Freakin' good titles!

[karmadog]

semi-rantless titles

No, I will not put a collar on you
and take you for a walk.

Ahhh. I've been freed by the Great and Wicked Everaham Lincoln! Run for your lives! Who knows what the karmafuck will dooooo!

God what a dull life the karmaho has. Here I am yet again.

On Learning My Ex-Wife's New Lover by coaster12345

Learn that bastid a thing a two, coaster, learn 'im.

I never do this, but...

She has been but a harem’s sweet flower,
A dandelion in a seraglio,

... I really liked that line.

Am I An Ice Cream Sundae by Blue Dolphin

I can't answer that, but keep your fudge to yourself.

Her taste in men was wide and mixed by Gregg Dean

The best title I have heard in a long time, but I have yet to meet a woman who didn't have, at the least, strange test in men. How is it that I am a shallow fucker for lusting after Tyra Banks, but it's somehow a feminist statement for a woman to lust after Brad Pitt? Understand that I'm not saying I'm not a shallow fucker, I just want to know how others aren't.

All the worse in verse by Gregg Dean

I think this is about my poetry. Oh wait, he didn't say "All the worst in verse". (Aside to Mr. Dean: That wasn't even close to a Haiku, and haiku is defined only by the syllable count. Why else?)

Surge by Tom Mandy

I'm pretty sure this is about that gay art gallery guy in "Beverly Hills Cop". Don't lie. You remember that guy.

Stoner/Sex Rant by Tom Mandy

Snootchie bootchies!

For the Love of Luna's Light by The Poets

Well, that first stanza rocks. I still say that transcends the rest of the poem. Still, I love that damn Luna's full moon! And the crescent in the middle. (BTW, how did you get that adjusted so quickly?)

The Self Proclaimed Sex God by cuddledchocolate

You know, I'm pretty sure my arrogant ass didn't sleep with cuddledchocolate, so how could she say such a thing about me. {ironic self-deprecation}

Contemplating the Drifter by Tom Mandy

The Drifter was bumming smokes and beers off me last night, so I turned the fucker in to the bartender. Who gave him drinks and smokes. Made me think I was in a gay bar.

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Jesus, I've got to stop watching "Seinfeld" reruns.

Looking foreward to being gruntled one day,

karmadog

 

[JUDO]

Re: semi-rantless titles

Looking foreward to being gruntled one day,

-------

Dis-Dogged

Gruntled, guised, eased and comfort,
His able accord agrees.
But cipline, cern, burden and cuss,
Each troubles him like a sneeze.

Hearten, figure, favor and honor
Will follow him all his days.
But infest, persal, tinction and piteous
Might trouble his mindful ways.

A dog is a dog is a dog is a dog,
But not for our waggin' boy.
His "dis" is our gold
And if it be told,
We love him, our bold furry joy.

-------

- Judo

 

[Rybka]

Dis-Dogged

I am sure Karmadog will be just as whelmed as I am.

Regards, Rybka

 

[karmadog]

tactual titles

Wow, Judo! I am completely gusted and gruntled! What a wonderful gift that was.

Just a few titles today. I will be outside walking on air.

What woman are made of by debbiexxx

Spice and everything nice, I'm sure, but no sugar please. It upsets my stomach. Could I have mine with Equal?

Sorry It Wasn't You by darkscribe

In the car that hit the bridge abutment? That married Julia Roberts? That got elected President? Ruling the world? That bought Martha Stewart's imClone stock? That hoisted the Stanley Cup? That got crabs? Who's computer crashed? Probably the last one.

my strict stepmother by Senna Jawa

SJ in a pumpkin carriage drawn by rats wearing a lovely gown and glass slippers. Somebody's fairy godmother needs her head examined.

For the Love of Luna's Light by The Poets

Bend over and shed a little Luna light on me--the wonderful glow of the double gibbous moon with the dreaded black hole in between. Seriously though, how about the arrogance of this lot. They're not just poets, they're THE POETS! They're not even lower case. Sheesh, I think some people are getting swelled heads--among other things. (I know, I'm repeating this one, but what the heck. It needs more votes.)

Until next time, Never forget that if the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you'll get a hell of a cheeseburn.

 

[The Poets]

On behalf of The Poets: JUDO, Wicked Eve, REDWAVE, Sweetwood, Lauren.Hynde, and Karmadog, we thank you for the mention.
Yes, we are an arrogant lot. We have a right to be. We kick ass! We kick rhyme! One day, we'll kick the bucket!
Everyone, please vote on our poem. It'll make you feel good.

