Bottoming

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I wanted add some more to what I said here...

I dunno be with someone for who one is not enough.

Like nh23 for example, she have a husband, her Dom and I still think she would play with Bunny and Kitty and anybody else intrested? I dunno this.

She said some time ago me and her was on the same boat when I was with my ex and with my online Sir as well, but we wasn't on the same boat, not at all. There was times when I spoke with my online Sir while I was still living with my ex husband yes. If I get it right to nh23 it seems like I had a lil poly going on as well, right?

Well I must dissagree with this view of things. I spoke with my Sir yes, but I never fucked him IRL, I never get his spanking and he have never touched my body, so I am sorry but to me it ain't the same thing as when she was Chris_Xavier's sub, met him and had fun with him.

Me and my Sir it was words. Lots of feelings in them yes, but still just words. What she had and experienced was real tho, so I wouldn't comapre this two things as "the same", dunno.

When me and my Sir spoke about how it would be like "if" we ever meet (in times when I was still with my ex) I told him if I ever meet him IRL I would have to leave my ex then. Firsty cuz I couldn't have anything sexual with my Sir while I was with my man, yet I know the want and the need of my Sir would be so strong that I would go for it anyways. I won't lie to myself, I know I would do it. Same as I know I would have to leave my ex right after cuz I wouldn't be able to look into his eyes then and also cuz I wouldn't want anybody else than my Sir then.

I always knew if I ever meet my Sir I would leave my man for him yes, we both knew it and I am not shy to say it loud. If my man was the good faithful caring husband I would be shy talk like this, but since he's just a liar and damn cheater who fuck what he meet I am not shy to say I would have leave him for someone who would treat me as a woman and love me for real.

When I was with my man and with my Sir as well I used to chat with him yes, but he knew I was all about my man and I was. Only cuz he (my Sir) was there and me here, but still. I knew my place and my place was with my man and I was there for my man just as I should be while my Sir had to wait when I had time or when my man didn't want/need me around. I was taken and and we both knew it. My Sir didn't expect anything else from me than keep my relationship with my man working on the first place.

We had fun when it was possible, but I was a wife and a mum on the first place. Then and only then I was his sub. I made it very clear right on the begining of our relationship. I told him I live witm my ex husband who I still consider my husband and treat him that way and that what I can offer and do is very limited. He understand it and was okay with it so we could become online Dom and sub for what I was/am very thankful.

I could have them both, enjoy them both or however you wanna call it. One IRL and the other online, but I could never ever have them both in real life. I would pick one and with that one I would stay. I would pick my Sir for sure cuz the way he treats me is something so much better than what I know and ever had with my man, but thats other thing.

When my man left me I was sad yes, cuz of many things. I was losing a man with who I was with since I was 14. I was losing dad of my lil girl and dad of my unborn and I was losing a man I loved. I didn't love him that much as I loved him when I get to know him, it just wasn't possible after so many times he left me for someone else, but I still loved him and some way I still do, I just don't wanna live with him anymore cuz it don't do me well and also cuz I like to think theres something so much better for me out there.

As I said I am dreamer, always was and always will be I guess. I could still live with my man, I wanted, he wanted leave tho and maybe it's good he did. I have needs, wants, expectations, dreams and believes I had to forget about so I could live by his side. I won't do that anymore, for anyone. I know what I want from life and I will or get it or I'll just stay all alone. I don't mind tbh, but I will surely not give up of my dreams and things I always wanted from life and from my man. I won't give up of my dreams and I don't care if someone calls it fantasy or some kind of unreal romance.

Actualy I feel much better on my own right now and I told so to my Sir. I feel better cuz I have just one man in my life right now, HIM. And thats something I always wanted/needed. I hated when I was with my man and had to treat my Sir like uhm I dunno how to say it, I wasn't his if you know what I mean? I wanted but I couldn't. I wanted be there for him, but I had to wife first and I hate to treat man this way. I hate to be there for them "just" sometimes, so I am very happy it's over now and that I am all HIS - full time cuz theres no other man in my life right now. And there can't really be anybody else cuz I am all about my Sir.

 

[nh23]

I wanted add some more to what I said here...


Like nh23 for example, she have a husband, her Dom and I still think she would play with Bunny and Kitty and anybody else intrested? I dunno this.

