Freakin' good titles!

[lickmyboot]

Originally posted by karmadog So last night I got hit on by a marginally retarded girl. She's quite cute but a little slow. Would I have been wrong to go there? I mean, I couldn't have a long term thing with her, but would sex be so wrong? I'm saying very marginally. Just a little slow. Actually, kind of a tramp. Believe me, I'm not throwing stones. My glass house would be an absolute wreck if I started that.

karmadawg...(please excuse the Texas drawl)

You have the most unusual experiences. I must admit, I'm fascinated with your adventures...wasn't there a mustache mentioned last week? Darling, what kind of bar are you hanging out in?
I can't wait to see who hits on you next, circus midgets?


What kind of dog are you? Jack Russell?

 

[karmadog]

lick, this dawg's a mongrel! The one-eyed, garbage-eating, porch-pissing, under-the-porch sleeping, all American yard hound.

I go to several different bars, but wherever I go, strange women follow me. I suspect I'm secreting a strange odor from under my tail.

I used to be followed by lesbians, but, alas, my odor seems to have changed.

Eighteenth Floor Monsoon by nakedangelina

Once, at the Chicago Lakefront Hilton, I had a minor accident with flash paper and a bottle of Irish whiskey. When the smoke hit the detectors, well... It was a monsoon. But that was the 25th floor so I don't think the naked one was there. I don't stay there anymore because they've asked me not to.

Nashville Is Calling Me by Dj_Maximus

Ah Nashville! Nashville calls with the sound of twangy git-ars, and banjos on knees. High School football and a friendly accent. Like Texas, but full of nice people.

Dyslexia by Akbyr

<----- In answer to the poetic question--Of course!

Take Me Home For One Last Drink by Smiling Eyes

The other night the mustache girl was out too. Imagine if they had both said this to me. I could have been having a threesome with a girl who rode the little bus and the bearded lady. If the circus midgets had been there, we could have driven home in their tiny car, all poured out of it at the big top and, if the trapezes were still up, we could have all had carnival knowledge of each other. I just hope they would have let me be the ring master.

J Haiku by smithpeter

It's like a cattle brand haiku, but is that the rocking, smiling, box, bar, or O, J?

Signing off for now to go in search of the circus midgets.

karmadog

 

[nakedangelina]

Re: tropical titles

Fellatio Fandango by nakedangelina

I don't think the naked one learned this dance at Arthur Murray. But I hope she'll demonstrate. Unless there's all that foot stamping and she intends to do that on my naughty bits.

kdog, kdog, pleasure and pain, it is a fine line, isn't it? I would only hurt you if you like it that way...

 

[nakedangelina]

I am an idiot, how do you get two seperate quotes into one post?

Eighteenth Floor Monsoon by nakedangelina

Once, at the Chicago Lakefront Hilton, I had a minor accident with flash paper and a bottle of Irish whiskey. When the smoke hit the detectors, well... It was a monsoon. But that was the 25th floor so I don't think the naked one was there. I don't stay there anymore because they've asked me not to.
karmadog

You can stay with me anytime, dog.
(you are house trained, right?)

 

[Guest]

Titles! And First Poem!!

I'm excited - I have to shout - I just submitted my first poem (I do have several stories so far). But I LOVE the title - it is called

Oh, No, Not There (An Ode to Anal Sex)

It makes me smile - hope I'm not the only one that loves it!!

 

[karmadog]

I don't usually do this, but...

Well, nekkid girl, if I liked pain, I would have dated the girl with the mustache. Razor stubble rubbling on my penis? Yowwllll!!! But of course I'm house trained. Haven't had an accident in, oh, weeks now. I suspect that at my age, I won't be house trained for long, though. (Just kidding, I'm not that old yet.)

sweetsubsarahh, I don't usually "do" a title before it appears on the new poetry board, but here goes. Just because the acronym for your name is ssshh. You must be a librarian.

Oh, No, Not There (An Ode to Anal Sex) by sweetsubsarahh

Well, that's amazing. This poem didn't appear on the New list (because it wasn't up yet) but it was on ssshh's author page.

Anyhow, subtitles for this might be: "or, how to make a girl sound like Flipper. Eh eh, eh eh eh eh eh eh." or "I've never done this before". Guys, unless she's a cloistered nun, don't believe her (It's probably not true then either, but I'd never suggest that a nun would lie). Act like you do, but don't. Anal sex is such a charged topic. Some men won't talk about it because they're afraid people will think they're gay, and if they're that worried about it, they probably are. Women don't like to talk about it (Lit girls accepted) because it's so darn dirty, and they don't want their girlfriends to think they're nasty. They damn sure won't teach you how it's done in sex ed. because, quite frankly, they don't want you to know. So how are the youth of America to learn how to keister crash? From literotica, that's how. Long live lit!!!

Now I may have to write a how-to. I already know, so I've never checked to see if there is one.

