Everything you always wanted to know about submissives..but were afraid to ask..

[~Dream~]

With Artful's permission,

Happy Friday Everyone!!
First of all,I'd like to say thank-you to my loving Master for that last post,yes it really did belong in this thread{kisses to You} and I look forward to serving You today even more than yesterday..I'd like to thank all of you for the continuous posts also,Kayte,Wicked Eve,and the lovely Sierra,
Sierra i sense such a beautiful spirit within You that I must say,any Master would be very lucky indeed to have you as a sub..and that's just my honest opinion...take it as you will ..I am hoping to improve my attitude the way I address my Master{yes sometimes I do slip up},and my eagerness to learn and want to please Him only gets stronger everyday so I'm full of hope as well as desire.mmmmm and I desire Him all the time,believe You me ladies, You will find noone better than HE..I'm hoping I make Him proud today in whatever I do and I only want my deep Love and devotion to shine through....well I best be heading off to do household-type errands (huggs& kisses to all} but some special slow ,long,sensous ones only for my Master {mmmmm} Good morning to all

 

[kayte]

Hello all

Art - Thank you for posting that here. It definitely does belong. Nice to see you again.

dream - Hi there. I too sense such a flame and light in Sierra that I am sure she will be claimed soon.

As do I, sometimes slip up when with Master. Thinking about this morning. O well I will have thought on it and corrected my behavior by this evening when we are together again. It is an ongoing process, to be more perfect for Him.

Hope everyone has a great day and evening. It is a holiday weekend. Have a grand one.

 

[Shadowsdream]

artful

Thank you for finding a second home for My posting

 

[artful]

Shadowsdream

artful

Thank you for finding a second home for My posting

Thank you so much for such an invaluable post.

 

[artful]

Re: Artful's Dream

My Master buys phone cards at convenience stores. You can usually get 6 hours for $10. He buys one each week, on average, which isn't bad. It's like buying one pizza a week. lol But talking with me is better than pizza.

By the way, I read the poem. It's very nice. I can tell you adore your Master. Like I've said before, I think poetry that you write for a loved one shouldn't necessarily be critiqued, unless that's what you desire. Any time you want to discuss poetry on the poetry board or by PM, feel free. I'm more than happy to help any way I can.

Artful, if my Master wanted me to perform in that manner, then I would, because I trust him. I know he'd make sure that my safety was considered first. He would not have me participate in sexual acts with partners that were not checked out for disease. He would make it clear to them what the rules are.

Master would never ask me do anything that he was sure I would not enjoy. Many times he has had me do things that I thought I wouldn't like, but then I discover that I do indeed like it! But he always seems to know beforehand what will appeal to me. And of course, the most enjoyment comes from pleasing Master.

So, doing this for my Master, I would not feel degraded. If I was to ever feel that way, then there is a problem. Fortunately, my Master and I share the same desires, so I'm sure I'll never feel degraded by doing something for Master.

After due consideration,...I think this poem I wrote for dream would be appropriate posted here,...as in some way,...it might help other subs understand the multi-faceted relationships that are possible under the general heading of *BDSM*.
(also,...an OBVIOUS bump to her thread)



*The Submissive*


Too often in life, we live it alone,
Going through each day in a daze.
The last one becoming the next too soon,
All blending in one murky haze.

Then life throws a curve, where least you expect, And hits you so deep in the
chest.
No warning or knowing what causes the joy,
But the feeling is clearly the best.

Your colors more vivid, and hopes are much higher,
As you listen to coo's of a dove.
The peace in your soul, from mem'rys of old,
Encompasses the pain of your love.

No person is perfect, as expected to be,
When one that you look for arrives.
We all have our faults, and no one is pure,
But somehow that feeling survives.

The Master you've chosen, with defects and faults,
Still touches where others can't tread.
When holding him close, you're still satisfied,
With all of the signals you've read.

One special love, held deep in your heart,
Is more than a simple embrace.
The risk is enormous, when taking that chance,
Why worry 'bout saving your face.