She said some time ago me and her was on the same boat when I was with my ex and with my online Sir as well, but we wasn't on the same boat, not at all. There was times when I spoke with my online Sir while I was still living with my ex husband yes. If I get it right to nh23 it seems like I had a lil poly going on as well, right?

Well I must dissagree with this view of things. I spoke with my Sir yes, but I never fucked him IRL, I never get his spanking and he have never touched my body, so I am sorry but to me it ain't the same thing as when she was Chris_Xavier's sub, met him and had fun with him.

Me and my Sir it was words. Lots of feelings in them yes, but still just words. What she had and experienced was real tho, so I wouldn't comapre this two things as "the same", dunno.

When me and my Sir spoke about how it would be like "if" we ever meet (in times when I was still with my ex) I told him if I ever meet him IRL I would have to leave my ex then. Firsty cuz I couldn't have anything sexual with my Sir while I was with my man, yet I know the want and the need of my Sir would be so strong that I would go for it anyways. I won't lie to myself, I know I would do it. Same as I know I would have to leave my ex right after cuz I wouldn't be able to look into his eyes then and also cuz I wouldn't want anybody else than my Sir then.

I always knew if I ever meet my Sir I would leave my man for him yes, we both knew it and I am not shy to say it loud. If my man was the good faithful caring husband I would be shy talk like this, but since he's just a liar and damn cheater who fuck what he meet I am not shy to say I would have leave him for someone who would treat me as a woman and love me for real.

When I was with my man and with my Sir as well I used to chat with him yes, but he knew I was all about my man and I was. Only cuz he (my Sir) was there and me here, but still. I knew my place and my place was with my man and I was there for my man just as I should be while my Sir had to wait when I had time or when my man didn't want/need me around. I was taken and and we both knew it. My Sir didn't expect anything else from me than keep my relationship with my man working on the first place.

We had fun when it was possible, but I was a wife and a mum on the first place. Then and only then I was his sub. I made it very clear right on the begining of our relationship. I told him I live witm my ex husband who I still consider my husband and treat him that way and that what I can offer and do is very limited. He understand it and was okay with it so we could become online Dom and sub for what I was/am very thankful.

I could have them both, enjoy them both or however you wanna call it. One IRL and the other online, but I could never ever have them both in real life. I would pick one and with that one I would stay. I would pick my Sir for sure cuz the way he treats me is something so much better than what I know and ever had with my man, but thats other thing.

When my man left me I was sad yes, cuz of many things. I was losing a man with who I was with since I was 14. I was losing dad of my lil girl and dad of my unborn and I was losing a man I loved. I didn't love him that much as I loved him when I get to know him, it just wasn't possible after so many times he left me for someone else, but I still loved him and some way I still do, I just don't wanna live with him anymore cuz it don't do me well and also cuz I like to think theres something so much better for me out there.

As I said I am dreamer, always was and always will be I guess. I could still live with my man, I wanted, he wanted leave tho and maybe it's good he did. I have needs, wants, expectations, dreams and believes I had to forget about so I could live by his side. I won't do that anymore, for anyone. I know what I want from life and I will or get it or I'll just stay all alone. I don't mind tbh, but I will surely not give up of my dreams and things I always wanted from life and from my man. I won't give up of my dreams and I don't care if someone calls it fantasy or some kind of unreal romance.

Actualy I feel much better on my own right now and I told so to my Sir. I feel better cuz I have just one man in my life right now, HIM. And thats something I always wanted/needed. I hated when I was with my man and had to treat my Sir like uhm I dunno how to say it, I wasn't his if you know what I mean? I wanted but I couldn't. I wanted be there for him, but I had to wife first and I hate to treat man this way. I hate to be there for them "just" sometimes, so I am very happy it's over now and that I am all HIS - full time cuz theres no other man in my life right now. And there can't really be anybody else cuz I am all about my Sir.

