children and public displays of BDSM

[the captians wench]

exactly, and i think that's what this all boils down to. here, very rarely do i see anyone in 'BDSM Gear' and those that are, get talked about, and laughed at. it's mostly 'goth' kids that walk around with that stuff on. and maybe it's also because i'm 29 (i'll be 30 in April) *shrugs* to each their own i guess..

That may be why it's not such a big deal here. There is a very high goth population here.

 

[JMohegan]

Parents, my advice is to chill.

If you are walking with your 5 year old and you see one person walking another on leash, or lesbians locked in a passionate embrace, or some guy with a green mohawk and 33 piercings in leather from head to toe, this is only going to be a big deal if you make it one.

My advice is to take this as a wonderful learning opportunity.

If you act nonchalant then chances are very good that your child will act nonchalant too.

If he or she asks a question, give a simple answer that the child can understand.


"I guess they decided to wear costumes to the market today."

"They are kissing because they love each other."

"He must like jewelry even more than mommy does!"


Chill, and it will be no big deal.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Parents, my advice is to chill.

If you are walking with your 5 year old and you see one person walking another on leash, or lesbians locked in a passionate embrace, or some guy with a green mohawk and 33 piercings in leather from head to toe, this is only going to be a big deal if you make it one.

My advice is to take this as a wonderful learning opportunity.

If you act nonchalant then chances are very good that your child will act nonchalant too.

If he or she asks a question, give a simple answer that the child can understand.


"I guess they decided to wear costumes to the market today."

"They are kissing because they love each other."

"He must like jewelry even more than mommy does!"


Chill, and it will be no big deal.

unless you have a 5 year old like mine who will not take a simple answer and then leave it alone. but then again my 5 year old would probably walk up to the one wearing it and ask his questions he's a funny lil guy, and like i said earlier it would probably be laughed off and we've move on. but also as i said, it's just not something we see alot of around here, unless it's younger kids 'expressing themselves'

 

[culloden]

Parents, my advice is to chill.

If you are walking with your 5 year old and you see one person walking another on leash, or lesbians locked in a passionate embrace, or some guy with a green mohawk and 33 piercings in leather from head to toe, this is only going to be a big deal if you make it one.

My advice is to take this as a wonderful learning opportunity.

If you act nonchalant then chances are very good that your child will act nonchalant too.

If he or she asks a question, give a simple answer that the child can understand.

"I guess they decided to wear costumes to the market today."

"They are kissing because they love each other."

"He must like jewelry even more than mommy does!"


Chill, and it will be no big deal.

True, that. But you're preaching to the choir.

 

[CutieMouse]

Oh I'm quite laid back regarding such things around the kids... for a brief time I managed to pull off a poly relationship- between all the adults involved we had 8 children of various ages, who still know nothing more than sometimes adults have friendships that are as close as family, and hugging/kisses on the cheek between adults (regardelss of gender) are healthy expressions of love and affection.

... but I still think certain public behaviours are tacky. LOL

 

[Cheshire D]

Interesting discussion.

I have been paraded around on a leash, and I did encounter a small-child-with-parent on the excursion. I think I woofed at the child, and the mom smiled and continued on her way nonchalantly with said wide-eyed child. I don't know, but I don't think that tiny three-second encounter was enough to scar the child for life, if she was even old enough to understand what exactly was going on. But I don't know...I don't have kids.

I don't think, however, I'll be doing that anytime soon, unless in an appropriate place, after reading the responses here. It isn't fair to "squick the mundanes" as I put it, and it really isn't all that fun. Just pisses (and frightens) people off to the point of they feel they must do something about it--usually legislation. If people ask, sure, I'll talk a bout it...but shouting it from the rooftops with a bullhorn? No thanks. I'll wear my collar but I"ll wear it like I wear a shirt...like it's No Big Deal. People don't seem to react so much if things work like that.

 

[graceanne]

Oh I'm quite laid back regarding such things around the kids... for a brief time I managed to pull off a poly relationship- between all the adults involved we had 8 children of various ages, who still know nothing more than sometimes adults have friendships that are as close as family, and hugging/kisses on the cheek between adults (regardelss of gender) are healthy expressions of love and affection.

