Freakin' good titles!

[karmadog]

WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT LIST!!!!!!!!!!

Eve. I used to work at a bar that hillbillys used to come into. Do you know the def I came up with for a hillbilly? Of course you don't. It's a rhetorical Q.

Hillbilly-- one who would rather fight than fuck.

This has never happened before. Every title for today is great. Maybe I'm just in a great mood, but considering how hung over I am, that doesn't seem likely.

Truthfully, I had a great time last night. I hadn't left the house in like two weeks. I'm all pasty and wasted away. But I got hit on by literally ten women last night. Admittedly, not all of them could be described by even the most generous man as cute, but five of them were. I have to figure either I was drunk (I was) or they were.

Funny story: I saw this woman at the end of the bar. It was dim in there (which was good for me--I didnt look so pasty), but this girl looked great. Have you seen that Wendy's commercial with the young woman talking to her grammy? She looked like that girl. Anyhow, I was all turned on and had to talk to her. I had just karaoked some Sinatra (fuck you. quit laughing. it's fun. And dammit I'm not bad. I'm Not! Ask my mom), and she was giving me the eye. You know the one. So I went up to her to talk. And what was the dim light hiding? A mustache thicker than mine. Holy shit! Couldn't see it 'til I got close, because I think she must have shaved, but she had five o'clock shadow that made her lip blue. Must have been Greek.

Anyhow.

Haiku Interruptus by JUDO

As much as I love
haiku, I would never let
them interruptus.

Like Jesus and Judas by Peg Asyse

A newcomer. Look at her profile. She's adorable. Easily the best lookin' roofer I've ever seen in my life. Give her votes and feedback.

Back to our regularly scheduled program. I actually wear one of those WWJD bracelets, but I'm such a bastard, mine stands for What would Judas do?

Up Country Spell Bidden by raself

She was well put together
but had country teeth
truth to tell I always was
a city tooth man ~ forsooth

ROTFLMAO!!!!! At the same hillbilly bar (see above), I remember this girl. Oh man she looked good. She was wearing short shorts. And the legs! But then I saw her eating potato chips. She had to sneak them into the side of her mouth because her front teeth were blackened little stubs. EEWWW. Other than that--and her breath--she was a beauty. What a waste. BTW, that's another newbie. V and F for raself.

Sensual Bath by Jaenelle

Quit it! I know you're imagining me in the tub. Oh well, since I can't stop you I might as well help you get it right. I have abs like Brad Pitt, arms like the Rock, thighs like Lance Armstrong, the face of a young Sean Connery (dog... karma dog.), and a dick like John Holmes. Oh yeah. And a claw-foot tub. In my mansion. Yeah, that's the ticket. Show me your moisties ladies!

Feline Related Haikus by Chicklet

I must be in a good mood. It's not that I hate cats. It's just that I feel better when they're not around.

On the other hand
I love a good haiku. Terse
taut, clean, to the point.

Plus, she's so cute.

23rd Century Sonic Sluts! by JUDO

I loves me some JUDO. And I can't wait 'til the 23rd C. I want a sonic slut right NOW, DAMMIT!!!!. Sorry for shouting. No mustaches please.

Shit, that fucker just goes on and on and on and on. Talk about your grandiose verbiage.

 

[JUDO]

Re: WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT LIST!!!!!!!!!!

Haiku Interruptus by JUDO

As much as I love
haiku, I would never let
them interruptus.

My dog house or yours? Rowrf!

Originally posted by karmadog
Like Jesus and Judas by Peg Asyse

A newcomer. Look at her profile. She's adorable. Easily the best lookin' roofer I've ever seen in my life. Give her votes and feedback.

She is cute! I'm going outside and knock holes in my roof.

Originally posted by karmadog
23rd Century Sonic Sluts! by JUDO

I loves me some JUDO. And I can't wait 'til the 23rd C. I want a sonic slut right NOW, DAMMIT!!!!. Sorry for shouting. No mustaches please.

No mustaches? What does that mean? Mine doesn't show (well, as long as the bleach holds out).


- Judo

 

[WickedEve]

karmadog

Could she have been a he? Some of those dudes look really good, making it hard to tell -- unless you bump into her in the men's room. lol

 

[karmadog]

Hairy JUDO said:

No mustaches? What does that mean? Mine doesn't show (well, as long as the bleach holds out).

That's not a stache, that's just down. Tickle me.

EvilEve harshed my happy with:

Could she have been a he? Some of those dudes look really good, making it hard to tell -- unless you bump into her in the men's room. lol

Well, that guy had great legs. Nice hooters too. She bounced them off my elbow. Does that mean she was flirting? I'm igornant about such things.