Ok first off I would really appreciate it if you would stop comparing yourself to me. We obviously have two different outlooks and two different dynamics in place. Second I think your first paragraph is a subtle way of calling me a slut and I don't appreciate it. Who I will or won't play with is my business and my business only. If I choose to play with 30 different people that's my business and mine only. It's not up for speculation by you. Thirdly I don't think you have a poly mindset, I think you have a cheaters mindset. Very different things. My husband and I are poly. Which means that he is aware of any sexual activity he is also aware of any emotional connections I may have with other people. You may not have been fucking your Dom when you were with your SO, but you had an emotional attachment all the same. Cheating is cheating whether it's physical or emotional. You were giving something to your Dom that I'm sure your SO would not have been pleased with had he known. Lastly fucking get over it..the rest of us have moved on, you should do the same.

And on another note..What you have with your online Dom is either real or it's not. You can't have the best of both worlds. If you want to proclaim your feelings for him are "real" in one sentence you can't go on in the next sentence and say they are just words to justify a point.. It either is or it isn't.

 

[nh23]

I wasn't being mean in what I was saying about (Tops and) Bottoms, Here's some insight...

I am a Top in the GLBT community... I learned that as a teen growing up and identifying as transgendered...

Its complicated, but my veiws come from many gay and lesbian men and women who told me about themselves, (What they where, Top or Bottom and why, what's it means... how to tell who is what... they didn't tell me what to do, just told me ABOUT it, I came up with my own conclusions about my behavior)

This was the first thing that made me realize I enjoy control and dominance... being around these people helped me to see who and what I am, I could never thank those people enough, as being me and figuring out who I am has been the most challenging quest of my life.

And even Hom said there is a link between Leathermen and "Top and bottom"... and the leatherman which are gay make up A LOT of the total Leatherman population, FYI... its not about me saying there aren't straight men who are Tops and bottoms, its about everyone realizing this isn't some new or het phenomenon, it has been being used somewhere else... for a LONG time,

I am aware of it... so... I mentioned it.

Why do people assume all these things from what I say. I hate when people project their shit on what I say. Just a bit of advice, Read my words, I have thought them out, bulit and designed these paragraphs... its not a accident, or a whim, and if you have a question, ask... but really read, and understand, first.

Bottoms are great, why would anyone say I was saying something negative about them? Its beyond me...

Ok..now I'm really lost. I didn't see anyone saying you were saying something negative. I wasn't sure what you were talking about and asked. Homburg cleared it up.

 

[BiBunny]

Hi, my name is Bunny, and I start a trainwreck every time I open my mouth.

And don't worry too much, nh. It'll be my private life that'll be up for discussion next, since everyone seems to know fuck-all about it.

 

[Homburg]

Hi, my name is Bunny, and I start a trainwreck every time I open my mouth.

And don't worry too much, nh. It'll be my private life that'll be up for discussion next, since everyone seems to know fuck-all about it.

Hey now, four pages of discussions in a coupla days is pretty good stuff. How is it a trainwreck? Lotsa folks got to wave around their opinions, and subsequently get ignored, blown off, or actually talked to. Where's the wreckage in that?

 

[Luna_Wolf72]

Hey now, four pages of discussions in a coupla days is pretty good stuff. How is it a trainwreck? Lotsa folks got to wave around their opinions, and subsequently get ignored, blown off, or actually talked to. Where's the wreckage in that?

I got ignored..*nods* but the discussion before and after (not counting personal shit being thrown into the mix) was a good one..so I keep coming back.

 

[sexycaz22]

Hi, my name is Bunny, and I start a trainwreck every time I open my mouth.

And don't worry too much, nh. It'll be my private life that'll be up for discussion next, since everyone seems to know fuck-all about it.

*laughs* no, you didn't start any trainwreck. You brought up a perfectly good question, I have been pondering about that, myself, so it's good to see some very different point of views. And I am learning a lot myself, with what bottoming/Topping means to ME. I know it means different things to different people, and that's fine, but what I don't like it when people try to COMPARE things with their own things. Because like I said in my sig line, every relationship, every individual are different in their own way.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Ok first off I would really appreciate it if you would stop comparing yourself to me. We obviously have two different outlooks and two different dynamics in place. Second I think your first paragraph is a subtle way of calling me a slut and I don't appreciate it. Who I will or won't play with is my business and my business only. If I choose to play with 30 different people that's my business and mine only. It's not up for speculation by you. Thirdly I don't think you have a poly mindset, I think you have a cheaters mindset. Very different things. My husband and I are poly. Which means that he is aware of any sexual activity he is also aware of any emotional connections I may have with other people. You may not have been fucking your Dom when you were with your SO, but you had an emotional attachment all the same. Cheating is cheating whether it's physical or emotional. You were giving something to your Dom that I'm sure your SO would not have been pleased with had he known. Lastly fucking get over it..the rest of us have moved on, you should do the same.