... but I still think certain public behaviours are tacky. LOL

Tacky is the perfect word for it in my opinion. Frankly I live in Portland. We actually have more gay people per capita than San Francisco. I've had to explain gay people kissing in public as well as straight. I pretty much told my kids that they're tacky. My daughter (who's 8 and starting to ask more specific questions) said 'but you kiss daddy.'. I pointed out that my children have never seen us do more than a quick 'goodbye' peick. It's tacky.

 

[PreggoHottie]

I have been paraded around on a leash, and I did encounter a small-child-with-parent on the excursion. I think I woofed at the child, and the mom smiled and continued on her way nonchalantly with said wide-eyed child. I don't know, but I don't think that tiny three-second encounter was enough to scar the child for life, if she was even old enough to understand what exactly was going on. But I don't know...I don't have kids.

That mother is a better woman than me. My oldest is almost three, and I would go off if someone "woofed" at him. I don't care who or what you identify as, that would fucking bug the shit out of me.

 

[Kailey_86]

Tacky is the perfect word for it in my opinion. Frankly I live in Portland. We actually have more gay people per capita than San Francisco. I've had to explain gay people kissing in public as well as straight. I pretty much told my kids that they're tacky. My daughter (who's 8 and starting to ask more specific questions) said 'but you kiss daddy.'. I pointed out that my children have never seen us do more than a quick 'goodbye' peick. It's tacky.

i personally just think it is two people showing their love for each other. i think it's sweet to see a couple kissing or hugging. Then again, my family is very physically affectionate with each other. i grew up seeing my parents or the people in the movies kissing passionately in all sorts of locations. i don't see a problem with it myself.

That mother is a better woman than me. My oldest is almost three, and I would go off if someone "woofed" at him. I don't care who or what you identify as, that would fucking bug the shit out of me.

i think JMohegan hit it on the nose on this issue. Your kids won't be bothered by it if you aren't. You are their example.

 

[BiBunny]

I suppose it boils down to degrees of comfort. In my world (having grown up in upper middle class suburbia in the Bible Belt), I can understand doing things in spite of other's being able to observe said acts (hell, I run about tightlaced most days), but that doesn't mean I don't find certain public behaviours to be annoying, tacky, or rude. I might feel differently if I had a different background (similar to Net's, or what Cat experiences in the Netherlands), but I don't.

Thank you. If you think people are truly "accepting", grow up bisexual, kinky, and polyamorous in rural middle-class Alabama, and then come talk to me. Throw in a lot of feminism and a desire to get an education, and then let's see how "accepted" you feel.

Like I said on the other thread, I don't broadcast who I am. My mother (and others) drilled into my head from a very young age the Things a Southern Lady Does. Even if I'm not offended by two lesbians kissing on a street corner or a Dom(me) leading his/her sub around on a leash, I'm still going to think it's tacky as hell. I can be who I am without ramming it down other people's throats.

 

[JMohegan]

... but I still think certain public behaviours are tacky. LOL

I tactfully refrained from commenting on whether it was tacky or not.


By the way, CutieMouse....

Please excuse a brief hijack, but personally I think that av of yours should be put in a post and offered as a contribution to the Shoes... mmmm thread.

Just sayin'.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Catalina, i am highly offended by your comment but that is your own opinion and you are entitled to it. That's all i'm going to say.

I'm not sure what you are offended about so I can't comment fully. I certainly didn't set out to offend, just as usual, to be part of a discussion, so I will apologise for whatever it was that offended. If it was anything to do with Manhatten, I have been there too, so I am not imagining a place I have not experienced first hand, though unfortunately it was not the place I grew up.

On another tough partly related note, of late I am becoming more and more aware it is not as aceptable on this forum to be open in discussions and a lot of people are of the mind they want things dressed up, cloaked in other language which they are used to or which beats around the bush and tries to be all things to all people, and basically, censored to a degree. I can't be like that as I come from a background where it was not rude to say what you thought or felt, as long as you didn't shout and throw punches about it and go out of your way to create a scene, but those days are fast disappearing and our culture is becoming one of being safe in communication with other people.

Catalina

 

[PreggoHottie]

i think JMohegan hit it on the nose on this issue. Your kids won't be bothered by it if you aren't. You are their example.

