Freakin' good titles!

[JUDO]

Who is this bastion of poetry who leaps from metaphor to simile in a single bound? (Oh darn, he peed on my rhyme again.) Who is the rakishly loveable canine of quandry? This four-legged, dharmic prince of principle. Is it Lassie? (No, she's a bitch.) Is it Rin-Tin-Tin? (No, he's dead.) Is it that annoying little Chihuahua from Taco Bell?

No, it's K-DOG! Defender of truth, justice and any treats he can get.

Love you, doggie. (*scratches behind ear*) Good doggie. Okay, okay, enough with the leg humping.

 

[Guest]

More treats, more treats!

Scratch my belly! (leg kicks wildly)

 

[karmadog]

That was me with my hind legs kicking in the air. It's tough to be such an affection whore.

Rejecting Reuben
by SA Storm

I do that too. Sauerkraut gives me gas. My dad's German, but I think the postman is my real dad.

Love In Arbitration
by SA Storm

Love in arbitration is how I got my dog. She got the cats (good riddance, the little snots hated me anyhow), and I got the dog. A boy should never be without a dog.

Viagra run
Rampant by nakedangelina

Did nakedangelina see me when I snuck into the sorority house at Tulane? She must have.

Disposing of Little
Men

No, Eve, no! I'll hang from the swingset like Peter Brady! We can by a rack and stretch me! I'll stand on tippytoes!
Seriously, this makes me think of the mosquito floating on his back, down the river, with an erection, screaming, "Raise the drawbridge!"

Yield In The Presence
Of Madness by Lauren.Hynde

From the Office of Good Traffic Advice. Really, if you see a balding man driving down the street in a station wagon painted like the Partridge Family bus, that's me. And you better yield. I'll be smokin' titles and dropping adverbs, and I'll be ready to FLY!!! Thelma and Louise and the cast of Easy Rider all rolled into one madcap package, with overtones of the It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, etc. World cast singin' Nancy Sinatra in a car wearin' boots. Attica! Attica! Attica!

I'm OK now. Happy scribbling.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Yield In The Presence
Of Madness by Lauren.Hynde

From the Office of Good Traffic Advice. Really, if you see a balding man driving down the street in a station wagon painted like the Partridge Family bus, that's me. And you better yield. I'll be smokin' titles and dropping adverbs, and I'll be ready to FLY!!! Thelma and Louise and the cast of Easy Rider all rolled into one madcap package, with overtones of the It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, etc. World cast singin' Nancy Sinatra in a car wearin' boots. Attica! Attica! Attica!

The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Thanks for the mention of my deluded incoherent rambling.

 

[WickedEve]

Disposing of Little
Men

No, Eve, no! I'll hang from the swingset like Peter Brady! We can by a rack and stretch me! I'll stand on tippytoes!
Seriously, this makes me think of the mosquito floating on his back, down the river, with an erection, screaming, "Raise the drawbridge!"

Glad you saw the humor that was intended!

 

[karmadog]

Oops

First things first: Sorry, Lauren. The link I posted to your poem was somehow a link to Eve's poem (it's fixed). Congratulations, Eve! You might have gotten a couple of extra views.

I decided that it wasn't fair to judge all of the titles on the big list last night, as tired as I was. So, I decided to give it another shot. The first two are from the non-erotic list, and the second two are from the erotic list. It took far, far fewer clicks to find something interesting.

bottle poem by Catalina

I am so glad that this was on the non-erotic list. Really, why not an update on the old "Ode on a Grecian Urn"? Here's to you Michelob bottle. Your shape is iconoclastic. Not just to be a longneck. (graceful though they be). You resemble a cone.
A sweet beer cone.

Poetic Solitaire by just
pet

Okay, no masturbating jokes. Well, maybe one. No, I won't do it. Still under the influence of the Presence Of Madness. Forgot to yield!

Elbow Familiar by
smithpeter

Wouldn't you know smithpeter would show up again. Just how many poems has this guy submitted, anyway? Being a big hockey fan, I figured this had to do with Darren McCarty (a Red Wing) and his familiar elbow, but it doesn't. It has something to do with girls stripping in bars and Barry Manilow. I don't know, you guys figger it out.

Prayers: English Lather & der
Dreck by Jesus_Christ

Finally, Jesus speaks for himself and half of what he says in German. And I don't speak German! I still wonder if this isn't actually from a disgruntled father pissed off at getting yet another bottle of English Leather (it could have been a misspelling) and a freakin' tie. That's the real reason I don't want to have children--I don't have room to store all of the Father's Day cologne.