~Artful~

 

[Justine de Loup]

I would do as my Sir commanded...

I would obey willingly because I know we would have discussed things prior to their happening. I would know he was taking care of my health by knowing the cleanliness of partners and also that I was ready mentally to take on that kind of assignment. It all boils down to trust between Dom and sub...

Justine

 

[MissTaken]

Curious to know...

Artful's Dream and the other regular posters to this thread? Have you any real time BDSM experience?

If so, how did you transition from the hopeful, anticipatory excitement to having your Master with you in real time?

I find that this is a great challenge in terms of internet meeting and long distance relationships. Both times that I have been involved in relationships that began in this manner, the relationship didn't last.



I would welcome any comments or suggestions any of you may have.

 

[WickedEve]

Miss Taken

I'm afraid I can't comment on making a transition, but I would like to comment on l/d relationships. I don't think my relationship will ever make a transition from l/d to r/l. In my case, we have agreed to keep our relationship at a distance. It works for us, and it has been working very well for 2 1/2 years. Of course, we do agree that if an opportunity to meet presents itself that we would consider it.

I am curious as to if your relationships ended while still online or after meeting? That's just one of several reasons I don't want to meet. I don't want to ruin what we have. We could not be together all the time. We'd only be able to meet. And I wonder if after meeting, and then having to go back to l/d, if it would negatively change the relationship.

 

[WickedEve]

Artful

It's nice to see that you are both writing poetry to each other.

 

[MissTaken]

In both situations, we met, enjoyed one another and shortly thereafter, the relationship ended. In both situations, it was due to trust being violated.

Also, in both situations, some of the chemistry was lost in real time. Not in terms of play....


Yes, I expect I am far too trusting.

I also expect that I set the bar rather high in this game of limbo!

 

[artful]

MissT

In both situations, we met, enjoyed one another and shortly thereafter, the relationship ended. In both situations, it was due to trust being violated.

Also, in both situations, some of the chemistry was lost in real time. Not in terms of play....


Yes, I expect I am far too trusting.

I also expect that I set the bar rather high in this game of limbo!

I should explain so there is no misunderstanding by the people who read this thread, whether they be new,or experienced,...R/L, internet, L/D relationships or any mixture thereof. I have had experience in all of the above. I have never participated in giving or receiving EXTREME pain. It is something I have yet to even desire to be a part of. While I have no aversion to it, it's just not a treat for me. I have never attempted to build that desire, want, or need into a sub, but I do recognise it as a possible venture to share. Force is not my forte, but I see it as a real value if that is what both enjoy. I was married to a wonderful sub for 20 years. She passed away on 7-18-81. I lived with another sub for 5 years afterward. Since 1987 I have not had much success in my relationships. I have travelled thousands of miles, going as far as Toronto, Canada, in search of the NEXT R/L partner to no avail. Some have been women I have met ONLINE, had a wonderful online experience with, but in R/L it just didn't work for me,...even though two of them were much younger than I, some 15 to 20 years my junior, and they both wanted me to stay. Maybe I expect TOO much from a sub,...maybe I am being unrealistic, but as Shadowsdream post so well pointed out, "having 90% is as useless to me as having 10%." It isn't that I want perfection at the beginning, and I do have extraordinary patience, but I needed MORE than they were able to give, in order for me to put MY time in to BUILD a lasting relationship. Sex can be gotten ANYWHERE, but what I am searching for is a *Lasting, growing, learning, experience,* for which satisfaction is achieved by each partners desire to be complimented by the other. With each encounter, I have entered with a positive attitude, filled with hope and expectations of, *THIS ONE WILL WORK*. As of this date, not much success,...but with Artful's dream,...I once more am excited about the prospect of finding the one in her, that I am searching for. Hope this not only gives a solid answer to MissT, but also truthful info for ALL the readers of this thread!

 

[MissTaken]

Thank you. artful for you candid response.

I wonder then, when moving from online to real time, what have you found to be positives and negatives in terms of how to proceed?

