Companion to the Five in Five

[TheRainMan]

Thank you for reading and mentioning my attempts. It has been awhile since I tried to write every day. I've mostly jotted on paper scraps, but it is good motivation to write here if I "owe" a poem, I think. I will take Unpredictablebijou's guess that I am another writer's alternate as a compliment, since I have been impressed by much of the writing around here. I'm just me, though. Again, thanks for your welcome, Tzara, Unpredictablebijou and TheRainMan.

you're more than welcome.

don't go disappearing on us now.

that happens too much -- it gets downright distressing.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

it was indeed meant as a compliment.

and i kinda disagree with our lovely precipitation boy; i liked the whole thing. particularly the last few lines.

bijou

 

[PandoraGlitters]

You are very kind, Unpredictablebijou. I'm glad you like the last lines. I'll save comments on the poem for revision. It's still a very rough draft. Now if I can come up with two more, I am set.

 

[Eluard]

Great 5/5 Pandora!

 

[PandoraGlitters]

Thank you, Eluard. I liked that thread and noticed you have one posted there today. I look forward to reading it and the rest to come.

 

[Eluard]

Thank you, Eluard. I liked that thread and noticed you have one posted there today. I look forward to reading it and the rest to come.

Ok to be a little more spcific:

1-5 Tornado: I really like the imagery in this one. Some of the strongest images I’ve seen on this board. The stingray line is wonderful, just wonderful.

1-2 This is a beautiful evocation and very erotic in a quiet way. Just lovely. (My only qualm: I think the line breaks are not right in the last three lines of the second stanza.)

1-3 This is also wonderful, and the sex is both real and strongly felt. Terrificly sensual. (Qualm on line breaks here is the 7th line.)

1-4 Really interesting. This is really getting to something new, something I haven’t seen said before. Great stuff!

1-1 Good in that white witch kind of way that is very popular.

When I first turned up here someone said to me: “You are new the hotness”. Now I say it to you: great first set Pandora — continue being the new hotness.

best

El.

 

[PandoraGlitters]

Eluard, you made my day. Thanks. I am really enjoying yours, too. Your first was a lot to absorb, almost dizzying, but I will read it again. Maybe a few times. Best of luck on your remaining poems.

Ok, having read 4-1 again, I have to say that the personification is wonderful for me, but that it seems the poem turns into another poem once the narrator has flown back to the west. I'm thinking that one poem was worth at least 3 so you should still be on track for the 5. But maybe it doesn't work that way. Can you pardon yourself? Or will you start over again with 5-1?

I love the metaphors in the poem, but the personification got to the natural world conspiring to control us in a way that brings to mind the statement about god not existing or us being inside of god. Anyway, good job on that one. I really liked reading it.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Wow to your last posting !

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Hey Pandora,

Your work in the 5/5 has been phenomenal. I'm impressed with your voice.

as Eluard said, "you are new the hotness"

bijou

 

[PandoraGlitters]

You guys are super nice. Thank you. I like that challenge thread.

 

[PandoraGlitters]

TheRainMan's Rocking the 5 in 5

Those are some beauties you have over there, TheRainMan. I especially liked the bartender's poem. I love the accessibility and ease of your poems. I was just getting ready to scribble something in that thread, but had to come here to comment, instead. Beautiful work.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Can I second that?

 

[TheRainMan]

Those are some beauties you have over there, TheRainMan. I especially liked the bartender's poem. I love the accessibility and ease of your poems. I was just getting ready to scribble something in that thread, but had to come here to comment, instead. Beautiful work.

Can I second that?

thank you both very much, ladies.

at least i think you're both ladies . . . i didn't mean as opposed to 'unladylike,' i meant . . . oh, you know what i meant.

and Pandora, your poems on that thread are excellent. i really enjoyed reading you.

 

[UnderYourSpell]

Alllllllllllllllll woman here !!

 

[PandoraGlitters]

Thank you, TheRainMan. And, yeah, I'm female, though it is true that one never knows on the internet. I'd offer to prove it, but I don't think my fiance would like that very much.