PS I never though of Jesus as a poet, but why not? Wouldn't the Ten Commandmants have been more memorable if they had been rhymed? I know those were actually written by God, but.. it's funnier this way.
1. Thou shalt not slaughter, you dirty rotter.
2. Easy on the figs or you'll all be fat pigs.
3. Thy neighbor's wife you shall not fuck you stupid ugly schmuck.
4. Don't say my name except for glory and fame.

Actually, I can't remember anymore and I'm not sure that #2 was a commandmant at all. But there you go.

 

[nakedangelina]

Love In Arbitration
by SA Storm

Love in arbitration is how I got my dog. She got the cats (good riddance, the little snots hated me anyhow), and I got the dog. A boy should never be without a dog.

**lol**
(sounds alot like my divorce!!)

Viagra run
Rampant by nakedangelina

Did nakedangelina see me when I snuck into the sorority house at Tulane? She must have.

[ [/B]

**QUESTION**
so, k, does this mean there is some hope? I mean, did you eventually outgrow those days??

 

[karmadog]

Which? Sneaking into the sorority houses, or dogs?

Well, anyhow I haven't outgrown dogs. That just doesn't happen. And last time I tried to sneak into the sorority house, my cane gave me away. Thud...tap.....thud...tap......thud...tap......

I think they could smell my pipe tobacco anyhow. I must be grown up, it was tobacco!

 

[smithpeter]

ok
hockey
think back
late 1960's
Gordy, or someone hit the transparent shield
with a puck or something.
It shattered and I never went to another hockey game.

 

[nakedangelina]

Which? Sneaking into the sorority houses, or dogs?

Well, anyhow I haven't outgrown dogs. That just doesn't happen. And last time I tried to sneak into the sorority house, my cane gave me away. Thud...tap.....thud...tap......thud...tap......

I think they could smell my pipe tobacco anyhow. I must be grown up, it was tobacco!

LMAO!!
never out grow the dogs, they are truly loyal...
what a thought

 

[karmadog]

Well, I feel a little bad. I skipped yesterday because all of the good titles were by smithpeter. How many poems does this guy write in a day? Anyhow this was my favorite title from yesterday:

Thinly Sliced Meat

I have to admit, this title gave me the creeps. It immediately gave me the cringing heebie jeebies. Fortunately it wasn't about an insane deli-owner-mohel.

For today we have several excellent titles.

Behind Enemy Lines by Sir Phoenix

I was thinking that you could radically change the meaning of this with some punctuation. My favorite: Behind: Enemy Lines. This poem would be about how the ass is the enemy. Ah the dangerous ass. Butt Judo (not JUDO), gas warfare, germ warfare, and the deadly cheek clench. You laugh, but sometimes you think that thing might pinch it right off!

Even an ounce is heavy by SA Storm

Depends what it's an ounce of, I guess. If the cops catch you with an ounce of some things it will be heavy indeed. On the other hand, an ounce of my brother is definitely not heavy. (hippy music reference, if you're too young, don't worry about it--most of us geezer types would trade places with you)

Use a Fucking Spell Checker! by Lady_J

This poem is really funny. Plus somebody had to say it.

Kokigami by Sweetwood

Bend it all you want, but no mutilating or spindling. Ouch.

A Ghra by MorgaineLaFay

I don't think this has anything to do with the Taj Mahal (crossworders know what I'm talking about). So then I thought it might be... Ah who am I kidding? I have no idea what the title means.

OTICC by SA Storm

One time I crapped cheese? Over there in Cook County? Over time I caught (a) clue? Oooh tits! I confused carmadog (sic)? Ouch! (I) took it (in the) carnal crapper? Overtime in (the) cosmic caboose?

I just don't know!

(How about all those neat tricks I learned, huh?)

 

[smithpeter]

Thank you for the mention KD.
Some days I write more. Others not much at all.
You must have those up and down days.
Peace,
sp

 

[Sweetwood]

Karmadogs Kokigami

Hey, spindling and mutilating might be fun if you're into the bdsm scene. In fact too much of it will abnormally enlarge your penis physically. Here, we reflected on the automindfuck of adolescent boys and the horrific effects of measuring on the perception of penis flesh in the adolescent mind.

Thanks for the mention!

I think I will now go and do some penisfolding of my own.