 

[karmadog]

Progressive Titles

Guess who's back?

@ night by smithpeter

Not one of his best titles (mowing diaries, A Romantic In Hell), but believe it or not, it is third on his Author Page. You'd think the only thing before that would be "!".

boomerang dreams by Senna Jawa

I don't believe I've ever had a dream about a boomerang, but I did have a recurring wet dream about an Australian girl.

Sonnet Sluts by Lauren.Hynde

You can find them standing on corners holding a sign that reads, "Will Fuck For Poetry". Way better than your basic Crack Ho or Bar Tramp.

Sonnet Slut's Sonnet Declaration by JUDO

Obviously, I've been doing things wrong, I usually try dinner and a movie followed by excessive drinking. I should have been writing sonnets all this time.

Romeo Is Bleeding: a hypersonnet by The Poets

I thought, when puberty hit, Romeo would just get hairy. Clearly there was something Shaky left out of that play.

An Anaconda Affair by nakedangelina

The naked one apparently has a "gifted" boyfriend. That or she is into bestiality. Or she was in the movie and had an affair with one of the castmembers. I prefer to think it was J Lo. Did you spank her? Please tell me you spanked her. She's a naughty, naughty girl.

Well, that's all I found. Welcome back, sp.

 

[WickedEve]

Hairy JUDO said:



That's not a stache, that's just down. Tickle me.

EvilEve harshed my happy with:



Well, that guy had great legs. Nice hooters too. She bounced them off my elbow. Does that mean she was flirting? I'm igornant about such things.

I'm not evil. I'm wicked.
That doesn't necessarily mean she was flirting. Maybe she preferred that to letting them hang in the guacamole dip.

 

[JUDO]

Re: Progressive Titles

Sonnet Slut's Sonnet Declaration by JUDO

Obviously, I've been doing things wrong, I usually try dinner and a movie followed by excessive drinking. I should have been writing sonnets all this time.

You have no idea just how right you are!


- Judo

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Re: Progressive Titles

Sonnet Sluts by Lauren.Hynde

You can find them standing on corners holding a sign that reads, "Will Fuck For Poetry". Way better than your basic Crack Ho or Bar Tramp.

Romeo Is Bleeding: a hypersonnet by The Poets

I thought, when puberty hit, Romeo would just get hairy. Clearly there was something Shaky left out of that play.

Who the fuck is Will? Is he a friend of Romeo? And I just read that poem, so I must ask, who the fuck is Romeo?


Welcome back smithpeter! We all missed you so much!

 

[Lauren Hynde]

k-dog! I can't believe you left this one out of your selection! Am I going to have to fix you?

CyberSonnet by Angeline

Now, to understand my interest in this one, you must relate it to "Sonnet Sluts" and "23rd Century Sonic Sluts". That, and I'm a huge fan of Angeline and her work...

 

[karmadog]

titles dipped in guac

Eve, she was too tall for her boobs to fall in the dip. She was 5'10" in bare feet. Plus she was braless. And, apparently, chilly. That I could see from a distance in a dark room, but a mustache? OOhh no. Not me.

Along those lines:

Little Escapes by WickedEve

My escape wasn't little. I was like Pappillon on the Ile du Diable. Vaulting tables, zigging between customers, zagging around barstools. Oh the humanity.

Don't Speak by Jaenelle

My favorite line from "Bullets Over Broadway". Remember that?

Whores of Poetry: A Terzanelle by WickedEve

Which is better? A slut, a whore, a tramp, a ho, a woman of easy virtue, a naughty girl, a prostitute, or a bimbo. I've had all of them but a prostitute, and I have to go with the naughty girl.

book lover by lickmyboot

I tried that and all I got was a paper cut where I'd rather not have one.

 

[WickedEve]

Where's the dog? Anyone seen karmadog?

Well, here are a few of the funky fab titles of the past 2 days:

What do you get when you have Mouthful of Pussy?
A hairball? I wouldn't know. The government cheese around here keeps the cats safe.

A Mouthful of Pussy
by Bitch Boy ©



An Oedipolemic Dialogue consists of the following conversation:
"No, mom, it's not my cousin and it's not my aunt that I have the hots for, but you're getting warmer."

(Did oediplex mean Oedipal? I can't find Oedipolemic in the dictionary. Maybe it's in the Oedipal Dictionary.)



Under A Fusillade Of Popping Kernel happens during the celebration after a fusillade of popping cherries.

Under A Fusillade Of Popping Kernel
by Lauren.Hynde ©



Everything Tastes Like Chicken
by WickedEve ©

Well, it does! My husband tastes like McDonald's chicken nuggets.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Thank you, Eve!

