ASSHAT AWARDS: Even more of the Best of the Worst PMs & emails received

[ToPleaseHim]

D'you think if we wrote a 'how to PM a lady' thing in the 'How to' board, any of the likely offenders would actually read it?
(Obviously the first suggestion would be 'don't refer to her as a 'lady' unless her profile specifically indicates that she might like that'.)
I get so many PM that aren't terrible enough to warrant including here, but are just make me think 'meh, why did you even bother if that's all you could be bothered with?'

That's not a bad idea. However, I suspect that only a small number would heed any advice.


My simple addition to the thread, received this morning: "What's a guy got to do to get a hello?"

Well, not that.

 

[Eva_Star]

That's not a bad idea. However, I suspect that only a small number would heed any advice.


My simple addition to the thread, received this morning: "What's a guy got to do to get a hello?"

Well, not that.

Hmmm...I got the exact same message! haha I wonder if it was same guy!

 

[cookiecat]

I lack imagination; the best I can come up with is asking for a recipe. I feel shame.

Now that's a PM I would reply to!

D'you think if we wrote a 'how to PM a lady' thing in the 'How to' board, any of the likely offenders would actually read it?
(Obviously the first suggestion would be 'don't refer to her as a 'lady' unless her profile specifically indicates that she might like that'.)
I get so many PM that aren't terrible enough to warrant including here, but are just make me think 'meh, why did you even bother if that's all you could be bothered with?'

Somewhere around here, Raw Humor has an excellent thread about what not to do in a PM. Wonder if I can scare it up??

 

[cookiecat]

This:

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1066358

 

[cascadiabound]

^^^^^^^^ I recall the first time I saw that I just laughed and laughed.
Omg Raw Humor gets the prize.

 

[KimGordon67]

That is brilliant - I think this thread and Raw Humour's one would be compulsory homework reading for the 'how to' thread.

 

[KimGordon67]

So I started a 'How to ...' thread ... dunno if it'll take off or not, but here it is in case anyone feels like adding anything: http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=1433554

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[KimGordon67]

You know I cannot decided if it's asshat or just ham gisted to get an on asking if I am interested in a threesome with the basic description of age and job titles.

I am going for clumsy I guess.

It's not that it was too forward, it's that there was no personal approach or even time spent on the pm. And no, not interested anyway.

Because when you're having a threesome with someone, it's important to know what their day job is ...?

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[KimGordon67]

I guess not an asshat PM, but did leave me wondering WTF?

'How's married life?'

To the best of my memory, I've had absolutely no prior contact with this person. I'm not sure how to respond. 'Fine, although we're struggling a bit to meet the mortgage payments this month'? Is that what he wants to know?

(Actually, I AM going to send that response.)

 

[Ldy_Sea]

Got one tonight from a female the started "Hi Handsome.

My reply was to question the senders literacy and grasp of the english language.

 

[Primalex]

Did I mention that I seem to have a stable relationship with this gentleman?

Today I got:

"I grab ur hair n pullin ur head cl0zr n makin u take my dick deepr untill its n ur thr0at.make u gag n dr0ol all ovr it.spit runing out 4m ur m0uth n ur b0obs while i fuckn ur thr0at.You wrap your lips around my cock and take me deeper into your mouth, bobbing your head up and down as my fingers comb through your hair....

Your lips make tight suction as you take my cock as deep as you can, over and over again, running your tongue around the shaft as your mouth moves up and down. I feel your hands move to my ass
My fingers grip your hair, and I push my cock into your mouth. You relax as much as you can, ready for the pound-fucking of your throat that you know is coming. I begin slowly, easing my cock as far in as I can get it, feeling it just barely press into your throat..."


I think this is really fascinating. One day I will solve the pattern by which he decides when to replace an o with 0 and when not.

 

[Ldy_Sea]

Got this in my email today. IT wouldn't be so bad if the individual wasn't offering to proofread my stories before I post them. To be fair I do know my writing needs editing, but Usually I am so excited when I finish I want it online ASAP. Here is his message:

loved your sitting on daddies lap story, hated your gutterslut story (that one was in dire need of someone proof reading it)
i someone who is of the impression that a lot of stories on literoticaa need proofreading...there is a lot of stupid shit out there.
since you asked in your biograpy for 'someone to read your stories' im offering my services to this end. so you are welcome to send me any stories you wished proofread...your choice.
ps anxious to read chapter two of sitting in daddies lap...but, dont make it another story in the same line as i feel that would not work, just follow up the story you have and expand on it.
all in all keep up the good work. its easy for people to complain, its a lot harder to actualy write stories, even bad ones (i know, ive tried and quit. im not a writer)

 

[cookiecat]

Someone asked if I wanted to suck his fat 8" dick!

While I am flattered, I had to say no, I'm pretty wimpy and only enjoy slender 5 inchers.

 

[Farawyn]

Someone asked if I wanted to suck his fat 8" dick!

While I am flattered, I had to say no, I'm pretty wimpy and only enjoy slender 5 inchers.

Wow.
When he PMed me it was only 7 inches!
You've clearly got the goods, cookie. You lucky girl.

 

[Azuldrgon]

Someone asked if I wanted to suck his fat 8" dick!

While I am flattered, I had to say no, I'm pretty wimpy and only enjoy slender 5 inchers.

Wow.
When he PMed me it was only 7 inches!
You've clearly got the goods, cookie. You lucky girl.

*hugs*
Should I seem lucky or too invisible?

I so wanna go after these asshats.

 

[midwestyankee]

Wow.
When he PMed me it was only 7 inches!
You've clearly got the goods, cookie. You lucky girl.

Sounds like he might find a more willing audience at reddit.

 

[Farawyn]

*hugs*
Should I seem lucky or too invisible?

I so wanna go after these asshats.

Ahhh, they aren't hurting anyone. They are just asshats.

 

[_Necrosomantic_]

I so wanna go after these asshats.

While I'm sure the sentiment is appreciated, I don't think any of these girls need savin' Hoss, they can handle fuckwits like that. Hell, this thread was started specifically so they could publicly mock these Mensa candidates instead of having to just silently deal. It's all good Azul, they got it

 

[DarkSimian]

Someone asked if I wanted to suck his fat 8" dick!

While I am flattered, I had to say no, I'm pretty wimpy and only enjoy slender 5 inchers.

You called?

 

[barefootgirl69]

While I'm sure the sentiment is appreciated, I don't think any of these girls need savin' Hoss, they can handle fuckwits like that. Hell, this thread was started specifically so they could publicly mock these Mensa candidates instead of having to just silently deal. It's all good Azul, they got it

 

[Azuldrgon]

While I'm sure the sentiment is appreciated, I don't think any of these girls need savin' Hoss, they can handle fuckwits like that. Hell, this thread was started specifically so they could publicly mock these Mensa candidates instead of having to just silently deal. It's all good Azul, they got it

As you wish....just my usual reaction.....

 

[KimGordon67]

He's 2/3 my age.
"I want to train you to be my perfect little slut. Who gets off on being used, humiliated, displayed, played with, loved, and cherished."
It's so counter to almost everything I've ever written in here, I really think it must be a joke.

 

[Primalex]

Someone whose name may or may not contain the words

Please remove the name description. There are very few rules here, but there are reasons for those few that we actually have and it's not supposed to be a competition how to creatively circumvent those rules.

This request goes also to everyone who fully quoted the text.

Thanks in advance.