 

[Angeline]

That Place Where Everything Goes


The life I lead inside my head is nothing
like the one out here. It’s cushy;
if it were female I’d need to make babies with it
right away. You will not find the gritted smile I smile
when I’m trying not to scream or me
leading with my chin. Getting back on my feet
every morning does not take character. The trick is
turning all this into a story you can like. I like
having another world to hold
my missing laundry socks, where it’s okay
to pick up hitchhikers, to hit an inside straight.
No one thinks I’m crazy
when I move the checkers in the back row and I’m not
shot at like a gamebird if I happen to say God
in a classroom or evolution in church. I’m forgiven
for all the things I think on bad nights, can forget
the questions I ask when I’m alone, the faces
I see on the ceiling, that sick
feeling in the pit of my stomach. The last
breath of each day is not
the soft, whizzing sound of a spent rocket—
In this other place always I am faithful,
I have never been cruel. I do
not produce any category of garbage that speaks
more eloquently about me
than I ever could myself. I am more
than what I throw away. I am not there
to be used up. No notion in the field of waste
is as ignored as not producing any in the first place.
And when all else fails, I raise my face to the rain.
It feels good and clean. Time stops
and I’m the only one
there, far away and safe
behind a curtain I never examine too closely.


.

Just beautiful RainMan. I really loved this poem. One nitpick--I'd lose this: No notion in the field of waste
is as ignored as not producing any in the first place or recast it to avoid its sort of awkward language and the double negative, but the rest is spot on. And the ending is excellent.

Great run on that thread as usual for you. And Spencer is very cute.

 

[TheRainMan]

Just beautiful RainMan. I really loved this poem. One nitpick--I'd lose this: No notion in the field of waste
is as ignored as not producing any in the first place or recast it to avoid its sort of awkward language and the double negative, but the rest is spot on. And the ending is excellent.

Great run on that thread as usual for you. And Spencer is very cute.

thanks, Ange.

i think you're right -- that line is clumsy . . . grazie.

Spencer is as cool as he is cute. we've had quite a few additions to the family the past 2 years. maybe i'll give all the new ones an AV turn.

how many inches of white stuff up there? -- it was 50 (degrees, not inches ) down on the beach today . . . just sayin' . . .

 

[unpredictablebijou]

Greetings ElmerGlew,

That is a lovely piece on the 5/5 challenge. Very sexy.

bj

 

[ElmerGlew]

.....

 

[unpredictablebijou]

lol i try to tell my students geology is sexy but they seem not to understand

ty for your comment

well, I just have a dirty mind. Ask anyone.

and I'm rather into rocks myself, but more the polished, faceted variety.

welcome.

bijou

 

[LeBroz]

.
.

Well Elmer, you got me there with gödel. It seems rather obscure {but then, so is gödel}. Care to elucidate? Or will you make me read it a dozen times and research gödel repeatedly until I see the light?

.
.

 

[ElmerGlew]

.....

 

[LeBroz]

lol lebroz. i am tempted to say "no" as explaining a poem is like explaining a joke (if it's that bad what's the point), but you are always very polite so this is what i was thinking: (1) language is a very imprecise tool for description and explanation (2) logical systems (axiomatic systems) are more precise as they allow for deducibility of propositions ("slice through mist") (3) however they (axiomatic systems) are also imprecise, as herr gödel proved (summary from wikipedia: "The more famous incompleteness theorem states that for any self-consistent recursive axiomatic system powerful enough to describe the arithmetic of the natural numbers (Peano arithmetic), there are true propositions about the naturals that cannot be proved from the axioms.") these are the ghosts in the system.

probably incorrect interpretation of gödel. probably "pretentious" as anonymous said, at least self-indulgent. i enjoyed writing it though. lol

i promise no more poems about mathematical logic. at least this week. merry christmas

Thanks for the enlightenment. Turns out I was on the right trail. And I was getting more from gödel than anonymous.

.
.

 

[Tzara]

Good stuff, Pandora, vdust, Eluard.

Welcome back, El. Interesting poem. Great director.

 

[PandoraGlitters]

Thank you, Tzara. It is great to have some company over there. And good to see you back, Eluard.

UnderYourSpell, about 5-5, I was writing about my grandmother and how she always seemed to want more from my dad than he was willing to give her, emotionally. He was a dutiful son, but got away from her as fast as he could.

I left it ambiguous because it seemed more fun that way. I'm not as deep as the fellahs, I fear.