Bisexual men living with bisexual women....

[fauconier]

By night, he sometimes goes to bars and has discrete encounters with gay men he meets, as part of his ongoing exploration of his bisexuality. ... One night, recently, I knew he was coming home. I decided to surprise him. American Beauty-style. I lay there naked, covered with flowers. He walked in, saw me.....and laughed. I thought he liked it. He thought it was funny, and borderline ridiculous. Well, my sex drive vanished after that comment. I said nothing, put some clothes back on and went to bed.
I lay in bed next to him, wanting for him to touch me. My pride wouldn't let me ask him. He didn't. The next day, I saw a silver chain next to me. I brightened up. I thought it was a gift from him. I instantly forgave him, and my heart was full of love for him. He was in the shower. I went in, and kissed him. I had my pajama bottoms and a bra on but I didn't care. He seemed surprised, but when I told him that I loved him and wanted to give him the fuck of the century, he smiled and fucked me. I loved it.

We left the shower together. I was getting dressed. He was leaving for class. He kissed me, and then seemed like he was remembering something. He asked me if I had seen a silver chain on the bed. I smiled, and nodded. I kissed him again. He kissed me, then told me that the chain was a gift given to him by a "special guy" whom he was seeing. I gave him back the silver chain without a word. I didn't say anything. Aaron left.

It's not my role to judge people, so I try not to (I'm all too human myself!). But I think you were treated very unkindly. And I think that sometimes an 'ongoing exploration of (whatever kind of) sexuality' can be largely an excuse for having one's cake and eating it too, i.e. valuing casual encounters or multiple partners more than one's supposedly committed relationship. Whatever arrangement partners work out between themselves, they need to be caring and considerate with one another. Anything else --- especially if it's a pattern that shows no sign of changing --- doesn't cut it. Obviously you don't need help deciding how to handle your life. I just wish you the best.

 

[PredatorSmile]

It's not my role to judge people, so I try not to (I'm all too human myself!). But I think you were treated very unkindly. And I think that sometimes an 'ongoing exploration of (whatever kind of) sexuality' can be largely an excuse for having one's cake and eating it too, i.e. valuing casual encounters or multiple partners more than one's supposedly committed relationship. Whatever arrangement partners work out between themselves, they need to be caring and considerate with one another. Anything else --- especially if it's a pattern that shows no sign of changing --- doesn't cut it. Obviously you don't need help deciding how to handle your life. I just wish you the best.

I had a talk about it with Hayden, my gay friend. He's currently in Singapore ( he's a reporter). Hayden is cool but he can be blunt, which is what I needed. He told me to stop the "poor me" routine, get off my ass and have a talk with Aaron about what's going on in our relationship. The guy is not psychic. He can't read my mind. He might not even know what's going on. So, I intend to have a talk with him.
As Hayden pointed out, I do have a bit of a problem with confrontation....in my relationships. At work, I'm bossy. At home, well...
Anyway, I'm going to have a chat with my man. This weekend.

 

[Bigtallnbi]

I had a talk about it with Hayden, my gay friend. He's currently in Singapore ( he's a reporter). Hayden is cool but he can be blunt, which is what I needed. He told me to stop the "poor me" routine, get off my ass and have a talk with Aaron about what's going on in our relationship. The guy is not psychic. He can't read my mind. He might not even know what's going on. So, I intend to have a talk with him.
As Hayden pointed out, I do have a bit of a problem with confrontation....in my relationships. At work, I'm bossy. At home, well...
Anyway, I'm going to have a chat with my man. This weekend.

That's great to hear PS. It definitely sounds like you two need to talk, and keeping everything bottled inside of you definitely isn't a good thing. Your gay friend is quite right though, if he doesn't know what's going on, how you're feeling then he won't be able to change what bothers you. I hope it works out for you two though. You seem like a really nice person. Good luck!

 

[fauconier]

I had a talk about it with Hayden, my gay friend. He's currently in Singapore ( he's a reporter). Hayden is cool but he can be blunt, which is what I needed. He told me to stop the "poor me" routine, get off my ass and have a talk with Aaron about what's going on in our relationship. The guy is not psychic. He can't read my mind. He might not even know what's going on. So, I intend to have a talk with him.
As Hayden pointed out, I do have a bit of a problem with confrontation....in my relationships. At work, I'm bossy. At home, well...
Anyway, I'm going to have a chat with my man. This weekend.

Hayden steered you in the right direction IMHO. Aaron might not know how lonely and hurt you feel. I hope it goes well. Take care.

 

[Kandi]

I had a talk about it with Hayden, my gay friend. He's currently in Singapore ( he's a reporter). Hayden is cool but he can be blunt, which is what I needed. He told me to stop the "poor me" routine, get off my ass and have a talk with Aaron about what's going on in our relationship. The guy is not psychic. He can't read my mind. He might not even know what's going on. So, I intend to have a talk with him.
As Hayden pointed out, I do have a bit of a problem with confrontation....in my relationships. At work, I'm bossy. At home, well...
Anyway, I'm going to have a chat with my man. This weekend.

