're submissive?

He used the correct form of 'you're' so I answered.

Me: Yup.

Him: That's what drives my soul
Tell me more about you ...I love submissive little fuck toys that squirtgave kik ?

* sigh *

Me: Well I'm married to my Master and collared. I'm HIS submissive little fucktoy. I've never squirted before, and I have KIK but it's for my friends only.

Him: Well then we should be friends ... and I like that you're married I'm 30 and just would love to unleash all these naughty dirty kinks , I could send you a few pics of me if guys like thru kik clothed of Course im very intrigued by you

Me: If you want to be friends I hang out on the BDSM cafe and talk forums. Introduce yourself there and leave some thoughtful feedback on threads that interest you. All the people here I consider friends I've made by getting to know them through the forum.

Him: * sends me his KIK *

Guess that wasn't the answer he wanted

 

[shescurious11]

the best one I've gotten lately:

him: you like it in the ass?

me: probably not as much as you do!

he didn't answer back! I would have loved to have a discussion about anal! lol

 

[Eva_Star]

Subject Line - Married?
Message - want to make you scream with my big cock while ur man stands in the corner watching. want that?

Answer - no.

Reply - want to feel ur wedding ring on my uncut cock.

Answer - no.

Reply - ur a stuck up bitch.

Answer - yes.



He hasn't written back. Do you think it's something I said?

 

[Naughty69M2M]

the best one I've gotten lately:

him: you like it in the ass?

me: probably not as much as you do!

he didn't answer back! I would have loved to have a discussion about anal! lol

Now that is funny. Would have loved to see his reaction reading that.

 

[cookiecat]

I made the huge mistake of leaving a post on someone's personal ad. This elicited a response from him, which, in turn, I replied back. Nothing earth shaking, although it wasn't a super pleasant exchange - he was actually polite at first. He mentions something about an Incest thread, which I've never posted in so I'm unclear what that's about.

This is just a small portion of the last response I received from him:

Also, I think that you deliberately lied (in Incest thread) by claiming my advertisements have the effect of drying up your cunt. Rather than my advertisements drying up your cunt, you masturbate as you frequently read my filthy words and your cunt gets sloppy wet. Am I right?

Do you still deny that my advertisements do indeed push your kinky buttons?

I feel like making some guesses about your body to see how accurately I can describe it:

I think you have fucking enormous, low-hanging, saggy, floppy, stretch and vein marked, old tits with large broad aureola and big long nipples. Your tits sag and hang at least to the top of your stomach if not further downwards.

Your fucking old stomach is big with rolls of fat and also has prominent stretch-marks.

You have a very big, fat, old, stinking arse which wobbles when you move.

Your cunt, your fucking old whore cunt is huge, loose, fleshy and perpetually hanging and gaping like an oversized bucket. Unfortunately, I suspect you shave or wax your dirty cunt and all around your wide cunt-hole.

How did I go? How close did I get to describing your old slutty body?

One more thing about you based on your addiction to my advertisements. I think you get off on feeling worthless just like the fucking worthless whore you know you are. You are a cunt, a fucking cunt and you need the humiliation of being told just how much of a fucking worthless cunt you really are. Am I on the mark, cunt?

To make it clear, I will not “jump through a hoop or two” for your amusement and bitchy satisfaction and you can fuck-off with your rules.

The only rule which you have to remember is that you would be required to play with my rules not yours. Since you have been deceitful and manipulative, there would be no negotiations on taboos and hard limits. Anything and everything I want would be in play.

I'm not sending another response. Think enough's been said.