And on another note..What you have with your online Dom is either real or it's not. You can't have the best of both worlds. If you want to proclaim your feelings for him are "real" in one sentence you can't go on in the next sentence and say they are just words to justify a point.. It either is or it isn't.

I just made a reply to what you posted about me, my SO and my Dom, so please don't say I am attacking you or anything like that, can't be bothered to find that post where you said it tho. Whatever, I am very happy with my "cheater" mindset as you call it and I am glad you and me are two very different people. I am sorry if my post made you feel like a slut, I deffo am one and I love it, I can just wish I was such a good girl as you!

I won't comment what you posted no more cuz I cannot be bothered to join a drama you usualy start as you did with SheDevilShay or when you split with your Dom Chris_Xavier. *chuckles*

peace

 

[Netzach]

I wasn't being mean in what I was saying about (Tops and) Bottoms, Here's some insight...

I am a Top in the GLBT community... I learned that as a teen growing up and identifying as transgendered...

Its complicated, but my veiws come from many gay and lesbian men and women who told me about themselves, (What they where, Top or Bottom and why, what's it means... how to tell who is what... they didn't tell me what to do, just told me ABOUT it, I came up with my own conclusions about my behavior)

This was the first thing that made me realize I enjoy control and dominance... being around these people helped me to see who and what I am, I could never thank those people enough, as being me and figuring out who I am has been the most challenging quest of my life.

And even Hom said there is a link between Leathermen and "Top and bottom"... and the leatherman which are gay make up A LOT of the total Leatherman population, FYI... its not about me saying there aren't straight men who are Tops and bottoms, its about everyone realizing this isn't some new or het phenomenon, it has been being used somewhere else... for a LONG time,

I am aware of it... so... I mentioned it.

Why do people assume all these things from what I say. I hate when people project their shit on what I say. Just a bit of advice, Read my words, I have thought them out, bulit and designed these paragraphs... its not a accident, or a whim, and if you have a question, ask... but really read, and understand, first.

Bottoms are great, why would anyone say I was saying something negative about them? Its beyond me...

I don't understand why you're feeling slammed. I have a similar background and most of the public play I've done has been with people who are GLBT, not people who are het or even other bi people. My observation is that Top/bottom versus Dom/sub is not even a blip on the radar of things people feel conflict about in the scene.

I came out of a mixed queer leather club as a large part of my background, dudes playing with dudes women playing with women for the majority of the time, a lot of T/b relationships. These tops and bottoms bought houses together and had children together - this is what I don't get.

In het sm circles, if you are not Master/slave or your don't do heavy power exchange the default relationship that people imagine is "lots of indiscriminate play with whoever, if you were serious you'd be doing D/s like we are, duh..."

In the queer leather scene I think people are more apt to just look at the relationship for seriousness. Not whether it's poly or M/s or D/s or Top/bottom and vanilla, just who are these people and how are they together.

" Bob and Don just bought a house together, oh cool." Not "oh, aren't they both fucking Jim? Jeez, how serious could they be then, shit..." or "well you know Don has lots of limits and he's a smart ass, Bob totally is just a fluffy ol service top, they suck."

 

[nh23]

I just made a reply to what you posted about me, my SO and my Dom, so please don't say I am attacking you or anything like that, can't be bothered to find that post where you said it tho. Whatever, I am very happy with my "cheater" mindset as you call it and I am glad you and me are two very different people. I am sorry if my post made you feel like a slut, I deffo am one and I love it, I can just wish I was such a good girl as you!

I won't comment what you posted no more cuz I cannot be bothered to join a drama you usualy start as you did with SheDevilShay or when you split with your Dom Chris_Xavier. *chuckles*

peace

Good because I'm so done with all of this. It's giving me a headache. I'll agree to disagree and would appreciate it if you'd quit using me as an example in your posts. As far as all the drama I usually start...well lol. Do you know I still lose sleep over the fact that Shay is gone.. I mean she was such a loss to these boards. I mean the fact that everyone on here agreed with me did nothing to help my broken heart over it all. IMO calling bullshit when it's obviously bullshit isn't drama.

