Guilt.. ever feel it and how do you deal?

[Mamid]

Or Me.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I completely understand that. My kink partner's other play partner is about as far away from spirituality when it comes to sex as one can get. I am not disrespecting anyone for whom this is the case. In fact, in my first post, I stated that I knew that others wouldn't share in this experience.

So why is everyone jumping on me for mine? A select number of people aren't saying, as you have, that it is not a part of their experience. They are saying that linking the two is dangerous. That is not respecting my experience, but denegrating it.

I for one, get what you are trying to say. I do think that I have had a spiritual awakening through My increased self awareness I have garnered as I have become a better Dominant.

I also know that there is something very spiritual in the bond that is shared between Me & rose even tho we are of different religions. I am a Buddhist & she is a Christian.

I am not sure I am getting what I want to say out, cuz its been a long day....

Please don't elt a couple negative reponses chase you off Neon, your posts are appreaciated.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I for one, get what you are trying to say. I do think that I have had a spiritual awakening through My increased self awareness I have garnered as I have become a better Dominant.

I also know that there is something very spiritual in the bond that is shared between Me & rose even tho we are of different religions. I am a Buddhist & she is a Christian.

I am not sure I am getting what I want to say out, cuz its been a long day....

Please don't elt a couple negative reponses chase you off Neon, your posts are appreaciated.

Because I don't totally agree with someone, that makes my opinion negative?

 

[Lilly_Pinkass]

Because I don't totally agree with someone, that makes my opinion negative?

Of course.

No go run through some wild flowers singing We Are The World, and blowing sunshine out of your ass.

 

[FurryFury]

Just remember, that "the God" others told you about may (and probably doesn't) have anything to do with the God. God is about love and reconciliation. Not judgment and exclusion. We all die, it is a part of life. Sorry to be so heavy, brief, and unclear with my first post, but...eh.

If there was a loving caring God that would be the one I'd be into. As far as I can discern there isn't.

Happily I have my guilt in all areas of my life to keep me warm.

Fury

 

[neonflux]

'sharing your opinion' is way different than not respecting someone else's 'opinion' and you don't have to 'attack' with the opinion either..there is a difference between debating (which i like to do) and personal attacks because you don't agree with someone else's views. anyway..my thoughts on it..

i agree with neon to a point and understand what she is saying. i too believe that there is alot of spirituality that goes along with BDSM.

as far as guilt? no i don't think i feel guilt for my 'kinks'. i'm happy with who i am and truly believe that is what matters, if i had guilt i'm not sure that i'd be able to do this thing we do simply because guilt tells me i'm doing something wrong, and i'm not (IMO)

LSR, Master_Phoenix, I see that spiritual connection between you in a lot of your posts. I love how you share your relationship on this board! Thank you both for your kindness, also. Neon

 

[neonflux]

This is something I've been curious about for sometime. Do you ever feel guilty for having the fetishes you do? If so how do you work through them. I was raised Strict Southern Baptist and just the thought of premarital vanilla sex is hell worthy. Being from that back ground I struggle with this “side” of myself if you will. The urges are so strong and it feels so right to submit, be controlled and revel in the kink. However the guilt is also a very real part of it for me… though obviously its not enough to keep me from coming back for more. Granted I’m young and VERY new to all of this. I’m assuming that in time the guilt will edge away… however I’m curious if there are those who have or do share my struggle?

Agincourt,

I owe you an apology for derailing your thread for a bit, although I had no intention of doing so. I responded to others when I should not have in ways I should not have. Your question is such a serious one, and so deserving of respect.

Guilt is a terrible thing. I have experienced lots of it in the past, and as others have already stated, am certain that however one defines "God" s/he never meant that it should destroy joy in such a potentially beautiful gift as that of our sexuality.

I know that the lessons I learned early on in life, from my family and my church continue to impact me, both in good and unfortunate ways, even at age 50. My experience, btw, is that your guilt will lessen with time. I wish you luck and love on your journey.

Neon

... Happily I have my guilt in all areas of my life to keep me warm...

P.S., Fury, this is positively quotable!

 

[FurryFury]

P.S., Fury, this is positively quotable!

Thanks!

I won't go into how religion and my sex life intersect at times. I know it would offend certain folks. Suffice it to say, I'm pervy that way.