I have to be very honest as well. As I have posted numerous times on various forums, I am not a believer of on line love in any respect. I do believe in on line attractions, the seeds of greater things to come, but the real relationship needs to become multi dimensional and real time in order to progress. Moving from cyber world to phone contact and then, the ultimate meeting.

The second thought I have on the subject is that when meeting a Dom or sub in person after having shared intimacy on line, one should never have any expectations. There is the fine line between cognitive attraction and chemistry that must be crossed.

So, any suggestions concerning how to move from one facet of a relationship to another would be welcome.

Be well
Miss T

 

[Justine de Loup]

Thank you kind sir!

For giving this poor soul a dream that could possibly come true one day...I, too, seek the beginnings of a lasting, growing experience with a wonderfully firm, guiding hand. Now I know that with patience that it can happen...

Justine

 

[artful]

MissT

Thank you. artful for you candid response.

I wonder then, when moving from online to real time, what have you found to be positives and negatives in terms of how to proceed?

I have to be very honest as well. As I have posted numerous times on various forums, I am not a believer of on line love in any respect. I do believe in on line attractions, the seeds of greater things to come, but the real relationship needs to become multi dimensional and real time in order to progress. Moving from cyber world to phone contact and then, the ultimate meeting.

The second thought I have on the subject is that when meeting a Dom or sub in person after having shared intimacy on line, one should never have any expectations. There is the fine line between cognitive attraction and chemistry that must be crossed.

So, any suggestions concerning how to move from one facet of a relationship to another would be welcome.

Be well
Miss T

In short,...NO! I don't have any suggestions, but I suspect the chemistry of the parties involved, would dictate how the transition should be accomplished. We humans are so diverse in our individual make-ups, and then,...to mix the two SUCCESSFULLY must I think be a *MILLION* to one shot.(Just guessing here)

 

[~Artful's pet~]

With Artful's permission,

Hello dream and Kayte!!!! This is a wonderful thread you have started here, and Misstaken has proposed wonderful questions. i do so wish i had more time online, i cannot wait to dive into this thread and my thread as well . i miss my online family terribly!

~pet~

 

[artful]

Re: MissT

In short,...NO! I don't have any suggestions, but I suspect the chemistry of the parties involved, would dictate how the transition should be accomplished. We humans are so diverse in our individual make-ups, and then,...to mix the two SUCCESSFULLY must I think be a *MILLION* to one shot.(Just guessing here)

In addition I would add this also,...*LOVE*,...the word LOVE, is so misunderstood I think,...by the masses, as well as BDSM'rs. I *CHOOSE* who I love,...it is NOT a matter of *FALLING* in love with me. When I *CHOOSE* to love someone,...I give all I am capable of giving,...and this does NOT mean they,(each or every one) by any means get it ALL. For I love many! Sex,...I have few that I choose,...but LOVE is another matter. To me,... they are SEPARATES that CAN be combined,... but they don't NECESSARILY have to be.

 

[MissTaken]

Thank you, artful, once again for your perspective.


Does anyone else have any thoughts on transitioning?



Be well

Miss T

 

[Justine de Loup]

No thoughts exactly...

Am going to take Cymbidia's advice and take a look into checking out a munch near me...according to her they will welcome with open arms...feel like I should take the plunge before getting too comfortable with the online thing....although that has been very helpful...Thank you, Sir!

Justine

 

[artful]

Re: No thoughts exactly...

Am going to take Cymbidia's advice and take a look into checking out a munch near me...according to her they will welcome with open arms...feel like I should take the plunge before getting too comfortable with the online thing....although that has been very helpful...Thank you, Sir!

Justine

Justine,...glad to hear you plan on attending a munch. I don't think it NECESSARY because of your prior posts,...but I would add also, for the benefit of ALL,...take your time,...don't try to move too fast,...most Masters will not put a RUSH on you,...but beware of THOSE who try to,...in my opinion,...they are a DANGER to a sub. Nothing should be entered into without SAFETY nets being in place,...and if you don't understand what safety precautions need be in place,...then you don't know ENOUGH yet to participate in R/L encounters!

