Do you hide your sexual needs from your significant other?

[ilCacciatore]

I haven't hidden all of them from her, but even revealing the less adventurous ones to her didn't go well. She's very vanilla and considers anything beyond that to be unnecessary and perverted. So she knows there's still more that I haven't and won't reveal and we just live with the fact that we have different sexual interests.

 

[tallladiesman]

I haven't hidden all of them from her, but even revealing the less adventurous ones to her didn't go well. She's very vanilla and considers anything beyond that to be unnecessary and perverted. So she knows there's still more that I haven't and won't reveal and we just live with the fact that we have different sexual interests.

Why does that sound so familiar??!!

 

[Vitriolhack]

So this is actually what drew me into the forums. It's so liberating to know I'm not alone in what I want in the bedroom! Reading others posts is actually what led me to tell my husband what I want. The only thing it changed is that he FINALLY started going down on me. Which, yes, that's nice. But..he has the ability to make me feel smaller for what I want. To him, the reason I want him to take complete control during sex is because of who I am as a person. Now every argument comes back to 'This is why you're interested in this stuff. It makes so much sense now!' Which just makes me feel weak and even more insecure for opening up to him. Most of what I've suggested has yet to happen. And though I keep trying, I feel it's very one sided

You took a really big “risk” by truthfully revealing to your partner what you are interested in. It takes courage to make yourself vulnerable to your partner.

Him using it as an argumentative weapon is, to say the least, not cool!

May I suggest that the next time he uses this “bomb”, you tell him that him using what you told him in total confidence is making you resent him for it.

Instead of bringing you closer to him, I am sensing that you are slowly building an increasing amount acrimonious feelings towards him. That is not good, in the long run, these feelings will fester.

Also, the way I see it, if you are being assertive and telling him what you want, I think you are taking taking responsibility for what makes you feel good. You should not feel sorry about it, or weak, quite the contrary actually, you are being courageous.

I am sure he has things he would also like, has he offered anything?

You do not need to answer if you do not want to.

Hope this helps,

V.

 

[Vitriolhack]

I initially admitted to her that I used to enjoy not only sucking but particularly being savagely deep throat fucked by my best friend Larry's VERY big cock because I wanted her to know I could relate to the intense pleasure a woman must experience from having her body penetrated by a big cock. She was quite surprised by my revelation but ultimately attributed it to adolescent sexual experimentation which, in fact, it was. I neglected to add that I never really stopped "experimenting"! A number of times I have attempted to revisit this conversation with her, in the hope that I might be honest with her regarding my ongoing activities and convince her to accept my oral obsession, but she quickly changes the subject, the last time becoming quite annoyed at my persistence. I think she might suspect that I'm still a Cocksucker but would prefer not to know for sure.

Hang in there, sometimes it takes time for our partners to mentally arrive.

Finding the person that will listen to you and be non judgmental about it is, to say the least, difficult. Without sounding to much like a financial transaction, sex, at times, needs to be negotiated. From finding the time and space, to what you like and dislike takes some serious conversation.

What complicated things over time is that our attractions and needs change.

V.

 

[Bellagreen]

You took a really big “risk” by truthfully revealing to your partner what you are interested in. It takes courage to make yourself vulnerable to your partner.

Him using it as an argumentative weapon is, to say the least, not cool!

May I suggest that the next time he uses this “bomb”, you tell him that him using what you told him in total confidence is making you resent him for it.

Instead of bringing you closer to him, I am sensing that you are slowly building an increasing amount acrimonious feelings towards him. That is not good, in the long run, these feelings will fester.

Also, the way I see it, if you are being assertive and telling him what you want, I think you are taking taking responsibility for what makes you feel good. You should not feel sorry about it, or weak, quite the contrary actually, you are being courageous.

I am sure he has things he would also like, has he offered anything?

You do not need to answer if you do not want to.

Hope this helps,

V.

Courageous? Thank you! That's never a word I would've used to describe myself! You're reply is actually making me cry.

I think a big part of me does resent his reaction. Of course! What an asshole! He used to tell me when we were dating that he liked how 'big my heart was'. But now, there's just too much to go into as far as the reasons I feel that isn't true.

I know I have so much to work out with him and in the long run I'm pretty sure it won't end nicely. He's told me many times that everything is black and white, no matter what, there's wrong or right, this or that. And the day I finally told him I LIVED in the gray area was, perhaps, the biggest argument of our marriage.