Now then. At least wait for your title to show up on the new board, please. Give me a chance, I'll probably notice it. If not, if I miss it (it's happened) then feel free to call me names and (metaphorically) kick my ass. You won't miss--I'm told I'm all ass.

 

[WickedEve]

Thank you, dog. Imagine how much faster we could run towards or away from with 12 toes.

I thought you were writing that toe poem for me! I told you that I had only 9, sp!

kdog, what would we do without you. I'm glad you're taking care of the new poems. I know it can be a big job.

 

[WickedEve]

I just realized that I'm on the title thread. I thought I was on the new poems thread. I'm old and confused! Anyway, kdog, glad you're taking care of the titles! (where are my glasses?)

 

[Guest]

Thank you karmadog - sorry for my impetuousness!! Next time I submit, I will hope it catches your eye without me shouting about it!

And, no - I'm not a librarian. Though I can do that glasses with hair pinned up thing (for some reason my husband loves that look? Is that so he can unpin me? Is that a guy thing? Hmmm)

Anyway - thanks!

 

[karmadog]

Title Buy Title

See, ssshh, I would have noticed your poem. Not that much showed up today, so how could I miss?

It was funny, though. Your poem was right next to this one.

My Sex is Perverted! Part 1 by YellowRose

Mine is just bent. I'd rather run with scissors than a woody.

Implied Orgasm by willfull

Like when you're doing it doggystyle, and you just get tired of fucking, so you pull out and spit on her back? Like Meg Ryan in a deli? No. Those aren't implied, they're faked. Maybe like...when you say "Oh God" just once. Or if you don't ever actually say, "I'm coming!" Yeah, that must be it. I can imagine the fight over this one, though. "Don't you lie to me, you faked it!" "No, honey, I just didn't explicitly say that I came. I implied it."

 

[nakedangelina]

Re: I don't usually do this, but...

Well, nekkid girl, if I liked pain, I would have dated the girl with the mustache. Razor stubble rubbling on my penis? Yowwllll!!! But of course I'm house trained. Haven't had an accident in, oh, weeks now. I suspect that at my age, I won't be house trained for long, though. (Just kidding, I'm not that old yet.)

You do meet some unusual women, don't you, kdog? Since you are "somewhat" house trained, I promise I will only stomp you when there is an "accident." And, by the way, I do not believe for a moment you are that old. You did have a birthday this past week, didn't you??

sweetsubsarahh, I don't usually "do" a title before it appears on the new poetry board, but here goes. Just because the acronym for your name is ssshh. You must be a librarian.

Oh, No, Not There (An Ode to Anal Sex) by sweetsubsarahh

Well, that's amazing. This poem didn't appear on the New list (because it wasn't up yet) but it was on ssshh's author page.

Anyhow, subtitles for this might be: "or, how to make a girl sound like Flipper. Eh eh, eh eh eh eh eh eh." or "I've never done this before". Guys, unless she's a cloistered nun, don't believe her (It's probably not true then either, but I'd never suggest that a nun would lie). Act like you do, but don't. Anal sex is such a charged topic. Some men won't talk about it because they're afraid people will think they're gay, and if they're that worried about it, they probably are. Women don't like to talk about it (Lit girls accepted) because it's so darn dirty, and they don't want their girlfriends to think they're nasty. They damn sure won't teach you how it's done in sex ed. because, quite frankly, they don't want you to know. So how are the youth of America to learn how to keister crash? From literotica, that's how. Long live lit!!!

So what you are saying here is that I should quit telling people (guys and girlfriends) that I have never been that way, huh?? Hmmm....

Now I may have to write a how-to. I already know, so I've never checked to see if there is one.

Now that, kdog, is an interesting thought...

Now then. At least wait for your title to show up on the new board, please. Give me a chance, I'll probably notice it. If not, if I miss it (it's happened) then feel free to call me names and (metaphorically) kick my ass. You won't miss--I'm told I'm all ass.

 

[karmadog]

nudeA said

So what you are saying here is that I should quit telling people (guys and girlfriends) that I have never been that way, huh?? Hmmm.... [/url]
Imagine that. I said too much. No, go ahead and keep telling them you've never done it before. That's one way you can be a virgin every time. And doesn't everybody want a virgin now and again? Even if it is just a fantasy.

 

[nakedangelina]

DAMNIT

kdog, here I thought I was fooling everyone and you go and blow my cover. Jeez.
Virgin? Okay, no virgins 'round here. I neither want one (I am too old to train someone) nor do I ever profess to be one.

(except for those anal mentions, that is simply too dirty to admit to)

 

[smithpeter]

hey dog

i think she likes you.

 

[karmadog]

Virgin Titles

nakedA, I thought that I had blown the cover of men all over the country. For a man to get laid, it is crucial that we seem to believe a woman's lies. From my experience, women believe me when I'm lying and don't believe me when I'm telling the truth. I just realized something: Women are like cops (but hopefully without the nightstick).

