Freakin' good titles!

[Angeline]

That's it!!! Chippendales

I couldn't think of the name! Davenports? Chesterfields? All these couch names kept popping in my head. But they're not my type. Men who are really buff and smile alot make me very nervous. lol

If I want to see men dance, here's my list:

Fred Astaire
Gene Kelly
Baryshnikov
Nureyev (who I actually did see dance when I was a little girl--wow!)
Cary Grant (but only if I'm dancing with him and he's singing to me while we do)
Al Pacino (like in the scene from scent of a woman, after which I run into the girl's bathroom, say "Yes!" triumphantly, and fall to the floor in a dead faint)

 

[Senna Jawa]

Re: What about spanks?

Well, that storm was pretty minor for me.

Isidore? Sure, it's nothing compared to Suzi. Man, I know what I am talking about, I got a PM from her

 

[Angeline]

On Singing Horses

Rybka, I have a recording of Ella Fitzgerald singing
'I Hear Music," a wonderful song--certainly when she soars through it--that postulates there is music everywhere, in everything. It's a delightful theory, but I think I draw the line (symbolically of course) at the back of a horse.


P.S. Picks up the bits of Senna that were scattered to the wind and hands them back to him. (Remember the line in my poem? "Woman earth is powerful" ? hahahaha)

 

[Rybka]

Re: On Singing Horses

Rybka, I have a recording of Ella Fitzgerald singing
'I Hear Music," a wonderful song--certainly when she soars through it--that postulates there is music everywhere, in everything. It's a delightful theory, but I think I draw the line (symbolically of course) at the back of a horse.

Check out SCAT SINGER if it gets posted tomorrow!

Regards,                 Rybka

 

[Angeline]

Oh dear fishy!

I've inspired you...but look to what!

 

[Rybka]

Re: Oh dear fishy!

I've inspired you...but look to what!

Lucy, my seven month old yellow lab says, "Don't knock it until you've tried it! Do you like being tied to the foot of the bed? How far into BDSM are you?"

Regards,                 Rybka     and     ^@^

 

[karmadog]

Isidore? Sure, it's nothing compared to Suzi

Well, I hope we don't get all the way to named storms in the S's. But Suzi can't be a storm this year. S would be a boy. Maybe next year.

And Suzi, if she does blow her way through my town, is more than welcome at my house.

 

[karmadog]

Aaargghh!!!

Alright, it looks like Lili might be coming my way, and I can't help feeling that it's my fault. I wish I was Catholic, but I'm not. So here goes father/mother confessor.

Bless me (insert non gender specific term here) for I have sinned. It has been my whole life (38 yrs) since my last confession.

I am not Catholic, but I could use some absolution, God, I could use some ablutions as well, but, well, I'll settle.

I've cussed, especially when the hammer went awry, but not only then. I've disrespected my father and my mother, but only when they deserved it or when I really needed to (Ange knows what I'm talking about. Call her if you really need to know). I can't think of anything I've stolen except for a moment here and there with a really pretty girl (unfortunately, Ange won't be able to tell you about that), and thank God (there I go again with the your name in vain thing), I've never killed anyone except that dog that ran in front of my car, but that was nothing but mercy, and Lord (that's you) knows I paid in full for that.

And here comes the thing that really hurts me, the thing that I know is a sin. I spanked a married woman's bare ass. I knew she was married, she knew she was married (although, I'm not trying to shift blame),yet she bent over my knee and I spanked the hell out of her. Then, her being aroused, me being aroused, she kissed the head of my weasel. The sin of Onan did not occur, but it might have if there had been one more drink on either one of our sides (or if we weren't ten feet from being in public), not that I'm making excuses. I truly feel awful.

Because, if I had realized that I had even a ghost of a chance with that gorgeous, stunning, beautiful babe, her husband would never have had a shot.


Tale of a Tail by JUDO

MMMmm, my favorite kind of story. Will you tell it to me in bed?

Three Wheeled Inspiration by JUDO

Ah, yes. The Big Wheel. There is a handbrake, but there's no use for except to skid (see above).

Bisexual Awakening by nakedangelina

I haven't seen the naked one on the poetry board lately, but I'd forgive her if I could watch that. Wouldn't you?

it's what happens to liberals by smithpeter

Well, there was a sociology study a long time ago, I think of Chicago prostitutes, they said that Democrats were more fun and more frequent customers, but Republicans were far more kinky. Freaky kinky.

[/url=http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=64789]Sista Fista[/url] by Angeline

Oddly, the fisting girl is not at the base of this poem. Apparently, the fisting chicks lie in wait for a sensitive, delicate, or serious poem, rather than an ode to them. Would that be irony?

Keep my confession to yourselves, or I might get shot.