 

[E-Nymph]

The Poets

yes, you are an arrogant lot- but you do great work.
I loved the poem. and yes, I voted.

 

[The Poets]

Thank for E-nymph!
We now have 10 votes and the poem's score is 4.70
I believe Lauren Hynde will start the next poem. And depending on who participates, we may have some new poets helping to make up our arrogant group.

Pretty please, play with me Thread

Wicked Eve

 

[E-Nymph]

No problem Wicked Eve.
it was beautiful and needed the credit it deserved.

keep up the great work.

 

[karmadog]

Titles-- hold the tripe.

If any of you get a chance to join the chain poetry, you should do it. It's fun, but it does create new stresses. For instance, if you suck, like me, you have to be very careful or you'll screw up the efforts of several other poets. Talk about pressure. And you know the things they might do to you. Wicked and the whip. JUDO and the jelly jar. Lauren and the licorice lash. Sweetwood and his wife with that ass-brush. Scary.

Ode To A Troll by BlazeofLife

I just love those things with their wild multicolored hair, running around nekkid. Oh. Not that kind of troll... Well, must be the wry, ironic kind of ode.

Rise and Fall of the Roman Empire by Tom Mandy

Gibbon will haunt you, man, he'll haunt you.

No Light, No Sound by Tenchi_Akira

WOW. JUST LIKE THE EYE OF A HURRICANE. POWER'S OUT AND THE ABSENCE OF SCREAMING WIND MAKES IT SEEM SILENT. WHAT'S THAT? I'M SHOUTING. Sorry, the whole poem was yelled in my eye.

A Beauty Bit/The Orgy by Tom Mandy

I know a girl who got thrown out of an orgy for biting. She's really cute too, so you know she bit really, really hard. I still have a scar myself. I think she was a cannibal or a flesh eating zombie like in "Dawn of the Dead".

 

[karmadog]

Tenacious Titles

Stroking Your
Smile by Blue Dolphin

Ah the old vertical smile. Nothing like it. I used to use a line for an icebreaker. I'd ask a woman if she would mind if I touched her hair, then make like I was going to touch the short hairs. I didn't actually do it, but it usually worked. Ya kind of have to be careful on who you use it on though.

Oral Sex; Six
Haikus by Chicklet

Shouldn't that be "Sixty-Nine Haikus"?

If Frost Wrote
Haiku by Rybka

I don't know about that, but what if Cold Miser wrote haikus?

I'm Cold Miser. I'm
Mr. Negative one. I
like that cold weather.

Ok, so I changed the song, big deal.

The Humor of
Ignorance by Sera Shine

Ignorance must be funny. Look at how popular Beavis and Butthead was.

About a sweet and
busted one by Senna Jawa

I was at the Majik Market today, and there was a woman there with like three kids. They left right before me, but then the little girl (maybe four) came back in and laid a sucker on the counter, said, "I'm so very sorry", and walked out. So cute. Anyhow the clerk was looking around like she didn't know what happened, so I looked at her and said, "Mama busted her." and we all started laughing. I guess you had to be there, but this title reminded me of that.

across the deserted
continent by Senna Jawa

It was a dark and stormy and across the deserted continent moonlight shone brightly.

 

[karmadog]

The tempest or the teapot?

Hunny’s Cunny by Rybka

The poetry of Pooh.

-alcoholic requiem- by E-Nymph

What impresses me most about this is that she can remember them. I'm the greatest poet on Earth if I've got a wee bit o' the Jameson's in my belly, but I can't read them in the morning, nor can I remember them. O! the loss to the world!

Now You’re Cookin’ by JUDO

Chicken and dumplings actually. Tomorrow, Micky D's.

A Subjective A to Z by Penelope Caesar

Is that like new math? No, child. The third letter can be whatever you wish it to be. It's not set in stone or anything. Perhaps it's the ABC song by Jimi Hendrix.

Definition of Kink by Blue_Dahlia

A penis injury caused by excessive involvement in Kokigami. Bet you were expecting something about a chicken.

oh mummy. by emma roxxx

Boris Karloff!?! Fetishes just keep getting stranger and stranger.

I can't believe this thread is nearing 2500 views. Amazing.

 

[WickedEve]

It looks like this is the second highest viewed thread. Kdog, you keep this thread very entertaining! It's my fav!