I've been missing the dog, and trying to post something here, but I don't think I'd be able to keep up with his style. I'm glad you did it.

Under A Fusillade Of Popping Kernel happens during the celebration after a fusillade of popping cherries.

Under A Fusillade Of Popping Kernel
by Lauren.Hynde ©

Where did that come from? That's not a new poem, I just submitted an edited version... Thanks for the mention anyway, Eve. It actually made it to number one for some 12 hours or so, before getting two or three 1-votes.

Shameless plug:
If you wanted another poem with a good title, you could have mentioned Möbius Strip! I thought it was clever enough... And it reflected on the poem itself

(Now I've mentioned it, so it's ok)

 

[WickedEve]

I thought that popping poem of yours had been on the list before!
I started to do mobius strip. I was going to say, "Mobius strip: All Ahab had left of the great white whale." lol

 

[lickmyboot]

I tried that and all I got was a paper cut where I'd rather not have one.

Hey karmadog-

Maybe I should come over there and lick you wounds...while you lick my boot.

 

[karmadog]

I'm Baaaaccckkkk!!!!!!!!!!!

This has been a terrible week. It has been marked by deaths: of my phones, my answering machine, my hard drive, and worst of all a truly beautiful woman whose loss is everyones whether they knew her or not.

But enough grief. There will always be more.

Thanks for covering for me Eve. Good stuff. But just so you know, an oediplex is a multi-room theatre that shows only incest porn. Most of the customers have more than one nose, less than two eyes, and huge freakish genitalia. Frequently pierced.

Go to hell by Wickedly_Gothic

Been there all last week. It was hot, but at least it was a break from the humidity around here.

Everything Tastes Like Chicken by WickedEve

Some things taste like fish.

Mobius Strip by Lauren.Hynde

You place the dollar on the outside of the g string, press it along the leg, over the bun, and voila!, it's in the nooky. (What would happen if you went to a mobius strip mall?)

Lumpy by WickedEve

Must be some huge sperm.

seX up my prettY pussY hole by Elda Furry

XYY? Isn't that like a genetic mutation or something? I think Mike Tyson is an XYY.

Ass Open For Business by Elda Furry

Elda is making this tough. Do I have to choose? Can't I have both?

closest to groin by smithpeter

I suspect smithpeter is hanging out with the lovely Elda. Lucky bastard.

These are just a few of the great titles that came up while I was gone. I'll try to keep up with them from now on.

It's good to be back.

 

[Elda Furry]

Re: I'm Baaaaccckkkk!!!!!!!!!!!

seX up my prettY pussY hole by Elda Furry

XYY? Isn't that like a genetic mutation or something? I think Mike Tyson is an XYY.

Ass Open For Business by Elda Furry

Elda is making this tough. Do I have to choose? Can't I have both?

Which did you prefer? My pretty pussy hole or my open ass?

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Re: I'm Baaaaccckkkk!!!!!!!!!!!

K-Doggy! You're back!

Mobius Strip by Lauren.Hynde

You place the dollar on the outside of the g string, press it along the leg, over the bun, and voila!, it's in the nooky. (What would happen if you went to a mobius strip mall?)

I knew you'd appreciate my effords. I could try that strip mall thingy put I'd end up with my tongue in a knot after weeks of speaking spanish at chinese restaurants. Of course I could end up with my tongue in a knot even by staying at home doing what I usually do


And I'm sorry about your loss. Here

 

[E-Nymph]

welcome back Karma dog!
the thread just didn't seem the same without you.

 

[smithpeter]

hey kd

thanks for the mention earlier up.
you also mention Elda Furry. She is lucky for your attentions. She may be a genius so watch out!!

A mirrored soul
Is a licking of puddles

 

[karmadog]

Swingin' Titles

Thanks to all for the welcome homes!

Elda: I liked them both. Your "pretty pussy hole" was a little deeper, but your "open ass" was a little tighter. Written I mean. Both were hot.

Lauren: Say "She sells seashells down by the sea shore." OOhhh I like watching your tongue twist!

smithpeter: You're more than welcome for the mentions. And I think you're right about Elda. Being a genius I mean.

As an aside: I saw that hairy girl the other day. She's married as well as having a mustache that Kaiser Wilhelm would envy. And she was definitely flirting. She (it turns out) is a friend of a friend and is apparently a bit less than faithful. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

On with the titles!

Big Mom Bursts Her Banks by Floater

Well, you see, you've got to build the sheets up into little levees. Then you can direct the flood in pretty much any direction you like.

Australian Girl by Floater

Didn't I mention earlier that I had a recurring wet dream about an Australian girl? Yeah there was a poem called "boomerang dreams". Anyhow, this isn't her. Or, I don't think it is.