 

[cymbidia]

Re: No thoughts exactly...

Am going to take Cymbidia's advice and take a look into checking out a munch near me...according to her they will welcome with open arms...feel like I should take the plunge before getting too comfortable with the online thing....

Ah Justine! A wise and exciting decision!

Most real life groups, and one can find them *everywhere* in the world (almost) with a tiny bit of looking, have social-only occasions known as "munches". At munches, there is usually *NO* fetish behavior at all that's practiced or acceptable.

You dress normally, you act normally, and there are no outward signs that the group of people in the back room of the local pizza parlour is at all different than any other group of people who are eating together and laughing together and remembering that time when Carolyn did that thing to Fred together.

Later, often months later, after they know you and you know them, you may begin to be invited to play parties. These are private parties and are not usually held in public spaces. At these things fetish/BDSM behavior is appropriate. However, you'll be there with people you know. You'll already know, from them, who the dogs of the area are. They'll take care of you.

You're not going to run into many self-proclaimed "Masters" out here in the real world, either (thank all the gods). Precious few dominants/tops would call themselves that without smirking or blushing because out here in the real world, well, we're just people, darlin'. We're kinked beyond belief, some of us, but we're all just people.

INSIDE a relationship, when you *eventually* get there, maybe you'll want to call your Top or Dom/me "Master" or "Mistress". Sometimes in play you'll call your partner that, too. However, to think we go around calling everyone that is purely the stuff of online fantasy. That's just not the way it happens.

For anyone else who want sto get offline and come out to where the real action is played out, here's how:

1. go to www.google.com

2. for search parameters use "BDSM munch [the closest largish city to your location]"

3. begin perusing the links to find munch organizations near you

4. send email telling them you are new to this in the physical world sense of it but you've done some online study and would like to attend one of the local munches

They will welcome you.
I promise you that they will welcome you.
It will be warm and friendly and not-scary for you, too.

You will see.

cymbidia, Forum moderator

 

[artful]

Re: Re: No thoughts exactly...

Ah Justine! A wise and exciting decision!

Most real life groups, and one can find them *everywhere* in the world (almost) with a tiny bit of looking, have social-only occasions known as "munches". At munches, there is usually *NO* fetish behavior at all that's practiced or acceptable.

You dress normally, you act normally, and there are no outward signs that the group of people in the back room of the local pizza parlour is at all different than any other group of people who are eating together and laughing together and remembering that time when Carolyn did that thing to Fred together.

Later, often months later, after they know you and you know them, you may begin to be invited to play parties. These are private parties and are not usually held in public spaces. At these things fetish/BDSM behavior is appropriate. However, you'll be there with people you know. You'll already know, from them, who the dogs of the area are. They'll take care of you.

You're not going to run into many self-proclaimed "Masters" out here in the real world, either (thank all the gods). Precious few dominants/tops would call themselves that without smirking or blushing because out here in the real world, well, we're just people, darlin'. We're kinked beyond belief, some of us, but we're all just people.

INSIDE a relationship, when you *eventually* get there, maybe you'll want to call your Top or Dom/me "Master" or "Mistress". Sometimes in play you'll call your partner that, too. However, to think we go around calling everyone that is purely the stuff of online fantasy. That's just not the way it happens.

For anyone else who want sto get offline and come out to where the real action is played out, here's how:

1. go to www.google.com

2. for search parameters use "BDSM munch [the closest largish city to your location]"

3. begin perusing the links to find munch organizations near you

4. send email telling them you are new to this in the physical world sense of it but you've done some online study and would like to attend one of the local munches

They will welcome you.
I promise you that they will welcome you.
It will be warm and friendly and not-scary for you, too.

You will see.

cymbidia, Forum moderator

Cym,...thank you for giving your valuable time to giving her, and all other readers of this thread such valuable insight and information. I am sure dream will post her appreciation also.

 

[DustyWolfe]

I was asked to post some of my insight here.