But, like I said, this place has helped me accept who I am and what I want. And I can't imagine living another 16 years this way as I wait for my children to grow up. I always told myself I would rather be alone than to stay in an unhappy relationship. He was my first and I guess it took me too long to realize how unhappy I am.

And no, I've asked but, nothing else he wants that he will tell me.

Thank you, V. I really needed to hear that!

 

[Vitriolhack]

Courageous? Thank you! That's never a word I would've used to describe myself! You're reply is actually making me cry.

I think a big part of me does resent his reaction. Of course! What an asshole! He used to tell me when we were dating that he liked how 'big my heart was'. But now, there's just too much to go into as far as the reasons I feel that isn't true.

I know I have so much to work out with him and in the long run I'm pretty sure it won't end nicely. He's told me many times that everything is black and white, no matter what, there's wrong or right, this or that. And the day I finally told him I LIVED in the gray area was, perhaps, the biggest argument of our marriage.

But, like I said, this place has helped me accept who I am and what I want. And I can't imagine living another 16 years this way as I wait for my children to grow up. I always told myself I would rather be alone than to stay in an unhappy relationship. He was my first and I guess it took me too long to realize how unhappy I am.

And no, I've asked but, nothing else he wants that he will tell me.

Thank you, V. I really needed to hear that!

I am glad you feel better.

It is harder to be honest and truthful than to be “politically correct” and agree to the “yes dear” and burry our feelings for the sake of sparring our partner some grief.

V.

 

[Vitriolhack]

No one is 100% honest about their sexual needs mainly because our imagination tends to run wild. My extreme sexual fantasies are hidden from my husband yes but do get explored sometimes Online forums like this one is a very good outlet for such needs.

I understand what you mean by hiding some sexual fantasies. I have tried to talk to my wife about it on more than one occasions. I have come to realisation that she has her red line that she cannot bring herself to cross.

Couples that are open to sharing everything are a rarity. Instead we trudge along and live in the “good enough” sexual area.

Good enough not to be so sexually frustrated and afraid that constant bitterness becomes the third party of the marriage.

How do you explore the fantasies you are referring to?

 

[Guns44]

Pretty much have too. Anything I've ever brought up she says no or gross

 

[Sweet_Lara]

I do not.

 

[bluebill0422]

No I don't. I want her to know Everything that turns me on!

 

[Vitriolhack]

Pretty much have too. Anything I've ever brought up she says no or gross

Depending on how you bring up the subject the reaction may vary.

It helps to be non judgemental and have the feeling that sharing is ok and will not be subjected to constant reprimand.

What does she read? Anything on literotica? 50 shades perhaps? Has she talked to you on how that turns her on?

If she has, let her fully express herself and listen carefully, there may be hints to what she wants you to do.

Sharing really is caring.

 

[Starling2016]

We are really lucky in that we both feel open and comfortable discussing our sexual needs and desires with each other. We may not always agree or feel comfortable with the others needs but we usually find a compromise that makes us both happy. Seems to work 18 years down the road and we are still together, and active. Never been in a relationship too long to stop trying new things. That’s what I say

 

[Vitriolhack]

We are really lucky in that we both feel open and comfortable discussing our sexual needs and desires with each other. We may not always agree or feel comfortable with the others needs but we usually find a compromise that makes us both happy. Seems to work 18 years down the road and we are still together, and active. Never been in a relationship too long to stop trying new things. That’s what I say

Very positive message.

Thank you for that!

 

[Starling2016]

Thank you

 

[asaxon]

She is a prude so sex is straight and narrow, but awesome because of the love we share for each other. I have not discussed my urges with her(anal, bi,voyeur, etc), but have tried to play around her anus when we are going at it and she is really wet. She always pulls my hand away, but someday!

I have also tried to guide her finger towards my anus for some rimming, but outside of a finger poke once or twice, nothing has come of it. What we are lacking in our life i is private time. We have not had a weekend away in nearly 10 years. The discussion has come up(originating from her) this summer, so I am really hopeful for a day or two of private time!

 

[Vitriolhack]

She is a prude so sex is straight and narrow, but awesome because of the love we share for each other. I have not discussed my urges with her(anal, bi,voyeur, etc), but have tried to play around her anus when we are going at it and she is really wet. She always pulls my hand away, but someday!