Lubricant by P40eBu5

You'd think there would be more poems about lubricant. If I owned the KY company or Astroglide, I would have a poetry contest and whoever won would get a lifetime supply of lube, and their poem printed on every bottle or tube. How would they know how much to give you for a "lifetime supply?"

One Could Smell the Passion by IrrevocableDesire

Depends how many people were in the room. Maybe five could smell the passion if they crowded in close together.

The Tomb of the Last Living Poet by Tequila Sunrise

I just hope they wait 'til he or she is dead to put him/her in it. Interestingly, next to the tomb, there is a gas jet like the one for the tomb of the Unknown Soldier, but they don't light it. Just a big jet of swamp gas.

Peanut Butter Lunch Boom by JUDO

You can only make it a peanut butter lunch boom box, if you use creamy. Well, you can use crunchy, but the nuts'll dent your diaphragm.

 

[JUDO]

Re: Swingin' Titles

Peanut Butter Lunch Boom by JUDO

You can only make it a peanut butter lunch boom box, if you use creamy. Well, you can use crunchy, but the nuts'll dent your diaphragm.

Now, who said anything about a box? Is that your little doggy pecker speakin' about boomin' my box? Naughty little rascal.


- Judo

 

[karmadog]

Titles for two (read them with someone you love

JUDO, I aspire only to your leg. But if you get on your hands and knees, I'll show you the original doggy style.

So there was that hairy chick again last night. I think she's following/stalking me. You know the crazy ones are always the best in bed, but then you have to worry about getting run over while picking up your mail. It would be an even trade if it weren't for the 'stache.

My Dick's Too Big by LMN INC

Ladies, is that possible? You know most women say that the guy who talks about how big his dick is, usually shouldn't. Although to set the record straight, this guy is not bragging.

Porncakes by lickmyboot

I like mine with a smiley face on them made out of bacon and eggs.

State Park Toilet by smithpeter

Those things always give me the creeps. I got propositioned in one once. I think it might have been George Michael.

Squirrels Playing Saxophones by smithpeter

At my house, they play, but my dog eats them before they can get good. Sometimes she has trouble passing a tenor sax.

Oyster Pie by Rybka

You know, over in N'Awlins, the yats actually do say "erster". It's also the only place in the world that I'll eat ersters.

*.* by smithpeter

Looks like a stripper wearing pasties.

Somnambulistic Life by Wicked Eve

This reminds me of the time I went to see a hypnotist. The bastard convinced a buddy of mine that his penis had fallen off and that another guy in the audience had it in his pocket. I bet that night took ten years off my friends life. Maybe he should sue.

(aside to Eve, so the rest of you: Quit reading! I hope that is not about you. Very sad poem.)

 

[WickedEve]

Re: Titles for two (read them with someone you love

Somnambulistic Life by Wicked Eve

This reminds me of the time I went to see a hypnotist. The bastard convinced a buddy of mine that his penis had fallen off and that another guy in the audience had it in his pocket. I bet that night took ten years off my friends life. Maybe he should sue.

(aside to Eve, so the rest of you: Quit reading! I hope that is not about you. Very sad poem.)

Nope.
The Alien in the Dark poem isn't really about me either.

 

[Elda Furry]

smithpeter

thanks for the mention earlier up.
you also mention Elda Furry. She is lucky for your attentions. She may be a genius so watch out!!

A mirrored soul
Is a licking of puddles

Genius? Really? You aren't just saying that because you have the hots for my fur, are you?

 

[karmadog]

Titles dubbed in sanskrit

Tenuous Webbings by just pet

What I did when I first got on the net. No. Too obvious. What was left on my feet after the plastic surgeon was done.

I Feel Your Mother's Eye's by just pet

Hee hee. Not really. They're just peeled grapes!

The Man With Two First Names by just pet

Doug E. Doug? Andy Dick? Should people with a first name for a last name be forced to give their children a last name for a first name? And what about those people with names like Christmas? Should they be barred from naming their daughters Mary? I think so. My favorite name with meaning is Bruce Keys. I wrote a story using that one. I have to admit, if my last name was Keys, I would name my son Bruce. But then his college career would inevitably resemble the movie Animal House. But then, who's doesn't?

Sacrificial Pigeon by just pet

If I was a God, I wouldn't accept pigeons. Unless they were beautifully roasted and served with wild rice and maybe some asparagus. Yum.

Minute Maid by WickedEve

My dream girl. I've read a few stories on this site, and I have to figure I'm doing something wrong sexually. It always takes my partners between 3 and 5 minutes to come. Sometimes, if they've been drinking they don't come at all. I guess I just suck.