Do you hide your sexual needs from your significant other?

[ElliesExplorations]

Sometimes, I don't think he realizes how much I've changed over the past few years.

 

[13Fantasies]

Sometimes, I don't think he realizes how much I've changed over the past few years.

Same.

 

[SinfuIDreams]

I have no reason to, I'm a open book when it comes to what I need out of our relationship. He's older,mature and understands he can't keep up with me and will introduce me to men he thinks will be suitable for what I need,he gives them rules and boundaries,sometimes he stays to watch to make sure I'm taken care of other times he stays because it brings him pleasure to see me used.

We both get what we want.

 

[Vitriolhack]

Sometimes, I don't think he realizes how much I've changed over the past few years.

Tell us Ellie, how have you changed?

 

[ericandshannon]

......

 

[Vitriolhack]

It’s much better to start out open, that way you don’t have to hide your wants. And maybe you will get more than you think.

I do not disagree with that comment.

However, what if 5 or 10 years in your mariage you realize this is not your feeling anymore?

Not easy!

 

[varv]

if there are doubts or fears that a loved one will not understand you. The question is, how close are you? And how come you two are together? I am an open book to my husband, and he reads to her with pleasure. If this condition is not met, it will mean a lack of intimacy.

 

[Vitriolhack]

if there are doubts or fears that a loved one will not understand you. The question is, how close are you? And how come you two are together? I am an open book to my husband, and he reads to her with pleasure. If this condition is not met, it will mean a lack of intimacy.

Another loaded comment full of pointed questions.

How close are you? Answer, that depends. What topic are we talking about? Let’s just say that, without going into the obscur and intricate relationship details we agree on 90% of everything.

The question then becomes, what do you do about the remaining 10%?

That is just really tough To answer.

Yes you go through periods of acrimonious argument and ask yourself, “is this worth it?” Or “is this it?” Or “why am I doing this?” Or “why am I continuing to do this?”

Ultimately, I came to the realization that, I stopped making it about myself all the time. I try to offer my best self to my kids, still teenagers, and be the best husband brother uncle I can be.

Let me be clear, there are times when I fail at it. I try to pick up the pieces and move on.

Could some other part of my personal life be better with my wife? Oh hell yes, we have had the conversations, but ultimately it’s about a negotiated balance of life between what is agreed by both parties. I know that sounds like a business deal, I am referring here to what is acceptable emotionally.

Why are we together, you also ask.

Well, the person I was 25years ago is not the person I am today. Relationship grew, family expanded, now it becomes not just about me but about all of us.

Some will disagree, I am sure, but this is where my current reflection on the topic is.

 

[ericandshannon]

.....

 

[Vitriolhack]

I’m not sure what you mean.

Hopefully your S/O will understand and try to be respectful

Sorry about that, not sure what happened there.

What I Meant to say was. As years go by, you realize that you are not the person you use to be. So then what do you do? You are now married with kids and massive responsibilities.

V.

 

[13Fantasies]

Yes and no.

I don't hide the fact that I have a high libido and want to be sexual with her as often as I can. And its her reaction to that which is why I keep my kink and fantasies to myself. We are 3 kids in and she has 'checked out' sexually. She has the Mirena which has ruined her libido. Our kids are quite touchy so by the time we get time to ourselves, she doesn't want to be touched.

The only people that know the truth of what i'm into are the few people that have messaged me here and what ive posted. And look, my level of kink is lowish on the spectrum but it would still be a shock to her system I think.

There are other factors at play as well. Its not just the potential adverse reaction from her, but she is close with her sister. Every chance that if I get a very negative reaction, she tells her sister, then suddenly her whole family knows and suddenly I come across as some sexual deviant and our life gets blown up.

Still, having said that, i'll be testing the waters slowly soon. You like what you like. I have no shame in what I like. I just don't want her to feel uncomfortable.

Similar situation. It's frustrating isn't it?

 

[LizVegas79]

Yes and no too.

Except mine is the other way around. He's a little older than me and my libido has actually surpassed his. He knows it and does his best though. He basically gave me a free pass to be with other women last year as long as I'm honest with him about who it is so that's nice. I've actually only used it once. Maybe Lit is all the sexual crack I need! LOL

 

[Vitriolhack]

Yes and no too.