Sweetwood (pubescent)

 

[karmadog]

Tit-ilating tit-les

For some reason, I've got breasts on my mind today. Somehow I thought today would be different than every other one.

There were'nt too many titles that caught me yesterday, so I just combined them with today's.

lab-coat jaws by
E-Nymph

Don't you picture a great, big shark doctor. "Mrs. Eve, won't you put your feet in the stirrups?"

sexual arsonist by
E-Nymph

There's nothing worse than having your house burn down. Unless it's seeing the guy who did it choking his chicken on your front lawn.

Love Without
Lithium by PassionKeeper

Now this can be a real problem. If you run out of Lithium, I recommend Xanax. But keep in mind, I'm just a great big shark, not a real doctor.

Rose Killer by
Summer Rose

I used to date a girl named Rose. I hope she's OK. You know, I learned something valuable by dating that girl. Never give roses to a girl named Rose. Everyone on the planet does it, they hear that stupid line "A rose for Rose" more times than they can stand. I'd imagine that theory holds true with violets for Violet, irises for Iris, lilies for Lily, and tulips for a cocksucker.

Wings by amitrine

Warning: this poem is apparently by a heartbroken young girl
I thought this was about the Wings winning the Stanley Cup. WoooHoooo!!! But it's not. I think heartbreak must be the hardest thing for a poet to write about.

Wargasm by Lana
Lae

Lana's poem reminded me of a character, I think he was on that old show "Fridays", called professor Habinagudtime Vishnu Vaheer. He was explaining all of the different kinds of orgasm. EG boring sex results in a "Snoregasm". He had a million of 'em.

Licking the Rim by
perky_baby

And the sequels, "Dingleberries On My Toungue" and "Do You Kiss Your Mother With That Mouth?"

The Incredible Edible
Male by WickedEve

Apparently, the little men were just a snack. Eve is starting to scare me more than "lab-coat jaws". If she cooks you a big meal and starts pinching your ass, you might be about to get more than you bargained for. You know, now I understand why women are always having just a salad on dates. Fortunately, I've always been skinny, and now I'm just getting old and tough.

Weel, that's all for today. My hockey hangover is kicking in.

 

[Senna Jawa]

Re: Tit-ilating tit-les

Rose Killer by
Summer Rose

[...] and tulips for a cocksucker.

Hey, Karmadog, this is my word play, see:

            celebration

However U have added your own twist and push to it.

Regards,

 

[christcat69]

Caught my eye

This poem is damn good and the title caught my eye right away; Rapturous Lust by Fuckdoll

 

[karmadog]

trippy titles

My hockey hangover is so bad, I'm watching a tape delayed World Cup match. There was a penalty called on something that, in hockey, wouldn't even have been considered contact. Wimps.

Irradiated Blue by
Blue Dolphin

Last time I traveled by air, my luggage came back glowing. Then they wanded me, the dirty old geezer spent extra time on my testicles. I had to rush to catch the plane, so I don't know if my nuts were glowing, but the stewardess did make them blue. What a cutie. (Oops. Of course, I mean flight attendant). But this poem isn't about my luggage or my balls.

15 minutes quality
fucking by Nebula33

"Quality" fucking is naturally good (and good for you), but five minutes of lousy sex still beats most things.

Orthomyxoviridae
by Lauren.Hynde

Dammit, Lauren! It wasn't easy to find out what that means. I'll save the rest of you non-doctors the trip to google. It's a virus. Perhaps the flu virus, but the site I found wasn't all that clear on that. It would have been cool if Lauren had rhymed this. I bet that's not in the rhyming dictionary.

Three Penny
Poems by Angeline

Three poems. Three pennys. I didn't send her the money though. She didn't give an address. Or maybe it's a reference to Gilbert and Sullivan. I remember once somebody asked me if I was going to see Gilbert and Sullivan (Pirates of Penzance, I think it was), but I thought they said Gilbert in Sullivan. And that's very different.

copernicus
passanger by Senna Jawa

Neologism? I think so. This poem is very zen, I think.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Re: trippy titles

My hockey hangover is so bad, I'm watching a tape delayed World Cup match. There was a penalty called on something that, in hockey, wouldn't even have been considered contact. Wimps.

Orthomyxoviridae
by Lauren.Hynde

Dammit, Lauren! It wasn't easy to find out what that means. I'll save the rest of you non-doctors the trip to google. It's a virus. Perhaps the flu virus, but the site I found wasn't all that clear on that. It would have been cool if Lauren had rhymed this. I bet that's not in the rhyming dictionary.

