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Discovering your wife or girlfriend having an affair

partsecond said:
Very much agree. I have been in both kinds of relationships. The repressed kinds sucks for everyone involved.
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I have not been in a repressed relationship but certainly in the early years of our marriage, we did not fully explore and communicate our desires. So I think we lost some fun times because we did not open up to each other until we retired. Of course when we are younger, we may not really know what we desire and sometimes you do not realize a desire until you experience it.
 
Islander55 said:
I have not been in a repressed relationship but certainly in the early years of our marriage, we did not fully explore and communicate our desires. So I think we lost some fun times because we did not open up to each other until we retired. Of course when we are younger, we may not really know what we desire and sometimes you do not realize a desire until you experience it.
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I was total vanilla sex until 70, when I became single; she died fast. Since then, sissies, CD's, and gay sex..........love it all!
 
LeeKee said:
Perhaps. I've thought that as well. She went on a month long business trip with coworkers. Afterwards almost unrecognizable. So...
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A month long trip with nights alone in a hotel room. I am sure I would have been doing some trolling and not playing hard to get either.
 
Islander55 said:
I have not been in a repressed relationship but certainly in the early years of our marriage, we did not fully explore and communicate our desires. So I think we lost some fun times because we did not open up to each other until we retired. Of course when we are younger, we may not really know what we desire and sometimes you do not realize a desire until you experience it.
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☝️this right here 💯
 
Islander55 said:
Or not getting laid for that long.
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She's done this thing where she'll sleep in the other room. Stretches of 3 years no sex. Business trips then all the sudden this huge change. Nope. Nothing suspicious here. Just saying. Part of me thinks is cool, part of me moved on years ago and part of doesn't care.
 
It's always so interesting to see so many different perspectives. Obviously the ones that are colored with aroused thoughts are always going to paint a pretty picture, but there's certainly a reality to it.

When I discovered that my wife (girlfriend at the time) had been cheating on me I was insanely surprised and excited. But as aroused as I was, there certainly was just that slight hint of hurt that sat behind all of it. Obviously, the way I reacted should tell you that it had already been a fantasy of mine, but not something I had ever expressed to her. Her infidelity ended up being something amazing for our relationship, but it certainly still exposed flaws in our relationship. Just like others have mentioned, it was cleared that we both had desires that we had not been open about and this forced us to open up to each other.

We've been together for 15 years now and her being with other men is a huge part of our relationship. Of course there is a lot of trust and communication that is a part of that as well but ironically, none of it would have happened without her cheating on me first. Not only that, but the cheating aspect became an even bigger kink of mine and we found ways of incorporating that into our lifestyle as well.
 
My first wife had been very sexually active before me so I wasn't that surprised when she started to have affairs about five or six years into our marriage. The surprise was that it was so exciting for me and I even encouraged her to be with other guys. It also let me be with other women and for a while we explored an open lifestyle. Eventually and perhaps inevitably we met new SOs and we have been married to other people now for almost 30 years
 
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