 

[Angeline]

Why are people calling me?

and how did I get into your confession? I always wanted to go to confession; I grew up in the only aetheist/socialist Jewish family in a deeply Catholic stronghold (don't ask) . All my friends went to confession, while I had to sit on the church steps and wait, like some discarded semetic bride. Who would I confess to--Moses? And what? Oh. Maybe about the times my Catholic girlfriends and I would play Song of Bernadette and I, being Juif, would have to stand in the brick barbeque pit in Cindy Santaseiro's backyard being the Virgin Mary. It sort of looked like an altar and well...

Pissed her father off big time. (Read in a Sopranos-type voice: "You girls stop playing da blessed mother in da barbeque pit.")

I think this is what leads one to jazz and poetry. This sort of thing.

Oh and then, years later, there was the business lunch where the nun from the university ordered a Virgin Mary to drink. I'm still laughing about that. It's not just me--that's really funny, right?



P.S. Say, Kdog? Have you ever heard Lester Young's version of Ghost of a Chance? It's really nice.

 

[JUDO]

Tale of a Tail by JUDO

MMMmm, my favorite kind of story. Will you tell it to me in bed?

Well, I wasn't all that interested until I heard about the public spanking. Of course, I'll tell you, but... Where's the bar and is this skirt short enough?

Three Wheeled Inspiration by JUDO

Ah, yes. The Big Wheel. There is a handbrake, but there's no use for except to skid (see above).

I know what you mean. I've tried pulling on that brake many a time, but it never works. Poor design. If God worked in Detroit, we'd all be dead.


- Judo

 

[karmadog]

If God worked in Detroit, we'd all be dead.

He does. He works for the Wings in the front office.

Maybe I should clarify that confession. We weren't visible to the public, just nearly so. We had snuck into the empty, back room while hubby was in the can. I don't think anyone knows. At least, I didn't get those looks that you get when everyone knows you've been doing something you shouldn't have.

I hope no one knows because the guy is probably a gun owner. God know's everyone else around here is.

As Lou Costello used to say, "I've been a baaad boy!"

 

[JUDO]

Another in a discontinuing series of title reviews delved in the glowing tradition of dogdom. - Judo
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Ultimate Aphrodisiac
by Rybka©

An old boyfriend of mine claimed to have a friend of a friend who had some of this once. He asked if we could try it. Hey, I was young and stupid... "What the Hell," I said. Well, it burned a little, maybe helped a little, but in the end, all I ended up with was the nastiest yeast infection. Ick! Go find someone else to guinea pig for ya! Yuck.

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Between Your Legs I Worship
by awdneryguy©

A big catholic family lived a few houses down in the suburban neighborhood I grew up in. I was kind of like the sixth kid (to their five). I often felt like worshipping the younger sister in the above mentioned manner, but at the time, didn't realize what that meant exactly. No, that would be years later at summer camp. Maybe someday I'll donate a bunch of money to "Our Lady of the Raised Skirt."

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BarRoom Tease
by darkrealm1©

Yeah, don't you just hate these people? I mean, what are they thinking? "Gee, I guess I'll go show off my bod. Get someone hot and bothered, and then go home to bed?" I don't get that. Why go to all the effort of the clothes, the hair, the full facial thing and get nothing out of it? I'm mystified.

 

[Angeline]

Ultimate Aphrodaisiac

Yeah. Yohimbe. Ex-hubby read about it years ago--tore around house like Ponce de Leon, shaking bottles of Yohimbe like maracas. But um no.

No kids around, caught up on rest, read some Neruda or something to each other first. Yes.

 

[JUDO]

Re: Ultimate Aphrodaisiac

Yeah. Yohimbe. Ex-hubby read about it years ago--tore around house like Ponce de Leon, shaking bottles of Yohimbe like maracas. But um no.

No kids around, caught up on rest, read some Neruda or something to each other first. Yes.

So that was the name of it -- Yohimbe?

- Judo

 

[karmadog]

Could have been Spanish Fly, which is actually a beetle. But all it does is irritate the urethra, too much and you can damage yourself.

Most of the stuff they advertise as Spanish Fly, is not. It's just some kind of bogus placebo.

 

[Rybka]

Did everyone not understand the poem?

Money is the ultimate aphrodisiac! ( Actually "power" is, but money is the chips used for keeping score.)

Regards,                 Rybka

 

[JUDO]

Re: Did everyone not understand the poem?

Money is the ultimate aphrodisiac! ( Actually "power" is, but money is the chips used for keeping score.)

Regards,
Rybka

Darling, catch up. This is a review of the title thread.


- Judo

 

[karmadog]

Screaming after sex by Rybka

Well, I've done that before. Sometimes the horror is just too great. Fortunately, that sort of thing doesn't happen since I stopped picking up women in bars. Now I just pick them up at church. After spiking the communion wine. He he he.

Sex Crazed Goddess by gingerfx

You'd think this was a good thing, but it's not. Do you have any idea what can happen to you if you fail to please Hera or Aphrodite? And Artemis? Don't even mention what she'll do, let's just say that it involves arrows and your keister.