Consider yourself lucky! Originally this was supposed to be called Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, but they didn't let me.

And stop the World Cup remarks, I don't want to be forced to hurt you.

 

[Senna Jawa]

Re: trippy titles

copernicus
passanger by Senna Jawa

Neologism? I think so. This poem is very zen, I think.

Zen spirit permeates almost every poem I write. For instance basketball, the poems listed in my sig, etc. But I don't bullshit. In particular I don't zenbullshit in my poems. The zen masters did. If U want to zenbullshit then read poems by zen masters. If U truly want to get into zen then read zen poets.

Regards,

 

[E-Nymph]

lab-coat jaws by
E-Nymph

Don't you picture a great, big shark doctor. "Mrs. Eve, won't you put your feet in the stirrups?"

thanks for the mention Karma dog; but why do i now have 'mack the knife' going through my brain?

sexual arsonist by
E-Nymph

There's nothing worse than having your house burn down. Unless it's seeing the guy who did it choking his chicken on your front lawn.

your description sounds like the scenes they didn't show in 'endless love'.

i'm happy any time my words leave an impression.

 

[WickedEve]

Re: Tit-ilating tit-les

The Incredible Edible
Male by WickedEve

Apparently, the little men were just a snack. Eve is starting to scare me more than "lab-coat jaws". If she cooks you a big meal and starts pinching your ass, you might be about to get more than you bargained for. You know, now I understand why women are always having just a salad on dates. Fortunately, I've always been skinny, and now I'm just getting old and tough.

I like a tasty little man snack on occasion.

 

[FuckDoll]

Re: Caught my eye

This poem is damn good and the title caught my eye right away; Rapturous Lust by Fuckdoll

aww... thank you so much...

 

[karmadog]

With a World Cup Woody

It's not that there's anything wrong with football (soccer), it's just that I grew up around hockey. Speaking of World Cup. I've been seeing this commercial where a woman is awakened in the middle of the night, goes into her kitchen and discovers a bunch of tiny (six inches tall) men playing soccer on the floor. They better hope that woman isn't WickedEve.

her soft-as-sand
body by poetboy824

It might be soft, but it can take the skin right off you. In particular on those tender places.

Porcelain Skin by
RainCrow

Brittle, but at least your skin stays on.

aftermath of
childbirth by nakedangelina

I must be a little dyslexic. I thought it said "afterbirth of childmath".

Licking Text Toes
Laughter by Sera Shine

I tried licking the toes of a textbook. Got a mouthful of dust for my efforts. Fucker didn't laugh either.

lake rings in my
ears by Sera Shine

I don't think you should swim in a lake that leaves rings in your ears. Yuck. But to take care of them, put liquid laundry soap on a cotton swab and run it around your ears. Let stand. Then wash in the machine as usual.

 

[karmadog]

Top Titles

1.2 million people went to the Wings celebration parade and I'm trapped in the South. Not that I don't love it here, but if the Stanley Cup came to a mall around here they would probably think it was a spitoon.

sour sheets by E-Nymph

Personally, I prefer a sour lemon or, if I have to, a whisky sour. Although why you would want to screw up perfectly good whisky is beyond me. (Aside to E-Nymph: (I think your crotch is a better place for it than your sleeve, anyhow LOL)

salt watermelon by alphacat

Down here we prefer VODKA watermelons. Or rum.

The Stress of Sainthood by JUDO

Man, no kidding that's a tough job. Especially in the old days. You got shot full of arrows, baked in ovens, fed to lions, crucified. Sometimes they sat on poles for their whole lives... Wait a minute, Saint Madonna! The singer, I mean.

wasted phone sex by E-Nymph

I saw a story a couple of years ago about a guy who found out that the woman he'd been calling on the phone sex line was actually a man. He later sued saying that he'd been a victim of fraud. I bet a ladies of Literotica phone sex line would do pretty well. Can you picture women with imaginations like ours talking dirty in your ear?

 

[E-Nymph]

sour sheets by E-Nymph

Personally, I prefer a sour lemon or, if I have to, a whisky sour. Although why you would want to screw up perfectly good whisky is beyond me. (Aside to E-Nymph: (I think your crotch is a better place for it than your sleeve, anyhow LOL)



Karma dog,
I think you're right. my crotch is a better place for my heart than on my sleeve.
have a lemon sour on me dear.

thanks you guys for making this such an interesting place to express my mind.