Yes, I am in a D/s relationship with my loving partner Jenj. She is my Mistress and I am her pet. We try to keep things at an equal level outside of our play though, because we have four lovely daughters. No, I'm not living with her yet but that will happen sometime around January.
Jen and I will be together the first of August and will start to negotiate our real life D/s relationship which will start with her personally putting on my collar and leash. I have two collars, the first is the one that I was actually collared with, it's a chain with a heart and a J on it. I wear it when I'm not wearing my regular collar because it can be worn anywhere. My second collar is a handmaiden's collar with a red heart tag that has 'Jens Sweet One' inscribed into it.

We've negotiated much already and have already come up with a contract outlining what is expected of each of us as well as my hard limits, both those chosen by me and those that She sees need to be placed in that area due to my own experiences.

So far all of my D/s experiences that I have had with the exception of going to PEP have been done on the speakerphone with Jen listening and giving feedback along the way.

It will be interesting to see the transition from online to real life once we are together. She is a bit nervous about actually doing things to me, but she so enjoys listening to me being flogged and knows how much I enjoy it so I doubt there will be any problems.

I don't mean to romanticize anything because I know that it frustrates some people, but Jen is a very loving Domme and never expects more of me than what I can give her. She pushes when she needs to push (like when I am scared or nervous) and steps back when she sees that we are at an Impass. I love her very much and will always serve her to the best of my ability.

 

[artful]

MissT

Thank you, artful, once again for your perspective.


Does anyone else have any thoughts on transitioning?



Be well

Miss T

Because I have known Dusty for quite some time,...and was aware she and Jen were in the midst of making a transition, I asked her, and hopefully Jen also, to post on this thread to not only give YOU their perspective and insight on their transition, but also the other readers of this thread. It is a most valid query, and I expect their posts to be very informative, concerning your chosen topic. As Cym would say!
(Nothing like the real thing)

P.S.~Because dream is not online at the present,...I also invite all others to post information on their transitions from internet relationships, or (L/D) to R/L (skin to skin).

 

[~Dream~]

With Artful's permission,

DREAM IS IN DA HOUSE!!
Hello to all and special thank-you's to Dusty,Miss T, and You also Cym and needless to say ..but I will anyways (cause it's MY thread) huggs & kisses to You my darling Master.
1st off this whole lifestyle has been a bit overwhelming for me at first ,but i must admit ,with each and every post I read from more "experienced " people that my viewpoints are becoming more open-minded..I thank-you for the help regarding info on munches Cym ..I shall certainly check it out and Dusty,I also tend to "romantisize" quite a bit and esp when it comes to Master but I personally find no harm in it as I know for now it may only be "online" but I fully intend (as I believe He does also) to bring it into r/l eventually..when Master says it is best ,then i shall comply..I have been in 4 rough& rocky marriages and have also been victimized`by a rapist ,it's ok talking about it is therapeutical for me..i know now that all men are NOT dogs as I once truly felt..instead I find a warm,caring,sensitive and most loving Master who is willing to take me as His Sub,me with all my flaws..and all I know is He has made me feel more beautiful and special and desired than any other man I have known ..I still have Many questions,I still have time to learn,to grow, and with His help I am sure i will blossom like a beautiful butterfly into this lifestyle quite nicely..i also have children,4 to be exact but He makes sure that I am taking care of their needs first..I'm not quite sure about sharing myself with anyone else but my Master ..however if i felt in my heart it would please Him,knowing he would only want my pleasure too, then i would definately consider it an option..Master is very patient and understanding since this is all new to me but ,I do not be expected to be treated any differently than any other sub before me..I only hope to be the best i can be for Him and for myself ..thank You one and all for Your comments ...HUGGGGGGS always For my Master

 

[MissTaken]

Thank you, everyone for your thoughtful posts.

I have been hesitant to renew my search for a Dom as I find that trust is a real issue for me. Not the ability to trust another man, rather, the ability to trust my own judgement.

Do other subs find that they get caught up in what they wish for to the degree they don't see what is lacking?