Do you hide your sexual needs from your significant other?

[Vitriolhack]

I hide them because of the ridicule and criticism that comes with saying anything sexual.... Ya there's people like that

Yes, there are people like that.

 

[Vitriolhack]

My partner and I are kinky but his sex drive is alot less. Its frustrating and chat here has led to new needs and kinks i don't share with him

Have you tried talking to him about it?

 

[Darkrhytm]

My partner and I are kinky but his sex drive is alot less. Its frustrating and chat here has led to new needs and kinks i don't share with him

Could be something biological. It might be worth exploring/getting treated

 

[Vitriolhack]

Could be something biological. It might be worth exploring/getting treated

Women, in general, have little refraction period compared to men.

After they have sex, they are ready for more with a few minutes, men, well it may take a lot more time.

 

[dkak001]

Women, in general, have little refraction period compared to men.

After they have sex, they are ready for more with a few minutes, men, well it may take a lot more time.

While I agree... There can be a wide variance in individuals, and with each particular encounter. I've known women who are done for a week after. And myself have been ready in minutes a few, at times too.

 

[Vitriolhack]

While I agree... There can be a wide variance in individuals, and with each particular encounter. I've known women who are done for a week after. And myself have been ready in minutes a few, at times too.

You need to teach me that “trick”

 

[dkak001]

You need to teach me that “trick”

The "trick" is really about where your mind is at...
You could try avoiding cumming for a few months. Bet your refractory time would be really short after that hiatus. LOL

 

[Southernscot21]

There are sometimes things I am not sure I can talk to my wife openly about. However there are thoughts and hidden desires I can come here to discuss.

Such as

 

[Bubbles80]

I will admit that I have had more meaningful conversations on the lit chat with virtual strangers that with my wife.

Having tried to talk to her about it, I know how she would react and judge me.

I am not unhappy about the choices I have made, but, I am curious to know if others here are in the same boat I am in?

True! It's a situation that I find myself in as well....It may be my doing that I was a bit closed but that's led things to drift in bed....n now while I'd love to open up, I fear making a move ...don't want to be judged by anyone let alone my husband.... Lit has been a source of my fantasies & dreams...

 

[quietlylooking]

I don't, generally. After more than twenty years in a great marriage and partnership, I know that my needs are greater than his, my interests more varied. I know that my needs can cause him pressure, and as he wants me to be happy, he forces himself out of his comfort zone. But I have other ways of taking care that part of my life without stressing him.

 

[dkak001]

But I have other ways of taking care that part of my life without stressing him.

By yourself, or with others???

 

[Silver_Arrow]

I think one of the pitfalls of modern dating is avoiding talking about sexuality and needs before a relationship is established. There's the obvious hesitation and taboo of talking about what you're into (even vaguely) with someone you don't know very well. That said, the best relationships I've had in the last five years always had an early discussion to make sure our sexual needs were on the same page or even close enough to be compatible.

It can be awkward but 2nd or 3rd date is the time to be asking the questions that are important if you're aiming to be building the foundation for a long term relationship.

 

[SWR101]

I think one of the pitfalls of modern dating is avoiding talking about sexuality and needs before a relationship is established. There's the obvious hesitation and taboo of talking about what you're into (even vaguely) with someone you don't know very well. That said, the best relationships I've had in the last five years always had an early discussion to make sure our sexual needs were on the same page or even close enough to be compatible.

It can be awkward but 2nd or 3rd date is the time to be asking the questions that are important if you're aiming to be building the foundation for a long term relationship.

As someone who does relationship work as a profession, I can’t agree more. If someone comes to me for premarital counseling/learning, I do my best to force those awkward conversations (in private just between the two) using the skills I teach them to prevent those expectation and boundaries from biting them 1-10 years down the road because they were never talked about.

 

[writerzblok92]

l have to, I have no other option otherwise.

My wife decided that she could live without sex. I was not given any input on the decision. I was just told this was how it was going to be and that trying to convince her otherwise would be making her do something she doesn't want to do.