 

[E-Nymph]

the world mourns your lost poems

-alcoholic requiem- by E-Nymph

What impresses me most about this is that she can remember them. I'm the greatest poet on Earth if I've got a wee bit o' the Jameson's in my belly, but I can't read them in the morning, nor can I remember them. O! the loss to the world!

---------------------

written sober dog drunk more on memory than spirits.

you know, if you weren't so entertaining i'd find a rope and tie you out in the yard.

just joking Dog.

 

[karmadog]

Titles in the terrible twos

you know, if you weren't so entertaining i'd find a rope and tie you out in the yard.

just joking Dog.

Does that mean you are going to tie me out in the yard? I hate when that happens. I run around in circles and leave a great big circular rut. Oh sure, eventually the SPCA picks me up, but then I have the threat of lethal injection hanging over my head. And you know if someone decides to take me home, they try to do terrible things to my nuts. I have to go over the wall like the birdman of Alcatraz.

Along that vein, allow me to present:

Collared by WillowPuss

As long as I'm not collared in LA. Do you remember after the King beating they changed the police motto from "To protect and serve" to "We treat you like a King"? I thought that was just a joke.

Cicadas by just pet

First mummys, now this. Do you use them like gerbils? Or are they more like a natural vibrator? If that's the case, the neighbors would definitely know what you were doing.

Upon Midnight’s Dong by JUDO

I hope Midnight is a lounge singer like Johnny Midnight or something and not some cowboy's horse. Gee it's really great to be here at the fabulous JUDO's gates of glory. We're going to have a great time tonight! You're a great looking audience. Is anyone out there from Vegas?

Love Lies in the Rain by The Poets

It's about a particularly bad day for Davis Love. First, he has to play that Tiger Woods kid, then he's the only one to hit into the dreaded rain rough. I feel sorry for him. What? Not golf. Oh, in that case, that's actually pretty fun, but you get mud in the darndest places. Do not get into the hot tub until you've had a shower. It will fuck up the filter.

 

[JUDO]

Re: Titles in the terrible twos

Does that mean you are going to tie me out in the yard? I hate when that happens. I run around in circles and leave a great big circular rut.

That's it! Crop circles explained! Maybe dogs did spring from aliens...hmmm.


- Judo

PS - TY for the mention you cute furball (* scratches behind left ear *)

 

[E-Nymph]

Does that mean you are going to tie me out in the yard?

nah, I like you much better free to let your nose and tail lead you where they will.

since fetish seems to be leaving it's mark- here's a preview:
-premature suffocation-

"I straddle your lap
eyes twinkle, your skin warm
as I tighten my grip.
I kiss your mouth
tasting your first gasp.
constant pressure-
shallow...staggered...breaths.
I feel your body stiffen
sliding down your length.
eyes flutter into unconsciousness
as I ride a molten geyser-
fingers tighten as thighs convulse.
all sounds hushed.
lips tinged blue as bruises bloom.
I'm sorry Darling, I came too soon."
~7/10/02~

enjoy.

 

[karmadog]

Terrified titles

Jeez, Nymph, loosen my collar a little. Dogs look funny with blue lips.

rowdy dow now by dark stranger

I don't know how I missed this one yesterday, but I did. I thought this might be some coonass poetry, but dark stranger ain't from Loosiana. Thought he might be a Houma boy or something.

He Was a Panther by poetboy824

Ode to Bobby Seale.

premature suffocation by E-Nymph

Poetry for a pockmarked midget and an obese drag queen.

the space has turned upside down by Senna Jawa

This happened once on Star Trek, I think. Spock started getting snippy and having a period. Bones kept saying, "Gosh darnit, Jim, I'm a flowerchild not a doctor." Uhuru wore a baggy clown suit, and Kirk mysteriously started acting.

Catherine’s Hiding by celiaKitten

She is hiding... her ass! For unknown reasons, she refuses to moon me. Ah well, maybe for my birthday.

Quivering Cheeks by lovetoread

Well, that would be even better wouldn't it? A mooning and a spanking! Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me.

On a completely unrelated note:

In light of recent events, I cracked open T.E. Lawrence's Seven Pillars of Wisdom. I remembered that he spoke of the "Arab character" in that book. He said:

{In the Arabs} was found a universal clearness or hardness of belief, almost mathematical in its limitation, and repellent in its unsympathetic form.