I wouldn't be bothered by it in the least. I know my son and a grown adult "woofing" at him would scare him...THAT is what would make me upset. That another person's thoughtless action upset my child needlessly. Wouldn't any parent be upset by that? It's not about the clothing or appearance at that point. It is about the action.

 

[Cheshire D]

Not that grown...I'm 19. The mom didn't seem too concerned...she was watching the guy leading more than me, I think. Should it have come down to it I would have been apologetic and as I said I feel bad about it now. Like I said, I see peoples' points about...well...acting appropriately in public and wouldn't do it again.

 

[CutieMouse]

I tactfully refrained from commenting on whether it was tacky or not.


By the way, CutieMouse....

Please excuse a brief hijack, but personally I think that av of yours should be put in a post and offered as a contribution to the Shoes... mmmm thread.

Just sayin'.

[hijack]

Aren't they *fabulous*???

4½" black sueded kidskin leather stilettos, with a deep, revealing vamp, and the toe box is the just right degree of pointy so as to be sexy without being more uncomfortable than necessary. They're my favorite heels of the month.

*bouncity bounce bounce*

I'll see if I still have a larger image of that shot in Photoshop, and add it to the shoes thread at some point...

[/hijack]

 

[graceanne]

i personally just think it is two people showing their love for each other. i think it's sweet to see a couple kissing or hugging. Then again, my family is very physically affectionate with each other. i grew up seeing my parents or the people in the movies kissing passionately in all sorts of locations. i don't see a problem with it myself.
.

When I say kissing I mean making out. I have no problems with hugs or kisses. For that matter I don't have any problems with holding hands, or putting your arm around someone else's waist. But making out isn't about love it's about sex. Making out in public is a way of saying 'look at me, look at me, i'm a sexual creature, see, SEE, SEE'.

 

[Kailey_86]

I wouldn't be bothered by it in the least. I know my son and a grown adult "woofing" at him would scare him...THAT is what would make me upset. That another person's thoughtless action upset my child needlessly. Wouldn't any parent be upset by that? It's not about the clothing or appearance at that point. It is about the action.

Gotcha. That makes sense. i didn't think of that.

When I say kissing I mean making out. I have no problems with hugs or kisses. For that matter I don't have any problems with holding hands, or putting your arm around someone else's waist. But making out isn't about love it's about sex. Making out in public is a way of saying 'look at me, look at me, i'm a sexual creature, see, SEE, SEE'.

Same goes for here. i agree.

 

[graceanne]

I have to say that if my kids saw a person walking around on a leash they'd probably think that person was playng a game. It's all I can do to keep them from wrapping belts around eachothers necks eek: ) and playing doggy with eachother.

I have a harness and a leash for my son. (The very hyperactive one.) I got it for when we're in very public places with open exits (like the zoo). It's a sanity saver, to say the least. But the other three want me to get them harness' now.

 

[Kailey_86]

I have to say that if my kids saw a person walking around on a leash they'd probably think that person was playng a game. It's all I can do to keep them from wrapping belts around eachothers necks eek: ) and playing doggy with eachother.

I have a harness and a leash for my son. (The very hyperactive one.) I got it for when we're in very public places with open exits (like the zoo). It's a sanity saver, to say the least. But the other three want me to get them harness' now.

Sounds like the stories people tell as adults about when and how their childhood games and whatnot turned into their kinks.

 

[catalina_francisco]

LOL..wow...that's alot to get used to, things like that just don't happen around here. i mean sure, if you're traveling and there is not a rest area anywhere near, we've pulled over and used the side of the road or whatever, but to just 'go' on the way to work or whatever ..wow..that'd take some getting used to for me ..LOL ...i come from a small town in the midwest US so yea, that stuff, not cool.....

LOL, well this is the type of public toilet for men you find dotted around Amsterdam and most public events/parties....took a lot of getting used to and not sure I am used to it yet!!

Catalina

 

[FurryFury]

Wise Mama.

Thanks CutieMouse!

I agree your av is hot btw.

I try to make sure my kids see that though the world we live on is revolving it actually doesn't revolve around them. That's an important thing for all people to really take to heart IMO. We all make choices and we must live with them. Just because we make those choices doesn't mean the world has to realign for us.

For instance, a few years ago this older gentleman came to my door. He wanted me to sign a petition against my neighbor's dog because the dog barked. He said that because of his heart condition he had to sleep during the day.