 

[nh23]

I haven't actively *submitted* to anyone in years. It requires a level of trust and love that I am not able to give to anyone, especially since I consider myself a Top-heavy switch. I do bottom on occasion and have been actively bottoming in semi-maso way for the past few weeks with my s/o.

To me bottoming and submission are different. I can have pain play, sensation play, and all the rest without wanting or needing the emotional attachment that comes with it. It doesn't take away from my enjoyment of bottoming to know that I am not allowing myself the full range of emotional experiences offered by submitting or being an active *submissive*, it's just not how I see myself.

I guess to others who know who and what they are in the scheme of things, there isn't a difference. But to those of us who play both sides of the fence at one time or another...there is a big difference. I don't see it as cold...but I do think that the differences are there...and noticeable.

I agree with the statement in bold. That's how it is for me too. I don't have the emotional feelings when I bottom, that I do when I'm submitting. It's more of a mutually satisfying event with no strings of submission attached. If that makes any sense at all..

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Good because I'm so done with all of this. It's giving me a headache. I'll agree to disagree and would appreciate it if you'd quit using me as an example in your posts. As far as all the drama I usually start...well lol. Do you know I still lose sleep over the fact that Shay is gone.. I mean she was such a loss to these boards. I mean the fact that everyone on here agreed with me did nothing to help my broken heart over it all. IMO calling bullshit when it's obviously bullshit isn't drama.

I am not usualy doing this on the boards, I don't when I say my opinion and someone else dissagree with it and say it respectful way tho. Your posts was just sarcastics and not respectful at all. The post where you said you will come kiss Cat's ass really rules!! LOL. I really don't mind if you don't see things the way I do, but I hate when people get sarcatsic when someone do not share their view of things, oh well.

As for SheDevilShay... I know you don't miss her at all, she still started some good threads on this board and she was at least able to respect other people opinions. What you did with starting the thread about her some time ago was nasty and lame. I said that before and I will say it again cuz I still think the same. What you did to Chris was the same lame thing... Being his good lil subbie and then bash his ass all over the boards and make him look like idiot, n1.

*smiles and leaves*

 

[BiBunny]

I am not usualy doing this on the boards, I don't when I say my opinion and someone else dissagree with it and say it respectful way tho. Your posts was just sarcastics and not respectful at all. The post where you said you will come kiss Cat's ass really rules!! LOL. I really don't mind if you don't see things the way I do, but I hate when people get sarcatsic when someone do not share their view of things, oh well.

As for SheDevilShay... I know you don't miss her at all, she still started some good threads on this board and she was at least able to respect other people opinions. What you did with starting the thread about her some time ago was nasty and lame. I said that before and I will say it again cuz I still think the same. What you did to Chris was the same lame thing... Being his good lil subbie and then bash his ass all over the boards and make him look like idiot, n1.

*smiles and leaves*

I wouldn't say too much about being sarcastic if I were you. Just what exactly are you doing, if not being sarcastic?

I told you over in the other thread that it's fine if you and I and nh or whoever else see things differently. You seem to be the one who's having problems letting it go. Ok, we get it. You're Super-Duper-Uber-Wonder-Online-Spank-My-Own-Ass-With-A-Hairbrush-Subbie, and people like me will never compare. I got it. Shut the fuck up about it already.

I'm probably gonna get ripped a new one for this, but I'm frustrated, and I really don't care. I'm sick of people whose only experience with BDSM is in a goddamn chat room trying to tell me what's what. I'm not holding myself up as the paragon of worldly BDSM experience here, but damn. You don't have the foggiest idea what you'd do in any given situation until you get out in the world and experience it. You might know what you hope you'll do, but you have no idea what you'll really do. It's easy to sit back and act smug when you can turn your "Master" off every time you turn off your computer.

