Evil_Geoff said:Dime-store psychology at it's best here:
You have very understandable trust and self-esteem issues to deal with bambi. You've been burned and you don't want to touch the hot stuff anymore. You see your previous failed relationships as somehow being YOUR fault. Other than giving your heart to someone who wasn't looking for the same things out of the relationship that you were, it's not your fault hon.
IF and that's a mighty big IF, you really desire to bring others into your relationship to please your partner, forget about it. Don't do it to make HIM happy. NO MEANS NO. Forget it, scratch it, this is bad mojo. Period. End of discussion.
The only reason to bring another person into an existing relationship is because ALL parties concerned want that to happen. YOU, him, AND the interested 3rd (or 4th or 5th) parties. But before you and Master go run off to find supersub or MightyMistress to add to the mix, you and your Master need to spend a LOT of time and energy addressing YOUR trust issues and self esteem. Until you know, not think, not believe, not hope, not wish, but KNOW, with an absolute, 24k solid gold KNOW that your relationship with your Master is his #1 priority, that he is not going anywhere, that your relationship foundation is as rock solid as they come, adding another person to the relationship is going to cause you grief.
Fear, insecurity, jealousy, possessiveness they will all come out in droves. Get the relationship between you and your Master right FIRST. Then think about adding someone to do the dishes and vacuum the house and do laundry for you. And if you gets her ass to beat, or she gets to beat your ass, or y'all get play time together, that's all good. Oh, and Master can use her from time to time too.
Approach it with THAT attitude... you're getting someone in the mix to make your life easier/better/richer/funner, and you'll have an easier time of it. And remember, it's nice to share, and it will make Master feel good if he thinks it was his idea in the first place...
Nuff said!
Climaxamus said:
BiBunny said:You know what bothers me about people who will only accept monogamy? (This is just a general observation, not a condemnation of anyone who's posted in this thread, mind you.) The way that a lot of them look down on people who are in polyamorous relationships. The way they talk to me about how they need monogamy. Well, dammit, I need poly, too.
You are not standing on high moral ground above immoral, promiscuous me. I understand that poly is not for everybody, and I'm not trying to force it on you. But, on the other hand, don't tell me my way is wrong (or childish, or selfish, or whatever obnoxious adjective you can insert here) just because I don't conduct my relationships in the same way that you do! I won't "grow out of it." I won't "meet someone who'll make me forget all about all these other people." I'm not "toying with" my partners. I'm not just "selfish and promiscuous" because I'm bisexual and polyamorous. And I don't love my several (just two at the moment) partners a bit less than you love your one, so shut the fuck up about it and stop trying to change me.
You'd think in this lifestyle there wouldn't be the persecution that there is, but you'd be wrong. Kinda like the Puritans, I suppose. Everybody persecuted them over in Europe because they were different, so they came to America to escape it. Once they got here, they immediately started doing the same damn thing to everyone who wasn't just like them.
Ok. I'm off my soapbox for the moment.
catalina_francisco said:I find it goes both ways. Some people are cut out for poly, some are cut out for fidelity (I don't see monogamy as the same as fidelity), but it seems whenever the discussion comes up, those who practice and adore poly get upset with those who feel it is not for them, and V V. We are not all the same, we do not experience things the same, and our experiences are not the same, but it seems in many discussions to have an opposing preference or POV puts you in the firing line. Feelings are not wrong, how you deal with them may be.
For me, poly does not seem to be the sparkling dream some find it to be, but that is because firstly I am not a high energy person and never will be, secondly, when I give myself totally in love it is all for one and anyone else comes a poor second with an entirely different mix of emotions, and thirdly and probably most importantly, I am a loner through and through...having a relationship with one person is difficult enough at times...and I go crazy if I don't get the house to myself once in awhile so adding another to the mix just increases that stir crazy feeling for me. For others, none of these things are an issue so it works for them and that is good. For some it works in their youth, but then once they get into their late 30's upward they find it is not what they want...it is all about being individual and knowing what is best for you, not someone else.
Catalina
BiBunny said:You know what bothers me about people who will only accept monogamy? (This is just a general observation, not a condemnation of anyone who's posted in this thread, mind you.) The way that a lot of them look down on people who are in polyamorous relationships. The way they talk to me about how they need monogamy. Well, dammit, I need poly, too.
You are not standing on high moral ground above immoral, promiscuous me. I understand that poly is not for everybody, and I'm not trying to force it on you. But, on the other hand, don't tell me my way is wrong (or childish, or selfish, or whatever obnoxious adjective you can insert here) just because I don't conduct my relationships in the same way that you do! I won't "grow out of it." I won't "meet someone who'll make me forget all about all these other people." I'm not "toying with" my partners. I'm not just "selfish and promiscuous" because I'm bisexual and polyamorous. And I don't love my several (just two at the moment) partners a bit less than you love your one, so shut the fuck up about it and stop trying to change me.
You'd think in this lifestyle there wouldn't be the persecution that there is, but you'd be wrong. Kinda like the Puritans, I suppose. Everybody persecuted them over in Europe because they were different, so they came to America to escape it. Once they got here, they immediately started doing the same damn thing to everyone who wasn't just like them.
Ok. I'm off my soapbox for the moment.
Netzach said:
callinectes said:
Netzach said:
Now thats a great advice, as usualy EG!!Evil_Geoff said:Dime-store psychology at it's best here:
You have very understandable trust and self-esteem issues to deal with bambi. You've been burned and you don't want to touch the hot stuff anymore. You see your previous failed relationships as somehow being YOUR fault. Other than giving your heart to someone who wasn't looking for the same things out of the relationship that you were, it's not your fault hon.
IF and that's a mighty big IF, you really desire to bring others into your relationship to please your partner, forget about it. Don't do it to make HIM happy. NO MEANS NO. Forget it, scratch it, this is bad mojo. Period. End of discussion.
The only reason to bring another person into an existing relationship is because ALL parties concerned want that to happen. YOU, him, AND the interested 3rd (or 4th or 5th) parties. But before you and Master go run off to find supersub or MightyMistress to add to the mix, you and your Master need to spend a LOT of time and energy addressing YOUR trust issues and self esteem. Until you know, not think, not believe, not hope, not wish, but KNOW, with an absolute, 24k solid gold KNOW that your relationship with your Master is his #1 priority, that he is not going anywhere, that your relationship foundation is as rock solid as they come, adding another person to the relationship is going to cause you grief.
Fear, insecurity, jealousy, possessiveness they will all come out in droves. Get the relationship between you and your Master right FIRST. Then think about adding someone to do the dishes and vacuum the house and do laundry for you. And if you gets her ass to beat, or she gets to beat your ass, or y'all get play time together, that's all good. Oh, and Master can use her from time to time too.
Approach it with THAT attitude... you're getting someone in the mix to make your life easier/better/richer/funner, and you'll have an easier time of it. And remember, it's nice to share, and it will make Master feel good if he thinks it was his idea in the first place...
Nuff said!
BiaTcHiNFiRe said:
), they leave you for someone they might think is better (grass is always greener on the other side of the hill type), or someone who doesn't threaten their ego by having a backbone and possibly highlighting just how unworthy of you they are. 