Except mine is the other way around. He's a little older than me and my libido has actually surpassed his. He knows it and does his best though. He basically gave me a free pass to be with other women last year as long as I'm honest with him about who it is so that's nice. I've actually only used it once. Maybe Lit is all the sexual crack I need! LOL

The brain is the largest sexual object. In a story you can find multiple versions of things that turn you on and ignite powerful orgasms. Mental pictures are strong afrodisiacs!

 

[ericandshannon]

.....

 

[LibraStud]

I always receive the best when I give the best!

 

[jehoram]

Yes and no too.

Except mine is the other way around. He's a little older than me and my libido has actually surpassed his. He knows it and does his best though. He basically gave me a free pass to be with other women last year as long as I'm honest with him about who it is so that's nice. I've actually only used it once. Maybe Lit is all the sexual crack I need! LOL

Interesting that he gave you a free pass only to be with other women, and not with men. Was that your preference, or was he worried about not being the only man in your life? Were you worried about pregnancy?

Other than that, I applaud the both of you for being honest about each other's needs. I think that should be the default for any relationship.

 

[chame1eon]

Interesting that he gave you a free pass only to be with other women, and not with men. Was that your preference, or was he worried about not being the only man in your life? Were you worried about pregnancy?

Other than that, I applaud the both of you for being honest about each other's needs. I think that should be the default for any relationship.

My bf gave me a free pass for women only too. Im kinda shy with women though.

 

[LizVegas79]

The brain is the largest sexual object. In a story you can find multiple versions of things that turn you on and ignite powerful orgasms. Mental pictures are strong afrodisiacs!

I don't know, there was this guy I met at this party once ... if his brain was bigger than his unit I think he would probably have been working for NASA or something instead of jacking cars for a living.

Interesting that he gave you a free pass only to be with other women, and not with men. Was that your preference, or was he worried about not being the only man in your life? Were you worried about pregnancy?

Other than that, I applaud the both of you for being honest about each other's needs. I think that should be the default for any relationship.

Not worried about pregnancy. (there are ways to avoid it you know ) He's just basically a little bit more than just a little possessive. Ex-jock. Programmed not to share the ball if you know what I mean.

My bf gave me a free pass for women only too. Im kinda shy with women though.

Me too - not! lol

 

[seeshelly]

The goal needs to be...

The goal needs to be having a 100% open relationship in which there is no need for secrets. If you have to pretend something that isn't true, if you have to hide what you think and feel from your 'significant other' - then they really are your 'insignificant other.' This is easier said then done. But if you can't be open with your partner about your actual desires and needs then what is the link between the two? For years I was not even honest with myself about some of my sexual desires. My husband helped me to become real about it. By being honest with him I am now honest with myself. I used to feel guilty if I found myself lost in a sexual fantasy about someone other than my husband. But the reality is that almost every male and every female has a desire for sexual variety. Why not face it and be real about it with yourself and your mate? They are natural desires. Why not be honest about it in in your relationship and let each other enjoy the sex that you are both yearning for?

 

[chame1eon]

I don't know, there was this guy I met at this party once ... if his brain was bigger than his unit I think he would probably have been working for NASA or something instead of jacking cars for a living.



Not worried about pregnancy. (there are ways to avoid it you know ) He's just basically a little bit more than just a little possessive. Ex-jock. Programmed not to share the ball if you know what I mean.



Me too - not! lol

I totally am most of my friends and coworkers are men being in IT and having such nerdy interests, so i'm completely out of touch and dont even know how to talk to them.

 

[LizVegas79]

I totally am most of my friends and coworkers are men being in IT and having such nerdy interests, so i'm completely out of touch and dont even know how to talk to them.

We're actually not as complicated as we pretend to be

 

[chame1eon]

We're actually not as complicated as we pretend to be

Idk most humans are pretty complicated

 

[LizVegas79]

Idk most humans are pretty complicated

But so are robots right?

 

[chame1eon]

But so are robots right?

I usually dont talk to robots.

 

[LizVegas79]

I usually dont talk to robots.

I generally try not to either. I thought maybe since you worked in IT you might know some. The only thing I know about robots is that they never smell like butterscotch or lavender like I do sometimes