Later he says:

Their thoughts were at ease only in extremes.

Of course, he was something of a racist, and for unknown reasons he begins his book with a discussion of the sexual behavior of his troops and, possibly, himself. Homosexuality and masturbation. Strange man.

 

[karmadog]

to JUDO

Crap, I've been discovered.

"Calling the mothership. Come in mothership. Come on you saucer ridin' bitches, answer me!"

I think they left me. Probably started chasing a comet and got lost.

 

[celiaKitten]

Karma, I was mooning people all over the General Board last night. Where were you??? lol.

 

[E-Nymph]

Re: Terrified titles

Jeez, Nymph, loosen my collar a little. Dogs look funny with blue lips.


premature suffocation by E-Nymph

Poetry for a pockmarked midget and an obese drag queen.

i'll loosen the collar Dog, if you promise to play nice.

midgets and drag queens, huh? is this how your are spending your birthday Dog? if so take pictures, i'm sure there's a market for it somewhere.

all joking aside, Have a wonderful birthday. if you roll over i'll even rub your tummy.

 

[karmadog]

re: midgets and drag queens

Don't rush me. I'm getting older fast enough. It's not my birthday, Nymph. That was a joke that was way too "inside".

As far as midgets and drag queens I was talking about Michael Hutchense and Divine, both of whom were rumored to have died from autoerotic strangulation.

I don't know how Divine managed to avoid the Oscar. Her/his performance in Pink Flamingos defined dedicated acting. Sure, Gwyneth Paltrow put on a fat suit, but would she take a role as someone competing for the title of filthiest person alive? Gross out comedies will never equal that movie.

 

[karmadog]

re: mooning

Just my luck. The moon comes out and I'm stuck inside without a window.

 

[E-Nymph]

i appologise for not knowing your reference, dog. i knew about michael huchentce of inxs but i had no idea how divine had died.

and i never saw thought of michael huchentce as a midget, but then again i never knew how tall he was either.

remind me when it nears your special day and i'll be sure to give you a special treat.

forgiven?

 

[karmadog]

contrite titles

Don't worry about it, Nymph, that was a long time ago. Hutchense was sometnigh like 5'4" or so, from what I heard.

As far as birthdays go, I've been avoiding them for the last few years. My family notes them, but I don't let anyone else know about them. My friends always start to wonder. They'll say during someone elses b-day, "Hey, when's your b-day?" And I always say it was two months ago, no matter when they ask.

On to the titles! I missed another one yesterday. I think my mind is slipping.

thick bottle by Senna Jawa

Thick bottles are usually champagne, so I hope SJ is celebrating something, but probably not.

I want to smell you on my skin by E-Nymph

Careful what you wish for. I used to date a girl who smelled like onions. On the other hand, I like onions.

razor blade smile by E-Nymph

Is this the sequel to lab-coat jaws? Did anybody see that special on PBS about shark attacks? Even thought they made it clear that Ca. surfers are fairly safe from sharks, I found myself worrying about JUDO. A woman I've never seen. Isn't the net amazing?

G is for the Goo by damppanties

Is that what rappers have been calling each other? Goo?

Consumption by Sera Shine

Que Sera, Sera
I hope you don't have TB
The future might be quite bleak
If you had TB.

Doris Day, eat your heart out.

Slither by Lauren.Hynde

Put this in a double feature with razor blade smile and I'll be completely freaked out. Imagine something with razorblade teeth slithering towards you on the floor... Actually, that reminds me of my first blowjob. She had braces and ended up being a very unpleasant girl. It was like putting my penis in a blender, but I was young, so I didn't stop her. I got revenge by not giving her the shoulder tap. Ha Ha Ha ha... cough, hack cough... Ahem.

 

[karmadog]

Woo hoo!

This thread passed 2500 views! That's a lot, I think, but it probably has more to do with longevity than anything else. Still, I'd like to thank my regular readers without whom I could never have gotten any viewers. My agent, Back stabbing-money grubbing, lying bastard that he is. My parents, who would be appalled if they ever read this. My dog, who is a wonderful bitch. God most high, Rastafari. Compaq, for making a computer that works... sometimes. Laurel and Manu, for providing us with such a wonderful place to express our deepest (not that deep in my case), darkest thoughts. daughter, for being the first person to welcome me to lit. And last, but not least, I'd like to thank my boring life for giving me time to do this.

I knew being dull would pay off someday.