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Do you hide your sexual needs from your significant other?

Guillermo54 said:
Definitely in the same boat as you. I admit I am not the best communicator but part of the reason is because of the judgement and closed mind.
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Communication can be worked on. You can become better at conveying your needs and feelings. It does take practice and patience.
 
I have tried to cross the bridge with her to make it more exciting for me but it is very chore like. She just drops her pant and expects me to get hard without real intimacy then she cums and begs me to cum quickly.
 
sam0659 said:
During our courtship and engagement, my eventual ex-wife and I were very open about our sexual needs and desires. That changed dramatically once we were married, though. Other than the rare occasions when she drank way too much, she told me little about her inner sexual thoughts. And, she made it clear she didn't want to hear mine. I tried to stop talking about my desires and needs, but I couldn't. Our marriage fell about after nearly two decades when she sought a divorce. The main cause of our divorce was something else (I screwed up our finances), but the resentment caused by our inability to discuss our needs certainly played a role in her decision to not seek marriage counseling.
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So what’s your desires and needs sweetheart? Love to hear from you about them, waiting to hear back from you
 
From day one, our policy was no secrets from each other. Of course we had some awkward times (like when I asked her if a threesome with her sis would be ok - answer was NO) but I feel really lucky to be with her :)
 
Guillermo54 said:
It sucks, and at some point I will finally communicate and she will leave me or I spare her the pain and leave.
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People, especially those that you have been intimate with for a while, deserve to at least be told why you are leaving. She will be asking why, if you don’t answer, she will be asking herself why.

If sexual incompatibility is the reason you are leaving her, then let her know that, at least you will both leave each other on an honest footing. In my humble opinion, it’s better than the reason of “sparing her the pain”.

This comment is not meant to be a reproach, it is just an observation from my part. Feel free to disregard it.

Be well, 😊
 
Vitriolhack said:
People, especially those that you have been intimate with for a while, deserve to at least be told why you are leaving. She will be asking why, if you don’t answer, she will be asking herself why.

If sexual incompatibility is the reason you are leaving her, then let her know that, at least you will both leave each other on an honest footing. In my humble opinion, it’s better than the reason of “sparing her the pain”.

This comment is not meant to be a reproach, it is just an observation from my part. Feel free to disregard it.

Be well, 😊
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I have to agree. I only told my first ex a partial reason, because I didn't know how to say the rest (only had a partial idea of it myself back then) and he could feel it didn't quite explain it. So he kept hoping in vain, and hurting, for several years. It didn't spare him any pain.
 
Strixaluco said:
I have to agree. I only told my first ex a partial reason, because I didn't know how to say the rest (only had a partial idea of it myself back then) and he could feel it didn't quite explain it. So he kept hoping in vain, and hurting, for several years. It didn't spare him any pain.
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Oh man, leaving to wonder what happened is a little cruel. Why is communication so hard?
 
Vitriolhack said:
Oh man, leaving to wonder what happened is a little cruel. Why is communication so hard?
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Well, it's damn hard when you don't even really know what you're looking for - just that you aren't getting it, and a vague idea of what (which wasn't even halfway there. Didn't even come to think of that I would not be vanills.

But when I finally knew myself, I actually told him. 16 tears later.
 
Strixaluco said:
Well, it's damn hard when you don't even really know what you're looking for - just that you aren't getting it, and a vague idea of what (which wasn't even halfway there. Didn't even come to think of that I would not be vanills.

But when I finally knew myself, I actually told him. 16 tears later.
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Do you think he had closure at that point? I hope he was not bitter. Doesn’t seem that you were malicious and I hope he wasn’t vengeful
 
Vitriolhack said:
People, especially those that you have been intimate with for a while, deserve to at least be told why you are leaving. She will be asking why, if you don’t answer, she will be asking herself why.

If sexual incompatibility is the reason you are leaving her, then let her know that, at least you will both leave each other on an honest footing. In my humble opinion, it’s better than the reason of “sparing her the pain”.

This comment is not meant to be a reproach, it is just an observation from my part. Feel free to disregard it.

Be well, 😊
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I appreciate the feedback thank you. Telling my spouse that she is making everyone miserable is a pretty difficult message to hear. Her happiness is too dependent on other people’s behavior (like too many tv or gaming hours - which btw isn’t a lot) and she does nothing for herself or her own well being. Everytime I try to lovingly point out that I am worried and that she needs to drop her expectations of others, she blames me for not caring enough and if I did I would be miserable too. I wish it was as simple as me wanting more sex.
 
Guillermo54 said:
I appreciate the feedback thank you. Telling my spouse that she is making everyone miserable is a pretty difficult message to hear. Her happiness is too dependent on other people’s behavior (like too many tv or gaming hours - which btw isn’t a lot) and she does nothing for herself or her own well being. Everytime I try to lovingly point out that I am worried and that she needs to drop her expectations of others, she blames me for not caring enough and if I did I would be miserable too. I wish it was as simple as me wanting more sex.
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It’s never easy when we expect others to behave like we would in specific situations. That’s a recipe for a lifetime of disappointment. Complaining daily about it, won’t help either.

Hope things turn around for both of you.
 
Bisexguy70 said:
I used to. But my sexual addiction got out of control. My wife cant help it but she understands my needs after I admitted my sex drive. Shes not happy about me mtg other men and Im trying to curtail my addiction. Im finding it extremely hard to give up.
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Have you thought of getting help for it?

When you say addiction, does it interfere with your work and everyday life?
 
Bisexguy70 said:
I used to. But my sexual addiction got out of control. My wife cant help it but she understands my needs after I admitted my sex drive. Shes not happy about me mtg other men and Im trying to curtail my addiction. Im finding it extremely hard to give up.
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Wait... she's not happy about it but she's putting up with it?
 
Guillermo54 said:
I appreciate the feedback thank you. Telling my spouse that she is making everyone miserable is a pretty difficult message to hear. Her happiness is too dependent on other people’s behavior (like too many tv or gaming hours - which btw isn’t a lot) and she does nothing for herself or her own well being. Everytime I try to lovingly point out that I am worried and that she needs to drop her expectations of others, she blames me for not caring enough and if I did I would be miserable too. I wish it was as simple as me wanting more sex.
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Ouch. You do care about her, though, that's obvious. Does she even border on martyrlike behaviour?

She would indeed need help to get more balanced but it's difficult if not impossible to help someone who refuses to see she needs help.
 
Strixaluco said:
Ouch. You do care about her, though, that's obvious. Does she even border on martyrlike behaviour?

She would indeed need help to get more balanced but it's difficult if not impossible to help someone who refuses to see she needs help.
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Yes she does border on martyr like behavior!
 
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