I have also tried to guide her finger towards my anus for some rimming, but outside of a finger poke once or twice, nothing has come of it. What we are lacking in our life i is private time. We have not had a weekend away in nearly 10 years. The discussion has come up(originating from her) this summer, so I am really hopeful for a day or two of private time!

No alone time in 10 years, that’s a long time.

Here is to some sexy time for you this summer!

And, of course, let us know all about it!

 

[hulmule]

being in a sexless marriage , ive talked to her for years. usually starts fights. But i tell her my needs, asked her wat do you want me to do with my sexual energy ?? no real answer.

 

[Vitriolhack]

being in a sexless marriage , ive talked to her for years. usually starts fights. But i tell her my needs, asked her wat do you want me to do with my sexual energy ?? no real answer.

Years? Wow, a long time. It helps to try and keep calm about it when talking to her. Frustration has ways of making us say hurtful things we can’t take back.

She may also be hurting or struggling with a situation she feels she cannot share.

I hope you can both enjoy good sex soon.

 

[Saucy_Minx_2_Flirt_With]

Absolutely!!

I know he would not had approved of my naughty thoughts the other day at the July 4th BBQ so I would not and could not evee share with him.

I had a wonderful time teasing all the Dads and guys at the BBQ. Wearing a flirty a d srxy sundress with open toed sandals I knew the guys were going to try to get the best peeks or views throughout the evening.

I found many opportunities to cross and uncross my legs often especially when I knew the angle would be " just right " for someone to " accidentally " see my black see thru thong

This went on throughout the entire evening with me becoming more and more aroused each time I was able to expose myself.

All " innocent and accidental " opposss and banter from the guys of course!!! What I really wanted was for them all to had taken me to the basement and strip me butt naked and have their way with me. Using each hole and both hands to make them explode the huge loads of cum that accumulated the entire afternoon with my teasing

Most certainly something I cannot just bring up as a topic of conversation during dinner??

 

[givememoresir]

YES! I don't think he would understand...

 

[cliteatingman]

Absolutely!!

I know he would not had approved of my naughty thoughts the other day at the July 4th BBQ so I would not and could not evee share with him.

I had a wonderful time teasing all the Dads and guys at the BBQ. Wearing a flirty a d srxy sundress with open toed sandals I knew the guys were going to try to get the best peeks or views throughout the evening.

I found many opportunities to cross and uncross my legs often especially when I knew the angle would be " just right " for someone to " accidentally " see my black see thru thong

This went on throughout the entire evening with me becoming more and more aroused each time I was able to expose myself.

All " innocent and accidental " opposss and banter from the guys of course!!! What I really wanted was for them all to had taken me to the basement and strip me butt naked and have their way with me. Using each hole and both hands to make them explode the huge loads of cum that accumulated the entire afternoon with my teasing

Most certainly something I cannot just bring up as a topic of conversation during dinner??

This Dad would have loved to take you to the basement for some.hard use!!!!!

 

[Saucy_Minx_2_Flirt_With]

This Dad would have loved to take you to the basement for some.hard use!!!!!

Oh really???

I'll never visit my friends house again and not visualize myself on their pool table spread eagled for everyone to use hhmm!!

 

[DDBustyBrit]

Yes he’d never recover from the shock of how kinky I am

 

[Vitriolhack]

Absolutely!!

I know he would not had approved of my naughty thoughts the other day at the July 4th BBQ so I would not and could not evee share with him.

I had a wonderful time teasing all the Dads and guys at the BBQ. Wearing a flirty a d srxy sundress with open toed sandals I knew the guys were going to try to get the best peeks or views throughout the evening.

I found many opportunities to cross and uncross my legs often especially when I knew the angle would be " just right " for someone to " accidentally " see my black see thru thong

This went on throughout the entire evening with me becoming more and more aroused each time I was able to expose myself.

All " innocent and accidental " opposss and banter from the guys of course!!! What I really wanted was for them all to had taken me to the basement and strip me butt naked and have their way with me. Using each hole and both hands to make them explode the huge loads of cum that accumulated the entire afternoon with my teasing

Most certainly something I cannot just bring up as a topic of conversation during dinner??

Saucy, play it out in your mind and write it out for the lit site!

I’ll even help!

 

[Vitriolhack]

Yes he’d never recover from the shock of how kinky I am

Lol, you never know, he may surprise you.