Catalina and I don't see things the same way sometimes. Part of that is because she's a slave, and I'm a switch. I'm fine with that, and she is, too. I doubt either of us ever lose sleep at night because the other one disagrees sometimes. But in Cat's case, I have respect for her because, while I may not agree with or like what she has to say, at least I know she has the balls to walk the walk in real life. The same, unfortunately, cannot be said for you, bf. As far as drama goes, it seems to me that you seem to enjoy it as well. I started this thread in hopes that people could leave the baggage from the other thread at the door and have a genuine discussion, but you seem to be the one having problems stopping the personal attacks.

I know all the online people will probably jump down my throat for this post, but I really don't give a fuck anymore. I'm just pointing out the obvious at this stage.

 

[nh23]

I wouldn't say too much about being sarcastic if I were you. Just what exactly are you doing, if not being sarcastic?

I told you over in the other thread that it's fine if you and I and nh or whoever else see things differently. You seem to be the one who's having problems letting it go. Ok, we get it. You're Super-Duper-Uber-Wonder-Online-Spank-My-Own-Ass-With-A-Hairbrush-Subbie, and people like me will never compare. I got it. Shut the fuck up about it already.

I'm probably gonna get ripped a new one for this, but I'm frustrated, and I really don't care. I'm sick of people whose only experience with BDSM is in a goddamn chat room trying to tell me what's what. I'm not holding myself up as the paragon of worldly BDSM experience here, but damn. You don't have the foggiest idea what you'd do in any given situation until you get out in the world and experience it. You might know what you hope you'll do, but you have no idea what you'll really do. It's easy to sit back and act smug when you can turn your "Master" off every time you turn off your computer.

Catalina and I don't see things the same way sometimes. Part of that is because she's a slave, and I'm a switch. I'm fine with that, and she is, too. I doubt either of us ever lose sleep at night because the other one disagrees sometimes. But in Cat's case, I have respect for her because, while I may not agree with or like what she has to say, at least I know she has the balls to walk the walk in real life. The same, unfortunately, cannot be said for you, bf. As far as drama goes, it seems to me that you seem to enjoy it as well. I started this thread in hopes that people could leave the baggage from the other thread at the door and have a genuine discussion, but you seem to be the one having problems stopping the personal attacks.

I know all the online people will probably jump down my throat for this post, but I really don't give a fuck anymore. I'm just pointing out the obvious at this stage.

Bunny...

I'm so in love with you right now

 

[sexycaz22]

Like BiBunny, I feel it is such a shame that all this drama is bought up in this thread. I thought the topic were an interesting one, and if I am honest, some point of views have made me think more deeply into my submission/dominance and bottoming/Topping, and what they meant to me.

I feel disappointed, BF, that you often used other people's examples or relationships to compare with yours, I feel that is a very rude thing to do, especially in nh's case, you do not know the story between nh and Chris, and neither do I. Nobody can COMPARE with other relationships or situations with their own relationships or situations, since every situation, every relationship, everyone are different. I don't like to see some people using other people's examples of a relationship or situation with their own, WHEN they are very different from each other.

I am guilty of comparing myself with my friends, sometimes, but I do not do it publicly, I do the comarping in my mind, but at the end of the day, I know I am very different from them and they are very different from me.

At the end of the day, everyone can't really compare other people's lifestyles or whatever, its not fair on that person.

Now I am hoping other people can chime in with their point of views on the topic.

so, please can we get back to the topic?

(nh & BiBunny, I hope you don't mind me cutting in, as I am getting a bit fed up and bored with the comparing thing. and thank you, BiBunny for bringing this topic up, I have learnt quite a lot about myself and about how I view with submission and bottoming.)

 

[BiBunny]

Like BiBunny, I feel it is such a shame that all this drama is bought up in this thread. I thought the topic were an interesting one, and if I am honest, some point of views have made me think more deeply into my submission/dominance and bottoming/Topping, and what they meant to me.

I feel disappointed, BF, that you often used other people's examples or relationships to compare with yours, I feel that is a very rude thing to do, especially in nh's case, you do not know the story between nh and Chris, and neither do I. Nobody can COMPARE with other relationships or situations with their own relationships or situations, since every situation, every relationship, everyone are different. I don't like to see some people using other people's examples of a relationship or situation with their own, WHEN they are very different from each other.

I am guilty of comparing myself with my friends, sometimes, but I do not do it publicly, I do the comarping in my mind, but at the end of the day, I know I am very different from them and they are very different from me.