I told him I would not sign the petition. The dog had a deep bark that we usually heard only twice a day. Once before the lady went to work and the other after she got home. For a dog he was very quiet over all but dogs bark, that's not illegal or unexpected.

I suggested that he get something to make a white noise or other sort of noise to help him sleep but he was firmly convinced that the world should cater to him.

My husband is on night shift half the year. If we felt this way we'd be constantly pissed off and railing at the world. I refuse to live my life that way.

Here's another little story:

A decade or so ago, I was taking care of my young cousin for the day. I took her to the mall. We had fun watching lemon aide getting made, cotton candy too, shopping and the like.

She saw a man with long hair. This was apparently new to her. She asked me why he had such long hair. I told her I supposed he liked it that way. Then I suggested she go ask him.

They had a very nice conversation that day. I think everyone learned something about people being different, understanding one another and getting along.

Fury

 

[leeroy jenkins]

I think that for the most part that kids need to be exposed to stuff like this when they are in their later teen years before that they might not know what to make of it. So while we might want to bring our BDSM out into a more public venue, we could be doing more harm then good. Its like that saying you might will lose the battle but win the war. So you have to pick the fights you thing are worth fighting and let the other stuff go.

 

[the captians wench]

I have to say that if my kids saw a person walking around on a leash they'd probably think that person was playng a game. It's all I can do to keep them from wrapping belts around eachothers necks eek: ) and playing doggy with eachother.

I have a harness and a leash for my son. (The very hyperactive one.) I got it for when we're in very public places with open exits (like the zoo). It's a sanity saver, to say the least. But the other three want me to get them harness' now.

I remember my dad getting one of those things for my brother when we were little. He hated it and struggled against it the whole time. I on the other hand pouted because I didn't think it was fair that he got tied up like a doggie and I didn't. So he ended up putting the velcro arm strap around my waiste and holding the leash in the middle. My brother would struggle and pull and try to get free, and I would walk proudly right by daddy's side.

 

[ammre]

i don't think just because i don't feel like explaining to my 5 year old or my 11 year old for that matter why some woman is being lead around on a leash makes me a bad parent who doesn't explain things to her children. there are just some things children at that age do NOT need to know. and we can tell our kids things all we want, we can teach them right from wrong, but that does not mean they will not make their own choices be them good or bad and if you've done all that you could to ensure your children know right from wrong etc..and they make the wrong choices, that is not the parents fault.

i got pregnant at 15...i assure you it had NOTHING to do with the way i was raised. i knew better, was taught better, but i CHOSE to make the decisions i made. i know this is off topic but i get sick of hearing (especially from those who do not have kids) how it's the parents fault when a child messes up or makes a wrong decision.

from my original post: "Parents have very little grip on who their child grows up to be, but they have more grip if they are the first ones to explain things. Don't make your kids learn through their friends and through tv." (and by grip i mean control)
And when i say explain i don't mean: "Oh well that lady wears that becasue he likes to be on top when they fuck"
I mean something subtle like: "Oh for them that's a sign of committment/relationship sorta like you would wear the same team uniform as your friends or give frendship bracelets. Only certian adults wear that though." I mean just a few seconds of thought and creativity you can come up with something that will momentarially appease them until something sparkly comes along.
(and yes we can argue semantics about what a collar and leash actually mean, but really now, those are some good, general, safe terms you can use)

 

[Kailey_86]

I think that for the most part that kids need to be exposed to stuff like this when they are in their later teen years before that they might not know what to make of it. So while we might want to bring our BDSM out into a more public venue, we could be doing more harm then good. Its like that saying you might will lose the battle but win the war. So you have to pick the fights you thing are worth fighting and let the other stuff go.

You say that kids shouldn't be exposed to this stuff until their later teen years but i've seen kids wearing BDSM garb in middle school and even elementary school. They probably don't know what it means but they got the idea from somewhere. i have heard younger kids talking about sex and other things that they shouldn't know about at such a young age as early as 3rd grade. i don't think it can be avoided. If it's not us, it will be someone else. Not saying that we should be the ones to warp their precious minds, just saying that they are bound to find out about stuff like this, whether it be sex or BDSM, early on with or without us.