I'm really happy to hear this. Good luck with it. Be true to yourself, and all good things will follow.

 

[Prime]

Well, it must be nice having a college with a GLBT group. i went to boston college, Jesuit Priests and such, so no such thing really exists there.

but hey, ive always been of the opinion, who the hell cares what other people think of me, people other than my loved ones. i've been thought a traitor to a cause more than once, by people i didn't really know. so i didn't care. if i became friends with them, i'd explain it to them. I don't really walk around with flyers explaining my actions to ever single person i saw.

i know that sounds cruel as hell, i didn't intend it to.

 

[PredatorSmile]

I'm really happy to hear this. Good luck with it. Be true to yourself, and all good things will follow.

Aaron and I had a talk. We discussed our relationship. He told me that he loves me but sometimes, he has needs that I can't satisfy. His urges for sex with men are predominant in his bisexual side. I'm bi too and found myself satisfied with just one partner, of either sex. I love one man, that's it. Although I'm a bi-female, I don't feel the need to hop into bed with any random woman I meet.


There were other, underlying issues as well. Aaron told me that he thought I was moving on up in the world. A 24-year-old woman with a bachelors degree in business, who ran a large store and was starting an MBA Program. He was a 21-year-old college B-ball player who would soon get his degree in criminal justice and faced a lot of uncertainties.


Most of the friends I've got these days are college grads and a few have Ph.Ds. Aaron feels a bit left behind. I couldn't believe it ! I mean, I am proud of my accomplishments but he matters to me a lot ! Also, I came from a stable home. My father raised me and my brothers by himself. My dad accepts me no matter what.


Aaron doesn't think his African-American father and Puerto Rican mother can ever accept his bisexuality. Also, his parents are in the middle of a messy divorce and Aaron and his siblings feel divided. Their mother is saying some horrible things about their father. Aaron has distanced himself from his mother lately.


So, the man I love is dealing with a lot of things which he keeps inside. Some of his teammates on the B-ball team have given him crap
about volunteering for the local GLBT Alliance on campus. Why ?
When I went to our college, the GLBT Alliance was a big part of my life and although they shunned me, I didn't want them to get shut down.


The campus administration gives the Alliance a certain budget for activities.
That budget would be cut if they couldn't meet certian requirements. Like fixing the "gay-frathouse" which they currently hold. Aaron, a skilled handyman, went to help them with fixing it. A very brave thing to do, considering he's a closeted bisexual jock with homophobic B-ball teammates.


Yeah, while I've been struggling, so has he. Communication hasn't been strong on both sides but we're okay now.


It is my hope that we always will be.




We're basically okay now and I'm hoping we stay that away.

 

[fauconier]

Aaron and I had a talk. We discussed our relationship. ... Yeah, while I've been struggling, so has he. Communication hasn't been strong on both sides but we're okay now.
It is my hope that we always will be.We're basically okay now and I'm hoping we stay that away.

I'm so happy that you and Aaron really opened up and talked. Relationships aren't easy. IMHO they're actually harder when you're just making your way into the larger world and also dealing with the universal issue of establishing and discovering your identities. You're a little older and more settled and secure; he's a little younger and, as you said, faces some real uncertainties and challenges. I do think that 'urges' and 'desires' aren't really 'needs' in the literal sense, although folks can feel such a strong compulsion that resisting it is very difficult. You've grown past the compulsive stage. Partly because of his age, Aaron hasn't. But what a good sign that he can talk to you, and really tell you what's been going on with him. That he opened up instead of clamming up says that you mean a great deal to him. I too hope for the best for you both.

 

[PredatorSmile]

I'm so happy that you and Aaron really opened up and talked. Relationships aren't easy. IMHO they're actually harder when you're just making your way into the larger world and also dealing with the universal issue of establishing and discovering your identities. You're a little older and more settled and secure; he's a little younger and, as you said, faces some real uncertainties and challenges. I do think that 'urges' and 'desires' aren't really 'needs' in the literal sense, although folks can feel such a strong compulsion that resisting it is very difficult. You've grown past the compulsive stage. Partly because of his age, Aaron hasn't. But what a good sign that he can talk to you, and really tell you what's been going on with him. That he opened up instead of clamming up says that you mean a great deal to him. I too hope for the best for you both.

Thank you ! I hope we make it too !

 

[TheOlderGuy]

Thank you ! I hope we make it too !

i'm really glad you guys are talking about it.

there's a lot i could say about the background, but i'd rather do it in a PM if you're interested, let me know.

above all, have faith that things work out the way they're meant to, and we all adjust and grow from the experiences. you strike me as someone who maximizes every learning opportunity.

 

[PredatorSmile]

i'm really glad you guys are talking about it.

there's a lot i could say about the background, but i'd rather do it in a PM if you're interested, let me know.

above all, have faith that things work out the way they're meant to, and we all adjust and grow from the experiences. you strike me as someone who maximizes every learning opportunity.

Oh, we worked out wonderfully, thank you. We're married now, and expecting !!!!