I will say that how each of us feel about guilt, sex, and/or religion is how we feel period. It's not wrong or right, it just is. In time if it is uncomfortable for someone I believe at the very least the edges can be worn down on it. That would make it a little tiny bit more comfortable.

I'm grateful that the sex drive is so powerful to get us past these hurtles most of the time regardless. Yay sex!

*chuckles*

Fury

 

[JMohegan]

Regarding your experiences with BDSM - I have read other portions of your story on other threads and am in awe of it. How you figured this all out on your own, even safe words, and made it so loving, without initial benefit of community.

Anyway, thank you for the civil discourse, as always you make me think and clarify my own responses. Disagreement when done with respect is good for the soul (so to speak!).

Thank you, Neon. I appreciate your remarks, but can assure you that "awe" is entirely misplaced here.

I'm just a guy, like many others I personally know and millions whom I assume have existed throughout time. People who consciously applied the fundamental elements of power play and pain play to their individual sexual experiences, with or without a predominant culture or subculture to support what they were doing.

As for how I "invented" the safeword concept for myself, as it turns out that's a very controversial story. I told it on this board, months ago, and more than a few people were outraged by what I had to say. If anything proves that I am "just a guy", the circumstance surrounding my "invention" of the safeword surely does.

And as for how I eventually "made it so loving", I can assure you that the impetus for this was 100% a reaction to the beauty I perceived on the other side of the coin. It really wasn't my doing at all.

Circling back to the topic at hand.......

You speak about the "benefit" of the community, and I suppose that on balance I would agree with you. There are clear drawbacks that I see to the current perceived BDSM community, but one of its positive effects relates to a sense of commonality that helps considerably in relieving an individual's feelings of guilt.

 

[leeroy jenkins]

I am very, very uncomfortable with any analogies between Dominants and God. Not for religious reasons, but simply because I know how hard it is to keep things in perspective without this extra push toward hubris.

There is wisdom in Proverbs 16:18: "Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall."



As for the idea that the God of the Bible is "basically down with bdsm".... hmm. I have a very different interpretation of that text. Mine is much closer to the one in Elton John's old song, Tower of Babel.


It’s party time for the guys in the tower of Babel.
Sodom meet Gomorrah,
Cain meet Abel.
Have a ball ya’ll
See the letches crawl
With the call girls under the table.
Watch ‘em dig their graves,
‘Cause Jesus don’t save the guys
In the tower of Babel.

I will have to disagree with you because the idea of God not being a dominate. Please excuse me but I don't have a bible handy to back up with the specific book and verse, but in the Old Testement my point is clearly shown. GOD tells Israel that if they follow his commandments and precepts that they would have long life and that there life would be overflowing with goodness, but if they chose to do the opposite then God would make there lives bitter, short hard lived lives. Now this just scream Dominate to me, because he is telling us that we have to submit to his will over our lives if we his goodness. Now if we want to rebel and be bad then we are at least forewarned what will happen.

This has nothing to do with pride. If your going to use a reference then the one where he tells us that our knowledge is incomplete and until we meet Him it will stay that way would be better. There are a few gaps in the Bible like where was Daniel when his friends were in the furnace??

My basic point that might not have made it through is that you have to make up your own mind if this wrong because as far as my reading there is no Thou Shall Not on this issue. But if GOD is really not happy with us in the bdsm lifestyle then you have to decide if your willing to take His judgements about your actions.

 

[submissiveknight]

Personally I have never felt guilty in any acts of sex! As long as I don't cheat on my partner and in my earlier life (before I was married) I didn't mess with another one that was married, are my basic morals. Anything else pretty much goes!

Unfortunetly religion and spirituality is always a touchy subject in many forms of communication which people can take great offense to! That happened to me as a teen, where a particular group turned me completely away from religion. It took me a very long time and alot of soul searching to begin to overcome it. I still have alot of apprehension towards religion and that mostly comes from religous nominations. I have no hesitation from running as fast as I can from any insitution or anyone that tries to push religion on me from that experience.

IMO they can be the ones that insitute guilt upon others! I believe that spirtuality is more of oneselves reflection and is the basis of developing your own morals towards the guidance of your own life!

Early in my life I was raised as a Southern Baptist, and then switched to Presbyterian. Now I basically listen to ministers for their insight and knowledge of the bible and how it applies to the world today. I believe in the prophecy of the bible and find it intriguing on how it relates into world events.That is probally the main thing that geared me back to religion! Although I always have had a awareness of spirtuality in the standpoint of how I've guided my life, it is a very complex philosphy and can be very difficult to explain.