Two Queens by Senna Jawa

I used to work for two queens. One preferred to be referred to as a queen and the other a queer. Never believe what political correctness tells you about people.

An Old Dog's Fun by Rybka

I knew I shouldn't have answered those questions. "This is your life" indeed.

Stupid Jazz by smithpeter

Years ago, we were working on a particularly difficult piece by Bird, and one of the guys said exactly that. He should have read this poem before attempting any music. On the other hand, maybe sp is talking about Kenny G.

Keeping Skirts Furled by smithpeter

No, don't! That's a bad idea, bad, bad, bad, idea. Unfurl them. Unfurl them right to the floor. Next to my bed.

Mosquito Hunting by OT

West Nile? I actually heard a public health official speak of trying to eradicate the mosquito that carries West Nile virus. Eradicating any insect in the deep south is ridiculous, but damp loving mosquitos? In the great southern swamp? Ha! Ha!, I say.

Electric Butt by stargirl32

My favorite title of the day. If I'm ever executed, I hope they use this method. It sounds like much more fun than a lousy chair.

It's great to see smithpeter all over the New board. He seems to be back in the "swing" of things.

 

[nakedangelina]

Re: hey dog

i think she likes you.

Actually, smithpeter, I am more of a pussy cat kind-of girl....


(but he's awfully cute when he wags his tail like that)

 

[karmadog]

That's not my tail. I just have amazing muscle control.

SHORT SHORTS by Rybka

Every summer, my first sighting of Dukes nearly gets me in a car wreck. And then there's the first thong sighting. I hope my insurance agent doesn't read this.

Old Fart Songs by aswpc

This is what the Stones are calling their new album.

Mosquito Man by OT

West Nile is really making people nervous. OT's second mosquito poem in as many days.

Fuck Punctuation by smithpeter

Ladies, here's a guy who won't be bothered by a period. But cover your colon's.

 

[karmadog]

Titles to strike terror in your heart

I am tired, and if I don't close my eyes soon, I will bleed to death. No, I haven't been to the bar. I've been writing all night, I was trying to finish my (very late) chain story installment, but I'm too tired to even give it a cursory edit, but after a few hours of sleep, it will be submitted.

Through The Curtain's Chink by PoetTeri

Now that is politically incorrect. Is it still the Iron Curtain if they have American movies in China?

Bar Bird by Rybka

Damnit, I didn't go to the bar at all last weekend. I haven't even been since Wednesday. Granted, they called me last night wondering where I was, but still...

I Am Her Nothing by Unwanted

and

Cold and Alone also by Unwanted

There's nothing worse than someone who is too cheerful in the morning, and I think it's clear that was the problem in this relationship. None of that happy horsehit until I've had a pot of coffee, man. Truly, though, I hope writing depressing poetry gets it out of your system. No woman's worth it. (BTW, these poems are much better than you might expect)

 

[karmadog]

Good God!

I just noticed I'm a guru! When the hell did that happen? More importantly, how did that happen? I can't get into bendy positions and I have no idea how to levitate. Do I have followers ready to do my bidding? No matter how... kinky?

I don't have to serve KoolAid or something, do I?

Crap. Now I've frightened myself. I think I'll go see if I can curl up in a small steamer trunk or a large suitcase and email myself to Nepal or India. I hear Calcutta is nice this time of year.

Or maybe the Hollywood Hills would be better. I could start of coven of witchy young starlets. Yes, yes. We will be known as the Siliconian Starlets and Varlets. And I shall be The Guru of the Karmic Mudslide. And the Mudslide shall be our drink (except for the Great Guru. His drink shall be Bushmills. Or Jameson's in a pinch). No KoolAid for this cult. Yes and the Siliconian Starlets shall be bendy. Bendy as a bendy straw (or Gumby. Pokey depending on the position).

Taking donations now.

 

[karmadog]

Note to Freud: Lack of sleep causes megalomania.

Write that down you Viennese cokehead! Now!

 

[stargirl32]

Re: Virgin Titles

Electric Butt by stargirl32

My favorite title of the day. If I'm ever executed, I hope they use this method. It sounds like much more fun than a lousy chair.

It's great to see smithpeter all over the New board. He seems to be back in the "swing" of things.

thanks for the mention Kdog ,,, it all started from the not so . innocent mention of ." butt plug,,,, where do i plug it in ? " lol
i ve just been trying to catch up on SPs posts ,, * getting coffee black .* to keep going ,,

 

[Angeline]

OK, it's not a title

but I thought the following line in Rybka's Bar Birds was genius:

Tequila Mockingbird


Still laughing over that one!



Oh and Mararishi Masheh KarmaDog? Here. I guess we have to bring these for you now:

 

[karmadog]

Yes. Spread your rosebuds for me.

 

[Angeline]

Oh My

Well, gather them while ye may.

 

[_Land]

Re: OK, it's not a title

but I thought the following line in Rybka's Bar Birds was genius:

Tequila Mockingbird:

Pam Tillis sings a song by that name at he rlive show in branson