 

[andyr]

He sounds gay to me. He has a silver chain from a "special guy" he's been seeing? He doesn't want you to see him explore is gay side? He's not that interested in sex with you? The icing is his extreme fear of being "outted." Classic gay symptoms to me. Beware.

 

[ifitsfundoit]

I just wanted to know if there were other bisexual women out there in relationships with bisexual men.

I'm a bi guy married to a bi woman and we've been married for 11 years. We've never been happier.

We occasionally invite other couples and singles to join us and this allows us to scratch our bi itch without there being any form of duplicity or any need to go behind the other's back.

We have a select circle of close friends who know about our sexuality, but other than that, we're just a normal 30 something couple with a daughter about to have her first birthday.

And we know a number of couples where both partners are bi. It's much more widespread than one might think.

 

[fauconier]

He sounds gay to me. He has a silver chain from a "special guy" he's been seeing? He doesn't want you to see him explore is gay side? He's not that interested in sex with you? The icing is his extreme fear of being "outted." Classic gay symptoms to me. Beware.

Andyr, I guess you're trying to be helpful. But since PS wrote the post you're referring to, she and her husband have worked out their issues in a way that's satisfactory to them, and that's all that counts. And they're expecting their first child. What they need now is congratulations and support!

 

[PredatorSmile]

Andyr, I guess you're trying to be helpful. But since PS wrote the post you're referring to, she and her husband have worked out their issues in a way that's satisfactory to them, and that's all that counts. And they're expecting their first child. What they need now is congratulations and support!

Fauconier, you're amazing. thanks.

 

[gingermango]

Fauconier, you're amazing. thanks.

It was a lot more polite and diplomatic than I would have written, until I realized that PredatorSmile doesn't need validation from anyone here.

 

[fauconier]

Fauconier, you're amazing. thanks.

Thank you, PredatorSmile. So are you.

 

[PredatorSmile]

Don't jump down my throat. She didn't give too much description about how things had "improved." I was only going off of what she wrote.

Ever consider that he just pretending even now, putting on a front for her? I don't know, but that's the way it appears. Please keep in mind that I have no animosity towards bi guys- I am one myself. I was merely pointing out that he seems on the gay side of bi (as well as the unfaithful side...) and she should watch out.

Thanks, but we're fine these days, really. We live in peaceful, quiet Plymouth. he's working and so am I. we have a baby on the way. it all worked out for the best.

 

[andyr]

Don't jump down my throat. She didn't give too much description about how things had "improved." I was only going off of what she wrote.

Ever consider that he just pretending even now, putting on a front for her? I don't know, but that's the way it appears. Please keep in mind that I have no animosity towards bi guys- I am one myself. I was merely pointing out that he seems on the gay side of bi (as well as the unfaithful side...) and she should watch out.

 

[PredatorSmile]

As long as you're happy together, it's all that matters.

 

[DarkPools]

If you're an adventurous bi (as opposed to closeted bi) then you're an adventurous person and you need another adventurous person in your life.

People often get tied down to someone who is not anywhere near as adventurous but promises to be "stable" or something.
Eventually the wilder person is going to feel frustration.

I've lived with bisexual women and it was a riot. Eventually the need for some wide open red hot bi loving came out.

 

[countrygent36]

Thanks, B. The thing is that I feel quite happy these days. My relationship with Aaron is alright. We're okay. I'm doing well in my job. He's doing great in school. My father is happy with his new girlfriend and he's smiling a lot more often. My brothers are doing alright too, both personally and professionally. Life couldn't be better. Although I'm a die-hard tomboy at heart, I sometimes wish I had someone to talk to about my relationship issues. My best friend is a gay man and I tell him everything, yet omit the fact that my boyfriend is bisexual. Why ? Aaron would never forgive me if he were outed, and I would never betray him.


I sometimes wonder if there are other bi-girls who are in relationships with bi-guys ? To me, it seems like perfection....potentially.


There's something sexy and intimate about walking through downtown Boston holding my boyfriend's hands and we both check out sexy women and handsome men when they walk by.

I was in a bi/bi relationship for a couple of years. It was definitely a difficult situation since, like your bf, I didn't and still don't want to be out about it. The hardest part for me, not being in that relationship any more, is not being able to talk about it to anyone. That breakup definitely took it's toll on me from the inside as well. OH OH, rambling again..........

 

[vices2habits]

made my heart smile

Oh, we worked out wonderfully, thank you. We're married now, and expecting !!!!

Having read dozens of your posts, PS... having sought out posts by you both for your unique perspective and for your powerful skill in written expression, and having been moved many times by that power of yours to several very warm and special places (and liking you very, very much for having done so)... reading the above made my heart smile. Good for you... damn good for you both.

 

[PredatorSmile]

Having read dozens of your posts, PS... having sought out posts by you both for your unique perspective and for your powerful skill in written expression, and having been moved many times by that power of yours to several very warm and special places (and liking you very, very much for having done so)... reading the above made my heart smile. Good for you... damn good for you both.

Thank you !!! We're now the parents of twins !!!

 

[sutherngent985]

Thank you !!! We're now the parents of twins !!!

Thats great..congrats to you both