 

[FurryFury]

Guilt is a spice to me sometimes. Without it, I wouldn't know what sex tasted like.

Fury

 

[submissiveknight]

Guilt is a spice to me sometimes. Without it, I wouldn't know what sex tasted like.

Fury

I love the different spices of sex! I just really never feel any guilt over any of them. I've just never have felt that anything I've ever done has been moralistically wrong. The more deviant it is raises my intrique towards it more

 

[FurryFury]

I love the different spices of sex! I just really never feel any guilt over any of them. I've just never have felt that anything I've ever done has been moralistically wrong. The more deviant it is raises my intrique towards it more

I'm happy for you Submissive Knight! I wasn't arguing in any way with what you said. My outlook is simply different from yours, certainly not better!

Fury

 

[submissiveknight]

I'm happy for you Submissive Knight! I wasn't arguing in any way with what you said. My outlook is simply different from yours, certainly not better!

Fury

NP's I was more or less clarifying myself lol. I didn't take it from an argument standpoint in any sense. I like to see your opinions and outlooks I never try and mean anything in sarcasim life is to short for that.

 

[FurryFury]

NP's I was more or less clarifying myself lol. I didn't take it from an argument standpoint in any sense. I like to see your opinions and outlooks I never try and mean anything in sarcasim life is to short for that.

*smiles*

Then on this we do agree!



Fury

 

[submissiveknight]

*smiles*

Then on this we do agree!



Fury

*smiles back*

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Because I don't totally agree with someone, that makes my opinion negative?

In the post I quoted, Neon was feeling attacked, so I offered encouragement. I don't remember what you had posted, in all honesty.

We all disagree on a lot of things, and I don't see disagreement as negative. *shrug*

 

[MasterPhoenix]

LSR, Master_Phoenix, I see that spiritual connection between you in a lot of your posts. I love how you share your relationship on this board! Thank you both for your kindness, also. Neon

I am glad you enjoy our posts, as we enjoy yours.

My kindness is My offering of friendship.

 

[Quint]

..............

 

[Quint]

..............

 

[neonflux]

Neon, you made a lot of sense to me. And I think from the moment you mentioned the dominant being a "conduit to the divine," I was nodding my head. Sex is almost never like that for me but I can easily see how it could be, and how spectacular that would be for me. I appreciate you sharing something so personally meaningful of yourself. One of my most basic premises to being human in my world is "never belittle the sacred," which to me goes beyond religion and touches on the essence of that person. I sobbed last night listening to NIN's "A Warm Place." If T had been the sort of person to laugh at me or be uncomfortable with that display, we would never have ended up together. Geez I sound uncomfortably new-agey to my eyes.

BTW T is also UU. (Any more abbreviations I could throw in there? FWIW? YMMV?)

Quint,

OK, now I have to ask -

FWIW, YMMV???

(I am such a neophyte when it comes to these things, LOL...

I love NIN and "A Warm Place." His Closer to God is one of my favorite "play/scene CDs, BTW.

And thank you for sharing your perspective. I enjoyed it muchly.

Neon

 

[Quint]

..............

 

[Agincourt]

Neon,

Thank you for you post/s. Please dont appologize, I was very interested in all of the posts going back and forth on this thread and it has helped me a great deal to see that its ok to struggle and that I'm not the only one. Thanks so much for all your insights, they are wonderful!

Agincourt,

I owe you an apology for derailing your thread for a bit, although I had no intention of doing so. I responded to others when I should not have in ways I should not have. Your question is such a serious one, and so deserving of respect.

Guilt is a terrible thing. I have experienced lots of it in the past, and as others have already stated, am certain that however one defines "God" s/he never meant that it should destroy joy in such a potentially beautiful gift as that of our sexuality.

I know that the lessons I learned early on in life, from my family and my church continue to impact me, both in good and unfortunate ways, even at age 50. My experience, btw, is that your guilt will lessen with time. I wish you luck and love on your journey.

Neon



P.S., Fury, this is positively quotable!

 

[Blushing Bottom]

Guilt...a wasted emotion in my humble opinion. I was raised a heathen and there was no time for guilt in our house. We were having too much fun experiencing life.

Now for those who do experience and even become toxic with it, guilt can be annoying at best and crippling at worst. Cast it aside I say. Love life and lust for experience.

d