Prior to that our sexlife averaged sex about once or twice a year.

12 years ago today (7/30/2012) was the last time I had sex or even any kind of intimacy.

 

[Silver_Arrow]

l have to, I have no other option otherwise.

My wife decided that she could live with sex. I was not given any input on the decision. I was just told this was how it was going to be and that trying to convince her otherwise would be making her do something she doesn't want to do.

Prior to that our sexlife averaged sex about once or twice a year.

12 years ago today (7/30/2012) was the last time I had sex or even any kind of intimacy.

Sex and intimacy are legitimate needs in a relationship. I've heard enough from people who live like this and it's pretty awful. Your situation may be different, however, in general this is absolutely a form of neglect. The problem is there's a ton of shame put on men who leave marriages and relationships because of a dead bedroom.

Your needs are still your needs, if they aren't being met or your partner is unwilling to work out a solution that makes both parties happy, they have decided that their needs are more important than your own and yours are not even worth considering. Not being willing to come to the table and talk is the biggest indicator.

I'd consider divorce if it were me.

Men need love, intimacy, and sexual intimacy as well.

 

[Yarglenurp]

l have to, I have no other option otherwise.

My wife decided that she could live with sex. I was not given any input on the decision. I was just told this was how it was going to be and that trying to convince her otherwise would be making her do something she doesn't want to do.

Prior to that our sexlife averaged sex about once or twice a year.

12 years ago today (7/30/2012) was the last time I had sex or even any kind of intimacy.

Begs the question… why are you with her? You only have one life to live. You really gonna spend it like that?

 

[Vitriolhack]

True! It's a situation that I find myself in as well....It may be my doing that I was a bit closed but that's led things to drift in bed....n now while I'd love to open up, I fear making a move ...don't want to be judged by anyone let alone my husband.... Lit has been a source of my fantasies & dreams...

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

It’s hard to communicate, but it’s worth trying. I hear you though, the fear of judgement is overwhelming.

No judgemennt on this thread, feel free to be yourself.

 

[Vitriolhack]

l have to, I have no other option otherwise.

My wife decided that she could live with sex. I was not given any input on the decision. I was just told this was how it was going to be and that trying to convince her otherwise would be making her do something she doesn't want to do.

Prior to that our sexlife averaged sex about once or twice a year.

12 years ago today (7/30/2012) was the last time I had sex or even any kind of intimacy.

I feel for you.

You have this thread, ears are always open.

 

[Vitriolhack]

I don't have a partner as of yet, not official anyways and I'd never hide it from my partner. I always think open communication is best. I won't lie I get nervous before doing so, but I always talk to them in the end. Especially if I never tried it or nervous about doing it.

Good for you.

Letting your partner know you are open to talking about anything without fear of reprisals is key to a great relationship.

 

[writerzblok92]

Begs the question… why are you with her? You only have one life to live. You really gonna spend it like that?

... and a good question it is. The short answer is kids. I would feel horrible for to walk out on them over my base ned,

I feel for you .

You have this thread, ears are always open.

Thank you! Just knowing that means a lot. XO

 

[Yarglenurp]

... and a good question it is. The short answer is kids. I would feel horrible for to walk out on them over my base ned,

Thank you! Just knowing that means a lot. XO

makes sense.

Well, you have plenty of time to come up with a plan then. Your kids will grow up at some point, and you’ll still be a healthy man in his 40s or 50s. Maybe start working out now, it’ll be easier to find a new partner if you’re a hot silver fox than if you’re a waddling flesh mound.

 

[DayDreaming2407]

I was open and honest. Nothing changed so I'm here.

 

[Yarglenurp]

I was open and honest. Nothing changed so I'm here.

That’s life. What’d you ask for?

 

[DayDreaming2407]

That’s life. What’d you ask for?

The basics of a relationship. To be taken out on dates that I didn't plan. Any affection.

 

[Handeguy]

The basics of a relationship. To be taken out on dates that I didn't plan. Any affection.

You deserve a relationship with those things being a consistent part of your life. And so much more.