Dom's that slip from Dom to an excuse to get a cock in...

[rosco rathbone]

Grrr! Just don't let those filthy little creepoids dance on me or I'll kick 'em where their little suns don't shine!

Edit PS: I listened to that Johnny Cash song you recommended in some other thread. Good song, but I just cannot imagine you singing that one, although I guess that sort of makes sense, given I've never heard you sing.

I thought I had sent you my mp3s about 5 years ago. Hm.

Anyway, those gnomes are girltouchers.

 

[rosco rathbone]

What if the tables were turned and a dominant man found himself stuck in a relationship with a totally vanilla woman who initially thought she was kinky but who now abhored any kind of S&M sex and laughed at any attempts to control her and threatened to get him jailed if he attempted any force, even a spanking? Would you expect him to see this as a "problem with his dominance" to be solved within the relationship, even though she's made it clear to him that she will never, ever submit to him, and if forced to, will take legal action against him? Sometimes I think we are a lot harsher on submissives than we are on dominants!

Shudders.

 

[Pure]

Hi Tainted,

T://Practically speaking, I know of no submissive who has the extreme emotional willpower and obsessiveness that is required to keep up a pretense of submitting to a completely vanilla partner who refuses to exert any control over her whatsoever. That isn't to say submissives are generically weak, but we aren't built to function in a control vacuum, for pete's sake! //

There are several of these paradoxes of 'complete power' or 'complete submission.' Will the one who 'submits completely' end all her submissive practices if so ordered? Will the one enjoying arbitrary exercize of power use that to say, "I will no longer exercize power over you; go."

While I see your general point, it has many gray areas unless we're talking simple fetish: A no longer wears pvc for B. If the alleged master begins preferring the scalpel to the whip, does the subordinate one (so called) get to say, you're violating the agreement, good bye?

That leads to the *shopping* paradox. The alleged 'sub' who shops and assesses each master till she finds the exact regimen she wants! This doesn't arise for fetish, since one has every right to shop for pvc-use, and one is taking control and admits it.

This (self-said) 'sub' though, is talking of 'giving over' or 'giving up' power, while she screens for the (self said) 'dom' who suits her.

 

[DougBTX]

This (self-said) 'sub' though, is talking of 'giving over' or 'giving up' power, while she screens for the (self said) 'dom' who suits her.

Or to put it bluntly: with all the talk about how many "masters" are "true masters" - why do we assume that all "slaves" are "true slaves"?

My guess, is that unlike the "you're with us or against us" mantra, in real life people are much less well defined, much less one dimensional. And that's OK.

Douglas

 

[Netzach]

my head hurts, this is way overcomplicated-- it's a fundemental relationship issue and those don't go away when you start playing with pain and power. Whether the poster has the right "as a submissive" to be disenchanted or not is moot - she is. It has to be addressed or she will likely have to move on - she's in a relationship that's not what she thought it was. Only she knows what her tolerances are, how long is too long without getting her totally valid fetishistic need met, etc and at what point the pleasure of just submitting is not mitigating the frustrations.

 

[catalina_francisco]

my head hurts, this is way overcomplicated-- it's a fundemental relationship issue and those don't go away when you start playing with pain and power. Whether the poster has the right "as a submissive" to be disenchanted or not is moot - she is. It has to be addressed or she will likely have to move on - she's in a relationship that's not what she thought it was. Only she knows what her tolerances are, how long is too long without getting her totally valid fetishistic need met, etc and at what point the pleasure of just submitting is not mitigating the frustrations.

Very true IHO. Many seem to forget we are all whatever label we choose to be AND human beings as well.

Catalina

 

[shy slave]

my head hurts, this is way overcomplicated-- it's a fundemental relationship issue and those don't go away when you start playing with pain and power. Whether the poster has the right "as a submissive" to be disenchanted or not is moot - she is. It has to be addressed or she will likely have to move on - she's in a relationship that's not what she thought it was. Only she knows what her tolerances are, how long is too long without getting her totally valid fetishistic need met, etc and at what point the pleasure of just submitting is not mitigating the frustrations.

Netzach you have a great way with words.

 

[Netzach]

...fundemental.

Thanks, shy. Not that great, evidently. LOL

 

[catalina_francisco]

Re: Some notes to my esteemed discussants

With respect, there is no one 'BDSM'. Taking Sadism, however, in some varieties, I fail to see how it's about both sides equally meeting needs.

If you are only looking for a punching bag, then yes, it is about only one side. This is not a new discussion or a new point. It is something you have brought up very regular and it is something which yes, strictly speaking it is sadism. But there are many different ways of sadism and my own flavour and that of many in the lifestyle is not a one sided affair.