At the end of the day, everyone can't really compare other people's lifestyles or whatever, its not fair on that person.

Now I am hoping other people can chime in with their point of views on the topic.

so, please can we get back to the topic?

(nh & BiBunny, I hope you don't mind me cutting in, as I am getting a bit fed up and bored with the comparing thing. and thank you, BiBunny for bringing this topic up, I have learnt quite a lot about myself and about how I view with submission and bottoming.)

I don't mind you cutting in at all. I appreciate your words. I've been trying to re-rail this thread for awhile, and I seem to be getting nowhere with it. Maybe hearing it from someone else will help.

 

[nh23]

Like BiBunny, I feel it is such a shame that all this drama is bought up in this thread. I thought the topic were an interesting one, and if I am honest, some point of views have made me think more deeply into my submission/dominance and bottoming/Topping, and what they meant to me.

I feel disappointed, BF, that you often used other people's examples or relationships to compare with yours, I feel that is a very rude thing to do, especially in nh's case, you do not know the story between nh and Chris, and neither do I. Nobody can COMPARE with other relationships or situations with their own relationships or situations, since every situation, every relationship, everyone are different. I don't like to see some people using other people's examples of a relationship or situation with their own, WHEN they are very different from each other.

I am guilty of comparing myself with my friends, sometimes, but I do not do it publicly, I do the comarping in my mind, but at the end of the day, I know I am very different from them and they are very different from me.

At the end of the day, everyone can't really compare other people's lifestyles or whatever, its not fair on that person.

Now I am hoping other people can chime in with their point of views on the topic.

so, please can we get back to the topic?

(nh & BiBunny, I hope you don't mind me cutting in, as I am getting a bit fed up and bored with the comparing thing. and thank you, BiBunny for bringing this topic up, I have learnt quite a lot about myself and about how I view with submission and bottoming.)

Thank You Caz...

 

[sexycaz22]

I don't mind you cutting in at all. I appreciate your words. I've been trying to re-rail this thread for awhile, and I seem to be getting nowhere with it. Maybe hearing it from someone else will help.

I hope so too. and thank you.

Thank You Caz...

You are welcome!

 

[ecstaticsub]

Back on topic, I have a question. Would you all consider it bottoming if your PYL ordered you to be with someone else? (whether that person considered themselves to be a Top, Dom or vanilla or whatever?) And by "being with" I mean some sort of pain play with or without sex?

My own view on this is that I was not "bottoming". I was still submitting to my Dom, the other person just being a different instrutment in his arsenal like a whip, cane or belt. Though I don't want to really objectify the person--I enjoyed talking to them and getting to know them as a person over the course of the evening also.

 

[nh23]

Back on topic, I have a question. Would you all consider it bottoming if your PYL ordered you to be with someone else? (whether that person considered themselves to be a Top, Dom or vanilla or whatever?) And by "being with" I mean some sort of pain play with or without sex?

My own view on this is that I was not "bottoming". I was still submitting to my Dom, the other person just being a different instrutment in his arsenal like a whip, cane or belt. Though I don't want to really objectify the person--I enjoyed talking to them and getting to know them as a person over the course of the evening also.

In my opinion I would be submitting to my Dom by doing as he asks, but I would be bottoming to the person that was topping me. That may muddy things up or not make a lot of sense I guess..lol.

 

[Homburg]

I'm sick of people whose only experience with BDSM is in a goddamn chat room trying to tell me what's what. I'm not holding myself up as the paragon of worldly BDSM experience here, but damn. You don't have the foggiest idea what you'd do in any given situation until you get out in the world and experience it. You might know what you hope you'll do, but you have no idea what you'll really do. It's easy to sit back and act smug when you can turn your "Master" off every time you turn off your computer.

I said similar words in an e-mail recently. Very similar. I'm not gonna say that online play is tripe, but, uh, hey, it's not the same as face-to-face.

I have blood and tears on my conscience. She has scars. There's no off-button in our play. To be frank, it's another reason why I identify as a Top. You can do D/s on-line. Tough to Top online though.

That said, people that do LDR's but get together when they can have my respect. It would drive me crazy insane homicidal to only be able to lay hands on my gal every 3/6/whatever months like some folks here. But pure LDR, never seen em, never will see em? Doesn't quite carry the same weight in my personal book.