Wicked Hands by gingerfx

I'm sorry. I thought that said Wicked Handjobs.

Reigning Queen Bitch by nakedangelina

This is, I think, about the leader of a strange group of dogs genetically engineered with bee DNA.

Domina Seuss by madridiot

You will eat me, Sam I am.
You will eat me in the car
You will eat me in the bar.

Yes, Mistress.

the circus is coming to town by steveleenow

Excellent. A contortionist, a trapeze, and carnival knowledge.

Medieval Shirt by China Moon

You know those crazy medieval Christians used to wear hair shirts just so they'd get all itchy? I think they should consider doing that now. Then they'd remember just how bored their children are.

Disposa's Tricky Treat by Angeline

Years ago, there was a cough drop that described the feeling that it gave your throat as 'slickery'. I bet that's what Disposa's treat is like.

 

[WickedEve]

Domina Seuss by madridiot

You will eat me, Sam I am.
You will eat me in the car
You will eat me in the bar.

Yes, Mistress.

That is beyond funny, dog!

 

[JUDO]

Basking in the glow of Kdog's afterburner. - Judo
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fragmented memory
by steveleenow©

You know, it wasn't so long ago that this used to only happen to people (now, computers seem to be catching up rather too quickly). My college memories are riddled with holes. The night I almost broke my hand, trying to open a door, (drunk and without a key). I still don't really know what was in the brownies I ate at Dave's place. Ah, the almost memories.

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Beg all you like
by americandemon©

Wow, my relationship with my first boyfriend in highschool. Who knew?

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Close, but So Far
by Pane©

This happens every time I go downtown to a loft party. The streets go every which way, but where the map says they go. I drive, get lost, pull the car over, look at the damned Thomas Guide (For the most of you, who are unfamiliar, think of a dictionary of maps -- ick!), and I feel just like this!

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A mother's secret place
by klrxo©

I never found my mom's, but I sure found my dad's. Whoo! The bottom drawer of his dresser was filled with pornography. I spent hours looking that stuff over when they were at work.

---------------------------------------------------
I am she, she is me
by lunagoddess©

To avoid confusion -- the directions printed on the back of bathroom mirrors.

---------------------------------------------------

 

[karmadog]

A mother's secret place
by klrxo©

I never found my mom's, but I sure found my dad's. Whoo! The bottom drawer of his dresser was filled with pornography. I spent hours looking that stuff over when they were at work.

I don't know how much of a secret it was, but I found my parent's spot too. They hid the Christmas booze there. All that liquor that you get from people you don't really know, they kept, although they didn't drink. Anyhow, I drank some of it. Imagine my surprise when I got older and tasted booze again. It was much, much stronger. It turns out my sister had found the stash long before I did and had been replacing what she drank with water. Bitch.

 

[karmadog]

I probably should have posted this as a poem in the rearview theater thread, but my attempts at turning this bizarre event into a poem were abject failures.

I was driving on the highway at about fifty mph with my elbow out the window, when i felt a poke on my elbow. As you can imagine, I was pretty startled. I jerked my arm back into the car (nearly drove over the seawall) and looked out the window. Would you believe it. Perched on the little sill thingy was a relatively large gecko, maybe four inches long (not counting the tail). Well, I was so startled, I took a swipe at him (again nearly going over the seawall) and he disappeared.

Then, I felt bad. I was sure I had killed him, but he must be the Indiana Jones of geckos, because about half a mile down the road, his head pops up over the edge of the window again. I rolled up the window, and he climbed up on it and stuck himself to the outside. I'm not sure if he was enjoying the ride, or mooning me, but either way, he made it all the way to the grocery store, where he moved to perch on the front of the car like a hood ornament. He rode that way all the way home. Up until ten minutes ago, he was still sitting there. I think he likes the heat from the engine.

I think I owe him an attempt on his life though. I almost killed him once, but he almost killed me twice.

 

[JUDO]

I think I owe him an attempt on his life though. I almost killed him once, but he almost killed me twice.

Good story. I think you could easily find a poem in there for LMB's theatre thread. "Echo of the Gecko" or something like that.


- Judo

 

[Angeline]

Judo lol lol

your story of finding your dad's porn collection reminded me of something very funny and similar. when i was about 14 and conducting one of my routine snooping reconnaissance missions while my parents were away, i found a reel of film in their closet. thought, how odd--we never took home movies. held it up to the light and holy shit! further closet rummaging revealed an old 30mm projector and screen! called my best friend and she was over in well--a trice is fast, right? and i, who had never operated a projector before, became in seconds Daryl Zanuck and had that baby running smooth. lol

woooo. two hippies and a blond. uh huh. that was the name. and the one thing i really remember was turning to barb and saying "no foreplay? why no foreplay?"

isn't growing up wonderful?

 

[Angeline]

oh and kdog?

someday i'll tell you how i killed my son's pet lizard with a really big stereo speaker. you'll feel much better.


it was an accident. really.