BDSM is about the interaction with your partner, it is all about compatibility and the feeding of each other’s needs. The difference with fantasy, books and reality is exactly that. It is not about raping beautiful naked sexy virgins but it is about both enjoying the pleasures of pain. Sadism is not about rape and abuse, it is the seduction of a partner with sensations, which s/he never has experienced before and will make he/r feel more alive than s/he has ever felt before.

Pain is the strongest of sensations in a body and it induces the strongest of pleasures, and a sadist enjoys playing with that pleasure, he takes pleasure in pushing those buttons, pushing those boundaries and giving a satisfaction which you know will make you burn in hell and have your willing victim wanting to pay the price and more. There is nothing like having a partner orgasm while you are torturing beyond that which s/he thought was humanly possible and have he/r beg for more and more.

That is Sadism at it’s best and it’s purest. Sadism is seduction with the purest of feelings; the body becomes the canvas, pain the brush and the sadist the painter. A sadist is very much like a Michelangelo always trying to achieve perfection and the masochist is the canvas, the muse and the inspiration, which without it is not art but just a cheap imitation of the real thing.

Francisco.

 

[Netzach]

Ok, if both sides are not meeting needs, what is holding the masochist in place?

If you are going to say "rope" that's not a consensual situation, or it's a very small fragment of one.

How does the non "alleged" sub pursue and gain a relationship, Pure? What would she do in this situation?

 

[shy slave]

Or to put it bluntly: with all the talk about how many "masters" are "true masters" - why do we assume that all "slaves" are "true slaves"?

My guess, is that unlike the "you're with us or against us" mantra, in real life people are much less well defined, much less one dimensional. And that's OK.

Douglas

'True slaves' is a debate that we have had before and I think it was as part of another thread.
Ithink it was unresolved before but its a good topic for a new thread.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

'True slaves' is a debate that we have had before and I think it was as part of another thread.

True, but i think they're removing the True Hooker shamming as a slave thread.

 

[ChasingShadowsX]

u should just shut the fuck up, his your master and you should make urself avaliable to him whenever he wants in any way he wants lol.

then again i dunno what im talking about

 

[Never]

Chasing Shadows:
" u should just shut the fuck up, his your master and you should make urself avaliable to him whenever he wants in any way he wants lol."

Ahh, the dream of many an online dom. A woman who's always available and shutsthefuckup when you want her to. If real subs were like that I think mainstream society would be breaking down the doors to get in.


Francisco:
" The difference with fantasy, books and reality is exactly that. It is not about raping beautiful naked sexy virgins but it is about both enjoying the pleasures of pain. Sadism is not about rape and abuse, it is the seduction of a partner with sensations, which s/he never has experienced before and will make he/r feel more alive than s/he has ever felt before.

Pain is the strongest of sensations in a body and it induces the strongest of pleasures, and a sadist enjoys playing with that pleasure, he takes pleasure in pushing those buttons, pushing those boundaries and giving a satisfaction which you know will make you burn in hell and have your willing victim wanting to pay the price and more. There is nothing like having a partner orgasm while you are torturing beyond that which s/he thought was humanly possible and have he/r beg for more and more."

Wow, that was beautiful.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Ahh, the dream of many an online dom.

What gave it away first, the 'Leet speak?

 

[Marquis]

Ahem, 7|-|47'5 "L337" 5P34|< 4|\|93L1(4554551|\|.

 

[Never]

What gave it away first, the 'Leet speak?

"I'm not a Domme but I've played one in a chatroom."

I was first led to Lit by a wonderful sub named Endlessly. I met her in an online RP/BDSM chatroom and originally was led to believe that was what real BDSM was like...And I thought it was sort of cool.

Of course, then the fine people here taught me the truth… And that was even better.

 

[Never]

Ahem, 7|-|47'5 "L337" 5P34|< 4|\|93L1(4554551|\|.

The fact that I understand your post frightens me.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

The fact that I understand your post frightens me.

Me too, but more from being force fed.

 

[Marquis]

...cockblocked

 

[AngelicAssassin]

ROFL!!!

...cockblocked

Do you not remember Never Marquis?

Take a look at post closer to this ...

 

[Marquis]

Bro, I swear to you at any one time I am lucky if I can remember more than 5 or 6 posters. Other than them you might as well be colors of the rainbow.

Where am I looking again?

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Bro, I swear to you at any one time I am lucky if I can remember more than 5 or 6 posters. Other than them you might as well be colors of the rainbow.

Where am I looking again?

Don't make me say "search" please ... i'm liable to do a Daffy Duck impression and start posting original threads on shaving.

 

[Never]

Cockblocked?

It's okay if you don't remember me Marquis. I remember you.

 

[Marquis]

I always fuck up the first time, then the second time I try the search I have to wait 30 seconds. That's usually all the patience I got.