 

[sexycaz22]

Back on topic, I have a question. Would you all consider it bottoming if your PYL ordered you to be with someone else? (whether that person considered themselves to be a Top, Dom or vanilla or whatever?) And by "being with" I mean some sort of pain play with or without sex?

My own view on this is that I was not "bottoming". I was still submitting to my Dom, the other person just being a different instrutment in his arsenal like a whip, cane or belt. Though I don't want to really objectify the person--I enjoyed talking to them and getting to know them as a person over the course of the evening also.

That's a very good question, and a hard one, at least for me personally, since I have not been in that situation myself.

But I would think that it is a bit of both. You would submit to YOUR Dom, as it was HIM who ordered you to be with someone esle...then in that play scene with that person, you would be bottoming to him/her.

That's my thoughts...I would be very interested in hearing other point of views on this too.



PS. nh beat me to it, and I think she made it a bit clear than mine! *laughs*

 

[Netzach]

I'm sick of people whose only experience with BDSM is in a goddamn chat room trying to tell me what's what. I'm not holding myself up as the paragon of worldly BDSM experience here, but damn. You don't have the foggiest idea what you'd do in any given situation until you get out in the world and experience it. You might know what you hope you'll do, but you have no idea what you'll really do. It's easy to sit back and act smug when you can turn your "Master" off every time you turn off your computer.

Catalina and I don't see things the same way sometimes. Part of that is because she's a slave, and I'm a switch. I'm fine with that, and she is, too. I doubt either of us ever lose sleep at night because the other one disagrees sometimes. But in Cat's case, I have respect for her because, while I may not agree with or like what she has to say, at least I know she has the balls to walk the walk in real life. T

I could not agree with you more. When I was online only I at least had the fucking decency not to compare my experience to people living it. You can invent whatever kind of "come what may" loyalty you want in your head to anyone - when you're being tested by that person in real life...

well it takes two to fuck up a relationship. No matter HOW bad the person we hear about all day long may have been, gluing yourself to the computer and your fantasy can't exactly be helping it any. I know, believe me.

 

[Stegral]

topping hat left at the door....

I believe there's a big difference between bottoming and submitting and that the two are not mutually exclusive of one another.

I'm not too sure exactly where I want to go with this. Thoughts anyone?

I believe there is a HUGE difference as well.
I would love to find someone special enought to submit to.
I bottom to one fella in our play group loyally.
I had at one point had wanted his collar so badly.
I realize he would never have been happy with me as his sub.
I realize I couldn't have been a good enough subbie for him.
I have felt both Male & Female dominants hands on me for play.
I have accepted the fact it will take a hellova Dominant to offer me a collar.
I know I am messed up & need a very understanding person to help re-program me in a good way. I have alot of past baggage that I always THINK I left behind but it always falls out of the closet at the wrong time when I can't deal with finding it..
I read the boards & see the ones that can & do live it 24/7 & find myself longing to find it myself. I read the posts & live through them all, good & bad.
I hold hope it will happen. there are couples in my play group & singles.
I am just glad the group I am involved in goes by SSC & RACK & watches newbies & vunerables. If they hadn't mentored me I could have seen me ending up somewhere nasty & not knowing the difference. If I didn't ask questions to the ones that seem to know what the hell they are saying I could have been lost to a "master" that only wanted someone to beat, without the rest of the dynamics.
I thank all of the people that have helped me on this path...
Both in Person & On-Line.

 

[Homburg]

Back on topic, I have a question. Would you all consider it bottoming if your PYL ordered you to be with someone else? (whether that person considered themselves to be a Top, Dom or vanilla or whatever?) And by "being with" I mean some sort of pain play with or without sex?

My own view on this is that I was not "bottoming". I was still submitting to my Dom, the other person just being a different instrutment in his arsenal like a whip, cane or belt. Though I don't want to really objectify the person--I enjoyed talking to them and getting to know them as a person over the course of the evening also.

Accepting the order to play with someone else is submission. The act undertaken with the other person is bottoming. An exception would be the scenario you described where your Dom was right there controlling the scene while someone else did the swinging. In that case it is still submission IMO, and your example of the other person just being a tool of his will is valid. If he is not there, however, the sub is bottoming to the person doing the topping.